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Criticwatch - The 2014 Quote Whores of the Year
by Erik Childress

2014 has come to an end. Not a particularly great year for the media, ending the way much of it handled the Sony hacking story. Are we journalists or just cogs feeding the gossip mill? In some manner it was a perfect manifestation of what Criticwatch has tried to symbolize over the years. Are we critics or just part of the marketing machine? If we can't come up with a definitive answer to that question what hope do more pressing ones about journalism have? We did not do as many singular stories week-to-week as we have been used to in the past. That was partially due to commitments to other projects but also because there was a little less quote whoring going on. Or so it seemed. We never stopped watching though and documenting what would ultimately become our annual list of those to keep an eye on in the ever-widening landscape of film criticism.

The annual retrospectives of Peter Travers and Pete Hammond have been unveiled and we even had five runners-up to our final Top Ten. And it is time to put these names behind us and strike a resolution of change from the bottom on up for 2015 and beyond. So let's get started.

10. MOSE PERSICO (MovieFanatic.com)
(6 Quotes. 4 Rotten Tomatoes. 2 Under 20%)
Mose Persico will always have a special place in my heart. The year was 1999. I was just getting my start reviewing films with Jonathon Brandmeier on Chicago radio. When Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo was released, the one critic quoted in the ads was Mr. Persico. Brandmeier even tracked him down to inquire how he could call it "insanely funny." In some way I like to think I helped inspire this bit seeing as how I helped call out a guy known as "The Film Freak" that couldn't identify a single piece of movie music but was praising Paul W.S. Anderson's Soldier while having a bag full of swag from the film in tow. A few years later, Criticwatch was born. And on the 15th Anniversary of Deuce Bigalow, Male Junket Gigolo Mose Persico is once again in the top ten. Enjoy the ramblings of a guy who called Adam Sandler's Blended "charming."

"Sensational." (Jersey Boys)
Sensational! (Rent)

"Powerful. Amazing and original." (Godzilla)
Amazing (Real Steel)
Amazing! (Eight Below)
Original and unique! (Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events)

"Action-packed. Exciting and thought-provoking." (Divergent)
"Action-packed, funny and unique, this is one hero you'll root for" (Hellboy)

"Intense and intelligent." (Transcendence)
"Insightful, intelligent and creepy!" (The Village)
"Romantic and intense. This saga just keeps getting better and better." (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)

"A perfect end to an unforgettable journey." (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies)
"Twice the laughs. Twice the fun!" (Madagascar Escape 2 Africa)
"A new screen hero is born for all the ages." (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
"A franchise is born!" (Johnny English)

Mose sure has a grasp on the pulse doesn't he? Hopefully this is the end of his journey as well.

9. JOEL AMOS (MovieFanatic.com)
(13 Quotes. 8 Rotten Tomatoes. 3 Under 30%)
The 2012 Quote Whore of the Year and 2010-11 Sloppy Seconds Award winner dropped to #6 last year. Now, he is #9. Baby steps, but going the right way. 13 quotes is still way too many for a guy who seemed to write his quotes after seeing the trailers. At least he actually seems to be writing reviews now. He was helped this year by finding his way onto films like Whiplash and The Lego Movie that are amongst the best-reviewed films of the year. Why would a studio need to use a guy like Joel Amos? Especially on a film like Whiplash that had unbelievably favorable reviews after its first screening at Sundance in JANUARY! Ten full months later and the marketing team at Sony Classics couldn't find anyone better to promote their awards contender with "will leave you breathless?" That is remarkably lazy on their part. And look at the company WB ostensibly puts The Lego Movie in with Amos batch of family recommendations.

"A comic adventure for all ages." (The Lego Movie)
"The year's first great adventure. (Journey 2 The Mysterious Island)
"Moms is marvelous!" (Mars Needs Moms)
"Fantastic fun for the entire family." (Hotel Transylvania)
"The perfect summer movie." (The Sorcerer's Apprentice)
"The perfect family holiday comedy." (Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked)
"The perfect family summer comedy." (Marmaduke)
"The perfect family film." (Escape from Planet Earth)

After the Cornetto trilogy alone, I am not sure how Simon Pegg can be considered "a revelation" anymore. Though that was part of Amos' quote for the "hilarious and absolutely stunning" Hector and the Search for Happiness. The film he called "one of the best movies of 2014" was ranked at 36%. Does the rest of his hype seem justifiable to you in context?

"Genius. One of the best movies of the year. Chadwick Boseman is like a hurricane. An astounding achievement." (Get On Up)
"The funniest movie of the year." (Ted)
"Sensational. Delightful. The funniest movie of the year." (Think Like A Man)
"The funniest comedy of the year." (This Means War)
"The funniest film of the year." (Due Date)
"Astounding. Reese and Robert sizzle. A love story for our times." (Water For Elephants)
"Sam Worthington has never been better." (Texas Killing Fields)
"Kate Hudson has never been better!" (Something Borrowed)
"Dane Cook is at his best." (Answers To Nothing)

"Epic" (Pompeii)
A hero is born. Sweeping epic. A visual marvel. Powerful (John Carter)
Moving, funny and epic. (Chimpanzee)

"A terrific thrill ride. An absolute blast!" (Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit)
"One hell of a thrill ride." (Riddick)
"The perfect thrill ride." (Premium Rush)

"The coolest action movie of the summer. It's explosive." (Sin City: A Dame To Kill For)
"A comedic explosion." (Hall Pass)
"The perfect family summer comedy." (Marmaduke)
"The perfect summer movie." (The Sorcerer's Apprentice)

]"Fun for the whole family." (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
"Fantastic fun for the entire family." (Hotel Transylvania)
"The perfect family film." (Escape from Planet Earth)
"The perfect family summer comedy." (Marmaduke)
"The perfect family holiday comedy." (Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked)


Pay attention to this next batch of quotes from Amos.


"Riveting" (Draft Day)
"Powerful." (If I Stay)
"Powerful. Riveting" (Transcendence)
"The first great thriller of the fall. Sensational, riveting, & powerful " (A Walk Among the Tombstones)
"The first must see movie of fall. Riveting. Powerful. Action-packed." (The Equalizer)

"Powerful" (John Carter)
"Riveting." (Gone)
"Red Dawn rocks. Riveting. Thrilling. A movie for our times." (Red Dawn)
"The funniest comedy of the year." (This Means War)
"Sensational. Delightful. The funniest movie of the year." (Think Like A Man)
"The funniest movie of the year." (Ted)
"The best comic cast ever." (The Watch)
"An instant comedy classic. The Campaign gets my vote." (The Campaign)

Amazing he was not ranked higher just for that strand.

8. MARIA SALAS (Telemundo/Gems Television)
(5 Quotes. 5 Rotten Tomatoes. 3 Under 40%)
Maria took a welcome step back this year. Last year's winner of the Pete Hammond Sloppy Seconds Award was quoted half as much in 2014, but hardly made an improvement in hyperbolizing what actual critics felt were mediocre at best and, at worst, amongst the worst of the year. The films on her list ranged from 34-47% at Rotten Tomatoes including Divergent ("Breathtaking"), A Million Ways To Die In the West (where the only word of hers to get through was "smartest") and If I Stay ("An instant classic"). She also praised a bad comedy sequel in the same manner she did last year.

"Outrageous" (Horrible Bosses 2)
"Outrageous. Wild" (The Hangover Part III)

And had two more Warner Bros. films evidently hovering around her top ten list.

"One of the best movies of the year. Fantastic!" (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies)
"One of the best movies of the year." (The Judge)

"The best action comedy of the year." (Red 2)
"The best romantic comedy of the year!" (Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason)
"The laugh-out-loud comedy of the year!" (Due Date)
"It will touch your heart like no other film this year." (The Lake House)
"Best villain of the year - Matthew Fox. A must-see." (Alex Cross)
"The first giant adventure of the year. A giant 3-D thrill ride" (Jack the Giant Slayer)
"Vince Vaughn really delivers. The feel good movie of the year." (Delivery Man)

With a list like that what wouldn't be in the running for her top ten? Or top hundred?

7. JIM FERGUSON (FOX-TV/ KMSB-TV)
(6 Quotes. 3 Rotten Tomatoes. 3 Under 20%)
Oh, Fergie. You just don't know how to quit Criticwatch, do you? A five-time Top Ten finisher with a Sloppy Seconds award in 2004 and the Bag O'Douche Award in 2011. Readers are familiar with the name by now. We thought he was slowly dropping out of the game. Six quotes in 2014 show he's not dropping fast enough.

"An outstanding, intense drama." (Draft Day)
"A heist thriller like you've never seen - outstanding!" (Inside Man)
"Outstanding directing and acting; a must-see on any night!" (Friday Night Lights)
"Outstanding drama with terrific writing and acting." (The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants)
"An outstanding, real adult love story." (Shopgirl)
"An inspirational Story of Hope with an outstanding cast. This is one special movie!" (Henry Poole Is Here)
"Outstanding!" (The Guardian)
"Excellent. A summer blockbuster. Outstanding!" (I, Robot)
"Will Smith gives another outstanding performance." (Hitch)
"An outstanding supernatural thriller." (The Reaping)
"Outstanding! A taut, intelligent action thriller." (Firewall)

"Adam and Drew do it again." (Blended)
"A smart, funny film you'll remember for a long time. Ridley Scott proves his directing prowess again and delivers one of the year's best films!" (Matchstick Men)
"One of this year's very best. Kevin Costner has done it again. A must-see." (Open Range)
"The creator of The Sixth Sense & Signs has done it again. Fantastic filmmaking! A thought-provoking thriller you don't want to miss." (The Village)
"Spectacular! Fantastic! Roland Emmerich has done it again!" (The Day After Tomorrow)
"Hilarious! Jackie Chan does it again!" (Around the World in 80 Days)
"Mystery Inc does it again. This time better than ever" (Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed)
"...A winner. Adam Sandler does it again - Hilarious!" (Click)

"Action packed. Highly entertaining." (Hercules)
"Really intense. Amazing special effects." (Into the Storm)
"A taut, intelligent action thriller." (Firewall)
"Action, explosions, romance but most of all, it's funny." (Sahara)
"An action comedy for the entire family!" (Kangaroo Jack)
"An action adventure for the entire family." (Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief)
"Take this fantastic journey...A non-stop action adventure with state-of-the-art special effects." (Clash of the Titans)
"In a summer of sequels, finally a ride worth taking. LXG is the most original action-adventure of the summer" (The League of Extraordinary Gentleman)
"Take this fantastic journey...A non-stop action adventure with state-of-the-art special effects." (Clash of the Titans)
"An incredible movie with great action! Stephen Sommers takes the genre to another level with an amazing vision. Hugh Jackman is a hero for the generations." (Van Helsing)

"Much more than football. This is a story about life." (When the Game Stands Tall)
An inspirational Story of Hope with an outstanding cast. This is one special movie! (Henry Poole Is Here)
Sensational! Don't miss this wonderful, unique and inspirational film. (Lady in the Water)
Stripes is the Seabiscuit of all zebras! Inspirational fun and funny for all! (Racing Stripes)

"Fun and funny." (Dolphin Tale 2)
"A remarkable true story. Dolphin Tale will leave you feeling good. A must-see for everyone." (Dolphin Tale)
"A smart, funny film you'll remember for a long time. Ridley Scott proves his directing prowess again and delivers one of the year's best films!" (Matchstick Men)
"Delightfully funny! A charming love story. Chemistry galore!" (Leap Year)
"Action, explosions, romance but most of all, it's funny." (Sahara)
"Funny" (Failure To Launch)
"A fun, wonderful film!" (17 Again)
"Double the fun." (Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties)
"Wild and fun!" (When In Rome)
"Entertaining, wild fun!" (Wild Hogs)
"Explosive fun! You'll love the ride!" (Taxi)
"Nonstop fun and laughs." (The In-Laws)
"Fun for the entire family." (Legend of the Guardians)
"The perfect family movie for the holidays. It's big, 3-D fun!" (Yogi Bear)
"Fun for all ages!" (The Pacifier)
"Fun, fun, fun for kids of all ages. A hilarious comedy." (Johnny English)
"Fun Fun Fun! A very funny summer comedy! This is vintage David Spade" (Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star)

6. CINDY PEARLMAN (Chicago Sun-Times)
(4 Quotes (all for Warner Bros.) 4 Rotten Tomatoes. 2 Under 15%)
In a not-so-remarkable bit of symmetry, Miss Pearlman from the hometown Chicago Sun-Times, finds herself in the very same position she was in last year. Ranked seventh. Cindy is one of those rare cases where you can really see the junketeer spirit at work since she is almost exclusively a shill for Warner Bros. Whether she knows somebody or she can't get on any other lists is unclear, but once again she was spotted on only WB titles in 2014. Not a fresh rating among them and for two films rated in the bottom 15 of the year. The most highly rated film on her list was the dopey romance, If I Stay, a 53%-rated film about dying that she called "inspiring." It would be more inspirational to the world of film criticism if she goes away from it.

"Stunning. Moving. A beautiful love story for the ages." (Winter's Tale)
"Exciting! Romantic!" (Beautiful Creatures)
"An instant classic. Leonardo DiCaprio has never been better." (The Great Gatsby)
Bold (Red Riding Hood)

"Laugh-out-loud. Funny." (Blended)
"The first great comedy of the year. An instant classic. Nonstop funny" (The Incredible Burt Wonderstone)
"An epic ending" (The Hangover Part III)
"Hilarious!" (Arthur)

"One of the best films of the summer." (Jersey Boys)
"The party film of the summer!" (Rock of Ages)
"One of the best films of the year!" (J. Edgar)

5. MIKE ANDROSKY (Entertainers / Entertainment Studios)
(4 Quotes. 4 Rotten Tomatoes. 4 Under 35%)
Does anyone know who the hell Mike Androsky is? Or what "Entertainers" or "Entertainment Studios" are? Did Jeff Craig from "Sixty Second Preview" just change his name or did Byron Allen finally go bye-bye? Try Googling Androsky's name and see what you come up with. Nada. Nothing. Except for a poster of one of the films he was quoted on this year and some solo listings on Criticwatch over the years with gems like this one on the right as well as saying The Rite contained Anthony Hopkins' "most bone-chilling performance since The Silence of the Lambs." That film garnered a 21% rating. Gone was 11%. This year the films he was quoted on averaged 28%. But multiple films and all bad garners this faceless hack a place amongst the big boys now.




"A stylish, cinematic, suspense thriller." (The November Man)
"Sensational" (Transcendence)
"Hilarious" (The Other Woman)
"A hilarious ride." (Horrible Bosses 2)

4. AVI OFFER (Chicago Sun-Times)
(11 Quotes. 8 Rotten Tomatoes. 4 Under 30%)
Haven't heard from Avi in a while. At least beyond seeing his words in the paper. Maybe that's a good thing though. Seems Mr. Offer is transitioning a bit to more philanthropic efforts like exposing the dangers of dangers of MSG. Good for him. Certainly a more noble effort than what any of us do in offering our opinion on other people's art. Of course, opinions of the written variety are still more favorable than offering an abbreviated one tailor-made in ten words or less. Avi does write the occasional review. Unfortunately the quotes we see from him do not come from them. Of the 11 films he was quoted on, only two (Pump & The November Man) were reviewed at his site. Nowhere to be found in those two reviews, however, were the words that were seen on the ad. Like the MSG article, it doesn't have quite the same impact if it were just reduced to "MSG IS BAD FOR YOU!" The same works in the positive too on an artform like film criticism.

"Oz is magical. Kids will love it." (Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return)
"Exhilarating! Magical! Awe-inspiring! Thrilling!" (Earth to Echo)

"Exhilarating and unforgettable." (The Last Mimzy)
"Exhilarating!" (District 9)
"Exhilarating!" (The Spirit)
"Exhilarating. Magnificent." (10,000 B.C.)
"Dazzling. Eye-popping. Stunning. Breathtaking." (Upside Down)

"Eye-opening" (Pump)
"A vital eye-opening expose. A must-see!" (Doctored)

"Enormously entertaining." (The Nut Job)
"Enormously entertaining!" (Knucklehead)

"Enlightening! Fascinating! Profound! It will nourish your heart, mind and soul!" (Awake)
"Vital! Enlightening!" (Beautiful Truth)
"Provocative, captivating and profoundly illuminating." (Oh My God)
"Profoundly illuminating." (Robert Blecker Wants Me Dead)

"Powerful. A triumph!" (Gimme Shelter)
"One of the most powerful love stories since Brokeback Mountain." (Undertow)
"Provocative & spellbinding. One of the most powerful films of the year." (Follow Me: The Yoni Netanyahu Story)
"Provocative and unforgettable. A powerful, intense and gripping thriller." (Towards Darkness)

"An explosive, edge-of-your-seat thriller." (The November Man)
"The edge-of-your-seat thriller of the year." (Taken 2)
"Chilling. A riveting and provocative thriller." (The Lodger)
"Chilling. Scary. A smart and scary thriller. Unpredictable with an ending that's unforgettable." (Dark Skies)

"One of the best family dramas in years." (Small Time)
"One of the best crime thrillers in years! Breathtaking! Exhilarating! A pure rush of adrenaline!" (The Prey)
"The most terrifying and crowd-pleasing horror film in years." (Evil Dead)
"It will go down as a classic. One of the most endearing films in years." (Love and Other Drugs)
"One of the most delightful, heartfelt and crowd-pleasing musical comedies in years." (Bran Nue Dae)

"Night at the Museum is hilarious. Perfect for the holidays!" (Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb)
"A delightful, breezy and outrageously funny slice of mindless entertainment with a charming cast…It will leave you with a smile on your face" (The Love Punch)
"A crowd-pleasing gem. Funny, charming and delightful." (Duck)
"A slice of comedy heaven." (Mental)
"Jackie Chan has never been funnier. Zany action for the whole family." (The Spy Next Door)
Outrageously funny. An absolute laugh riot. (The Strip)
Outrageously funny, bold and shameless. One of the best romantic comedies since There's Something About Mary. (What A Man)
"The most wickedly hilarious crowd pleasing British comedy since Four Weddings and a Funeral." (Death at a Funeral)

"Spellbinding, intelligent and suspenseful. Jessica Lange delivers a magnificent, mesmerizing performance." (In Secret)
"Hair-raising, chilling and riveting. " (Absence)
"Extraordinary. Illuminating, sensational." (Linsanity)
"Timely, absorbing and unforgettable!" (Close to Home)
"Warm, tender & heartfelt." (Just Like a Woman)
"Sexy, smart and sophisticated." (30 Beats)
"Smart, funny and poignant." (Lars and the Real Girl)
"Sweet, funny and endearing." (Four Lane Highway)
"Heartwarming. Funny. Uplifting." (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)
"Funny, charming and delightful." (Duck)
"Outrageously funny, bold and shameless." (What A Man)
"Captivating, witty and poignant." (An American Affair)
"Suspenseful, intriguing, wise and genuinely heartfelt." (Changing the Game)
"Riveting. Suspenseful. The best action movie of the year." (Escape Plan)
"As suspenseful and captivating as The Departed." (The Son Of No One)

3. JEFFREY LYONS (WNBC-TV)
(15 Quotes. 11 Rotten Tomatoes. 3 Under 15%)
When you run the numbers on Lyons Sr. in 2014, an argument could be made that he should be ranked higher than the first runner-up to one of Criticwatch's esteemed awards for whoredom. Going all out for The Nut Job and Winter's Tale alone would seem to rank him higher. (We're still unsure how anyone could raise Before I Go To Sleep's approval rating to 36%.) We consider all factors though in making this list, putting as much thought into it as critics with respect put into their best-of-the-year ones. There is something to be said that most of Lyons' quotes come on films on the radar. It's nice to support independent cinema and films that fly under the radar of box office reports, award predictions and forgotten festival appearances. His just happen to be on films that are forgotten for a reason. (Girl on a Train has a single positive review - out of 12 - at RT, though it doesn't belong to Jeff since he doesn't write reviews.) We can also provide some extra credit in knowing that we haven't seen Lyons Jr.'s name on a film ad in quite some time. At least that whole thing appears to be over and done with.

"Loveable characters, romance, a bit of heartache...Everything you love about French cinema is here! A most engaging story I never wanted to end." (Chinese Puzzle)
"Splendid! Dignified, powerful and everything any fan of a great movie would expect!" (Brideshead Revisited)
"An engaging teenage comedy" (Dirty Deeds)
"Absolutely charming! One of the year's most engaging films." (Cape of Good Hope)
"A delightful, engaging movie...everyone will love it." (A Prairie Home Companion)
"A delight. One of the best family films of the year...as engaging as the original, and with one of the funniest screenplays of the year..." (Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian)
"One of those rare movies you hate to see end." (In the Land of Women)
"Mike Myers' talent is endless." (The Cat in the Hat)

"Funny & witty! For kids of all ages!" (The Nut Job)
"Sure to be this summer's family delight! It's warm, brilliantly animated, with a witty script sure to have children and especially parents in stitches." (Madagascar)
"A wonderfully funny surprise...Witty, inventive, original." (Hoodwinked)
"Delightful and surprisingly poignant. It's witty and yes guys, you'll love it too!" (Sex and the City)
"Absolutely enchanting! A witty delight!" (Priceless)
"Absolutely charming! Very funny and witty." (The Concert)
"Intelligent and witty." (Second Best)
"Humorous, witty and sophisticated." (Imagine Me & You)
"A witty, fast-paced, intelligent comedy." (Date Night)
"A superb, witty look at Hollywood." (What Just Happened?)
"A witty, well-directed and acted story about a fascinating character." (The Wendell Baker Story)
"Witty, sly, devilishly-funny, with bravura performances!" (Keeping Mum)
"Not since Fargo has there been such a clever crime story. Witty, clever and sly." (Thin Ice)
"It's funny, it's witty...This is headed to the best picture of the year list! Scoop is Woody Allen's finest film in years." (Scoop)
"Easily David Spade's funniest film! Funny and often witty." (Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star)

"The perfect date movie." (Winter's Tale)
"The perfect way to kick off the summer!" (Kung Fu Panda)
"Michael Keaton's directing is perfect." (The Merry Gentleman)
"DeNiro is perfect" (What Just Happened?)
"A funny, bizarre black comedy...skillfully made and perfectly acted." (Lucky)
"The performances are perfect!" (Roman de Gare)
"A perfect meshing of non-stop action with super use of top-drawer computer animation. One of the most visually thrilling movies ever made!" (Van Helsing)

"A riveting thriller." (In Secret)
"A riveting thriller. Superb." (The Lookout)
"The most riveting, stunning crime thriller since Heat. It grabs you and never lets you go." (Collateral)
"An intense, superbly acted, and riveting police drama." (Pride and Glory)
"A riveting crime drama. Colin Farrell is the quintessential anti-hero of our time." (London Boulevard)
"A riveting psychological thriller, a microcosm of the tense, turbulent times in which we live." (Civic Duty)
"Riveting! Miss Jolie shows why she is one of the great actresses of her generation in this terrific true story, sure to be an Oscar contender." (Changeling)
"Christian Slater gives a riveting performance!" (The Deal)

"What a joy! It's a must-not-miss for everyone." (Hector and the Search for Happiness)
"Absolutely thrilling! One of the most wonderful movies you are likely to see this year! Do not miss it!" (Together)
"Stunning and shocking! Not to be missed!" (The U.S. vs. John Lennon)
"This one's not to be missed!" (Exporting Raymond)
"Wallace & Gromit is endless fun...one of the most enjoyable family films of the year. (Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit)
"It's funny, its wise, it's touching...one of the year's most enjoyable films." (The Terminal)
"One of the most delightful, enjoyable films you're likely to see all year." (Who the #$&% Is Jackson Pollock?)
"The funniest, most enjoyable romantic comedy since Shakespeare In Love." (Casanova)
"The most enjoyable, thrilling and entertaining action-adventure since the heyday of Indiana Jones." (Sahara)
"A poignant, wonderfully acted story that everyone will enjoy." (Resurrecting the Champ)
"Go and enjoy Last Holiday - It's a delight." (Last Holiday)
"A joyful, heartwarming romantic story about connection, loneliness, and finding someone to love..."(The Holiday)

"Charming." (The Discoverers)
"It's the most charming film of the year." (Girl on the Bicycle)
"Ceaselessly charming! It gets sweeter and more delicious by the frame." (Le Chef)

"Utterly charming!" (Love Etc.)
"Absolutely charming! Very funny and witty." (The Concert)
"Absolutely charming! One of the year's most engaging films." (Cape of Good Hope)
"Charming, delightful and a welcome bit of loveable blarney...A must see!" (The Boys & Girl from County Clare)
"A sweet, gentle comedy with a wonderful feel for NY." (Anything Else)
"A sweet, compelling look at real friendships, filled with characters you care about." (The Groomsmen)
"One of the sweetest most touching films of the year." (The Thing About My Folks)
"About as sweet and funny a movie you're likely to see this year!" (The Kid and I)
"One of the sweetest, most touching films you're likely to see!" (Little Manhattan)
"One of the most powerful, shocking true-life dramas you are likely to see all year." (The Whistleblower)
"Nothing short of astonishing, mesmerizing and one of the most original, touching and fascinating films you are ever likely to see." (Whale Rider)
"Astonishing! Destined to be one of the most important films of the year." (Maria Full of Grace)
"Astonishing! Some of the most shocking, realistic depictions of warfare you are ever likely to see." (5 Days of War)
"Astonishing! Brilliant special effects, thrilling adventure, and some of the best, most amazing battle sequences you will ever see." (The Chronicles of Narnia)
"The wittiest, funniest and most entertaining heist comedy in recent years! (Tower Heist)
"One of the most inspiring films I've ever seen." (Blindsight)
Brilliant! Bravo Scorsese! One of the most thrilling films of the year." (Shine a Light)
"One of the most powerful, deeply emotional, and romantic dramas of this or any year. Oscar-worthy performances from Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley." (Elegy)
"The most entertaining adventure of the season." (National Treasure: Book of Secrets)
"A deeply moving version of one of the most legendary love stories of them all." (Tristan & Isolde)
"Sure to be one of the most successful thrillers of the year! The best Mission: Impossible yet!" (Mission: Impossible 3)
"One of the most important films of our time." (An Inconvenient Truth)
"Oscar caliber! Sure to be one of the most honored films of the year." (The Illusionist)
"The most romantic movie of the year." (A Good Year)
"An amazing movie! One of the most delightful, enjoyable films you're likely to see all year. "Truth surely is stranger than fiction, but it's often more fun too!" (Who the #$&% Is Jackson Pollock?)
"The Holiday is a joyful, heartwarming romantic story about connection, loneliness, and finding someone to love...with some of the movies' most charismatic young stars...Eli Wallach may be the one to come away with an Oscar for best supporting actor! I hope so!" (The Holiday)
"One of the most abosrbing, compelling family dramas since Terms of Endearment. Joan Allen solidifies her position as one of our great actresses." (The Upside of Anger)
"This is one terrific movie! Sahara is the most enjoyable, thrilling and entertaining action-adventure since the heyday of Indiana Jones." (Sahara)
"This is easily Adam Sandler's best, funniest movie. Chris Rock gives his best, most hilarious screen performance." (The Longest Yard)
"Wallace & Gromit is endless fun...one of the most enjoyable family films of the year." (Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit)
"One of the most powerful films of the year. (North Country)
"One of the year's most delightful movies! A treasure. A gem. Absolutely enchanting! (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
"Anthony Hopkins gives one of his finest, most endearing performances in whast is sure to be one of the year's best films." (The World's Fastest Indian)
"Casanova is the funniest, most enjoyable romantic comedy since Shakespeare In Love." (Casanova)
"A breathtaking thrill ride. A perfect meshing of non-stop action with super use of top-drawer computer animation. One of the most visually thrilling movies ever made!" (Van Helsing)
"It's funny, its wise, it's touching...one of the year's most enjoyable films." (The Terminal)
"The most riveting, stunning crime thriller since Heat. It grabs you and never lets you go." (Collateral)
"One of the most delightful films of the year! I loved...absolutely loved Danny Deckchair." (Danny Deckchair)
"Sure to be the most thrilling thriller of the fall. This is the most visually exciting adventure saga, it is stunning beyond belief. A must-see movie this weekend!...superb, brilliantly conceived...sure to have serious Oscar consideration." (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
"You'll love this movie! Annette Bening gives one of the finest, most nuanced, intelligent performances of her career." (Being Julia)
"A brilliant film! Full of atmosphere, superb performances and an aura of darkness at every turn. "One of the most auspicious directorial debuts I have ever seen." (City of Ghosts)
"Absolutely thrilling! One of the most wonderful movies you are likely to see this year! Do not miss it!" (Together)
"Side-splitting, no-holds-barred! Bad Santa is beyond a doubt the wildest, most outrageous holiday movie ever made. I am still laughing." (Bad Santa)

"An unforgettable thrill ride!" (James Cameron's Deepsea Challenge)
"A thrill ride with all the twists and turns you'd expect in any racing movie, but with hundreds more." (Dust To Glory)
"A breathtaking thrill ride. A perfect meshing of non-stop action with super use of top-drawer computer animation. One of the most visually thrilling movies ever made!" (Van Helsing)
"Once in a very long time, along comes a movie which you know while watching it you will never, ever forget. This is that movie!" (Life of Pi)
"An unforgettable story of courage and determination." (The Music Never Stopped)
"Unforgettable. A deeply touching movie exploring an incredible range of emotions." (Departures)
"An exquisite unforgettable journey!" (March of the Penguins)
"Superb! Provocative with unforgettable images and a screenplay which resonates with issues in today's headlines." (Lions for Lambs)
"An acting tour-de-force for Paul Walker in an unforgettable film." (Hours)
"Unforgettable! A fitting tribute to Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal, one of the great heroes of the 20th century. (I Have Never Forgotten You: The Life and Legacy of Simon Wiesenthal)
"An astonishing look at a madman you won't soon forget." (The Devil's Double)
"Phenomenal...A movie you'll never forget." (The Stoning of Soraya M.)
"This is a smart, sophisticated, and realistic movie about love I won't soon forget." (Easy)
"One of the great films of this, or any year! It's one of those special films which, as the frames speed by, you know you're having an unforgettable experience; you can't wait for the next scene, but at the same time you want it to last. It is a film I know will stay with me forever." (The Motorcycle Diaries)

"This generation's E.T." (Earth to Echo)
"It will remind you of E.T." (The Last Mimzy)
"A tense, intelligent, superbly performed tour de force by two great actors from two generations." (Sleuth)
"Billy Bob Thornton has more range than almost any other actor of his generation." (The Astronaut Farmer)
"Miss Jolie shows why she is one of the great actresses of her generation... (Changeling)
"Scarlett Johansson is one of the great actresses of her generation." (Scoop)
"Salma Hayek heats up a screen more than just about any actress of her generation!" (Ask the Dust)
"Cate Blanchett takes a permanent place as one of the great actresses of her generation." (Elizabeth: The Golden Age)
"Laura Linney may just be the best American actress of her generation." (Kinsey)

"Simply wonderful. Three great pros in perfect synch. Bravo!" (My Old Lady)
"Bravo Scorsese!" (Shine a Light)
"Wonderful." (Sholem Aleichem: Laughing in the Darkness)
"A wonderful film!" (Rory O'Shea Was Here)
"A wonderful movie that will inspire you." (Saint Ralph)
"A wonderful film! Kevin Spacey gives a superb performance...nothing short of inspired." (Beyond the Sea)
"Surely one of the year's best! An absorbing, provocative, intelligent, wonderful film! Ralph Fiennes and "Rachel Weisz are superb." (The Constant Gardener)
"An enchanting, hilarious, wonderfully-made movie." (Chicken Little)
"A wonderfully funny surprise...Witty, inventive, original." (Hoodwinked)
"Quirky, off-beat and shocking. Wonderfully acted." (Stuck)
"A poignant, wonderfully acted story that everyone will enjoy." (Resurrecting the Champ)
"One of the best films of the season. A wonderfully-acted, intelligently-written and directed drama." (Heights)
"An edgy thriller with wonderful, creative & very impressive performances." (The Hunting Party)
"A wonderful dreamlike story with nostalgia, poignancy and deeply absorbing performances." (December Boys)
"A wonderful, heartfelt, intelligent, deeply touching movie. Javier Bardem gives one of the best performances of the year." (The Sea Inside)
"A gorgeous romantic drama. The French answer to Shakespeare in Love. Lavish costumes, incredible backdrops, a real sense of the period, and wonderful performances. Sure to be a contender for one of the best films of the year." (Moliere)
"A wonderful, dramatic and powerful saga of the dangers of absolute power. The cast is impeccable." (The Other Boleyn Girl)
"Absolutely thrilling! One of the most wonderful movies you are likely to see this year! Do not miss it!" (Together)
"A sweet, gentle comedy with a wonderful feel for NY." (Anything Else)

"Deeply poignant and superbly acted. One of the best films of the fall." (You're Not You)
"An eerie, classy, deeply engrossing thriller!" (The Awakening)
"A wonderful dreamlike story with nostalgia, poignancy and deeply absorbing performances." (December Boys)
"A remarkable, sweeping, deeply-absorbing epic." (The Children of Huang Shi)
"Intense, intelligent and deeply absorbing..." (Kinsey)
"Superb! Deeply absorbing." (Crossing Over)
"Amazing, deeply absorbing." (The Guitar)
"A tender, touching, deeply moving film." (Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont)
"An absorbing, deeply moving film." (Henry Poole Is Here)
"A deeply moving version of one of the most legendary love stories of them all." (Tristan & Isolde)
"A deeply moving, absorbing, fiery romantic story!" (Ask the Dust)
"A wonderful, heartfelt, intelligent, deeply touching movie." (The Sea Inside)
"Absorbing...Will touch you deeply." (Finding Home)
"An amazing personal journey that will touch you deeply." (Into the Wild)
"The performances are so powerful that they will touch you deeply." (The Notebook)
"A deeply touching movie exploring an incredible range of emotions." (Departures)
"One of the most powerful, deeply emotional, and romantic dramas of this or any year." (Elegy)

"A crackling mystery with on-point performances." (Before I Go To Sleep)
The performances are on point and compelling. (The Hottest State)

"This is a powerful, compelling movie." (No God No Master)
"An astonishing, powerful story...makes for first-rate drama." (The German Doctor)

"A first-rate thriller." (Red Eye)
"A first-rate, absorbing thriller. This is the way they used to make movies when they made them right!" (Out of Time)

"A powerful thriller..." (Suspect Zero)
"A powerful, well-acted thriller!" (The Son Of No One)
The acting is forceful and powerful. (Reunion)
A stunning, powerful drama with bravura performances from two of the world's towering actresses! (Notes on a Scandal)
A wonderful, dramatic and powerful saga of the dangers of absolute power. The cast is impeccable. (The Other Boleyn Girl)
Dignified, powerful and everything any fan of a great movie would expect! (Brideshead Revisited)
Extremely powerful. (Defiance)
An extremely powerful experience. (Standard Operating Procedure)
An extremely powerful World War II drama about a man at a crossroads, forced to make almost impossible choices between friendship and survival. (Good)
"Extremely powerful & superbly acted."(Conspiracy of Silence)
"Javier Bardem gives an extremely powerful performance. (Goya's Ghosts)
"The performances are so powerful that they will touch you deeply. (The Notebook)
"A quiet but powerful drama. (The Caller)
"Funny, powerful and poignant! (Talk to Me)
"Powerful and engrossing. (Fifty Dead Men Walking)
"Powerful, heartfelt and nostalgic, a very absorbing film. (Local Color)
"Gritty, powerful, slice of life film! (Sleepwalking)
"Extremely powerful with a message vital for the world. (Trade of Innocents)
"One of the most powerful films of the year. (North Country)
"One of the most powerful, shocking true-life dramas you are likely to see all year." (The Whistleblower)
"One of the most powerful, deeply emotional, and romantic dramas of this or any year. (Elegy)

"Compelling." (Home of the Brave)
"Very compelling!" (The Air I Breathe)
"Compelling and absorbing." (The Burning Plain)
"A remarkable, lush, compelling film." (End of the Spear)
"A fascinating and compelling look at a driven, passionate genius." (Creation)
"A tense and compelling drama." (The Education of Charlie Banks)
"Compelling and chilling...it has bravura performances." (Stolen)
"The performances are on point and compelling." (The Hottest State)
"A very touching, true-to-life drama with compelling performances." (Least Among Saints)
"A sweet, compelling look at real friendships, filled with characters you care about." (The Groomsmen)
"One of the most absorbing, compelling family dramas since Terms of Endearment. Joan Allen solidifies her position as one of our great actresses." (The Upside of Anger)

"Astonishing!" (The Aviator)
"Astonishing!" (Monster)
"Astonishing." (The Fall)
"Astonishing!" (Constantine's Sword)
"An astonishing look at a madman you won't soon forget." (The Devil's Double)
"An astonishing performance from Penelope Cruz in a masterpiece from Pedro Almodovar." (Broken Embraces)
"An astonishing, true-to-life crime-drama with bravura performances." (What Doesn't Kill You)
"An astonishing journey, told in an amazing, almost matter-of-fact style which will leave you wide-eyed." (Touching The Void)
"Astonishing! Destined to be one of the most important films of the year." (Maria Full of Grace)
"Nothing short of astonishing, mesmerizing and one of the most original, touching and fascinating films you are ever likely to see." (Whale Rider)
"An astonishing experience. This is a film people will be talking about for years. It's a work of art." (Beowulf)
"Astonishing! Brilliant special effects, thrilling adventure, and some of the best, most amazing battle sequences you will ever see." (The Chronicles of Narnia)
"Astonishing! Some of the most shocking, realistic depictions of warfare you are ever likely to see." (5 Days of War)

NOW HOW ABOUT A BIT OF EACH?

"Compelling and powerful..." (Leaving)
"Intense, powerful, intelligent and compelling!" (Into the Fire)
"Powerful performances! A compelling drama." (Even Money)
"A very compelling drama relevant to today's headlines with superb, powerful performances." (Torn)
"A powerful family saga with compelling performances." (White Irish Drinkers)
"Stunning...shocking...powerful. Jon Voight gives a compelling performance." (September Dawn)

And to think Mr. Lyons almost made the Top Two. Just imagine what is left. No need to drag it out any further.

This year's Pete Hammond Sloppy Seconds Winner is...

2. MARK S. ALLEN (CBS-TV/Mark at the Movies)
(7 Quotes. 6 Rotten Tomatoes. 3 Under 20%)
In the 13 years that Criticwatch has been doing these rankings, this is the 10th time that Mr. Allen has cracked the Top Ten. He was the Peter Travers Whore of the Year in 2008 and may have only been one or two quotes away from taking the top spot again. The only film he was seen to be recommending that had a positive rating at Rotten Tomatoes was the final Hobbit film and even that only needs one or two negative quotes to push it under 60%. So close, Mark. And with only seven quotes. There is little to be said about this clown that hasn't been said before. Per usual we will let his hyperbolized minimalism say it for us. Then we'll offer a punctuation point.

"Amazing." (Pompeii)
"Intense! Halle Berry is amazing!" (The Call)
"Amazing" (Red Riding Hood)
"The most amazing movie this summer." (Cowboys & Aliens)
"Amazing, remarkable chemistry and better than the original!" (The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2)
"Amazing! Mind-blowing!" (The Day the Earth Stood Still)
"The best Pirates yet! Epic and amazing!" (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End)
"Awesome! The most amazing images you'll see on the big screen this summer!" (Poseidon)
"Amazing! This season's most thrilling movie!" (The Prestige)
"Amazingly entertaining! Remarkable in every way!" (Sin City)
"Every moment, every scene, every snowflake...Amazing! Your heart will soar and you will believe. The most remarkable film you'll see for years to come." (The Polar Express)

"Mind-blowing. Thought-provoking" (Transcendence)
"Breathtaking and mind-blowing. One of the greatest graphic novel adaptations of all time!" (Watchmen)
"Mind-blowingly brilliant! Fascinating, funny and relentlessly awe-inspiring." (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Amazing! Mind-blowing!" (The Day the Earth Stood Still)
"Spectacular! Visually stunning. It will blow your mind." (Speed Racer)
"Intelligent, thought provoking and intense beyond measure. You'll be talking about it long after the end credits..." (Premonition)
"Funny, thoughtful and the most heart-felt movie you'll see this season!" (P.S. I Love You)
"Funny, thoughtful, and ultimately heartwarming." (The Switch)

"Absolutely the funniest comedy in years." (Ride Along)
"An absolutely spellbinding, dazzling film that leaves you breathless." (The Great Gatsby)
"...absolutely breathtaking from beginning to end!" (Meet the Robinsons)
"The summer's funniest movie." (The Other Guys)
"The funniest movie you'll see this summer!" (Anchorman)
"The funniest movie you'll see this summer!" (You, Me and Dupree)
"One of the funniest movies ever made!" (The Hangover)
"One of the funniest movies of all time. The new standard for comedy." (Ted)
"One of the best movies in years!" (Matchstick Men)
"The most remarkable film you'll see for years to come." (The Polar Express)
"The most explosive cop drama in years." (Pride and Glory)
"The most sophisticated, smartest, coolest action movie in years!" (Smokin' Aces)
"The most riveting, provocative, engaging movie experience in years." (The Kingdom)

"Not since The Notebook has a movie been so inspiring, heartwarming and satisfying." (Labor Day)
"The best Nicholas Sparks film since The Notebook." (The Lucky One)
"The most overwhelmingly romantic movie since The Notebook." (Dear John)

"Brilliant, imaginative and inspirational." (The Astronaut Farmer)
"Mind-blowingly brilliant! Fascinating, funny and relentlessly awe-inspiring." (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Triumphant! Something to inspire everyone!" (Joyful Noise)

"Hysterical and heartwarming" (Unaccompanied Minors)
"Hysterical, heartwarming and hugely entertaining!" (Happy Feet 2)
"Fantastic performances! Funny, thoughtful, and ultimately heartwarming." (The Switch)

"Very hot! Thrilling and totally satisfying! Like its stars, the movie is flawless and fabulous! The most sizzle you'll see this summer!" (Mr. & Mrs. Smith)
"Dynamic, intense and satisfying." (Contraband)
"Intelligent! Satisfying! Intense and relentlessly suspenseful! Awesome! Harrison Ford at his best. Non-stop, nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat action and suspense!" (Firewall)
"An instant classic. The most unique, intense, satisfying film this year!" (Identity)

"The perfect date movie" (Sex Tape)
"The best date movie of the season!" (He's Just Not That Into You - 2009)
"The best date movie of the summer!" (Sex and the City - 2008)
"Fun and Hysterical! Zack and Miri is the best date movie of the season." (Zack and Miri Make a Porno - 2008)
"The perfect date movie. Smart, funny and refreshing!" (Trust the Man - 2005)
"Funny, sexy & smart, the perfect summer date movie." (Alex and Emma - 2003)
"A masterpiece! An awesome example of movie perfection" (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
"Intense, intelligent & the perfect cast!" (S.W.A.T.)
"A new comedy super duo is born! Vince and Kevin are perfect." (The Dilemma)
"Queen Latifah & Common are the perfect all-star team." (Just Wright)
"So perfectly acted, so brilliantly directed...This movie will become a part of you." (Remember Me)
"Perfect family comedy. Herbie is hot and fully entertaining!" (Herbie: Fully Loaded)
"The perfect family film." (Marley and Me)
"The perfect family fantasy film." (Inkheart)
"The perfect holiday film!" (Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium)
"The perfect movie for the season. Fun, funny and full of good cheer!" (Leap Year)
"Quite possibly the first perfect action movie! Awesome, fun, funny with action sequences that will leave you breathless, but gasping for more." (The Rundown)
"The perfect mix of sexy-funny-rock-the-house action! You will see this again and again!" (Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle)
"Epic storytelling at its absolute finest. There has not been a more breathtaking or wondrous movie journey ever made." (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies)
"Epic" (Ender's Game)
"An epic and awesome experience." (300)
"Epic. Glorious. Unforgettable." (Australia)
"An epic adventure that will be watched for generations." (Star Trek Into Darkness)
"The best Pirates yet! Epic and amazing!" (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End)
"An epic 'Journey' for everyone." (Journey 2: The Mysterious Island)
"Brilliant and mesmerizing every step of the journey." (The Book of Eli)
"Johnny Depp at his absolute best." (Dark Shadows)
"Bernie Mac is at his absolute best!" (Soul Men)
"An absolutely spellbinding, dazzling film that leaves you breathless." (The Great Gatsby)
"Funny...and absolutely breathtaking from beginning to end!" (Meet the Robinsons)
"Beautiful, breathtaking and fascinating throughout." (The Duchess)
"Visually breathtaking and stunning in every way." (The Phantom of the Opera)
"Quite possibly the first perfect action movie! Awesome, fun, funny with action sequences that will leave you breathless, but gasping for more." (The Rundown)
"Breathtaking and mind-blowing. One of the greatest graphic novel adaptations of all time!" (Watchmen)
"One of the funniest movies ever made!" (The Hangover)
"Brilliant, engaging, and quite possibly the most original vampire movie you'll ever see!" (Priest)
"Like no other movie you've ever seen! Run! Don't wait! You'll fall for Chicken Little!" (Chicken Little)
"One of the most original animated films ever." (Surf's Up)
"Perhaps the best buddy picture ever!" (Soul Men)

"Hysterical. Awesome. Even better than the first!" (Horrible Bosses 2)
"Surprisingly heartfelt and hysterical!" (Crazy Stupid Love)
"Hysterical, heartwarming and hugely entertaining!" (Happy Feet 2)
"Hysterical and heartwarming" (Unaccompanied Minors)
"Relentlessly funny. Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are the new dynamic duo of comedy! Not just funny." "Smart, poignant and freaking hysterical." (The Campaign)
"Simply hysterical! Relentlessly funny and full of surprises!" (Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star)
"Fun and Hysterical! Zack and Miri is the best date movie of the season." (Zack and Miri Make a Porno)
"Hysterical! Bernie Mac is at his absolute best! Perhaps the best buddy picture ever!" (Soul Men)

"Awesome." (Anchorman 2)
"Awesome" (The Matrix Reloaded)
"Awesome!" (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest)
"A is for awesome!" (Easy A)
"An epic and awesome experience." (300)
"An awesome example of movie perfection" (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
"Awesome! This summer's must-see!" (Bad News Bears)
"Awesome! The most amazing images you'll see on the big screen this summer!" (Poseidon)
"Awesome action and intrigue, and all that is James Patterson!" (Alex Cross)
"Quite possibly the first perfect action movie! Awesome, fun, funny with action sequences that will leave you breathless, but gasping for more." (The Rundown)
"Intelligent! Satisfying! Intense and relentlessly suspenseful! Awesome! Harrison Ford at his best. Non-stop, "nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat action and suspense!" (Firewall)
"One of Disney's finest. Awesome for everyone!" (Home on the Range)
"Awesome. This is the Cinderella to remember." (A Cinderella Story)
"Zoinks, this movie is awesome!" (Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed)
"Awesome fun for thy whole family! Elephant sized laughs! Divine! Thou shalt laugh a lot!" (Evan Almighty)

"Even better than the original." (Iron Man 2)

And now the Warner Bros. trifecta to go along with Horrible Bosses 2...

"Amazing, remarkable chemistry and better than the original!" (The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2)
"Charming, funny and even better than the original" (Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous)

And, of course...

"Awesome. Even better than the first!" (Wrath of the Titans)

You are a disgraceful whore, Mark S. Allen.

Yet in 2014, there was once again one whore to rule them all. Readers of Criticwatch may be disappointed with this choice, but until someone at the studios begins paying attention and this disgrace continues to whore it up, we have no choice but to give top honors to the following.
Peter Travers Whore of the Year Award...

Once again, your 2014 Peter Travers Whore of the Year is.....

1. SHAWN EDWARDS (FOX-TV KC)
(18 Quotes. 9 Rotten Tomatoes. 6 Under 25%)
Welcome to the Five-Timers Club, Shawn! Instead of a membership card like Tom Hanks got though, we are here to give the world a reminder of what a shameless, pandering, self-aggrandizing whorebot that you are. FIVE TIMES you are the Quote Whore of the Year and it's the fourth time in the past five years. Junketeers have come and gone in that time and you continue to parade your hypocritical interviews and hyperbolic rhetoric as if you matter. Newsflash for you - You Don't! You have lied to celebrities. You have lied to studios. You have lied to your viewers. Whoever is in charge of marketing at each of the studios, please heed our words. You are better off screening your films for Kim Jong Un and getting him to quote for you because at least that guy appears to have some standards. Even the 31 year-old dictator of North Korea would not call the 83 year-old, six-time Oscar nominee, Robert Duvall "a revelation" for his performance in The Judge. Because of the courage to shit his pants on screen? Let us tell you something pal, you have been shitting your pants well before Criticwatch even started noticing and you continue to smear it all over the ad space that should be reserved for authentic critics with authentic opinions. Here is what Edwards' bad name smeared in 2014:

"One of the best movies of the year! A masterpiece!" (Gone Girl)
"A masterpiece." (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies)

"A modern-day masterpiece. One of the best films of the year!" (American Gangster)
"A contemporary masterpiece." (Stranger Than Fiction)
"A masterpiece!" (The Grey)
"A masterpiece!" (Crash)
"A masterpiece!" (The Manchurian Candidate 2004)
"A 100% certified masterpiece." (Sin City)
"An undeniable masterpiece!" (Grindhouse)
"An ultra-cool masterpiece! The best film of the year!" (Kill Bill Vol. 1)
"An explosive masterpiece tailor-made for those who love ultra-cool high energy action!" (Resident Evil: Apocalypse)
"A masterpiece, absolutely brilliant. One of the most powerful and moving films I've ever seen." (Tsotsi)
"A truly haunting and mesmerizing masterpiece!" (Let Me In)
"A true masterpiece!" (The Beaver)
"A true masterpiece. One of the most creative, original and visionary movies ever made." (Where the Wild Things Are)
"A groundbreaking, visionary and stylistic masterpiece." (The Great Gatsby)
"A flat-out masterpiece! A mesmerizing and haunting film that soars with creativity, stylistic genius and amazing battle scenes. " (Snow White and the Huntsman)
"A visually stunning masterpiece! (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey)
"A stunning masterpiece that is destined to become a timeless classic." (Ray)
"A masterpiece destined to become a timeless classic." (Cinderella Man)

"You'll love it." (Draft Day)
"You can't help but love this movie!" (50/50)
"You'll love this movie!" (Think Like A Man)
"Great music, and good times. You'll love it!" (Country Strong)
"The coolest, freshest and sexiest movie about life, love and relationships in years! It's this generation's "When Harry Met sally. You'll love this movie." (Friends with Benefits)
"The most charming and irresistibly romantic movie you'll likely see all year. I loved it." (Penelope)
"The most charming and wonderful movie you'll see all year." (The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants)
"Refreshingly funny, super hip and the coolest flick you'll see all year! DYN-O-MITE!" (Starsky & Hutch)
"One of the coolest movies you'll ever see!" (Stomp the Yard)
"It's so much fun you'll want to watch it again and again." (Monster House)
"Totally awesome! So much fun you'll want to see it twice." (TMNT)
"You'll be Kicking and Screaming with laughter from beginning to end." (Kicking and Screaming)
"You'll laugh your head off." (Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star)
"You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll stand up and cheer." (Radio)
"An all out fun experience that will make you fall in love with the magic of movies." (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)
"Queen Latifah and Common are perfect together. A soulful romantic classic you'll instantly fall in love with." (Just Wright)
"A movie experience everyone will love." (The Secret Life of Bees)
"Queen Latifah is sensational!...Audiences are going to love this movie." (Last Holiday)
"Audiences are gonna love this movie." (13 Going On 30)

"Fun, sexy and smart." (Chef)
"Ultra sexy." (The Losers)
"Sexy, fun and fresh!" (Just Wright)
"Sexy cool." (Red Riding Hood)
"I loved every second of this crazy, sexy and cool flick." (Alfie)
"Sexy, stylish and altogether the coolest movie of the year." (Twilight)
"Stylish, sexy and riveting!" (We Own the Night)
"Hip, sexy and packed with laughs!" (Deliver Us from Eva)
"A seriously sexy, action-packed and completely intriguing cinematic tour de force." (Miami Vice)
"A qitty, clever and sexy romp that both women and men will find incredibly enjoyable." (Little Black Book)

"**** This is fantastic." (This Is Where I Leave You)
"One of the year's most enjoyable films! A fabulously fantastic treat!" (Connie & Carla)
"The feel-good movie of the year! Shall We Dance is fantastic!" (Shall We Dance?)
"A fresh, funny and truly joyful film! Queen Latifah is fantastic! She delivers a wonderfully joyful performance." (Joyful Noise)

"Triumphant" (When the Game Stands Tall)
"A beautiful, touching and an emotionally soaring triumph!" (Oliver Twist)
"An absolute triumph." (Brooklyn's Finest)

"Annie will steal your heart." (Annie)
"Amanda Seyfried will absolutely steal your heart!" (Letters To Juliet)
"Rachel McAdams will steal your heart." (Morning Glory)

"Soulful, emotional and powerful" (Get On Up)
"A soulful romantic classic you'll instantly fall in love with." (Just Wright)
"It's a soulful and heartwarming crowd-pleaser that will have you laughing, crying and cheering." (This Christmas)
"A powerful film that will truly move you. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll stand up and cheer." (Radio)
"Powerful and inspiring! Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. soar in the most moving film of the year." (The Soloist)
"Moving and powerful! A new contemporary classic." (Luv)
"One of the most powerful and moving films I've ever seen." (Tsotsi)
"Powerful and uplifting!" (The Pursuit of Happyness)
"The most powerful movie of the year! Profoundly uplifting and utterly provocative. An instant classic like Scarface." (Get Rich or Die Tryin')

"Inspiring. Heartfelt" (The Fault In Our Stars)
"Intelligent and inspiring! A rare achievement in film." (Beyond Borders)
"Intelligent and inspiring!" (The Great Raid)
"A stunning masterpiece that is destined to become a timeless classic." (Ray)
"A masterpiece destined to become a timeless classic. Uplifting and inspiring. Movies don't get much better than this." (Cinderella Man)
Outstanding! A completely inspiring, moving and motivating crowd pleaser. Gridiron Gang is a stand up and cheer classic! (Gridiron Gang)
Powerful and inspiring! Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. soar in the most moving film of the year. (The Soloist)
The most inspiring movie of the year. One of the best movies of the year. (The Help)
Incredible, intriguing, inspiring! (A Man's Story)
"Refreshingly funny and heartfelt. Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts will put the biggest smile on your face this summer." (Larry Crowne)
"Sophisticated, charming and heartfelt! Amanda Seyfried will absolutely steal your heart!" (Letters To Juliet)
"The surprise of the summer. A heartfelt, moving and touching film." (Georgia Rule)

"The feel-good movie of the summer!" (Million Dollar Arm)
"The feel-good movie of the year." (Kinky Boots)
"The feel-good movie of the year!" (Shall We Dance?)

"The most incredible movie of the year. Not to be missed!" (Godzilla)
"Incredible." (Takers)
"Incredible, intriguing, inspiring!" (A Man's Story)
"Most refreshing comedy of the year." (Don Jon)
"Not only the must-see movie of the summer, it's the film of the year!" (Batman Begins)
"The best movie of the year" (The Dark Knight Rises)
"The best film of the year!" (Kill Bill Vol. 1)
"The best movie of the year!" (I Am Legend)
"One of the best movies of the year." (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I)
"One of the best movies of the year!" (Hairspray)
"One of the best movies of the year." (The Express)
"One of the funniest comedies of the year." (Fred Claus)
"The best horror movie of the year!" (High Tension)
"Unlock the secret of the best thriller of the year." (The Skeleton Key)
"The most thrilling movie of the year!" (Source Code)
"The best thriller of the year." (Lucky Number Slevin)
"The best action movie of the year." (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift)
"The most exciting thriller of the year." (Now You See Me)
"The most exciting film of the year!" (2012)
"The most exciting movie of the year!" (Resident Evil: Extinction)
"The first great movie of the year!" (Unknown)
"The Surprise of the Year" (Saved!)
"The most original film of the year." (Transformers)
"The funniest comedy of the year!" (Horrible Bosses)
"The funniest movie of the year!" (Dinner for Schmucks)
"The funniest movie of the year." (Four Christmases)
"You won't see a funnier movie all year!" (Nacho Libre)
"The comedy of the year." (Hitch)
"The best comedy of the year!" (Barbershop 2: Back In Business)
"The craziest comedy of the year!" (Waiting)
"The funniest, craziest, wildest comedy of the year." (Are We Done Yet?)
"The wildest, funniest, most hilarious movie of the year." (Little Man)
"The funniest comedy of the year. The Wayans brothers have delivered another comedy classic." (White Chicks)
"The best romantic comedy of the year!" (Little Black Book)
"The best romantic comedy of the year." (A Good Year)
"The most romantic movie of the year!" (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
"Sexy, stylish and altogether the coolest movie of the year. "(Twilight)
"The coolest movie of the year!" (Be Cool)
"The coolest 3D experience of the year!" (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)
"The best animated feature of the year!" (Monster House)
"The best family film of the year." (Peter Pan)
"The most magical movie of the year!" (Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium)
"The most magical film of the year." (Charlotte's Web)
"The most inspiring movie of the year." (The Help)
"The most delightful movie of the year!" (No Reservations)
"The feel-good movie of the year." (Kinky Boots)
"The feel-good movie of the year!" (Shall We Dance?)
"The most moving and memorable film of the year." (United 93)
"Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. soar in the most moving film of the year." (The Soloist)
"The most powerful movie of the year!" (Get Rich or Die Tryin')
"The year's best film. A stunning masterpiece that is destined to become a timeless classic." (Ray)

"Nate Parker and Gugu Mbatha-Raw are perfect together." (Beyond the Lights)
"Sexy, fun and fresh! Queen Latifah and Common are perfect together. A soulful romantic classic you'll instantly fall in love with." (Just Wright)
"Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are a perfect combo." (Did You Hear About The Morgans?)
"The perfect movie for anyone who has ever been in love." (The Vow)
"The perfect holiday treat." (Four Christmases)
"A perfect 10. The coolest movie of the summer." (Surf's Up)
"Pure Bond perfection!" (Skyfall)
"Action-packed fun! It's the perfect James Bond experience for kids and teens." (Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker)
"Rugrats and the Wild Thornberrys make a winning combination! A perfect team that the entire family will enjoy." (Rugrats Go Wild)
"The perfect family movie!" (Nanny McPhee Returns)
"Perfect family entertainment!" (Nanny McPhee)
"Perfect family entertainment." (Are We Done Yet?)
"Perfect for the entire family!" (Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days)
"A heavenly comedy that's perfect for the entire family!" (Evan Almighty)
"A family film that's perfect for everyone. It will have you laughing from beginning to end." (Are We There Yet?)
"This comedy is perfect for the entire family! You'll be Kicking and Screaming with laughter from beginning to end." (Kicking and Screaming)
"Fun! Fun! Fun! The perfect movie!" (One Direction: This is Us)

"The Exorcist meets Se7en." (Deliver Us From Evil)
"It's Indiana Jones and James Bond rolled into one incredibly fun film to watch." (Sahara)
"It's Kill Bll meets ER in this brilliantly stylistic, ultra cool action thriller!" (Repo Men)
"It's Independence Day meets District 9, except cooler." (Battle: Los Angeles)
"It's School of Rock meets Rocky..." (Here Comes the Boom)
"An instant classic like Scarface." (Get Rich or Die Tryin')
"It's this generation's When Harry Met Sally." (Friends with Benefits)
"A delightful, breathtaking experience that's as wonderful as The Wizard of Oz and as enchanting as E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial." (Peter Pan)
"Swings with a swagger and maverick-like attitude that made flicks like The Breakfast Club and Risky Business so cool." (The Perfect Score)
"If you take the best parts of Pulp Fiction, The Usual Suspects and The Professional, this is what you get." (Lucky Number Slevin)
"Does to parking garages what Psycho did to taking a shower and what Jaws did to swimming in the ocean." (P2)
"Hitchcock would be proud." (Taking Lives)
"The funniest animated feature since the Shrek movies." (Hoodwinked)
"Funnier than American Pie!" (The To-Do List)
"More exciting than The Hunger Games" (The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones)
"More compelling than Saving Private Ryan." (The Great Raid)

"Twice as sexy. Twice as sharp. Twice as funny." (Think Like a Man Too)
"An adrenaline fueled thrill ride with 5x the action and 5x the excitement." (Fast Five)
"Better than the original." (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)
"The best X-Men movie yet." (X-Men: First Class)
"The best Resident Evil yet." (Resident Evil: Afterlife)It's the best Men In Black yet. (Men In Black III)
The best slice of pie yet!" (American Wedding)
The best Scary Movie yet!" (Scary Movie 4)
"The most hilarious sequel ever." (Anchorman 2)
"The funniest trilogy ever comes to a glorious end." (The Hangover Part III)
"A mesmerizing conclusion to the best trilogy in cinematic history." (The Matrix Revolutions)

We end the Edwards wrap-up with one of his final quotes of 2014. Not seen on a film ad but on Twitter where he said:

Interesting considering he gave 50/50 four stars and called it "a genuinely funny and touching comedy classic." "You can't help but love this movie," Edwards said about the cancer film that earned most of its laughs courtesy of one Seth Rogen, the star of the "hilarious and heartfelt" The Guilt Trip. At least according to Edwards.

Here is Shawn interviewing Seth during the junket for his successful and well-reviewed summer comedy, Neighbors, this year. Shawn doesn't contradict himself the way he did after he told Tyler Perry on camera that he liked Alex Cross only to subsequently give it zero "popcorn bags." But you can clearly see the disdain Edwards has for Rogen, especially in his final question. I hope Rogen remembers this the next time Edwards schedules time with him. Like Seth or not, here is hoping everyone remembers what Shawn does think is funny.

"Kevin Hart is officially the funniest man on the planet. Hilarious!" (Ride Along)

We didn't know there a mandate that made any such claim official. Considering only 19% of critics rated that film positive and only 8% liked Shawn's next recommendations, we shouldn't need a filibuster to make that ranking null and void.

"Hilarious! Funnier and more outrageous than the first!" (A Haunted House 2)
"Non-stop laughs! As funny as the original." (Clerks II)
"Absolutely delightful! Reese Witherspoon has done it again." (Legally Blonde 2)
"The Wolfpack delivers again!" (The Hangover Part II)
"The best comedy of the year!" (Barbershop 2: Back In Business)
"A blast of fun. It's hilarious. ****. Phenomenal. Total awesomeness. Will Smith is back! and better than ever. It's the best Men In Black yet." (Men In Black III)
"The best slice of pie yet! American Wedding is *!#/% funny!" (American Wedding)
"The best Scary Movie yet! The laughs come fast and are furiously funny!" (Scary Movie 4)

"The funniest movie of the year" (Sex Tape)
"One of the funniest comedies of the year." (Fred Claus)
"The funniest comedy of the year!" (Horrible Bosses)
"The funniest movie of the year!" (Dinner for Schmucks)
"The funniest movie of the year." (Four Christmases)
"The comedy of the year." (Hitch)
"The best comedy of the year!" (Barbershop 2: Back In Business)
"The craziest comedy of the year!" (Waiting)
"The funniest, craziest, wildest comedy of the year." (Are We Done Yet?)
"The funniest comedy of the year. The Wayans brothers have delivered another comedy classic." (White Chicks)
"The funniest animated feature since the Shrek movies." (Hoodwinked)
"Hilarious. Funnier than American Pie!" (The To-Do List)
"The freshest and funniest comedy in a long time." (Drillbit Taylor)
"Totally hilarious! The funniest, craziest and zaniest teen movie ever." (Fired Up)
"The funniest trilogy ever comes to a glorious end." (The Hangover Part III)

Last year we pointed out how Shawn "changed his mind" by going from calling The Hangover "the funniest trilogy ever" to this tweet when the third film came out on DVD. Seems like the law of averages would have reduced such a ranking. But it only goes to show Shawn's fragile state of memory and ethics when it comes to labels. In 2011, Bridesmaids opened on May 13 with the following quote from Shawn:

"The Funniest Movie Ever!" (Bridesmaids)

A great comedy to be sure. Ever? Even Kristen Wiig would debate that claim. But such a debate wouldn't last very long since since exactly eight weeks later, we saw the following from Shawn:

"The funniest comedy of the year!" (Horrible Bosses)

Stands to reason that Shawn believes Horrible Bosses to now be the funniest film of all time. Unless he "changed his mind" again like on The Hangover trilogy. Clearly he doesn't remember pulling the same trick back in 2006 when on June 16 he proclaimed:

"You won't see a funnier movie all year!" (Nacho Libre)

Then on July 14, 2006 said...

"The wildest, funniest, most hilarious movie of the year." (Little Man)

This is more than just poor memory or unbridled enthusiasm though. This is a sickness; an Ebola-like pandemic that needs to be isolated and then burned forever from the memory of marketing and American criticism. Shawn Edwards no longer gives just film critics a bad name, he gives junket folk a bad name. Like the carny who pushes the wrong buttons, gets drunk on the job and gives free lap rides. If Criticwatch cannot convince the studios or the public to recognize the hacky hyperbole offered by Peter Travers, Pete Hammond or any of the other nine names on this list, well, it won't stop us from trying. But for the love of all things that are holy, the proliferation of the Shawn Edwards name on anything associated to film is a disgrace to cinema, criticism, perspective, language and a whole bunch of other words that he doesn't understand the meaning of. Start embracing real critics and end this madness now.



link directly to this feature at http://www.efilmcritic.com/feature.php?feature=3726
originally posted: 01/01/15 04:03:13
last updated: 01/01/15 09:46:01
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