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Hey freaks- you miss me? Man, I sure have missed all of you.
by Tina

How do you feel, now that the sugar rush from all those mini Milky Ways and 3 Musketeers has passed? My ashtrays are full and my desk top is piled with tiny little empty candy bar wrappers....I love Halloween....

...And am feeling a little punchy, myself. Have been working on this screenplay that me and the crew are trying to make a movie out of and the website (http://www1.50megs.com/samsara)I hope to promote it with and a cool private web for work- passworded though, so I canít show you around that one, sorry kid.

Too bad, put a lot of neat java buttons in there, too. >very cool< But I'll throw some neat links at the bottom of the page here for ya, just because I like you so much.

Not java, but still cool. Check them out. Am not sure yet how links will work in here, so just paste them into your browser if you have to and go, my bruthas and sistas, out into that great ether paradise known as internet... but hey, finish what you're doing here first. Thanks.

Long and short, Iíve been chained to this desktop god that I worship for so long now I've grown another set of teeth. But tonight Iím looking forward to just kicking back, sparking up, and rapping with you for a change. Let me grab my smokes. BRBÖ.

Okay. So what have you been up to anyway? I havenít been reviewing much lately, but I have been watching movies and thinking of you... (And especially you, TS!)

For instance, when I saw Three Kings, I instantly realized that George Clooney might not be the antichrist after all (most likely, Bob is) and I might owe him a couple apologies for a few of those Bitchslaps! I sent his way over on the Derby Board recently.

Then I said aw, fuck it, he deserved my ire at the time, he may yet earn it again. But meanwhile Three Kings was still cool, sez me; very hip and clever and you probably know that by now, which is why I wonít waste your time here with the play by play.

If you havenít seen it, git. Go on. Weíll be here when you get backÖ

I also saw in the Cyber Filmschool's newsletter that Bringing in the Dead came in no. 6 at the box office, (& 3Kings is at 10- so much for accuracy of those freaking lists, sez me)!

BITD was a lot of things, but I wonít call any of them entertaining. Not even in jest. It was an F-ing downer, quite frankly, a wrist-slicer to the tenth power is what it was; letís call a dog a dog. And hell, my life is messed up and tragic enough thank you. I donít need to seek more of this out on purpose. That would be sick.

Oh wait a minute, I am sickÖyeah, sick as hell over another two-hour chunk of my life I can never get back.

Cage has been getting too much credit lately as far as Iím concerned. No talented slow-talker that he is. And I donít care what Patricia Arquette says, Nicolas Cage is Tales From The Crypt Ugly. Period, end of story.Man.

...And talk about Dogma; spent a lot of time rolling around over at newsaskew many months back, before I stumbled upon this great land of Oz and decided to goose the man behind the curtain; but over there at the time there was a lot of controversy about the flik.

Consequently, I read and talked and heard so much about Kevin Smithís latest proj that I canít actually bear to sit through the movie yet. Besides, I was once intrigued by Affleck and amused by Damon but I had to stop reading Tiger Beat, too. They were all three rotting my new teeth and my cholesterol was out of this world- all that cheese...

Yes, there is a gaping emptiness in my life without them now, but I know this cool, tattooed bouncer who promises to help me forget all about itÖ.

Seriously though, speaking of the pugilistís profession, Fight Club is so hauntingly like a screenplay I bussed around Hollywierd a few years back that I canít bear to watch IT eitherÖ Just like that episode of X-files only I know I actually wroteÖ. But hey, Iíll save all that rhetoric for the manifesto.

So now is about the time you'll start wondering, hey, what was this feature actually about, anyway?

Ask the oracle below, man, because I havenít a clue. I just wanted to pop in, say hello, throw some links around along with a few Bitchslaps! before I dive back into the applets. Be cool kids; because somebody has to now that Eastwood's so tweaked and old...

Later, 'gators....

LINKS: (I planned to give you these on Halloween, but I was busy, like I told you. Sorry. It will probably happen again, but rest assured, I'm thinking about you and best of all, I will usually bring you presents if I've been away really long or been really bad. Kiss kiss, kids....)

Ask the Oracle if she really loves us:
http://astrologysoftware.com/oracles/oracles.html

Kevin Smith's version of Chaos- Dogma H.Q.
http://www.newsaskew.com/

Cyber Film School (make you're own movie! Sundance is accepting video format in 2000, so let's redefine independant filmamking!):
http://www.cyberfilmschool.com

Real Player G2 (must have audio...):
http://www.realnetworks.com/R/HPnav-2R/www.real.com/products/player/index.html?

(And Real Juke):
http://www.realnetworks.com/R/HPnav-2R/www.real.com/products/realjukebox/index.html?

AOL IM- beats the Yahoo out of MSN (if chat's your thang):
http://www.newaol.com/aim/real_networks/adb29.html

Pagoo Call catcher- never miss a call while you're online again:
http://www.realnetworks.com/R/HPnav-2R/www.real.com/products/realjukebox/index.html?

Okay, and with a ~swoosh~ of her cape, she's outta here----


link directly to this feature at http://www.efilmcritic.com/feature.php?feature=129
originally posted: 11/04/99 15:26:15
last updated: 11/04/99 15:29:29
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