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Criticwatch 2010 - The Whores of the Year

by Erik Childress

It would be nice to suggest that 2010 was a banner year in quote whore bashing. After all it was pretty easy pickings in a film year that may have set a new bar for disappointments and flat-out bad cinema. That is the calling card of the whores. The kibble that they lap up in order to display their complete lack of critical faculties to appease their studio benefactors with no regard to the moviegoer's hard-earned dollar. This was the year where, more than ever, we had to call the studios out for carelessly using whores on films primed to get good reviews from legitimate sources. An inexcusable practice that cheapens their films and props up the one-adjective-at-a-time whores into the realm of good taste. But maybe there is hope on the horizon. For some very familiar names to Criticwatch did not make it into the Top 10 Whores of the Year. Nobody from the Lyons family is present. Even Pete Hammond with his 43 quotes missed the list, though you will be hearing about him later. The bad news, however, is that where one whore gets pinched, another is just waiting to hear their name called. And we are happy to oblige them. Here are your Top 10 Whores of 2010:

#10 - JEFF CRAIG (17 Quotes)
If anyone has a picture of Mr. Craig (assuming that is his real name), please forward it along to Criticwatch@HollywoodBitchslap.com. We need conclusive proof that this guy is actually a living, breathing human being and not just a disembodied voices trying to pass off press releases as 60-second radio reviews. 10 of his 16 quotes were on films getting a Rotten Tomato, including two registering less than 20% approval. Come out of hiding Jeff.

Exhilarating. Powerful. (Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps)
Smart. Hysterical. (Dinner for Schmucks)
Pure nasty fun. Bloody...Brilliant...Action (Machete)

Sexy. (Valentine's Day)
Sexy and seriously funny. (Going the Distance)
A smart, bright comedy. Hilarious and heartfelt. Funny, romantic and refreshingly playful. (How Do You Know)
****. A lovely and irresistible tale of true love...It's altogether wonderful. A pure delight. (Letters To Juliet)
An irresistible action comedy that's pure tail-wagging family fun. (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore)
****. Exhilarating. A hugely enjoyable knockout of a movie. You'll stand up and cheer. (The Karate Kid)
**** (The Sorcerer's Apprentice)

An amazing 3-D experience! (Alice In Wonderland)
Irreverent. Mind-blowing. Spectacular. Stunning. (Megamind)
Hilarious. This year's coolest animated comedy. A blast of fun. (Despicable Me)
A total blast. Insane action. The summer's biggest thrill ride. (The A-Team)
The holiday's biggest comedy. (Gulliver's Travels)

Fox got Disney's Narnia property and apparently one of their quotes too.

(2010) The perfect holiday entertainment for the whole family. A magical and fun 3-D experience. (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)

(2009) Magical, fun and dazzles in 3D. (A Christmas Carol)

Finally, did Jeff come up with this or somebody at Warner Bros.?

(2010) A powerhouse thriller that throbs with action and suspense. Denzel is dynamite and Gary Oldman is in top form. (The Book of Eli)
(2006) Four stars. It throbs with fierce action and suspense. (Firewall)


#9 - AVI OFFER (8 Quotes)
Avi makes the cut for a second straight year, though dropping a spot from #8 in 2009. Just in case Criticwatch might ever miss a quote from Mr. Offer, he is more than happy to e-mail us and let us know about it. Would you want anyone to know if you said the following?

Heartwarming. Funny. Uplifting. (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)
Heartfelt and Inspirational! It will make you stand up and cheer. (Legendary)
Enormously entertaining! (Knucklehead)
Jackie Chan has never been funnier. Zany action for the whole family. (The Spy Next Door)
One of the most powerful love stories since Brokeback Mountain. (Undertow)
One of the most delightful, heartfelt and crowd-pleasing musical comedies in years. (Bran Nue Dae)
It will go down as a classic. One of the most endearing films in years. (Love and Other Drugs)

You probably never heard of Legendary and Knucklehead unless you were a WWE fan. Even then I am not certain they ever ran ads for the latter featuring the next wrestling moviestar, Paul "The Big Show" Wight. Look at the confident hyperbole in those quotes though. 108 films on his resume over five decades and Jackie Chan has "never been funnier" than in The Spy Next Door? Arguably, he wasn't even as funny as Vin Diesel in The Pacifier (for trying to be funny) or better yet (cause I know Avi likes wrestlers) Dwayne Johnson in The Game Plan. Undertow is a gay love story, so what else are you going to compare it to, Avi? And is anyone beating the drum on Love and Other Drugs for classic status? Beware anyone making a bold prediction like that. Especially when nobody else would ever dream of making it.

#8 - MARIA SALAS (8 Quotes)
We still have not solved a problem like Maria. The best reviewed movie she was quoted on in 2010 was Red (one of the most bafflingly overpraised films of the year.) "You can't miss this movie. Laugh-out-loud fun," she said. The last two films she told us not to miss were Sahara and Nothing Like The Holidays.

(2010) Action-packed. (The Losers)
(2006) Action-filled and exciting. Harrison Ford captivates you. (Firewall)
(2009) An action-filled thriller! It will keep you on the edge of your seat. Riveting. (Knowing)
(2007) ...an action-packed blood-and-metal thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat. (The Hitcher)

So we have an idea what she thinks constitutes an action-packed film. Also that WB's Superman Returns and this year's Clash of the Titans remake were "fantastic!" What about her idea of romance?

You'll fall in love with Life As We Know It. Heartwarming. (Life As We Know It)
A romantic, enchanting and beautiful love story. Letters is the perfect date movie. (Letters To Juliet)
Epic! More action, more romance, more suspense. (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Aniston and Butler are an explosive, charming and hilarious combination. (The Bounty Hunter)

And if Red was "laugh-out-loud fun" and a can't-miss movie in October, what was Due Date just three weeks later?

Hilarious and irreverent. The laugh-out-loud comedy of the year! (Due Date)

Or at least as much as Scary Movie 4, which she also called "Hilarious and irreverent." In that order.

#7 - JAMI PHILBRICK (8 Quotes)
At the end of 2009, Mr. Philbrick got quoted on two films that did not screen for critics: Armored, which he called "Explosive, fully-loaded fun" and the how-did-it-not-go-straight-to-video, Transylmania, which he referred to as "A laugh riot that ignites the screen with sexiness!" His editor, Paul Christensen, an admitted fan of Criticwatch, wrote that he was disappointed that Jami didn't get full recognition by us for such blatant whoring. Well, this year he gets his wish.

We would like to believe in our heart of hearts that this is part of a big prank by Movieweb. On the studios and on Criticwatch in an effort to be called out. Without further evidence though, we must assume this quotes are genuine. Or, at least as genuine as Philbrick sees them. Consider that of his eight quotes this year, only one of them is on a film that was favored by critics (a movie, incidentally, that I hated) Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. 81% approval peppered with a " Totally awesome!" and "Stunning" quotes from Jami. Do those words mean anything to that film once you run down the rest of his praise?

Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence and Tracy Morgan are a comedy dream team! (Death at a Funeral - 39%)
Fun. Sexy. Entertaining. Cher & Christina make a phenomenal team. Christina was born to play this role. It is official...The musical is back! (Burlesque - 38%)
Exciting. (Clash of the Titans - 30%)
The perfect date movie. (The Back-Up Plan - 21%)
Bullet-blazing action and demon-killing satisfaction. (Legion - 17%)
Purr-fect! A 3-D spectacular for the whole family! (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - 14%)
High-flying family fun! (The Spy Next Door - 13%)


#6 - GREG RUSSELL (8 Quotes)
Greg is in the same boat as Jami. Though there is no speculation as to whether or not any of it is meant as a joke. Russell IS the joke making his second straight appearance on the list, bumped up from last year's #10 spot. Like Jami, he is quoted on one well-received film, Fair Game. "This year's thriller has arrived," Russell said. "A gritty eye-opener. smart and provocative." OK then. The film isn't exactly much of a thriller in either the suspense or action mold, but I suppose when it's your prerogative to recommend bad comedies and even worse romantic films, the retelling of a seven year-old true story might seem like one helluva thrill ride.

Dwayne Johnson is the champ of family movies! (The Tooth Fairy)
Death has never been funnier! (Death At A Funeral)
Don't miss the furriest, funniest film of the spring! (Furry Vengeance)

A true-blue American love story. (Dear John)
A sweeping romantic masterpiece. (Remember Me)
The most romantic movie of the year. (Letters To Juliet)
The best romantic comedy of the year! (Life As We Know It )

Let this be a word of warning to you all. If you see Greg Russell's name on a film ad, run from it like the plague. Hear that studios? We are throwing it down. If you decide to use this guy to hype your film, we don't care if it's on Furry Vengeance (the worst reviewed of the film not made by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer) or on Toy Story 3, we will advise readers to not go see it.


#5 - MARK S. ALLEN (19 Quotes)
The 2008 Whore of the Year didn't make last year's top ten list. Presumably so he could play a reporter (there's a stretch) in the horror atrocity, Chain Letter. Yes, critics as actors, what could blur the line more? Not that anything Mark S. Allen does is blurry, of course. It all seems perfectly clear to us.

The most overwhelmingly romantic movie since The Notebook. (Dear John)
A big, big winner! Queen Latifah & Common are the perfect all-star team. Not to be missed! (Just Wright)
Sensational. This movie has it all! (Burlesque)
Fantastic performances! Funny, thoughtful, and ultimately heartwarming. (The Switch)
----- (2008) Funny, thoughtful and the most heart-felt movie you'll see this season! (P.S. I Love You)
The perfect movie for the season. Fun, funny and full of good cheer! (Leap Year)
So perfectly acted, so brilliantly directed...This movie will become a part of you. (Remember Me)
Extraordinary. A movie that becomes a part of you. (Charlie St. Cloud)

I am sure there is a Cronenberg film in waiting where unsuspecting movie patrons are attacked by prints of Remember Me and Charlie St. Cloud trying to merge with their flesh. But in reality those films were rightfully forgotten by all that saw them. You might think that "an instant classic" like Flipped (according to Mr. S. Allen) earns that status just as much as "an instant classic" like 2003's Identity did (according to Mr. S. Allen). Maybe even that the stand-alone letter in the title Easy A does not stand for a grade, nor the symbolic adulteress tag of Hester Prynne, but for "Awesome" as Mark S. asserts. Though you probably would not label the following films as "Awesome". As he did.

Evan Almighty, Firewall, remakes of Poseidon and The Bad News Bears, Hilary Duff's A Cinderella Story and Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed to wit Mark said, "Zoinks, this movie is awesome!" But back to 2010:

A thrill ride! (Edge of Darkness)
Brilliant and mesmerizing every step of the journey. (The Book of Eli)
Mesmerizing. A nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat experience that you'll remember forever. Truly great in every way! (The Ghost Writer)The Ghost Writer -
The Ghost Writer -
Edge of Darkness and The Book of Eli were not horrible. Certainly not enough for Warner Bros. to use S. Allen on both ads in the same month. Or last year when he called Terminator Salvation "the summer's biggest thrill ride." And The Ghost Writer was very well acclaimed. Why does Summit waste their ad space with this guy? Perhaps they forgot what Criticwatch will remember forever:

This is The Alamo to remember! (The Alamo)
Awesome. This is the Cinderella to remember. (A Cinderella Story)

Those movies opened less than four months apart in 2004. So much for memory, huh? I actually agreed with oh-what's-his-name about one thing this year - that The Other Guys was indeed "the summer's funniest movie." Maybe even the funniest film of the year. Not that there was a lot to challenge it. Or was there?

Hilarious. (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore)
Comic genius!! (Dinner for Schmucks)
Pure genius. Brilliant in every way! (Megamind)

There he goes again. In every way. "Truly great" as such for Polanski and "Brilliant" for another Will Ferrell film. And let us not always take his word on what he considers "genius"

Amazingly entertaining! Remarkable in every way! (Sin City)
Enchanting in every way! Diabolically hilarious. (Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events)
One of the best movies in years! Remarkable and award-worthy in every way. (Matchstick Men)
The most explosive cop drama in years. Brilliant in every way. (Pride and Glory)
A masterpiece! Visually breathtaking and stunning in every way. (The Phantom of the Opera)
Every bit the genius you would expect from Stephen King and Lawrence Kasdan. (Dreamcatcher)

Is this the guy you really want comparing and contrasting anything? Let alone telling you when something is the best?

Damon at his best! (Green Zone)
Even etter than the original. (Iron Man 2)
Jaw-dropping. Heart pounding. The best Resident Evil yet! (Resident Evil: Afterlife)

Anyone want to back this horse?

Robin Williams is at his best. (The Night Listener)
Eddie Murphy at his best! (The Haunted Mansion)
Harrison Ford is at his best (Hollywood Homicide)
Intelligent! Satisfying! Intense and relentlessly suspenseful! Awesome! Harrison Ford at his best. Non-stop, nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat action and suspense! (Firewall)
Charming, funny and even better than the original (Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous)

How about now?

#4 - BONNIE LAUFER (6 Quotes)
Speaking of Warner Bros. quote whores, meet Bonnie Laufer. She has been a fringe player for years, but really topped herself in 2010. The best reviewed film she was quoted on was Eat Pray Love (at 38%) where she pulled a Mark S. Allen saying that "Julia Roberts has never been better." Really, Bonnie? Better than Closer or Notting Hill or her Oscar-winning turn in Erin Brockovich? Did you really come up with that on your own, Bonnie, or did someone at Sony ask if you wanted to say it? Six quotes. Six rotten tomatoes. Three of them on films that four out of five critics would not agree with her on.

Funny. (Valentine's Day)
Willis and Morgan make a hilarious comedy duo. (Cop Out)
Zac Efron will melt your heart. (Charlie St. Cloud)
The perfect date movie. (Life As We Know It)
----- (2007) Irresistible and charming. The perfect date movie. (No Reservations)
Two paws way up! (Yogi Bear)

Congratulations on your first whore ranking, Bonnie. Quotes on five of the worst films of the year tend to earn you that status though.


#3 - JIM FERGUSON (9 Quotes)
Speaking of favoring some of the year's worst films, it is like this guy doesn't even try. When Ferguson said that "Mel is back and doesn't miss a beat" for Edge of Darkness, he could have actually been referring to himself, occupying the same place on the list that he did in 2008. Gibson's film was the best reviewed film that Ferguson lent his support to in 2010, followed by another WB flick, Legend of the Guardians. Notice Warner Bros. comes up a lot in the use of whores? This particular one is a true menace though, akin to the guy trying to break up couples and inappropriately offering candy to children.

Delightfully funny! A charming love story. Chemistry galore! (Leap Year)
Wild and fun! (When In Rome)
A must see. (Burlesque)

Some of his other must-sees include National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Eagle Eye, and Evening. Anyone remember that one? And the last film he used to describe and "fun" and "wild"? Wild Hogs. Did we mention to keep Ferguson away from your family?

Take this fantastic journey...A non-stop action adventure with state-of-the-art special effects. (Clash of the Titans)
An action adventure for the entire family. (Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief)
Fun for the entire family. (Legend of the Guardians)
A high-flying family adventure. (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore)
The perfect family movie for the holidays. It's big, 3-D fun! (Yogi Bear)


Before we get to your top two whores of the year, we are making a small change to the name of our award. Considering that Los Angeles' Kevin Thomas is hardly the quote machine that he once was, it seems only appropriate that we offer a fitting kudos to the current champ of kissing-your-sister second place finishers in total quotes. Unlike Peter Travers whom we retired from competition in order to dishonor him with our the name of our grand prize, this shameless quote whore will always be in contention. Having already won two Whore of the Year awards, despite holding onto the record for most quotes in a calendar year under our watch (88), he will always be the other Peter in name and thinly veiled genital reference. So congratulations, Pete Hammond. You did not make the whore list this year but you have your own award named after you.


And the first recipient of the Pete Hammond Sloppy Seconds Award is:


#2 - JOEL AMOS & SHEKNOWS.COM (9 Quotes)
A pretty impressive feat for a website and critic that only first appeared on our this very year. What a way to make an impression too. 8 out of 9 quotes on films with rotten tomatoes. Five on films with less than 30% approval. Three of those at less than 20%. This is a shared award. One goes to Joel Amos who is credited with 8 of these quotes (Miss Vicki Salemi gets the other for Sex and the City 2) and the other goes to the website, SheKnows.com, itself for employing two critics like this. Are their recipes as poisonous as some of these recommendations?

Hilarious! (Going the Distance)
Hysterical. Awesome. (Megamind)
Hysterical with a heart of gold. Hysterically funny! (You Again)
Fun and fabulous! (Sex and the City 2)
You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll leave happy. (Life As We Know It)

The funniest film of the year. (Due Date)
The first great romantic comedy of 2010. Jennifer Lopez is pure perfection. (The Back-Up Plan)
The perfect family summer comedy. (Marmaduke)
The perfect summer movie. (The Sorcerer's Apprentice)


And, without further ado, your 2010 Whore of the Year is.....


#1 - SHAWN EDWARDS
This was actually a no-brainer this year. 26 quotes on the year. 20 of them with rotten tomatoes. 9 of those less than 40% approval. As I am writing this I am filled with an uncontrollable force of anger that critics like these continue to be coddled and cradled by studios. Warner Bros. and Sony/Screen Gems were responsible for using him 11 times between them. More each than the company (Fox) he apparently works for, which used him 4 times. I don't care if it is business-as-usual or that they look for the hyperbole, it's wrong and it's pathetic. This is the second time Shawn Edwards has been named as Criticwatch's Whore of the Year. He is the third whore to achieve such infamy - with Pete Hammond and Earl Dittman being the others. This is Criticwatch's ninth year and yet three whores have dominated the race for six of them. Dittman is barely a blip on the radar anymore. But the same names keep appearing. Travers, Hammond, Ferguson, Allen and this guy, the scourge of Kansas City.

Intense and thrilling! (Faster)
Riveting. (Unstoppable)
Incredible. (Takers)
*****. Exhilarating! (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Dazzling! (The Last Airbender)
Thrilling! (Legion)

**** One of the best movies of the year. (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I)
**** (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)
The perfect family movie! Wonderfully delightful! (Nanny McPhee Returns)
Visually stunning! You haven’t seen anything like it before. (Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole)
A truly haunting and mesmerizing masterpiece! (Let Me In)
Sensational! A total crowd pleaser. (The Karate Kid)

Denzel Washington is phenomenal. He's at the top of his game. Hypnotically gripping. Riveting and profound. (The Book Of Eli)
An absolute triumph. It hits hard with razor sharp intensity and powerhouse performances. (Brooklyn's Finest)
Smokin' hot. Ultra sexy. A winner. (The Losers)
It's Kill Bll meets ER in this brilliantly stylistic, ultra cool action thriller! (Repo Men)
Amazing! The best Resident Evil yet. (Resident Evil: Afterlife)

The most outrageous and inspired comedy in years. The laughs keep coming until you're doubled over begging for more. Joyfully funny and subversively smart. (Youth In Revolt)
**** (Death at a Funeral)
**** Outrageously funny! The funniest movie of the year! (Dinner for Schmucks)
Hilarious! Due Date is side-splitting, roll in the aisle, can't stop laughing 'til it hurts funny. (Due Date)
Jennifer is back and better than ever! (The Back-Up Plan)
Sexy, fun and fresh! Queen Latifah and Common are perfect together. Just Wright is a soulful romantic classic you'll instantly fall in love with. (Just Wright)
****. Loved it! Sophisticated, charming and heartfelt! Vanessa Redgrave is sensational and Amanda Seyfried will absolutely steal your heart! (Letters To Juliet)
Harrison Ford is terrific. Rachel McAdams will steal your heart. Rachel McAdams is America's newest sweetheart. (Morning Glory)
Christina can sing. She can dance. She can act. And she'll blow you away. (Burlesque)


*****************************FIVE TO WATCH IN 2011*****************************

RICK FLORINO
Rick has popped up on a couple of individual Criticwatch posts for his idiotic comments. Like calling 2009's The Haunting In Connecticut as "the scariest movie since The Exorcist." That has to be up there with Ben Lyons' I Am Legend comments for all-time dumb. Perhaps as amends to the company that released William Friedkin's classic, Florino has gone on full assault for Warner Bros.' 2010 lineup. Not their really good stuff like Inception, The Town and Harry Potter though, mind you. Aside from lying to us about Disney's You Again, the rest come from the WB. And with that kind of output, keep an eye on their ads next year.

You'll want to see it again and again. (You Again)
An epic adventure. (The Book of Eli)
It's breathtaking. (Clash of the Titans)
Explosive (The Losers)
Endearing, engaging and enchanting. One of the year's most unforgettable films. (Flipped)
One of the funniest movies of 2010. (Lottery Ticket)
Due Date is the funniest film of 2010. A new comedy classic. (Due Date)


KELLI GILLESPIE (XETV-CW San Diego)
Miss Gillespie is actually making this watch list for the second year in a row. A first for Criticwatch. Her quote quotient was up and she seems to be heading towards top ten consideration for 2011.

Mel Gibson gives a powerful performance. (Edge of Darkness)
Powerful. (The Fighter)
One giant comedy. (Date Night)
A great love story for any age. (Letters To Juliet)
A great summer movie. Zac Efron's charm, wit and range really shine. (Charlie St. Cloud)
Go see this movie. Red is just flat-out fun! (Red)
A must-see! (Fair Game)
A must-see! (Tangled)

SCOTT MANTZ (Access Hollywood)
The over-smiling Scott Mantz has surprisingly not made any of Criticwatch's lists before. Would seem like the heir apparent to Clay Smith's Access Hollywood whore fortune would have picked up just where he left off. It actually took him over four years to match Clay's inaugural Whore of the Year standing of 45. And his 2008-09 totals only eclipsed his greatest year of quotes 18-17. Mantz registered 16 in 2010, tied for 6th with Jeff Craig only behind Travers, Hammond, Shawn Edwards, Mark S. Allen and Jeffrey Lyons. Let's hope those numbers trail off again to single digits in 2011.


It's an instant classic in the same league as E.T. (How To Train Your Dragon)
A masterpiece! The best movie of the year, by far. Disney-Pixar has done it again. (Toy Story 3)
Laugh-out-loud hilarious! Sex is even better the second time around. (Sex and the City 2)
The funniest movie of the year! (Get Him To The Greek)
Very funny! An end of summer surprise! (The Switch)
****! THIS is the movie we've been waiting for! ...I can't wait to see it again! (Kick-Ass)

Diaz delights. (Knight & Day)
Unforgettable! One of Eastwood's finest. (Hereafter)
Harrison Ford is terrific. His finest performance in years. (Extraordinary Measures)
Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning are terrific. (Somewhere)
Mel Gibson returns with a vengeance! It will keep you on the edge of your seat. (Edge of Darkness)
Zach Galifianakis is a revelation! (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
A glorious crowd-pleaser! (Morning Glory)
A crowd-pleaser all the way! Prepare yourself for one amazing movie. (The Next Three Days)
A must-see movie, whether you're a Beatles fan or not! (Nowhere Boy)

Charming, moving and well-acted. (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
Charming, delightful and very funny! (Morning Glory)
Magical, profound, moving and very funny. (Somewhere)

Gripping, intense and very entertaining. (Edge of Darkness)
Scary, gripping and very intense! (The Last Exorcism)
A smart, gripping, fast-paced and immensely entertaining suspense thriller! (The Next Three Days)


KEVIN MCCARTHY (FOX-TV)
Speaking of pod people, Kevin McCarthy has always been good for a fresh tomato. Or 82. That is how many positive reviews he gave out of 118 films he reviewed in 2010. I don't know if people who saw any ten random movies this year could cop to liking 7 of them. That's a pretty staggering level of positivity and studios are starting to pay attention. Only three quotes on the year for Kevin but all came right at the end flashing a big warning sign for Criticwatch.

Hard-hitting. (The Fighter)
One of the best animated films of the year! (Megamind)
One of the best films of the year! You will laugh. You will cry. You will fall in love. Gyllenhaal gives the best performance of his career. (Love and Other Drugs)

FRED TOPEL (Canmag.com)
And you thought Mr. McCarthy's positivity percentage was high at close to 70%? How about Fred Topel's 73%? 65 out of 89 fresh tomatoes on 2010 releases. Want a sample? Cop Out (19%), Jonah Hex & A Nightmare On Elm Street (both 13%), Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (12%) and The Last Airbender (6%) were all positive. But Deathly Hallows was "the worst of all the Harry Potter movies", as Fred claimed boredom. Yet he's sticking to that Burlesque quote below?

Fun. (Unstoppable)
Irreverent.( MacGruber)
Zach Galifianakis, Justin Long and Steve Buscemi are hysterically funny! (Youth In Revolt)
The Rock is back in action...and better than ever. (Faster)
The most intense movie in years. (The Crazies)
The perfect movie. (The Book of Eli)
Awesome! A high energy party! (Burlesque)


THE MICHAEL MEDVED “BAG O'DOUCHE” AWARD & THE BEN LYONS “NEW GENERATION” WHORE AWARD
***************JAKE HAMILTON***************
We was tempted to give the award to someone in our own backyard for constantly protesting too much in defense of his fellow junketeers. And going on television saying a film did not screen for critics when it did - TWICE - then conducting an interview with the star off-air a short while later that same morning. That person is inconsequential compared to the potential new generation of whores and this is yet another momentous occasion for Criticwatch as one guy is taking home both of our specialty awards this year. Jake was on our list of whores to watch in 2010. And true-to-form he upped his presence from 10 quotes to 14. The thing about most of these junketeers is that they have been doing it for years, many of them in place well before Criticwatch took up its crusade to expose them for what they are. Normally when such things take hold, people who care about the issue are eager to support it. In this case, the biggest fans are fellow journalists, critics and fellow film geeks who see the inherit problem with these worthless asses baring the same W-2 moniker as the legends who once hosted At the Movies.

Jake Hamilton was 14 years old when the first Criticwatch article was written, the same year he began writing as a film critic for the Houston Chronicle. By the time he was 18 and doing movie reviews on television, we already had Pete Hammond in the crosshairs on his way to his first Whore of the Year. Guys like Shawn Edwards, Mark S. Allen and Jim Ferguson were veterans of the report at that point. But instead of plotting his course as a new generation of film critic that would be the anti-junketeer, Jake apparently fit himself right in with the dark side. Hyperbole-laden quotes, some on films a guy of his age should already be looking down upon at 22. He should be past the blind enthusiasm phase with anything and find enough time to think before he speaks. Like saying that Tron: Legacy is "unlike anything you've ever seen." Really, Jake? Not even the first Tron movie? Care to let us in on how the latest Harry Potter film is "the cinematic epic that...defines a generation?" As much as we love Hogwarts there is a big difference between The Sorcerer's Stone and The Catcher In The Rye.

Congratulations, Jake. It seems you have come a long way and made your bed in shit. Just because you look like Ben Lyons does not mean you have to be like him. But since you are and we are also going to stick you with the BEN LYONS NEW GENERATION WHORE AWARD on top of the BAG O'DOUCHE, you may as well go all out. Stay away from good movies like The American and The Fighter. Stick to telling everyone "you'll die laughing" going to Death At A Funeral. And then forgetting what you said less than a month later. Here's a little recap of your handywork in 2010:

Summer has officially begun...so hold on. (Iron Man 2)
Not just the best of the series...It's one of the summer's best films. (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Awesome. Kick Ass. Adrenaline charged. The A-Team is the reason we go to the movies. (The A-Team)
Unstoppable is a nerve-slicing, tension-soaked rollercoaster that may stop your breathing, stop your pulse, hell it may even stop your heart - but you'll be left ready to do it all over again. (Unstoppable)
A classic Hollywood love story. (Letters to Juliet)
The smartest, sexiest and downright best screen-melting romance this year. (Love and Other Drugs)
One of the smartest, sweetest and downright best romantic comedies in years. (How Do You Know)

The cinematic epic that defies convention and defines a generation. (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I)
A visually awe-inspiring epic that will rock your soul. (The Book Of Eli)
An emotional powerhouse that will stir your soul. (Remember Me)


***********************************THE TWO PETES************************************

Just because one of them didn't make the top ten this year, did you think we were going to forget about the two biggest quote whores in the business. Sure, there are awards named after both of them now for all time. But until the studios come to their senses and seeking legitimate quotes from legitimate sources, Mr. Travers and Mr. Hammond will get their own little recap tribute year-in and year-out.

**************************PETE HAMMOND (IN 2010 AND BEYOND)**************************

A 3-D experience like we've never seen onscreen before. (Step Up 3-D)
Spectacular. A great story that takes us to places we've never been before. (Tron: Legacy)
(2007) Awesome! You have never seen anything like it before! (Steep)

Magical. Madly inventive. Magnificent. (Alice In Wonderland)
Pure entertainment! (City Island)
(2006) Pure entertainment with great music, wit and a dream cast! (A Prairie Home Companion)
(2008) Pure entertainment from start to finish. (High School Musical 3)

Whatever it takes, don't miss this movie. (Inception)
Megamind soars! A hilarious comedy event. A mega-funny movie loaded with laughs, action and heart. (Megamind)
...will keep you on the edge of your seat. (Edge of Darkness)
A must-see movie. A social document for a generation that has as much relevance now as movies like On the Waterfront, Network, All the President's Men and The Graduate did in their time. Mesmerizing. (The Social Network)
It's Heat meets The Departed. (The Town)
Piercing, intelligent and literate high style adult entertainment from the filmmakers who brought us Howard's End and A Room With A View among many others. A beautifully directed and acted film experience. (The City of Your Final Destination)
A triumphant success! Spectacular epic moviemaking at its best in the tradition of Gladiator and Braveheart. (Robin Hood)
A total triumph...This is one to see! (Cemetery Junction)
Creation is rich and involving. A fascinating movie with a wonderful lead performance by Paul Bettany not to be missed. (Creation)

Devastating! (Inside Job)
Funny. (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World)
Move over Iron Man... (Kick-Ass)
Harrelson at his very best! (Defendor)
Spellbinding. (The Sorcerer's Apprentice)
It's a thrilling adventure and just plain fun. (Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time)
A smart, wise and fun musical. (Burlesque)

...gets 2010 off to a spectacularly exciting start. (The Book Of Eli)
The first great movie of 2010! (How To Train Your Dragon)
The funniest film of the year! The best comedy of the year! (Shrek: The Final Chapter)
The best action film in years! Now it really feels like Summer has begun! (The A-Team)
It's impossible to have a better time at the movies this summer. Roaringly funny, heartfelt and imaginative. (Despicable Me)

Sizzling hot! It's an explosive, nail-biting ride that doesn't slow down. (Salt)
A riveting and explosive crime thriller. (The Town)
A powder keg of a movie. (Formosa Betrayed)
This movie is great. Wall Street 2 is a powerhouse of a movie. It leaves us wanting more. Douglas is once again superb. (Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps)

Enormously touching. A superbly written moving story of love, loss, hope and renewal. (The Greatest)
A must-see! A rich, romantic and captivating movie experience. (Princess Kaiulani)
A heartfelt, beautifully made film with wonderful actors at the top of their game. (The Yellow Handkerchief)
A wonderful opportunity for memorable character studies by two fine actors at the top of their game. (The Good Heart)
One terrific comedy. You will love this movie! Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston are great together. (The Switch)
Delightful! Fresh, funny and vintage Woody. Gemma Jones is superb and poignant. (You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger)
Provocative, highly entertaining. Helen Mirren lets loose with another terrific performance. (Love Ranch)
Miley Cyrus shines in a breakout role. Greg Kinnear is terrific. And Liam Hemsworth is a major star in the making. An unforgettable, touching and wonderful movie. (The Last Song)
The entire cast is hysterical. (Lottery Ticket)

Entertaining and full of laughs. (When In Rome)
This shocker will have horror fans jumping out of their seats. Full of genuine scares. (The Crazies)
A true gem. (Flipped)

Truly Awesome. Hilarious, heartwarming entertainment for all ages. (Toy Story 3)
Magnificent! A truly exciting, beautifully made movie. (Secretariat)
Truly chilling and frightening in every way. (The Last Exorcism)

(2007) The new year's most terrifying thriller. An absolute shocker in every way imaginable. (Hannibal Rising)
(2007) Super great in every way. (Superbad)
(2006) Undeniably fascinating in every way! (Hollywoodland)
(2006) Sensationally entertaining in every way. (The Devil Wears Prada)
(2006) Now this is fun stuff! Check your brain at the door for this hilarious and unapologetically raunchy yukfest. Beerfest is blissfully over the top in every way, THE party film of the summer. You’ll laugh you Heineken off! (Beerfest)
(2009) Spectacular. Remarkable in every way, even better than March of the Penguins, Earth is a breathtaking motion picture achievement. (Earth)
(2008) Gorgeously entertaining! Tops Sex and the City in every way. (The Women)
(2009) Perfect summer entertainment, Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard have topped The DaVinci Code in every way imaginable! Movies don't get more exciting than this. (Angels and Demons)

(2007) Terrific entertainment. A truly outstanding crime drama. (The Lookout)
(2006) Truly inspiring. Grabs you by the heart in unexpected and wonderful ways. (Akeelah and the Bee)
(2007) A fantastic trip to the City of Lights through the eyes of some of the world’s greatest stars. A truly memorable movie experience like no other. (Paris, je Ta’ime)
(2007) A rare original. A truly inventive and totally wacky tale of love. A real find. (Eagle vs. Shark)
(2009) The twists and turns will send chills down your spine. A truly frightening movie experience with a 100% certified shocked of an ending. (The Uninvited)
(2006) One of the best American comedies in years. The Break-Up is a hilarious, honest, edgy and painfully funny movie that truly proves men and women really are from different planets. (The Break-Up)


********************PETER TRAVERS (IN 2010...CAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU NEED)********************
81 quotes for Travers in 2010. A personal best. Just seven away from Hammond's all-time record of 88. Shame on you, studios.

**** It's better than the movie of the year. The Social Network also brilliantly defines the decade. The Social Network gets you drunk on movies again. It lights up a dim movie sky with flares of startling brilliance. A hard-charging beast of a movie. An American landmark. (The Social Network)
The Fighter, its raucous heart full to bursting, is an emotional free-for-all that comes close to spilling over. This is a warrior's movie that prides itself on rising to the bell. (The Fighter)
One of the best movies of the year. Director Tom Hooper breathes fresh urgent life in to every frame of this powerhouse. (The King's Speech)
Let's toast Lena Dunham. An original new voice in film is something rare and worthy of celebration. A comedy of touching gravity that finds gods in the details, and the devil too. It's the work of a filmmaker with a stunning future. (Tiny Furniture)
Great filmmaking. Great acting. Great movie. (True Grit)
Aronofsky is a fearless visionary. (Black Swan)
Eastwood is a master. (Hereafter)
The Eclipse is a keeper. (The Eclipse)
Profanely hilarious! Fasten your seat belts. This doc will be a revelation. Rivers is more than a pioneering funny lady. As timely as Jon Stewart and Sacha Baron Cohen. (Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work)
This summer's sleeper hit...A film for our time. (Middle Men)

Just in time! The mind-blowing movie event of the summer arrives just in time. James Bond meets The Matrix. Inception dreams big. How cool is that? (Inception)
Scott Pilgrim is a game-changer. A breathless rush of a movie that jumps off the screen, spins your head around and then works its way into your heart. (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World)
High-style adventure. (Tron: Legacy)
Loaded with action and humor. (Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time)
A potent and provocative thriller. Sexy and scary in equal doses! (Splice)
Potent and provocative. (All Good Things)

Hypnotic! (When You're Strange)
Kristin Scott Thomas is exceptional in this hypnotic look at John Lennon's life, vividly created by conceptual artist-turned-director Sam Taylor-Wood (Nowhere Boy)
A haunting and hypnotic film. (Cairo Time)
It's exhilarating to watch, Hereafter is truly haunting. (Hereafter)
***1/2 An exhilarating gift. (Fish Tank)
The indispensable Jason Bateman is a gift to comedies... (The Switch)

Johnny Depp is a marvel as The Hatter. (Alice In Wonderland)
This immersive marvel of a movie sneaks up and floors you. (The Fighter)
This spellbinder will sneak up and floor you. It's that good. (The Secret In Their Eyes)
You'll be talking about this spellbinder for weeks. It pushes every button. Don't let anyone spoil this story. (Catfish)
It's a spellbinder. Prepare to be wowed. (Let Me In)
A spellbinding true crime story. (All Good Things)

**** A knockout of a thriller! (A Prophet)
A knock-out. Inception dreams big. How cool is that? (Inception)
Dazzling...A visual wonderland that is literally a knockout. (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World)
It will knock you sideways. (Carlos)
Riveting. I couldn't take my eyes off it, my guess is that it will knock you sideways. (I'm Still Here)

...a new Coen Brothers classic. (True Grit)
A new crime classic. A triumph of the highest order! (A Prophet)
Riveting! A triumphant success. (The Tillman Story)
Michael Douglas deserves serious award attention for his triumphant performance...[and the] screenplay is a model of acid wit and elusive wisdom. (Solitary Man)
Triumphant and enthralling. A double tour-de-force for James Franco and Danny Boyle. (127 Hours)
***1/2! Hughely entertaining. Norton delivers a tour de force. (Leaves of Grass)

Gripping! Affleck knocks it out of the park with this blazing heist film that comes on like gangbusters. (The Town)
Explosive! (Restrepo)
A dynamite movie. (Carlos)
This dynamite thriller shivers with suspense. In a word, wow! (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo)
A powerhouse! Dynamite performances from Annette Bening and Naomi Watts ignite this strong drama. Bening is at her blistering best. (Mother and Child)
Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams give two of the most explosive and emotionally naked performances you will see anywhere. Blue Valentine is not to be missed. (Blue Valentine)

Hilary Swank fires on all cylinders. Sam Rockwell burst through with a spectacular performance - Oscar needs to take notice. (Conviction)
A total blast. Robert Downey Jr. is better than ever. (Iron Man 2)
Kick-Ass is a roaring blast of energy! It dares you to dive into its anarchy! (Kick-Ass)
A rowdy blast. A date-movie must. (She's Out Of My League)
Indisputably terrific! Noomi Rapace is hot stuff. (The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest)
Denzel Washington is one cool dude, who is worth following anywhere. (The Book Of Eli)

Puts a smile on your face that will last all the way home. (Despicable Me)
Sit back and laugh your *** off, The Other Guys is a riot. (The Other Guys)
Big laughs! (Get Him to the Greek)
Outrageously funny. (I Love You Philip Morris)
The summer's best, most original and crazily inventive comedy. In a multiplex crowded with formula rom-coms divorced from genuine feeling, Cyrus brims over with hilarity and heartbreak. You'll laugh 'til it hurts. (Cyrus)
An irresistible blend of humor and heartbreak. (Cemetery Junction)
A miracle of a movie! (Another Year)
Funny and touching, it works miracles in 3-D. (How To Train Your Dragon)
Fun and feisty. A fitting farewell to an old friend. Shrek is the real deal in 3-D. (Shrek Forever After)
Sally Hawkins is irresistible in this funny, touching and vital salute to women. Richardson is sensational in a movie you can't stop cheering. (Made In Dagenham)

Philip Seymour Hoffman directs like he acts, with a sharp eye for the small details that cut to the soul of a character. It's a sublimely acted movie, hilarious and heartfelt, and it stays with you. (Jack Goes Boating)
George Clooney invests heart and soul in this role. (The American)
Tahar Rahim is astounding. (A Prophet)
Utterly irresistible...Garcia is comic gold! (City Island)
Greenberg pulls you in! Ben Stiller is exceptional! (Greenberg)
Fun! Steve Carell is a comic wonder. Paul Rudd is terrific (Dinner for Schmucks)
Gosling is terrific. Kirsten Dunst is heartbreakingly good. (All Good Things)
Dazzling, uproarious, rare and remarkable! Catherine Keener is glorious! Oliver Platt is sublimely funny! Rebecca Hall is ever-amazing! (Please Give)
Carey Mulligan is astonishing, Andrew Garfield is mesmerizing and Keira Knightley is stellar. (Never Let Me Go)
Nicole Kidman is just astonishing - subtle, fierce, brutally funny, tender when you least expect it. (Rabbit Hole)
Colin Firth gives a towering performance that deserves a shower of awards. Geoffrey Rush is his match, fiercely funny in a feast of a role. Helena Bonham carter is superb. (The King's Speech)
Bravo Bardem. An Oscar-worthy performance. (Biutiful)
Diane Lane gives another performances that deserves to put her at the top of the Best Actress list. (Secretariat)

A tart, terrific comedy that gives Harrison Ford his best and funniest role in years. (Morning Glory)
A raucous ride...A recipe for nutso fun. (Due Date)
...Think Jersey Shore with underwater cannibalism. (Piranha 3-D)

No one who lives and breathes movies would dream of missing it. (Shutter Island)
Funny and touching. Robert Duvall holds you in thrall. Bill Murray gets big laughs. Watching Murray spar with Duvall is pure pleasure. Only a fool would want to miss that. (Get Low)
Witherspoon and Rudd spar beautifully, relishing James L. Brooks' tasty dialogue. (How Do You Know)

This is DiCaprio's most haunting and emotionally complex performance yet. (Shutter Island)
Michael Cera delivers his best performance yet! A tasty comic treat! Destruction ensues. Also, sex and laughs lace the mirth with malice. (Youth In Revolt)
Kevin Kline gives a master class in acting. He finds every nuance of mirth and melancholy in this wonder of a role and rides it to glory. You can't take your eyes off him. (The Extra Man)
Patricia Clarkson's sublimely nuanced performance is in every way transporting. (Cairo Time)
Hilarious and heartfelt. Irresistible. The Kids Are All Right makes its own special magic. The actors are to die for. Annette Bening and Julianne Moore nail every nuance. Mark Ruffalo is dynamite. (The Kids Are All Right)
The Greatest takes a piece out of you! A riveting cast plays it for real. Mulligan is wonderfully appealing. Sarandon nails every nuance. (The Greatest)
Zach Galifianakis is a comic force of nature! He is terrific. He digs down here and delivers a beautifully nuanced performance that gets under your skin. Just like the movie. (It's Kind of a Funny Story)

AND FINALLY, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION
One of Roman Polanski's best. An addictive thriller. Dazzling. (The Ghost Writer)
A supremely intelligent and deeply touching thriller. Thunderously exciting! (The Secret In Their Eyes)
An ace action thriller. (Green Zone)
**** A knockout of a thriller! (A Prophet)
... a red hot thriller that keeps popping surprises that shouldn't be spoiled...Hang on for the ride. (Salt)
A potent and provocative thriller. (Splice)
Gives you good reason to be very afraid of the dark. (The Last Exorcism)
Martin Scorsese's Shutter Island sizzles with so much nerve-frying suspense that it's hot to the touch. (Shutter Island)
This movie delivers so hard it shoots off sparks. Your head will spin. Your palms will sweat. Your nerves will fry. (Unstoppable)
This dynamite thriller shivers with suspense. In a word, wow! (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo)
Relentless suspense holds you in a viselike grip...Noomi Rapace is back in action and she's spectacular! (The Girl Who Played With Fire)

There's more killer suspense in this one-of-a-kind film than you'll find in a dozen thrillers. (Catfish)

COMING SOON: ALL THE QUOTES OF 2010!


link directly to this feature at http://www.efilmcritic.com/feature.php?feature=3137
originally posted: 12/23/10 03:44:34
last updated: 12/28/10 23:56:35
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