by {{{OZ}}}
It’s always interesting to watch what happens to thieves when they get enough money to open a bank account – “Don’t rob the bank! Hard working honest people put their money there!” This week, Aint-It-Cool-News’ ‘Moriarty’ unleashed a nice long piece of venom against people who download unfinished workprints of unreleased movies on the internet. Moriarty says this practice is foul and wrong and people who review such things should be taken out the back and flogged. Only, Moriarty writes for a website that built itself on the practice of reviewing unfinished workprints and early draft screenplays. It has sent people into test screenings of movies that will undoubtedly be tweaked and leaked their review to millions of moviegoers more times than you could count. It has not only received early copies of movies, but those involved with the site have traded them, sold them, and even been ARRESTED for doing so. Yet now AICN is taking the highroad, telling the people that come to its site that they are scumbags of the lowest order because “studios lose money” to piracy. Well, cry me a river of purple piss you unmitigated hypocrites.
It was only a year or so ago that Harry “Orange Crush” Knowles, AICN’s founder and resident example of the inadequacies of the Texas public education system, reviewed an admittedly swiped workprint of none other than Stars Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. The Crush went to great lengths to promote this ‘scoop’, and his opinion on what the workprint showed. He believed he was in the right to do this because so many moviegoers were interested. The right of the filmmakers to keep their film to themselves until it was ready to show seemed to be unimportant to The Crush, but hey – it’s AICN – what would you expect from a website built on crashing screenings, swiping tapes, passing around early scripts and stealing snapshots from the wardrobe department of films presently in production?
But Harry did it again when he reviewed (and panned) an early draft of the screenplay for Superman Lives, a film that has since been in development hell. Could Harry’s widely read and widely spread destruction of the screenplay have hurt the project? Who knows, but we can certainly conclude that it wouldn’t have helped it.
But then we get this, from Moriarty.
“About That HULK Workprint You All Claim To Be ‘Reviewing’... Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here… Shame on you. All of you. Not everyone reading this, of course, since most of you are sane, normal, law-abiding citizens. I’m speaking directly to that percentage of Internet users who simply can’t exhibit a modicum of self-control, who feel the need to pirate films at the absolute first second they possibly can, and specifically... I’m speaking to the person who leaked the workprint of Universal’s HULK in the first place. Shame on you.”
…because Moriarty would NEVER run a review of a film that wasn’t ready for release, right? Scratch that – he’d NEVER run a review of a film that wasn’t ready for release – UNLESS that review came from one of his buddies that run the site. Moriarty explains, “There’s a huge difference between someone seeing a test screening of something that’s being show to gauge audience reaction (a process that many people blame AICN for corrupting or even ruining) and watching stolen material that is simply not ready to be seen, and not meant to be viewed by the general public.”
Oh really? What is that difference exactly? What is the reason for a test screening if not to test out the film for flaws, with a view to FIXING THEM? How is that different to an unfinished workprint? If the studios wanted AICN reviewers at their test screenings, they’d invite them by name and send one of Harry’s limos to the door.
He goes on: “What blows me away is how Brad Miska, editor of BLOODY-DISGUSTING, would choose to post a review using his real name. Brad... buddy... It is illegal to download films. I can maybe understand the exuberance of someone who saw the workprint and loved it and just wanted to rant and rave about it, but you say the film was “aweful” and “rediculous,” and you chose to piss all over it. For what? Just to brag that you’ve seen an illegally obtained copy that wasn’t done? Congratulations.”
Oh. My. God. If you’ve ever read an AICN review, you’re already aware that these kids spell worse than anyone in the known universe. Eskimo kids who spend their day playing whalebone solitaire spell better than Hairy Bowels.. uh, sorry, Harry Knowles, yet Moriarty decides to highlight Brad Miska’s spelling mistakes? They could share the same Where’s Waldo books as far as I’m concerned.
And what about this amazingly hypocritical question as to why Miska would do such a thing? “For what? Just to brag that you’ve seen an illegally obtained copy that wasn’t done? Congratulations.”
AICN was BUILT on the piss poor desire to be the first kid on the block who knows what RGB number the green on the Hulk’s ass will be! “Wolverine’s costume won’t be orange! Pictures at 11!” Give me a fucking break you malodorous twat!
Hypocrisy like this is the norm at AICN, as are glowing reviews of films that are being advertised on the site (the negative reviews are left until the day of release), and worse, glowing reviews of movies the site founder appears in.
Worse still is the rampant self-interest – every review is prefaced with a long detailed report of what Harry did that day, who he hung out with, who he’s friends with. He’ll even cry that he wants freebies – trips and flights and screeners – and complain if he doesn’t get them.
But Moriarty, or as he’s known by the law, Drew McWeeny, is perhaps the worst of the self-interested AICN crew. A while back we reported that Knowles had got himself in trouble by reviewing a screenplay of a hot unpublished young screenwriter. That writer? Drew McWeeny.
So now McWeeny is getting all self-righteous about movie piracy, but why now when he and the site he writes for has so often benefited from such actions? Perhaps this explains it…
“Maybe it’s because I spend all my time working right now to create material which, god willing, you’ll be seeing in a theater next fall or the following summer. In talking with the other people involved, I know exactly how hard we plan to work to make something you haven’t seen before.”
Isn’t it incredible? McWeeny is setting himself up as a filmmaker before he’s even shot a frame of film! He’s decided that you’ll be seeing his screenplay on the big screen next summer, so all of you need to turn off your download programs right now or risk his wrath.
I’m calling you out, McWeeny, you arrogant little never-was. Make a movie and subject it to the same crap that you’ve inflicted on filmmakers for five years, you swine. You couldn’t review your way out of an unlocked shithouse, your writing is of a standard that would make Chuck Pfarrer gag, and let’s call a spade a spade.. you’re not much to look at.
And apparently he’s not too smart either, if you take this quote as any sort of example of his intellect; “This weekend, thanks to BitTorrent users and Kazaa users and IRC traders, HULK has been traded freely. The print that they’re exchanging using their particular P2P software of choice is an unfinished workprint.”
That’s great stuff. McWeeny has singlehandedly managed to promote BitTorrent, Kazaa and IRC as the best place to go find illegal copies of The Hulk. Like a priest holding up a Playboy centerfold in front of the congregation as he tells them not to look at naked pictures, McSweeny managed to nullify his entire screed, and even boost the likelihood that people will see the very workprint he’d like us to forget about. What is he, retarded? Is he honestly this thick-headed? Is Drew McWeeny even DUMBER than the Orange Crush himself?
The simple answer is, yes. Sure, I just did the same thing, but I could give a damn whether people download movies or not. My own personal opinion is that when people download a movie and they dig it, they go see it on the big screen and rent it on video and buy the DVD. If they don't dig it, then why should they have to pay for it? If I don't like my meal at a restaurant, I send it back and refuse to pay for it. A movie shouldn't be a trap, and the ability of people to download movies gives those people the power to choose whether a movie deserves their dollar.
But McWeeny thinks he's going to be making blockbusters for next summer, so he wants you to all cut it out. Now. Like we give a red rats ass what he thinks.
I leave you with one final quote from this mentally challenged buffoon. A quote so mind-numbingly dumb that you wonder if McWeeny can even spell the name of the helper-monkey that gets him to the john. Take it away, McWeeny.
“Films like HULK cost an enormous amount of money, and if the film’s box-office is damaged because of this workprint leak, then it’s going to mean that next time a studio is considering a giant-budget investment on a film that appeals directly to the geek audience, the same audience that seems to be genetically unable to resist breaking the law in order to see something thirty seconds early, then maybe they won’t take that chance. After all... what’s the point?”
It’s called "a massive payday regardless", you moron.
UPDATE!
A log of an AICN chat has surfaced that proves the hypocrisy of Drew McWeeny. Reprinted in part from it's original posting at Scorched Planet (http://scorched-planet.blogspot.com/):
[10:52] -Moriarty- It's taken me almost 25 hours to download SPIRITED AWAY.
[10:52] -Moriarty- BUT I AM WITHIN FIVE MINUTES!!
[10:52] -Moriarty- IT WILL BE MINE!!
[10:52] -UnLuckyTourist- You have cable?
[10:52] -UnLuckyTourist- You lucky man.
[10:52] -MCVamp- 25 hours good god.
[10:52] -BladeRunnerUnit- moriarty, why would you do such a thing?
[10:52] -Moriarty- This is the longest any film has ever taken.
[10:52] -DirtyRatBastard- Spirited Away?
[10:53] -Neth- Moriarty - don't sweat it. It's taken Coolashop.com 2 weeks to deliver my DVD.
[10:53] -MCVamp- fastest DL ever for me was Jay and Silent Bob in 2 hours. I was amazed
[10:53] -BladeRunnerUnit- moriarty, have you not already got the skill to see the quality of a disney movie by the poster alone?
[10:53] -Moriarty- Because I am sick and fucking tired of waiting for Disney to stop boning American Miyazaki fans.
[10:53] -Moriarty- I can't wait.
Case closed. This moron needs to have his keyboard taken away from him.
UPDATE #2!
After hundreds of emails and a bunch of articles like this hitting the waves, Moriarty has backed down and confessed his hypocrisy.
"When I first met Harry Knowles... the very first time... we hooked up because I was looking for a way to get something onto the Internet for other fans to enjoy. It was something I wasn't supposed to have. It came from someone's office who had no idea I had it. I was told by someone online to try Harry Knowles. I got in touch with him in Texas. He hooked me up with a guy in Australia. Why? To circumnavigate US copyright law. That's why.
Hello, kettle? It's the pot. I'm black."
And Harry is an accomplice in an international crime. Nice confession there, fella.
"I know about the process for downloading files from other Internet users because I’ve taken part in that process. Many times... My own position on this sort of rampant file-sharing has changed. I’m older now than I was then. I freely admit it... the view’s different from inside the system than it is from outside."
'Inside the system'... for crying out loud, can this guy go three minutes without making mention that he sold a script to some fool? A hundred people sell screenplays every day, maybe 10% of those get made, maybe 1% get seen. Moriarty has convinced himself that his Mortal Kombat 3 screenplay will be pushing Men In Black 3 aside as next year's summer smash, when the reality is it'll be given to someone who can write, who'll change most of it, then someone else will come along and change more, than it'll probably go into turnaround. Accept the Oscar when you win one, eh Moriarty?
So it seems this one is game over. AICN once again smears egg on its own face and explains it away by telling us how wonderful they are. If they had a clue over there in Austin, it'd be very lonely.
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link directly to this feature at http://www.efilmcritic.com/feature.php?feature=748
originally posted: 06/11/03 19:12:42
last updated: 01/03/04 13:42:50
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