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Bruised.

 
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MP Bartley
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:20 am    Post subject: Bruised. Reply with quote

So I was assaulted for the first time last night. Which was fun. I was just walking home from watching the football with my father-in-law at his place and went down a street I've walked down, like, a hundred times before at night.

I pass one guy who's talking to someone in a car, and at the same time I can see someone come out of the house next to him. The next thing I hear is "YOU GINGER CUNT!". "Nah, it can't be me", I think, "I'm not ginger". But then it gets repeated and I can see that they're following me. So I pick up pace, but they do too, and one of them gets in front of me and confronts me. Scarily, the other one stays behind me at this point as I'm trying to weave and run past the first guy.

So I get knocked to the ground by the first guy and the second aims a kick at me on the ground. Thankfully, my razor sharp spidey sense enables me to push myself off the ground and over the road to my street (although the fact they were clearly off their heads on something helped). The second one manages to grab me again and throws me into a wall, but I manage to get away from and into my house.

I feel ok, a few scrapes and bruises, and I'm counting my blessings with that. I have to say, the police were fantastic and think they know who it was. The scary thing is, this all happened about 50 feet from my house and the people responsible live just around the corner.

So, a fun night had by all.
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laura
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wowzers. : / Glad to hear you're okay and have a sense of humor about it and hopefully are not too shaken.
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Oz
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought you lived in Sunderland, not Milwall.
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UDM
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What the fuck is a ginger cunt?


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MP Bartley
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The bottom half of Lindsay Lohan.

And Oz, did you not hear? Sunderland is the new Compton of England.

Thanks for all your best wishes though guys. Just talking to the neighbours, and they're a notorious bunch of troublemakers. The police have never been able to get anything concrete on them however, so hopefully this will make a difference.

And I now plan to spend my Easter break constructing a torture chamber, whilst watching Death Wish, Straw Dogs and Dead Man's Shoes on an endless loop.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad to hear you can out of it all okay, and here's hoping these morons don't come back.
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Ben
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow... what everyone else said. glad you're ok.
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CharlesTatum



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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 9:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another reason I like living in North Dakota- it's just too damn cold to go out and mug anyone, not that there are a whole lot of other people up here to mug. "Hand over yure purse, you betcha!"

Glad you're alright!

Sad
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Kand El
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad you are ok Matt- Wish I could'a been there to give you some back up- you know so I could beat the heck out of their ankles while they had me down.

I still like you even though you're been revealed to be a souless ginger kid by the Brit equivalent of Eric Cartman. Wink

Hope you get em' locked away somewhere particularly uncomfortable- like the back of a volkswagen.

All the best to you and remember we still love ya' even though we Americans think that having a Queen is a silly idea.
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MP Bartley
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, I think it's a silly idea - although probably preferable to being led by a Bush Wink

Seriously though, thanks for yours and everyone elses best wishes - it means an awful lot. One thing that cheered me up was hearing that they were arrested aftre having their door smashed in at 1 o'clock this morning.

Back's feeling very stiff, but once it's better I'm going to unleash some punishment, medieval style. Fancy joining me Kand El?
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TheAngryJew
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And everyone says the U.S. is all violent 'n' shit.

Glad you're ok, man!
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Kand El
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MP Bartley wrote:

Back's feeling very stiff, but once it's better I'm going to unleash some punishment, medieval style. Fancy joining me Kand El?


Fuck yeh! That might be a nice way to see London finally- a little Get Carter action. Roll the fuckers, pop 'em in a trunk and Thames the gits. I was gonna take an Alaska trip with the missus, but hey, its the old days, the bad days, the all or nothing days!

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petersob
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do it for the Greater Good!
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Oz
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope you lay charges hard on the fuckers.

And speaking as someone who came from one Queen-having country to settle in another (although, oddly, with the same Queen in both), I think it's a righteous thing to have a monarch.

Not because of the history/ceremony/blah blah, but because when you have someone overseeing government who is able to actually throw that government out if they do the wrong thing by the people, and that person has so much money that she really can't be bought off, and her keeping that money requires her to keep her job and not be thrown out by the will of the people... well, you end up with much less chance of having a Bush in office.

As Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam found out in 1975.
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David Cornelius
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joining the chorus of "glad you're OK." You ginger cunt.
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Rob Gonsalves
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As Sallah said, "I am pleased you are not dead."
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natasha_theobald
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my God! Be well. May they move, so you don't have to look at them. Assholes.
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UDM
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Suspiciously, MP has not denied the charge of being a ginger cunt. Something you're not telling us, mate?


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Alex Paquin
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear about what happened to you.

However, it seems you've given us a new nickname for you, "Ginger Cunt" Bartley (if you were a wrestler, I think you'd do very well indeed).
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natasha_theobald
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay. From someone who enjoys ginger ale and ginger beer, can we please de-cunt the ginger? Thank you.

Plus, I'm pretty sure this isn't one of those things that becomes funny over time or, like, ever.
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Oz
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Depends where you're from.

To an Aussie or Brit, it's like an angel whispering in your ear. Saying it without shame takes it back and defangs it.
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MP Bartley
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I'm certainly not ginger. Apart from random streaks in the beard. As for the other charge laid against me - maybe you'd have to meet me to decide that. But I think it was a bit harsh Sad

Thanks again for all the new well wishes guys. Gonna be doing an ID on these fuckers in the next few days, so hopefully the ball of justice will start a-rollin'.

And if doesn't there's going to be some LSD-laced tea dished around pretty soon...
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MP Bartley
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Just remember, you two: if you decide to send Mach-- Kandel after the bad guy, make sure the bad guy isn't you.


In many circles, the mere mention of the name Kandel will send sphincters a-quivering all night long.

And some Get Carter trivia - I live about 20 minutes from the beach where the climax takes place. In fact, one of the groomsmen at my wedding lives a few hundred feet from it.
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Kand El
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well sheeyit man, I know two neighbors of that nice family the Bartleys that are getting two one way tickets on the coal treadmill.

We can do the Carter dance afterward! And there'll be no sniper sent by John Osborne waiting in the wings! YES.

That sphincters-a-quiver'in though? Don't know if that's necessarily something worth having on the resume- I'm surprised some wit hasn't happened along to amend that comment since. Nope- just a simple CJB* for your nay-boors straight from New York.

*Concrete Jungle Beatdown
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