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Beating the Dead Horse's Brittle Skeleton...

 
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Kand El
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Joined: 23 Sep 2004
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Location: New York

PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:05 am    Post subject: Beating the Dead Horse's Brittle Skeleton... Reply with quote

This needs to win best documentary at Oscars 2011 or whateverthefuck awards show can give it something. In fact, this, to me, is a better show reel for Lucasfilm to hire you than "Troopers".

What? We know the films sucked? Yeah I know, but damn this is fucking hilarious. I choked on coffee twice already and I'm only on part 4.

Besides, other than shills or people that write like 7 year olds and Dr. Who fans, we've got nothing here. And nothing pumps some discussion like Stephen King, James Bond, or... yes, you guessed it, Star Wars:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG1AWVLnl48&feature=related

I'll give you the first two parts- then you can use your probably superior knowledge of how to navagate YouTube. This is wonderful.

One of my favorite reoccurring themes (aside from the narrarator speaking like Ted Levine for reasons which shall become obvious)?

"This film was made for babies."
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David Cornelius
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Christ, I hate that series. Intentionally-goofy-sounding nerd hates the prequels and complains about them shot-by-shot? Meh.
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Kand El
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, no, he uses "Phantom" to explain why the prequels as a whole fail. Not quite shot for shot, but it works. In fact its funny as hell. Like I said, its beating the shit out of a pile of dry dust that was once a horse, but funny is funny.
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That's Mr Shill to You



Joined: 09 Apr 2010
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 3:36 pm    Post subject: You are my new best friend Reply with quote

Quote:
Besides, other than shills or people that write like 7 year olds and Dr. Who fans, we've got nothing here. And nothing pumps some discussion like Stephen King, James Bond, or... yes, you guessed it, Star Wars:


I love this site but you have a point. It's seems like it's mostly shills, death notices, or really, really old threads bought back from the dead.

I was stunned by the - "I'm making a statement."

Blood Red Roy (also me) Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2002 12:36 pm.
Eight years ago? For reals?

Why isn't this site more popular? I love this largely deserted place but wouldn't mind more company.

As for you Kand El - I watched the entire thing on YouTube and it's one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen. Even better than the Nostalgia Critic (if not as hot as the Nostalgia Chick.) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:10 pm    Post subject: Thanks Again! Reply with quote

I just sat through the complete reviews for
STAR TREK: GENERATIONS
STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT
STAR TREK: INSURRECTION
STAR TREK: NEMESIS
STAR WARS: EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE
STAR WARS: EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES
and AVATAR

That's what 3-4 hours? Hilariously insightful and brilliant stuff. The six or so people that still post here should check it out!
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Kand El
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

why thank you Roy, good to have you here/back. Yes, I too watched a good number of those (unfortunately it almost ruined "First Contact" for me, but then I remembered Hitchcock's midnight kitchen snack rule where you can enjoy a movie and then hours later realize why it couldn't have made sense - evidently he feels "North By Northwest" works like this- but he also says you can still enjoy it)- so I enjoy "First Contact", flawed logistics, two Picards and all.

And the Star Wars stuff is gold. Granted, Maddox of xmission.com posted what I believe is the definitive review of "Revenge of the Sith":
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=episode3

But these eleventeen part reviews are great- I mean, just as youtube films they are of surprisingly high quality in production and editing (the best cut scene for me is where his meds conk out and he starts mailing pizza rolls as his voice slurs).

Funny shit. And yeah, its and easy target, and yeah, it takes the joke so far beyond what's called for, and then farther, and I still find it funny after that.

And yes, better to post it and have people not like it and discuss it intelligently than Monika giving us a monosyllabic statement on nothing or some jackass throwing useless product links onto the forum, or Monika giving us a monosyllabic statement on nothing and throwing useless product links on the forum.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't care for First Contact very much. Basically I like monsters and the good ones are liked to primary fears: werewolves (cannibalism), vampires (disease), big bugs (mad science), and Jack the Ripper (sex).

The modern world isn't as creative but you do have some decent monsters in Final Destination (fate) and even Saw whose killer went after people that didn't appreciate life (emos).

Compared to these what does a cipher like Jason, Freddy, Michael Meyers, or Chucky have to offer? Comic relief?

I loved the Borg and thought that were a good commentary on Corporate Culture - the hive mind, the assilimilation of people into their collective, your job becomes your identity, etc.

And First Contact ruined this by - giving them a leader when they didn't need one. And what possibly could be more cliched then a Queen/Leader falling in love with the Captain of the ship? Suckety sucked sucked.

Quote:
They're not "special effects" anymore when they're found in EVERY SCENE.

The Borg are real, they are called CGI on Earth, and Lucas has been assimilated. There's no humanity left in the man.

My favorite scene? He reaches into a garbage bag in front of a hooker trapped in his basement and tells her he has to show her - Attack of the Clones. Later on she's watching and the mind-numbing stupidity of it has drained her till she's no longer afraid and says "This is horrible. I heard about this but I never knew."

The man is a genius.

I just sat through the Losers (what a stupid waste of money) and we're a few minutes into this and our main hero and heroine are fighting in a hotel room and set the place on fire. Since she needs his help I don't know why they fought at all - and I leaned over to my friend and slurred "It doesn't make no sennnnsssee".

I'd pay money to see what he does to the Losers and Clash of the Titans.
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