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The mighty Bob has returned.. again

 
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Big Ole Badass Bob



Joined: 28 Mar 2003
Posts: 394
Location: Seattle, Texas

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:00 pm    Post subject: The mighty Bob has returned.. again Reply with quote

Bob realized that he hasn't posted anything yet this year. Shocked

He's been way too busy, and has neglected his most favorite of places.. Hollywood Bitchslap. Crying or Very sad He's gonna try and find more time to stop by and post.. and to check up on all his wonderful friends. Very Happy By friends though of course.. Bob means the case or 12 of Hooch™. Okay, even some of you kooky bastards here. Bob KNOWS you've missed him. Laughing The Off-Topic area seems dead without his colorful banter. Razz

Uh-oh, the Whore Alarm™ is going off. You know what that means.. yup, some dirty bitch is trying to escape......again. Evil or Very Mad You'd think by now that they would quit trying. Think With the moat filled with man-eating Tiger Sharks, the motion-sensing Gatling guns that go off that are mounted up in the Whore Tower™, and the electrified fence that surrounds the Whore Compound™.. well, you get the picture. Wink What Bob doesn't understand is why they would want to leave? Surprised Sure, you're locked up in the Whore Dungeon™, you might get fed to live animals, if I don't feed you, you might have to eat one of your fellow bitches, there's a chance that if Bob is buzzed, he might fire your ass outta his cannon. Twisted Evil Oh, yeah.. you'll most likely be sold or buried under the house when he gets bored of you.. but still.. think of all the benefits of being Bob's! Rolling Eyes
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Jack Sommersby
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Joined: 12 Dec 2002
Posts: 4422
Location: Helena, Montana

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Mr. Beastiality has returned.



What's the matter, Bobster? Did a sheep's rectum close too tight and break your wittle-bitty weinie off, ya quintessential man-beast of a pervert?

Razz
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Big Ole Badass Bob



Joined: 28 Mar 2003
Posts: 394
Location: Seattle, Texas

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jack - Now what the hell is that supposed to mean? You trying to get cute with the Bobster™? Shame on you You're lucky that I don't slice off your Rubbery Ball Sack and feed it to my bitches. Evil or Very Mad I like you, you still ain't very bright, but you still a good man after all these years! Razz

Bob's been busy running his business you silly-son-bitch. Look, you jerky little bastard.. I may be somewhat uncivilized, but give Bob some credit. Rolling Eyes Sheep? Shocked I'm gonna remember that. So, just wait.. one day while we're out hunting some whores in ole México.. Bob's gonna go Dick Cheney on your ass with the shotgun. Twisted Evil So, choose your words wisely, son.

Like Bob's Uncle Frank always used to say..

"Choosing the right words is like choosing the best cucumber to use in your pooper.. it's damn hard.."

I couldn't agree more Uncle Fra.. wait, huh? Damn it.. fell for it again! d'oh!
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Thumb the Toad
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Joined: 02 Jan 2003
Posts: 895
Location: CT's alcohol capital

PostPosted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing

I love this Uncle Frank character...got any more stories on him? Sounds like my sexually repressed French-Canadian uncle.
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TheAngryJew
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Bob,

I was dating this woman last month, and after a few minutes of intercourse, she started gasping and spasming and shit. This has never happened to a woman I was intimate with. Could you tell me what's going on? Am I dating a convulsive retard?

Thanks,

Confused in Cambridge
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Jack Sommersby
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HBS Monkey


Joined: 12 Dec 2002
Posts: 4422
Location: Helena, Montana

PostPosted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

and after a few minutes of intercourse

Heh! If it were Booty-Obsessed Bob, it'd be a few seconds of intercourse being that his premature-ejaculatory self's favorite movie is 8 Seconds.


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Big Ole Badass Bob



Joined: 28 Mar 2003
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Location: Seattle, Texas

PostPosted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thumb - You bet your ass that Bob has stories on him. Wink But who wants to hear about him, when you can hear about me, son? Confused I don't have much time left on this planet, and my stories are far more important than the crazy, late Uncle Frank's were. Cool

Confused in Cambridge - Son, it sounds to Bob like she was wanting you to service her Anal Love Passage™. Why else would she be gasping and start to spasm? Eh? Although, it IS conceivable that she was having an orgasm. The Jewish Meat Rod is the second most powerful love tool in the world.. next to Bob's Texas Torpedo, that is. So, give yourself a pat on the back, and treat yourself to a night out. Smile On the woman of course.. assuming you stole her purse and all her money. I know you'd still have the cash.. you guys never spend the money. Stingy bastards! Razz Jews are attracted to money and power.. not retards. So, she must of been one hell of a bitch for you to bang her.

Jack - You dirty son-o-bitch! Bob is gonna make sure that you never get laid again. Evil or Very Mad He's taking back the big whore celebration he had planned for you this year. Mad So, I'm gonna use all the money on blow and hookers. Very Happy Mainly blow.. cause Bob won't pay them bitches for sex. Shhh Sure, he'll tell them that.. then boom, dead and in the trunk of his car. Not necessarily in that order though. A few of them may be alive while I'm pushing the car over a cliff. Twisted Evil
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Thumb the Toad
HBS Monkey
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bob, you know that is the greatest bullshit story ever told. You know my Dago Meat Rod is superior to yours in girth and endurance. Your shriveled old penis couldn't satisfy my cat.

Also, Jack never gets laid.
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Jack Sommersby
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Five-Fingered Mary would disagree with you there, Numb Nuts.

Very Happy
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Big Ole Badass Bob



Joined: 28 Mar 2003
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Location: Seattle, Texas

PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thumb - Son, Bob don't think he heard you right. And if he did.. then he didn't like what he heard. Mad You'd be better off apologizing to him, else a couple of Savage Mormons will be released in your neighborhood. Evil or Very Mad And trust me.. when they smell blood.. they go in for the kill. Bob thought about sending Vinny and Tony over.. but as you know.. the smell of garlic and pasta on my boys would give them away before they even got to your door. That's what you get though for hiring spaghetti-slurping goons. d'oh! Bob's giving you a chance though to take it all back. Very Happy Although, the possibility of him forgetting about it is near 100%.. seeing how he's already thrown back 6 ½ bottles of Hooch™.

Jack - Now what the hell kind of comeback was that? Eh? You're basically agreeing with him that you don't get any action. Where's the Sommersby that ole Bob knows? Shocked Get your hand out of your pants and do something about this, son. Razz Did Bob sit by and watch all the pimps cash in on ho's? No, he took action. Sort of like Tony Montana.. but instead of drugs, he built a Whore Empire™. Very Happy Now, Bob isn't saying whack out Thumb.. no, he likes the kid, so just break his legs and a few of his fingers and ribs. Rolling Eyes Uh, you can't lay low at the Whore Mansion™, though. Mainly because Bob is willing to turn you in for a reward if there is one. That, and if he sees any type of law enforcement on his property.. he's liable to fire off a couple hundred thousand rounds or so at them. Actually.. not true.. Bob will shoot just about anybody that comes near his place.
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Thumb the Toad
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You gotta forgive me, Bob, I was high on PCP when I typed that, and you know what that shit does to you.

How do you suggest I handle my perverted gym teacher? He's a 30-year-old man who has obvious little crushes on certain girls in the class, we are talking 15/16-year-olds, and he always has them do stretches and examples for the class while he is obviously checking out their lower bodies. It creeps the shit out of everyone, and some people want him fired.
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Big Ole Badass Bob



Joined: 28 Mar 2003
Posts: 394
Location: Seattle, Texas

PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thumb - Yeah, Bob will forgive you.. cause he's done his fair share of PCP too.. uh, err.. I meant.. son, drugs are bad for you. Shame on you Stick with banging whores. Sure, you might catch something that'll kill you.. but that's over time. Rolling Eyes Where as drugs, can kill you in one shot. But, if you're looking for some.. Bob can get you what you need. Smile You didn't hear that from me. Shhh

Okay, so anyway.. when did Bob become Dr. Phil? Confused

Here's what you do about your problem. You get a few guys together, take this teacher out behind one of the buildings and you beat the shit outta him. Very Happy And just so he knows that you guys mean business.. one, or all of you.. doesn't matter.. cornhole him. If that doesn't work, go ahead and grab a hot poker and jam it up his Poop Factory™. After all that, if that still doesn't work.. ole Bob will handle him. Twisted Evil

He's got this little cartoon video package that some Savage Mormons put together to try and brainwash him with back a while ago. It doesn't seem to have much of an effect other than making you giggle like an 11 year old bitch when you see it. Laughing I mean, Bob can't even describe it.. Mormons tell us how black people came to be.. and all I can say is.. Shocked That is one of the most racist things Bob has ever seen.. but damn, it did make him laugh. You Mormons sure know how to put a cartoon together! For those of you who haven't seen this yet.. you don't know what you're missing. And you think Bob is crazy?! Surprised At least he's not making cartoons like this and calling them "Educational Videos" Razz

http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/badassbobjohnson/funny.html

If the video freezes.. Bob would like to apologize. Okay, not really.. not his fault if it does.
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Thumb the Toad
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Location: CT's alcohol capital

PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Man, religion is the greatest bullshit story of all time. I'm telling you, there's nothing more annoying than being woken up at 6AM by Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't know why, but it seems so extra-creepy that they make animated videos out of it...as they seem so strongly convicted in such fairy tales.

I've always wondered your take on the insanity of this planet, though I can guess it has to do with anal sex being the ultimate escape.
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Big Ole Badass Bob



Joined: 28 Mar 2003
Posts: 394
Location: Seattle, Texas

PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thumb - Son, Bob won't give you his take on the insanity of this planet, but he will tell you how he handles it. Smile With the three H's. Hooch™, Handguns, and Hookers. That's all you really need. Wink

I'll tell you what, though.. from now on, rig a bucket full of gasoline above your front door. And when they ring, or knock.. it'll douse them with it, and when you answer the door.. make sure you've got matches or a lighter handy. Bob can't tell you how many times he's had fun with that. Laughing Although.. he does that for anybody brave enough to make it to his door. Twisted Evil

Damn it. One of Bob's bitches is trying to make a run for it. Evil or Very Mad I guess she doesn't want to be a part of Bob's "Educational Videos" that he's producing. Eh? I don't see why she doesn't want to be a part.. I mean, all Bob wants to show her and the rest of the world is how NOT to stick 8 balloon-filled bags of Heroin you're trying to smuggle over the border up a whore's tight Anal Love Passage™. Rolling Eyes
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