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Submission question

 
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Nick Schwab



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:47 pm    Post subject: Submission question Reply with quote

sssfdsasfsa

Last edited by Nick Schwab on Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Oz
HBS Monkey
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Joined: 12 Jul 2002
Posts: 5920
Location: Vancouver, Canada

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 2:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll bite.

One of your reviews refers to the film in the past tense, the other in the present. Wussupwitdat?

You wanna know the secret to writing a good film review? Here it is.

Don't write a film review. Talk to me about the film. Talk to me like I just sat down next to you on a bar stool (a different barstool to yours - fag), and I'm seriously considering paying to see this movie and boy howdy, do you have some skinny to lay down...

If you read your reviews back to yourself, I think you'll find you're trying to write, not trying to communicate. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be you.

Of course, if 'you' talk like a third year English lit student writes, then disregard everything I've said and start working on a new personality, because that'd be just messed up, dude.

One last thing - remember, the reader doesn't want to know about whether or not you enjoyed yourself - they want to know if they will. If you didn't think it was funny, who might? If you thought it was tired, who might think otherwise?

Compare and contrast:

* The film “Saw” was a fun enough time, at least, if you did not take it too seriously.
* The new film Saw may well appeal to a specific demographic of people in a fairly major way. Unfortunately, those people spend their free time swapping underground snuff flicks and chewing on sharp objects 'because blood tastes awesome'.

Personality = good people.
Efficiency = yawny.
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David Cornelius
HBS Monkey
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Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 3569
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 11:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BUT... there is a fine line between "personality" and "writing like an idiot." So watch that.

Personally, I like your writing style, although it needs tightening up with some wording (example: "The character of Jaime, also, seems..." could easily just read "Jamie also seems..."), while other ideas need to be more detailed. It's all a matter of finding your rhythm when you write.

Think of these points when finished:

- If someone else had written this, would I enjoy reading it?
- Does it say everything I wanted to say about the movie?
- If I read it out loud, does it sound OK?

That last one's tricky, because not all great writing sounds great when read aloud, so don't force yourself to become too conversational if it seems awkward to you. But read through your text, and you'll quickly spot the clumsy parts.

Hope that helps!
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Nick Schwab



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

gdddfdf

Last edited by Nick Schwab on Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Rob Gonsalves
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Joined: 19 May 2006
Posts: 2042

PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Think of an ideal reader, preferably a no-bullshit reader, and write to that reader. These reviews aren't bad, but they read as though you're trying to impress someone intellectually rather than just relating your experience of the movie. You're obviously a smart guy; let the reader discover that casually rather than blowing your thematic-meaning wad too soon.

The lead of the Proposition review in particular reads like the first paragraph of a college paper. A lead shouldn't be too "grabby" and forced, but it does need to make the reader want to read on. Try not to pack everything you want to say into the lead.

And what did these films make you feel? Bottom line, that's the most important thing a critic can convey. A good review expresses passion, pro or con. After passion, be precise and concise. Find a rhythm that pulls the reader forward.

Hope this helps. I've been at this for 22 years and I've made all the mistakes. God knows I still make 'em, but at least I try to make all new mistakes.
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But I wish the public could, in the midst of its pleasures, see how blatantly it is being spoon-fed, and ask for slightly better dreams.

- Iris Barry, Let's Go to the Movies, 1926
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Shoot him again. His soul is still dancing.
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Nick Schwab



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you looking for writers, again?

Mind if I submit another time?
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