by Ryan Arthur
Thoughtful, well-plotted, well-acted...no, wait, sorry. Wrong movie.I was trying to think of words to describe how horrificly, terribly bad this film was.
"Haven't you ever heard of the word compromisation?"
Spice World is a blatant ripoff of A Hard Day's Night, and it's meant to be seen as such. The writers (and oh, how loosely I use that term) went with the theatrical wink and rough poke to the ribs of the audience.
*SEE* the girls hang out together in their ordinary sized, Union Jack painted double-decker bus (ordinary on the outside, anyway, on the inside it's as spacious as the space between a married couple in bed).
*HEAR* the girls sing on the soundtrack ('cause they're lip-synching - badly - on film, you know). Sometimes its different versions of the same songs, sometimes it's just the chorus. Over and over and over and over.
*CRINGE* as the girls have one meaningless celebrity encounter after another (Elton John, Bob Hoskins, Bob Geldof, Elvis Costello, and AbFab's Jennifer Saunders, to name a few).
*SHAKE* your head in puzzlement as you try to figure out just what the hell Roger Moore (as "The Chief," whoever the hell that is) is doing bottle-feeding a piglet.
*PRAY* that Meat Loaf (playing Dennis, the girls' bus driver) veers off of a cliff, bringing it all to a merciful, violent, explosive end. Do that for us, Meat, and I'd forgive you for Black Dog.
Look, if you're expecting anything, anything of substance at all, from this movie, you're every bit as bubbleheaded as the girls themselves. They may be pretty to look at, but on film, they're every bit as transparent as you might think they are. The acting is beneath subpar. The singing is your basic, bubblegum pop that you've come to expect from the Spice Girls. But to see them *try* to act is almost painful. Each has their little bit, and each sticks with it: in the case of Posh, that vacant look from her face; in the case of Scary, that stupid "I'm so badass" growl; Ginger flashes the peace sign, Sporty dances around and does backflips, and Baby remains orally fixated on her lollipop. The best scene is when each Spice dresses up as a different Spice, and we see how absurd they all really are. Only Richard E. Grant, as the girls' manager, is even remotely entertaining, and he just gets on your nerves after a certain amount of time. Say, half an hour.Pure fluff, and you probably won't even crack a smile. You may even kick your television.
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originally posted: 02/02/99 05:15:51