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When Cosby designed the “Fat Albert” TV show back in the 1970’s, it was an antidote to the mindless likes of “The Hair-Bear Bunch” and “The Groovie Goolies” in that it actually dealt with situations that many in the target audience might have encountered in the real world-poverty, crime and other social ills-in a way that was both thoughtful and entertaining without ever dumbing things down or sugarcoating them because they were aimed at kids. Of course, nothing truly awful ever happened and the episodes would always end with a laugh and a song, but there was a relevance to them that was a refreshing change of pace and, for better or for worse, they still hold up pretty well today both as social commentary and as entertainment. Considering the uproar that Cosby has been causing with his speeches commenting on the youth of today (somewhat tone-deaf but not entirely without merit), I guess that I just assumed that a new version of “Fat Albert” would fall along those lines in using that time-honored approach to deal with the problems facing kids today.

Instead, Cosby (as co-writer, executive producer and general whip-hand behind the project) has given us a concept for a “Fat Albert” movie exactly as puerile and insulting as the very things that the show was designed as an antidote to in the first place. In the real world, high-school girl Doris (Kyla Pratt) is upset because, get this, she isn’t as pretty or popular as foster sister Lauri (Dania Ramirez) and she doesn’t get specifically invited to a big upcoming party. She reacts to this in the way that all contemporary high-schoolers would-she runs home in the middle of school to watch a rerun of “Fat Albert”. (Okay, I suppose it is better than all that stuff we saw in “Thirteen”, but not very likely.) While crying (perhaps at the weak animation meant to represent the style of the old show), a tear hits the TV screen and somehow allows Fat Albert (Keenan Thompson) and the rest of the group-Rudy, Mushmouth, Bill, Bucky, Weird Harold and Dumb Donald-to jump out of the set into the real world to help Doris with her problems. (Sadly, little Russell gets left behind to fend for himself in the junkyard.) Although such a violation of the time-space continuum might shock and amaze most people, it hardly raises the eyebrows of Doris-all she can do is mope and feel sorry for herself. For some reason, though, Fat Albert decides that she is worth helping and tries to get her to feel better about herself and make her more popular.

If you think that is a shockingly empty-headed premise for such a film, that is nothing compared to its execution. There are the inevitable jokes where the gang tries to comprehend the real world around them (including a self-promoting bit where they try to understand what these DVD things are that they are appearing on), the equally inevitable jokes in which the worlds collide (Mushmouth suddenly becomes a well-spoken kid and Dumb Donald turns into a genius) and the kind of creaky conflicts that are impossible to care about (including a bad kid who wants to expose Fat Albert as...frankly, your guess is as good as mine). There are self-consciously “hip” updatings (including the inevitable rap version of the classic theme song) and meta-moments like a bit where Albert goes to meet his creator (Cosby looks incredibly ill-at-ease during his brief appearance) or the notion that by staying for too long in the real world, the gang runs the risk of fading away forever.

The most shocking thing about “Fat Albert” is not how unfunny it is (although when a film’s best line is “We’ll always have North Philly”, that is fairly evident) but how out-of-touch it reveals Cosby to be about the concerns of contemporary kids. No one cares about the conceit of the collision of the real world with the reel world-something done far more intelligently in such things as “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and “Pleasantville”-and even if you strip away all of that, you are still left with the fact that Doris is a whiny, resolutely unpleasant character who simply doesn’t deserve the help of the gang. And even if you somehow find yourself accepting her and her problems, you can’t help but realize that the way that her problems get solved are fairly useless to most people with self-esteem problems-according to Cosby, it seems that the best way to overcome these problems is to win a track meet and have a foster sister so incredibly hot (and Ramirez looks enough like Eva Mendes to be a sister) that she inspires Fat Albert to stick around to finally save the day. Can Cosby seriously believe that this is an idea worthy of his most lasting creation?

There is exactly one nice moment to be had in all of “Fat Albert”-a brief reunion of the real-life people that inspired the gang in the first place gathered at the grave of the model for Albert. A smarter and better film might have used this notion as a launching point for a story, not as a last-ditch attempt to score a bit of emotion after 90 minutes of inanity. It is a lovely, haunting moment (especially when you see how closely the real people match up with their cartoon versions) and one trapped in a film that is utterly unworthy of it.

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originally posted: 12/25/04 08:45:47
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