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Overall Rating
2.05

Awesome: 6.72%
Worth A Look: 8.4%
Average: 22.69%
Pretty Bad: 7.56%
Total Crap54.62%

9 reviews, 65 user ratings


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Hide and Seek
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by Scott Weinberg

"A horror movie for grannies and little girls."
1 stars

"Hide and Seek" barely even qualifies as a movie. It's an easily digested piece of commercial product, not unlike a loaf of bread or those pantyhose that come in an egg. This is a commodity entirely pieced together by a committee and then an assembly line. It trots out the world's oldest and hairiest "thriller conceit" (a creepy child's "imaginary friend." Ooooooohh!) and then proceeds to beat the thing to death for 95 endless minutes. And tossed on top of this ridiculous piece of generic fluff is the formerly reputable Robert De Niro, an actor who seems single-mindedly intent upon destroying his sterling reputation.

Ever seen The Believers? How about The Amityville Horror or The Shining or ANY old movie that contains a gloomy little kid and a creepy old house? Yeah? You've seen several?

Good, then you can save yourself the staggering numbness of this Hide and Seek fiasco.

Here we have a Daddy and his moppet. Mommy just got done slicing her wrists in the bathtub, so Dad and Mop must, logically, immediately relocate to a gothic manse in the country, one that comes complete with a few goofy neighbors and hardwood floors. Moppet starts acting more mopey than she was before, and it's all "Charlie's" fault. Who's Charlie?

Exactly.

What's most mind-boggling about Hide and Seek is how astonishingly skinny the whole thing is. There's precisely ONE plot point in the whole tired affair, and there's zero in the subplot department. This tired little greeting card of a thriller slogs aimlessly through its one-note narrative. I couldn't tell if the movie was impressed by its own lack of creativity...or if it simply did not care. Paint-by-numbers predictability earns you first-place in the January box office trenches, so I doubt very highly that anyone even looked at this thing once the final cut was slapped together.

Oh, except for the ending. Hoo boy. Imagine watching a dog sleep for 85 minutes. And then, for the final ten minutes of its life, the dog turns into a rabid, frothing squirrel. That's Hide and Seek. Not bad enough that the bulk of the movie is crashingly dull and face-slappingly predictable; the ending trumps all by being dull, predictable and also amazingly stupid.

About a year ago everyone in Hollywood wanted to jump upon the "Horror is HOT right now!' bandwagon. And films like "Hide and Seek" are the inevitable result. (Only the marketing people insist on calling them "thrillers," because "horror" seems too distasteful to the AARP crowd.) "Hide and Seek" is the worst sort of warmed-up, washed-out, CBS-movie-of-the-week material there is. It doesn't have the balls to go for real scares, and it doesn't have the brains or the creativity to try something unique or even remotely original. This movie exists for only two people: those who are too scared to see a REAL horror movie - and those who currently work for Robert De Niro. If you don't fit into either of these categories, feel free to avoid "Hide and Seek" forever.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=11471&reviewer=128
originally posted: 02/02/05 10:45:56
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User Comments

2/20/13 PAUL SHORTT DERIVATIVE, SILLY,YAWN-A-MINUTE PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR 1 stars
7/16/11 Jeff Wilder Truly abysmal. 1 stars
1/13/09 Anonymous. it was alright. most horror movies aren't that great. 3 stars
3/01/08 Ivana Mann The most hilarious plot twist ever filmed. Too bad it was supposed to be a thriller... 1 stars
8/06/07 ravenmad So full of holes it ain't a joke, no sense, no direction~ Thank god for the library! 1 stars
6/20/07 Muted Orbz Watch Deniro ruin the hard work of a talented little girl. 3 stars
5/01/07 Ole Man Bourbon "Yes, I'm talkin' to you. Screw you, I want my free rental back." 1 stars
2/03/07 Vip Ebriega Not that good. 3 stars
12/15/06 Stanley Thai A really great thriller. Good acting. 4 stars
9/19/06 annie The movie builds up good and then the end is so stupid. 3 stars
8/19/06 Beau Great acting with a brilliant twist that will captivate the minds of the audience 4 stars
5/23/06 Sophia D. It was good. But it was confusing. 4 stars
5/17/06 Jackie AMAZING! 5 stars
5/07/06 Charlene Javier Poor Dakota... 2 stars
4/10/06 Alex Is more tremendous! I yet did not meet on the Internet of a drain of games and the informat 5 stars
4/09/06 Anastasya Thank you for being generous with your resources... I hope that you will receive more than 5 stars
3/08/06 Jin Really effective thriller. One of the best 4 stars
3/02/06 Bill Greetings to all! Excuse for this message, but at you excellent design of a site! Very much 2 stars
11/09/05 michael good movie until the last 15 minutes 3 stars
10/26/05 Ellie Harrington This movie made me very dissapointed and saddened that such talent was wasted completely 1 stars
10/04/05 Michael Blower Don't understand the negative comments. Good film admit it, you don't have to be sheep 4 stars
9/28/05 tatum Sad to sit through a two hour movie after figuring it out the first ten minutes 2 stars
9/09/05 John bad script worse direction - and worst of all NOT scary 1 stars
8/30/05 ES Dakota Fanning scares me more than De Niro does, devil child 2 stars
8/20/05 Sara B. In a world awash in bad suspense films, this one isn't completely without merit. 3 stars
7/28/05 Monday Morning The most boring, slow-paced piece of shite in a long time. 1 stars
7/24/05 Mia Watchable until the predictable and idiotic "twist". 1 stars
7/24/05 alaina I think is so stupid that you can pick 4 different endings on the dvd... I 3 stars
7/22/05 Jordan secret wondow remake if u ask me secret window was better 1 stars
7/14/05 Lauren Don't waste your time, as I just did. 1 stars
7/14/05 Indrid Cold Builds suspense pretty well up until the twist, but is sleep-inducing after that. 3 stars
7/10/05 othree horrible horrible, 1 of the few xs I can say I want the 101 mins back 1 stars
7/08/05 V People criticize this movie b/c they don't understand who or what Charlie is. Pay attention 4 stars
7/07/05 ALDO this is a watch once type of film.....twice would be too much 3 stars
7/01/05 Alejandro is awesome a horror movie and a very very fun movie 5 stars
6/13/05 Helen Bradley Dakota Fanning excellent slow paced poor editing 3 stars
5/24/05 tristan cool 5 stars
3/05/05 Sam Eskenazi come on 2 stars
3/04/05 Chris Stephens Good thriller. 3 stars
3/02/05 David Tsung dakota out-acts robert 3 stars
2/25/05 Comixchick This had the audience laughing out loud! Dumb, dumb, dumb... 1 stars
2/19/05 Raul Valdez do the studoies even try anymore? 1 stars
2/15/05 Melody Arneil Dakota Fanning made the film watchable for what was essentially a weak story 2 stars
2/15/05 Christine Dakota Fanning was excellent 4 stars
2/14/05 Joy Simply showing the fanning freak should have been scary enough. 1 stars
2/13/05 John Bale Sixth Sense collides with The Shining, and makes no sense. Spooky Fanning saves the show. 4 stars
2/10/05 Colleen Goldrick Just Hide 2 stars
2/07/05 Anthony T This film is clever and performances are great! Critics "the ending was a copout" NONSENSE! 4 stars
2/07/05 kumar crap crap crap crap crap 1 stars
2/06/05 Cassandra Farrar good idea...bad movie 2 stars
2/06/05 me A great film 5 stars
2/02/05 Steve Michaud A vile, reprehensible film that exploits child psychological abuse for cheap thrills 1 stars
2/02/05 whatevr the only hiding I will do is from this movie 1 stars
2/02/05 Tammera Mack dumb 1 stars
2/01/05 Danita Berg Great until the end. The twist wasn't such a twist. 3 stars
2/01/05 Lynda Eby Expected much more. De Niro let me down! 3 stars
2/01/05 malcolm a good try, but not quite 3 stars
1/31/05 chrys waiting for the day the idol of the morons a.k.a the fanning freakshow ends up in rehab. 1 stars
1/31/05 mott the drupal didn't have enough gerbils. sucks. 1 stars
1/30/05 atanu acting like a grown up is not a substitute for good acting. fanning is plain creepy. 1 stars
1/30/05 Casey Tells good movie 5 stars
1/30/05 Garnet Leib Sucks 1 stars
1/30/05 Marilyn pathetic movie 2 stars
1/29/05 me A great film 5 stars
1/29/05 darlenecom This movie will keep your attention! 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  28-Jan-2005 (R)
  DVD: 05-Jul-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  10-Feb-2005




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