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Overall Rating

Awesome: 9.62%
Worth A Look: 3.85%
Average: 13.46%
Pretty Bad: 7.69%
Total Crap65.38%

5 reviews, 22 user ratings

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Man of the House (2005)
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by Natasha Theobald

"Has Tommy Lee Jones suffered a blow to the head?"
1 stars

I can't decide if the makers of this film are deeply cynical or just horribly misguided. I also can't imagine the universe in which some of these semi- and fully talented people agreed to appear in this insufferable, unfunny mishmash of recycled ideas made even worse in the execution. Really, Tommy Lee Jones? The Academy wants its Oscar back, and Harvard won't be sending an invitation to Homecoming this year.

We meet Texas Ranger Roland Sharp (Jones) as he is hot on the trail of some ne'er-do-well. His search lands him in the church of Percy Stevens (Cedric the Entertainer), and, within five minutes of the start time on this puppy, Jones has his full arm up a cow's ass. However delightful you may find this foray into physical comedy, it's all downhill from there.

Booger gets off easy, here, as his federal witness character gets killed very early. Morgan Ball (Curtis Armstrong) is assassinated in the streets, and it just happens to be witnessed by five cheerleaders. Note there are five cheerleaders - not three, not a full squad. Five is just the right number to spread generic character traits around, catch a couple of different ethnicities, and dance real cute in a hollow triangle formation. Never fear for these lovely ladies, because Sharp has been put on the case. He will live with them and protect them. Gee, I wonder if the experience may cause him to re-evaluate his relationship with his estranged daughter. Gee, I wonder if the lady professor (Anne Archer) of the one class he happens to attend with the one cheerleader who has a crush (!!!) on him (Kelli Garner) will take a shine to this gruff on the outside, a little less gruff on the inside-lawman. We'll just have to wait and see.

Where to begin. I know, let's start with a list of people I think may well be offended by this movie: Texas Rangers, rangers from other states, cheerleaders, members of the audience with an IQ in triple digits, members of the audience with an IQ on the higher end of the double digits, women, cows - the list could go on and on. I have seen actors on talk shows spouting off about how tough it is to know from a script whether a movie will be good or bad, successful or less than successful. In some cases, that may be true. But, no one who read this script possibly could have thought that there was something worthwhile in this material. No one.

Aside from the story elements cobbled together from every knock-off of every knock-off of every crappy, similar movie, there is dialogue that could make your ears bleed. Ms. Meryl Streep herself could not deliver this with any kind of feeling. Too, the suspension of disbelief required to even sit in a seat and watch this thing is beyond the limits of most human beings. We are supposed to believe that these five women, intelligent enough to be enrolled in college, traumatized (sort of) by seeing a man murdered, will spend their time chatting over mug books about how hot the guys are and when they might be out on parole. We are expected to believe that these women cannot go a day without baring a bejeweled belly button. We are expected to believe Sharp would let these same five women give him advice about dating and virtually attend his date with the professor via video, blathering, all five of them, into his ear about what he should do or say in her company. Really? Basically, we are expected to check all sense and reason and hope for a good movie at the door.

As for the film's good points, there were few. The picture color was clear and vivid. Not all of the music sucked. Among the cast, Garner has a nice moment or two, and I predict a long and wonderful career for Vanessa Ferlito, if she can stay away from movies like this in the future. As for Tommy Lee Jones, I think he needs to stay away from women completely (that means you, too, Ashley Judd). Maybe a role in a Western or four could help with his long journey back to reliability and credibility. Maybe.

This is the kind of movie where one watches the credits roll by in stunned disbelief, but with a purpose. The purpose is to read the names responsible and, hopefully, remember and avoid them in their future endeavors. If you have successfully avoided this one to this point, continue in good stead.

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originally posted: 07/28/05 17:31:08
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User Comments

7/25/10 art NOT A TOTAL LOSS!,AT least he GIRL"S were BEAUTIFUL! 3 stars
10/31/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
3/12/08 art THIS MOVIE WAS MISERABLE 1 stars
7/01/07 Jeff Anderson Stale & predictable comedy, even Jones(WHY!!)looks bored & lifeless. I DON'T BLAME HIM!!!!! 1 stars
3/31/07 David Pollastrini PRETTY DUMB 2 stars
1/03/07 Matt A few giggles, but what was Tommy thinking?? 2 stars
8/04/06 KristinOhyeah Good movie..enjoyed it with the family 5 stars
6/19/06 ALBERT very funny! 4 stars
4/10/06 Anthony Feor Tell Cedric that I'm not very entertained by this flick 1 stars
12/09/05 Frank Rountree this movie was way worse than I expected 2 stars
7/18/05 helen make respectable movies(about women) 1 stars
7/06/05 Heather Purplethorne A whole lot funnier than the concept deserved to be. 4 stars
7/04/05 Save Tommy Lee! Send him a buck or two over the mail so he doesn't have to do this sort of dross anymore 1 stars
5/11/05 Wilma Cox Great Hook 'em Horns 5 stars
3/01/05 mott the drupal r lee ermey says this movie sucks balls, maggots! 2 stars
2/28/05 KingNeutron This movie was WAY better than I expected. Nice nod to the Blues Bros at the end. 5 stars
2/28/05 Naka Oh, bloody hell, NO. 1 stars
2/27/05 Kristina Williams damn, what's happened to poor Tommy? 1 stars
2/26/05 Mark Hanson Funny movie 5 stars
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  25-Feb-2005 (PG-13)
  DVD: 19-Jul-2005



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