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Overall Rating
2.54

Awesome: 11.92%
Worth A Look: 9.93%
Average: 29.8%
Pretty Bad: 16.56%
Total Crap31.79%

12 reviews, 79 user ratings


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Amityville Horror, The (2005)
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by the Grinch

"Get Out.........of the new releases section and get something else!"
1 stars

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the best reason to remake a movie is to make something that's much better than the original. When your remake makes the original look like a masterpiece, you've failed terribly. Now that I've watched the DVD, and the "extras", the makers of the Amityville remake not only seem to think the original was a horror masterpiece, but they seem to think they've made one as well!

HACKS!

Firstly, why the hell would the screenwriter agree to write ANOTHER remake after just doing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Well, NOW the guy's writing a remake of George Romero's 'The Crazies'! Talk about an Amityville Horror. Well, it's all about the CA$H, obviously the whole reason this movie was made, and the whole reason the Lutz's came up with their bullshit book as well. I was excited about a Crazies remake, but now I'm filled with tension (something the Amityville remake is totally devoid of).

This film is a flatline, eliciting ZERO emotional response other than the feeling that the director, producers, and screewriter have seen The Grudge and The Ring too many times. If you want to be insulted, rent this film. If you don't need your money, rent this film. If you want to be scared, rent 'Glitter'.

The totally insulting, status-quo nature of Amityville is further revealed when you realize the movie runs less than 90 minutes. That's a blessing and a curse I guess. But 10 extra minutes could've given more time for character development, although it wouldn't have helped the total lack of talent in the direction, script, and editing. George Lutz's transformation from witty everyguy to maniac is way too sudden....at that point all you can notice is how abnormally ripped Ryan Reynolds is. Really dude, nobody except an actor with a personal trainer is going to look like that. You can almost see the producers saying "Gee Ryan, you think you could take your shirt off in this scene too, we gotta think about that teenage girl demographic..." Not to sound gay, but Reynolds is about the only decent thing in this movie, and even he's horribly miscast.

If you're a real masochist, check out the dvd extras after you've watched the movie. These guys have ZERO shame. They seemed to have tricked themselves into thinking they were making a decent film. Screenwriter Scott Kosar says it all when he talks about the producers making him change the homely, awkward babysitter to a tarted up sex machine..." I realized: YOU'RE RIGHT". No Scott, you realized you're a STUDIO WHORE. Turn turn turn out the crap.

I can't underline enough how terrible this movie is. And it's not really terrible because it's TERRIBLE per se, it's terrible because it does nothing, has no craft, has no creativity, it's just pure paint-by-numbers filmmaking MEDIOCRITY. And to me, mediocrity is far worse than taking chances and missing the mark.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=11925&reviewer=156
originally posted: 11/19/05 10:38:10
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Horror Remakes: For more in the Horror Remakes series, click here.

User Comments

2/21/17 morris campbell it sux read the book instead 1 stars
9/04/15 David Hollingsworth The only thing that is watchable is Ryan Reynolds' abs. 1 stars
12/11/12 Jamie 'Art' fuck you, you cunt. This sucks. 1 stars
9/06/10 art this 2005 one ROCK"S!,and it take's one {A MORON} to know ONE! 4 stars
6/21/10 Sarah Webster Hey art, the original is a classic. This remake is shit.u make yourself look like a moron! 1 stars
3/14/10 art TO TELL YOU the TRUTH,i never saw the first one,i read the NOVEL,this one is the BEST! 4 stars
7/31/09 art MUCH BETTER THAN THE 1979 ORIGINAL! 4 stars
9/11/07 TreeTiger Not that bad, actually... 4 stars
4/19/07 Stevo UK The only thing scary about this film is that another might be on the way. 2 stars
11/19/06 khrystal very scary! i kept seeing that little girl hanging at the foot of my bed for weeks!!! 5 stars
11/14/06 Mark pass 2 stars
11/05/06 mp good visual effects , good acting, and steady supsense, that is all folks. 3 stars
9/23/06 David Pollastrini the house looks nothing like the real house 3 stars
8/22/06 Mr.X this movie blew big donkey dick!!!! 1 stars
8/09/06 Dragon The Artist An abomination to the original, just another over the top crappy, horror popcorn flick. 1 stars
6/16/06 Michele good remake clever additions 4 stars
3/19/06 CJ Intensity throughout it all 5 stars
3/16/06 Anthony Feor A pitiful remake 1 stars
2/17/06 Alice Nope 1 stars
2/03/06 tatum Starts well, gets progressively sillier as it goes 2 stars
12/17/05 JeromeBosch Beefcake and babe canít save this diluted bouillon of a remake. 2 stars
12/14/05 me could have been better 3 stars
12/02/05 George just as bad as the original 1 stars
12/01/05 MrsVoorheesBabyBoy Better Than the Original 4 stars
11/24/05 cr a pump up remake and scary of course, but nothing to be jumping about 3 stars
11/24/05 cr a pump up remake and scary of course, but nothing to be jumping about 3 stars
11/23/05 Melissa Ryan Reynolds looked hot (and crazy) -- not bad but not scary enough either. 4 stars
11/22/05 Kurtis J. Beard Wow - beyond horrible. All time low for horror. 1 stars
11/20/05 Bestit People who are scared of this are scared of their own farts, as well. 1 stars
11/14/05 Indrid Cold Of course it looks great, but ultimately just a compilation of cliches. 2 stars
11/03/05 nikita m i thought it was a good movie it freaked the shit out of me and the guy is so hot its crta 5 stars
10/29/05 Horror buff I think it was actually a good remake, though not as scary as the orginal. 4 stars
10/25/05 chris fox (the god) a fair movie not very scary though 3 stars
10/20/05 PAG Mediocre. Better than original, but that is not saying much. 3 stars
10/17/05 tony scary and sometimes boring. Parts were slow,and dull. 2 stars
10/15/05 Adam The original was at least passable than this second rate crapfest 1 stars
10/12/05 ad ok 3 stars
10/10/05 ashley i liked it but i want to know more 4 stars
10/08/05 Monday Morning Points off for the dog getting killed, but OK otherwise. 4 stars
10/08/05 othree Great casting, suck storyline, suck version, suck efx 1 stars
10/05/05 j.b 2.5 1 stars
9/27/05 Amber I love this movie it wa the only movie that I've ever been to where people screamed 5 stars
9/09/05 John Surprise: A remake that's better than the original 4 stars
9/03/05 Jenny This is a scary movie Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George are great together 5 stars
8/07/05 Junior The most shocking thing about this motion picture is that it's all true! 5 stars
7/25/05 Eric Rollins Original was boring, predictable mess and this remake is only slightly better. 2 stars
7/07/05 YEAH U SEE ME?ITS ME!! hey its me again..ITS FUCKING FUNNY 5 stars
7/07/05 YEAH U SEE ME?ITS ME!! cool movie.very funny 5 stars
7/07/05 Jmz H scary movies ending always scary..sigh.. 5 stars
5/22/05 Charlene Javier I finally liked a Ryan Reynolds movie! 3 stars
5/19/05 wendy rogers The movie is ok...Not real scary but worth seeing. 4 stars
5/17/05 Shawn Borucki Forgettable movie. Somes scenes feel like they were mimicing Kingdom Hospital and Ju-On. 3 stars
5/10/05 Carol ok 3 stars
5/02/05 Valerie great movie, great plot, but the ending is really stupid. 4 stars
4/29/05 Mider when its a good movie and its a remake then that makes it a GREAT remake 5 stars
4/27/05 Aaron Pilkington Scary as hell!!! 5 stars
4/27/05 John very effective and at times really scary- well done 4 stars
4/26/05 Sheree Burns I thought this was the best "remake" film yet.... 5 stars
4/26/05 E-FUNK Collapses immediately and induces laughter when you should be shitting your pants. 2 stars
4/24/05 movie man It was a excelent movie 5 stars
4/21/05 Naka Gore an' shit. Whoo. Now, if only it was, you know, entertaining or at all scary... 1 stars
4/20/05 Krisan Graves Decent movie 3 stars
4/20/05 J MAN scary 5 stars
4/19/05 Maril Smith Excellent Instant Classic! The first film to really scare me and my friends since The Ring! 5 stars
4/19/05 Me A great film 5 stars
4/19/05 Mix Master Mason Should have gone direct to video. Has that annoying Marilyn Manson video look. Blah!!!!!!!! 2 stars
4/19/05 Michael Lee I thought it was, what it was... a good scary movie. 4 stars
4/19/05 Al Guy Lame. The Shining done poorly. 2 stars
4/19/05 Tom Rudderham A lazy and thoughtless remake. 1 stars
4/18/05 Renita Long not as good as the original 2 stars
4/18/05 Gray could have been better 3 stars
4/18/05 Ahnold Not as good as original, but not as bad as everyone writes 3 stars
4/18/05 Christy Weller It's an ok movie, Not one I would Highly reccomend 3 stars
4/17/05 Sharon Davis No worse than the other horror movies out there 2 stars
4/17/05 J MAN Nice surprise, good thrills. Scary how it's a true story.... 5 stars
4/17/05 rory i couldn't sleep after this one. Scarier then the original.... 5 stars
4/17/05 Junior LaROche Liked the original, don't like the current string of Holylwood remakes!!!! 2 stars
4/16/05 Naka Horror shit. 1 stars
4/15/05 shatonjia I hated it 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  15-Apr-2005 (R)
  DVD: 04-Oct-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  14-Apr-2005




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