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Overall Rating
2.54

Awesome: 11.92%
Worth A Look: 9.93%
Average: 29.8%
Pretty Bad: 16.56%
Total Crap31.79%

12 reviews, 79 user ratings



Amityville Horror, The (2005)
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by U.J. Lessing

"Makes Hide and Seek look like The Shining"
1 stars

I thought Amityville: Dollhouse was the last gasp of this lousy series, but now we have a brand new remake of the original! The movie poster for the latest in a long line of Amityville Horror films lovingly proclaims, “From Michael Bay, the producer of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” as if that is a good thing. What it should read is, “Michael Bay, not content with just one stupid, bloody remake, has decided to redo one of the least credible and most ludicrous horror films ever made!”

Once again, the words “Based on a true story” are flashing across movie screens all over America and insulting our intelligence. Actually, the true story is pretty simple. A disturbed man named Ronald DeFeo killed his parents and siblings, and pleaded insanity in court. He’s currently in jail.

About a year later, George and Kathy Lutz got a great deal on the real estate where the murders took place. They lived there for about 28 days, and left claiming the house was haunted. They told their story to author Jay Anson who wrote a great ghost story that sold a lot of books.

Later the lawyer of Ronald DeFeo came forward and stated that he and George Lutz had invented the story for publicity and to get Ronad DeFeo a new trial. Jim and Barbara Cromarty moved into the house and had no problems with any ghosts, but did struggle with all the curiosity seekers, and sued everyone involved with the book. The case was settled out of court.

My guess is that the success of the original film and its spawn of stupid sequels owe their existence to the three-story Dutch colonial house featured so prominently in all of the Amityville movies. It’s a great visual for a scary house. Those foreboding windows that resemble evil eyes perfectly portray the house as a sentient being.

However, with this latest version, the house is all the atmosphere you are going to get. The rule of the day is “More is more!” There is more blood, more gore, more jumps, more screaming, and more violence.

Director, Andrew Douglas, flashes gory special effects with the glee of a kindergartner showing off a scab. The prime victims are children who are shot, threatened, tortured and killed without any hesitation or reason other than to provide quick thrills.

Missing is any sense of suspense or terror. With the director working on sadistic autopilot, it’s up to the composer to try to create chills and scares, but all the music does is make rumbling foundry sounds or try to get us to jump with loud cadences whenever something startles a member of the Lutz family.

Most of the cast is completely drowned in the incessant busyness of the film. Ryan Renolds adds a little charisma as George Lutz, but his character’s descent into madness feels like a bloodshot impersonation of Jack Nicholson from The Shining. (The result can only be described as, ‘Van Wilder Goes Nutso.’)

The Amityville Horror is tedious nonsense. Watching this family endure punishment after punishment, it’s hard to feel any sympathy for such underdeveloped characters who don’t have the common sense to walk out the front the door.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=11925&reviewer=396
originally posted: 04/17/05 05:05:31
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Horror Remakes: For more in the Horror Remakes series, click here.

User Comments

2/21/17 morris campbell it sux read the book instead 1 stars
9/04/15 David Hollingsworth The only thing that is watchable is Ryan Reynolds' abs. 1 stars
12/11/12 Jamie 'Art' fuck you, you cunt. This sucks. 1 stars
9/06/10 art this 2005 one ROCK"S!,and it take's one {A MORON} to know ONE! 4 stars
6/21/10 Sarah Webster Hey art, the original is a classic. This remake is shit.u make yourself look like a moron! 1 stars
3/14/10 art TO TELL YOU the TRUTH,i never saw the first one,i read the NOVEL,this one is the BEST! 4 stars
7/31/09 art MUCH BETTER THAN THE 1979 ORIGINAL! 4 stars
9/11/07 TreeTiger Not that bad, actually... 4 stars
4/19/07 Stevo UK The only thing scary about this film is that another might be on the way. 2 stars
11/19/06 khrystal very scary! i kept seeing that little girl hanging at the foot of my bed for weeks!!! 5 stars
11/14/06 Mark pass 2 stars
11/05/06 mp good visual effects , good acting, and steady supsense, that is all folks. 3 stars
9/23/06 David Pollastrini the house looks nothing like the real house 3 stars
8/22/06 Mr.X this movie blew big donkey dick!!!! 1 stars
8/09/06 Dragon The Artist An abomination to the original, just another over the top crappy, horror popcorn flick. 1 stars
6/16/06 Michele good remake clever additions 4 stars
3/19/06 CJ Intensity throughout it all 5 stars
3/16/06 Anthony Feor A pitiful remake 1 stars
2/17/06 Alice Nope 1 stars
2/03/06 tatum Starts well, gets progressively sillier as it goes 2 stars
12/17/05 JeromeBosch Beefcake and babe can’t save this diluted bouillon of a remake. 2 stars
12/14/05 me could have been better 3 stars
12/02/05 George just as bad as the original 1 stars
12/01/05 MrsVoorheesBabyBoy Better Than the Original 4 stars
11/24/05 cr a pump up remake and scary of course, but nothing to be jumping about 3 stars
11/24/05 cr a pump up remake and scary of course, but nothing to be jumping about 3 stars
11/23/05 Melissa Ryan Reynolds looked hot (and crazy) -- not bad but not scary enough either. 4 stars
11/22/05 Kurtis J. Beard Wow - beyond horrible. All time low for horror. 1 stars
11/20/05 Bestit People who are scared of this are scared of their own farts, as well. 1 stars
11/14/05 Indrid Cold Of course it looks great, but ultimately just a compilation of cliches. 2 stars
11/03/05 nikita m i thought it was a good movie it freaked the shit out of me and the guy is so hot its crta 5 stars
10/29/05 Horror buff I think it was actually a good remake, though not as scary as the orginal. 4 stars
10/25/05 chris fox (the god) a fair movie not very scary though 3 stars
10/20/05 PAG Mediocre. Better than original, but that is not saying much. 3 stars
10/17/05 tony scary and sometimes boring. Parts were slow,and dull. 2 stars
10/15/05 Adam The original was at least passable than this second rate crapfest 1 stars
10/12/05 ad ok 3 stars
10/10/05 ashley i liked it but i want to know more 4 stars
10/08/05 Monday Morning Points off for the dog getting killed, but OK otherwise. 4 stars
10/08/05 othree Great casting, suck storyline, suck version, suck efx 1 stars
10/05/05 j.b 2.5 1 stars
9/27/05 Amber I love this movie it wa the only movie that I've ever been to where people screamed 5 stars
9/09/05 John Surprise: A remake that's better than the original 4 stars
9/03/05 Jenny This is a scary movie Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George are great together 5 stars
8/07/05 Junior The most shocking thing about this motion picture is that it's all true! 5 stars
7/25/05 Eric Rollins Original was boring, predictable mess and this remake is only slightly better. 2 stars
7/07/05 YEAH U SEE ME?ITS ME!! hey its me again..ITS FUCKING FUNNY 5 stars
7/07/05 YEAH U SEE ME?ITS ME!! cool movie.very funny 5 stars
7/07/05 Jmz H scary movies ending always scary..sigh.. 5 stars
5/22/05 Charlene Javier I finally liked a Ryan Reynolds movie! 3 stars
5/19/05 wendy rogers The movie is ok...Not real scary but worth seeing. 4 stars
5/17/05 Shawn Borucki Forgettable movie. Somes scenes feel like they were mimicing Kingdom Hospital and Ju-On. 3 stars
5/10/05 Carol ok 3 stars
5/02/05 Valerie great movie, great plot, but the ending is really stupid. 4 stars
4/29/05 Mider when its a good movie and its a remake then that makes it a GREAT remake 5 stars
4/27/05 Aaron Pilkington Scary as hell!!! 5 stars
4/27/05 John very effective and at times really scary- well done 4 stars
4/26/05 Sheree Burns I thought this was the best "remake" film yet.... 5 stars
4/26/05 E-FUNK Collapses immediately and induces laughter when you should be shitting your pants. 2 stars
4/24/05 movie man It was a excelent movie 5 stars
4/21/05 Naka Gore an' shit. Whoo. Now, if only it was, you know, entertaining or at all scary... 1 stars
4/20/05 Krisan Graves Decent movie 3 stars
4/20/05 J MAN scary 5 stars
4/19/05 Maril Smith Excellent Instant Classic! The first film to really scare me and my friends since The Ring! 5 stars
4/19/05 Me A great film 5 stars
4/19/05 Mix Master Mason Should have gone direct to video. Has that annoying Marilyn Manson video look. Blah!!!!!!!! 2 stars
4/19/05 Michael Lee I thought it was, what it was... a good scary movie. 4 stars
4/19/05 Al Guy Lame. The Shining done poorly. 2 stars
4/19/05 Tom Rudderham A lazy and thoughtless remake. 1 stars
4/18/05 Renita Long not as good as the original 2 stars
4/18/05 Gray could have been better 3 stars
4/18/05 Ahnold Not as good as original, but not as bad as everyone writes 3 stars
4/18/05 Christy Weller It's an ok movie, Not one I would Highly reccomend 3 stars
4/17/05 Sharon Davis No worse than the other horror movies out there 2 stars
4/17/05 J MAN Nice surprise, good thrills. Scary how it's a true story.... 5 stars
4/17/05 rory i couldn't sleep after this one. Scarier then the original.... 5 stars
4/17/05 Junior LaROche Liked the original, don't like the current string of Holylwood remakes!!!! 2 stars
4/16/05 Naka Horror shit. 1 stars
4/15/05 shatonjia I hated it 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  15-Apr-2005 (R)
  DVD: 04-Oct-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  14-Apr-2005




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