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Overall Rating

Awesome: 21.88%
Worth A Look: 13.28%
Average: 14.84%
Pretty Bad41.41%
Total Crap: 8.59%

12 reviews, 56 user ratings

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Longest Yard, The (2005)
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by Jason Whyte

"Your typical bad Sandler flick...should do well the first weekend."
2 stars

“The Longest Yard” is the kind of movie that the Adam Sandler Geekboys will adore. The same people who think that “Billy Madison” is the greatest movie ever, “The Waterboy” is a comedic classic and “50 First Dates” restored their faith in the romantic comedy. These are the same people who freaked out when he turned a serious side in “Spanglish” and tilted their heads like my dog Fergus when they saw “Punch-Drunk Love”. This movie will give them all of the sarcastic backtalk of Sandler, just enough racist and homophobic humour to offend just about everyone else, a loud soundtrack filled with rap songs and excessive foley, and an endless array of prison clichés. Oh, and the traditional Rob Schnieder cameo is there as well.

This is a remake (a remake? Yeah, who would’ve thunk it? You don’t see many of those these days! I mean, really!) of the 1974 comedy that starred Burt Reynolds in the title role. Reynolds is here as an ex-football player, but Reynold’s original character is now in the form of Sandler, whose Paul Crewe, a former NFL football player with a shady past, has been jailed for taking the car that belonged to his girlfriend (Courtney Cox-Arquette) out for a joyride. He finds himself in a jail in Texas where the warden (James Cromwell, either here to get out of a picture deal with Paramount or he lost a bet) who is putting together a football team of his own involving his guards. To help boost morale in the prison, an idea is sprung for Pete to put together a team of inmates to play an exhibition game against the guards.

And so Pete trucks on to put together his team. Chris Rock plays Caretaker, who can get anything an inmate wants, but we see less of him doing that and more of him cracking jokes. The aforementioned Reynolds turns up to help Pete coach his team. Initially, nobody wants to join a football team, but once it is revealed that they can play the guards and get rough, people start turning up. The silly warden may believe that his guards will reign supreme and his inmates will fall, but that wacky Pete has some tricks up his sleeve. Yawn.

In the original, we had Reynolds playing Paul Crewe as kind of a bad guy who made some bad decisions . In this film, Sandler plays the so-called “nice guy everyman” who gets to make everyone root along with him in overthrowing the bad guy. It’s really about as “underdog” as the Dodgeball movie from last year. Sandler himself isn’t awful; in fact he has some funny moments in dealing with some of the more crazy inmates. Chris Rock, however… This guy needs his union card revoked and only be allowed to do stand-up from here on in. His mere presence here is irritating, from his loud voice to his tired one-liners that he always ends with the signature smile. It may work on the stage, but when Rock is hugged by one of the more heavyset people on his team and yells “Down Shrek, down!” we wish that somebody else was doing the job. At least Rob Schnieder, who has his usual cameo here, is only relegated to one scene.

This film is catered to the beer-drinking, wrestling-watching MEN who take pride in the fact that they are like, SO not a homo. It’s bad enough that there are enough hits, beatings and groin impaling for ten movies, but the jokes at the expense of the gay community just go too far, and it certainly satisfied my audience at a recent screening; a gay character remarks “I’m in love” while watching Sandler’s opening car chase on the TV, to which, almost automatically, the audience retches in response. Later down the road, the audience gets a chance to laugh at a row of transvestite inmates led by the otherwise hilarious Tracy Morgan, who had years of laughs on Saturday Night Live.

I think it would have been an interesting idea for the filmmakers to cast Reynolds again as Pete Crewe and have all the action surround ‘ol Smokey, but since this is a Happy Madison production (Sandler’s director-for-hire Peter Segal is back again, so don’t count on actual style) in conjuction with MTV films, and supported by Columbia Pictures and Paramount and rap star Nelly gets credit over ‘ol Jack Horner, it was obvious they couldn’t take a chance. I mean, hey, they have soundtracks to sell.

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originally posted: 05/30/05 02:47:22
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User Comments

8/27/13 Zack I love this movie 5 stars
11/13/09 Homer J. Fong Who is this "Pete" Crewe you keep mentioning? The character's name is *Paul*. 1 stars
5/25/09 Brandon Allin It's a mildly entertaining comedy. 3 stars
11/28/08 Shaun Wallner Hilarious Movie! 4 stars
9/27/08 k. this movie was awesome 5 stars
4/26/07 eddie great very funny just brill 5 stars
4/18/07 David Pollastrini not as good as the original 2 stars
1/21/07 David A. Poor remake of a weak original. This time, the ref gets hit in the nuts with the ball. 1 stars
11/23/06 Austin Wertman HILARIOUS 4 stars
11/16/06 Steve Newman Mean Machine in 1974 the best - British version on soccer was rubbish - this is truly awful 1 stars
9/08/06 drydock54321 do you really believe they would take football that seriously 2 stars
7/24/06 Joyce Verhoeven Cool 5 stars
7/08/06 NS Not much, but funny... and with Courteny Cox. 3 stars
7/08/06 Gerry Irons Funny in parts- overall not a typical sandler movie- bette than the original- like amore ad 3 stars
5/11/06 eric banner sandler did an exelent job in the movie, it was the best movie i've ever seen 5 stars
5/02/06 Anthony Feor Sandler should consider retirement 1 stars
4/25/06 jeffery goodson it was so great 5 stars
4/05/06 Quigley is dum this movie isnt foul Quigley what r u a mom 5 stars
4/03/06 JRE really funny. not as good as the first one though 4 stars
1/11/06 Michael Go Team and all that 4 stars
11/02/05 Dots Funny 5 stars
10/26/05 latrice this movie was the best and nelly was so fine 5 stars
10/26/05 jake awesome 5 stars
10/16/05 Quigley a totally foul and offensive movie. I really miss when movies were GOOD! skip this crap. 1 stars
9/13/05 bbbr sounds good 5 stars
9/10/05 Tori I thought this was a wonderful movie, hilarious 5 stars
8/28/05 Tom Burns A very entertaining movie. 5 stars
7/21/05 susie this movie rocks,i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
7/03/05 Vic Great movie...adam is hilarious was good even though i saw it twice in 1 day.agaisnt my wil 4 stars
7/02/05 Eddie Not the best remake 3 stars
6/29/05 Obi Wan Adam Sandler is NOT FUNNY! 1 stars
6/21/05 Amanda Roberts Definetly not as good as I expected 3 stars
6/15/05 Julia I totally love this movie and i am an 11 year old girl!! 5 stars
6/15/05 Quigley totally disgusting offensive humor that a stupid two year old would laugh at. atrocious!!!! 1 stars
6/15/05 Parsley I don't know what you think but I thought it was cool how it stuck to the origanal. 5 stars
6/14/05 anne Turner its better than all you idiots say it is 4 stars
6/12/05 Tanya Simpson I thought it was hysterically funny 4 stars
6/12/05 Valerie Won't increase your intellect or political awareness, but great for laughs 4 stars
6/09/05 chris kohn even though dis movie was a remake of a classic it still was a hit wit da new generation"X" 5 stars
6/08/05 Drew Peltier I really enjoyed this movie 4 stars
6/07/05 Dave McCulley This movie was hilarious. This reviewer doesn't know good movies. Adam Sandler at his best 5 stars
6/07/05 John Bale Sandler miscast badly in this poor remake that lacks many laughs, but not action. 3 stars
6/07/05 KingNeutron What can I say, I liked it. 4 stars
6/05/05 Brian how many SNL has-bens does it take to make a bad movie? 1 stars
6/05/05 Josh Brogan This was a very funny movie, sandler is a comical genious, see it for yourself 5 stars
6/03/05 Christy Schultz The original was way better... 2 stars
6/03/05 deadwiz Fun for a few laughs, nothing more. 3 stars
6/03/05 Quigley i wish the ratings could go lower, because this crap-fest deserves every stinkin' bit!!!!! 1 stars
6/03/05 drgonzo7 normally i hate Adam Sandler, but this movie wasn't that bad. 4 stars
6/03/05 Hater Sandler is not funny! Can't hold a movie, better suited for skits on SNL! 1 stars
6/02/05 sandler sucks sandler sucks 2 stars
6/01/05 Josh It was awesome! It was so funny. It rocked. I would see it again and again and again. 5 stars
5/29/05 Frank Newhouse Fooooonies! =-) 5 stars
5/29/05 KCobain Sandler officially sucks now. What garbage. 1 stars
5/27/05 tomlove thanhcong 2 stars
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  27-May-2005 (PG-13)
  DVD: 20-Sep-2005



Directed by
  Peter Segal

Written by
  Sheldon Turner

  Adam Sandler
  Chris Rock
  Burt Reynolds
  James Cromwell
  William Fichtner

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