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Overall Rating

Awesome: 7.58%
Worth A Look: 15.15%
Average: 33.33%
Pretty Bad34.85%
Total Crap: 9.09%

7 reviews, 24 user ratings

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Herbie: Fully Loaded
[] Buy posters from this movie
by Erik Childress

"So Loaded He Squirts One On Lohan’s Chest"
3 stars

Who knew that I would find such a deep sense of nostalgia for the new Herbie movie? I mean it didn’t seem so long ago that I was a young man having fun at the skill on display of making young boys smile everywhere. How it would take those hard curves and whiz past the competition, leaving other, more popular models in the dust. As little as I might know about the bodywork or what makes them tick, it was fun to watch while it lasted. Until time intervened and personal taste predicated that what once was new and fresh could burn out just as fast. Yes, I remember when Lindsay Lohan looked like a beautiful young woman instead of the stickly Paris Hilton shade of anorexia that she’s become. Herbie: Fully Loaded was a nice reminder of yesteryear even if the movie isn’t much for someone who loved the original as a kid.

Like Lohan, Herbie has also fallen on hard times. Once on top of the world as the greatest VW racer, the love bug is now faced with a short sentence to the junkyards. Guess all that partying at Studio 54 caught up to our friend. Luckily for him, Maggie Peyton (Lohan) is about to get a graduation present from her dad (Michael Keaton), who runs the failing NASCAR team that her grandfather once made legendary. Herbie ingratiates his way into Maggie’s eye and is soon showing her what he’s made of by beating the arrogant Trip Murphy (Matt Dillon) in a mano-a-mano in front of his own fans and television cameras.

And that’s about all you can really ask from a Herbie film can’t you? Trip wants to beat the bug at all costs. Dad doesn’t want his daughter racing professionally fearing for her life. If I was her brother (Breckin Meyer) I’d start wondering if I was an expendable casualty. There’s an old school chum (Justin Long, my main man Warren Cheswicke from TV’s Ed) who fights for Maggie’s affections to save her from getting too skinny. OK, now I’m just getting my wires crossed. Herbie Fully Loaded is way too innocuous to warrant any serious criticism, but wouldn’t it have been fun to cross-up those wires just a little.

There was probably little hope…scratch that…there was zero hope of making a new Herbie more subversive than a couple half-entendres under the “G”-rated banner of Walt Disney. So why hire Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant (an enormously talented duo from TV’s brilliant Reno 911) to do a draft of the script? Because they wrote another insipid, poorly conceived remake involving a car at its center (Taxi)? Personally, my thoughts drifted to a more darker Herbie, one helmed not by AngelaD.E.B.S.” Robinson but by John Carpenter. Visions of the love bug engulfed in fire chasing Matt Dillon around the track. How do two Volkswagens actually get it on? Do they use one of their pistons in the gas tank? Would the tailpipe be the backdoor? If Lohan and Long were to get it on in the backseat, would that be considered a threesome? C’mon, that car got its nickname from somewhere. OK, that would be crossing the wires a lot.

Aside from one unintentionally hilarious dialogue scene involving giving up or cheating (I’m sorry I can’t remember it was just too damn funny) and Herbie squirting a hot load (of oil) all over Lohan’s chest, Herbie Fully Loaded is about as innocuous as live action family fare can get. Lohan is a good sport to continue fulfilling that Disney contract when she’s made it clear roles like Mean Girls are out there for her to grab. She’s just fine in the film and nobody steps into the territory of embarrassment, except maybe Keaton, who with his 14 minutes of screen time continues to waste his talents on nothing roles. Matt Dillon has fun twirling his non-existent mustache and, well, there’s not much else to say for an antiquated 1960s family film updated for the 21st century with a heavy 1980s soundtrack. At least the rumors of Lohan’s, um, range being digitally altered for the film have been greatly exaggerated. Ah, memories.

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originally posted: 06/24/05 03:18:11
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User Comments

1/17/09 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 2 stars
6/29/08 art WHO CARES? 1 stars
1/23/08 Chase It was an OK movie. It could've been more intersting though. 3 stars
8/11/07 Tiffany Losco I liked this movie. This is when Lindsay was good! 5 stars
12/25/06 garfeild This movie was a piece of @#$% 5 stars
11/30/06 David Pollastrini Lindsay Lohan is hot! 4 stars
7/15/06 drydock54321 fun movie to watch 4 stars
6/09/06 holly i think herbie fully loaded is a gret movie i like it becuase i love vw bettles 5 stars
5/20/06 duh the movies pretty good!But my '06 aveo can do better!!! 4 stars
5/15/06 Diane P daughter loved it, couldn't compare to herbie of years past..just ok 3 stars
5/03/06 Ashley Hinz I just didn't appreciate it. No offense meant. 2 stars
10/25/05 drfardook forced to watch on a CA-NY flight. tried to claw my way through the window 1 stars
10/21/05 Ariadne Christina Renee Gladstone Nothing special but Lindsay Lohan fun to watch even when slumming. 3 stars
9/14/05 Jonathon Holmes not even Lohan's hot-ass body can save this shity remake 2 stars
8/15/05 William E. C. Lowe And other Great Movie From the love Bug add to all the great nice collection. Great the act 5 stars
7/11/05 8=====D lohan is fuckin hott!!!!!! =O 5 stars
7/04/05 KingNeutron How sad that the guy that played Johnny Dangerously is reduced to this. 2 stars
7/02/05 Eric Rollins Have to get loaded to sit through this 2 stars
6/27/05 dan a good fun family film, good ob lindsay 4 stars
6/24/05 chris. oh good. hollywood continues to piss on my childhood memories. 1 stars
6/24/05 Huh? Peter: How about reviewing this movie, and not comparing it to the original? 3 stars
6/23/05 Naka Nahh. 1 stars
6/23/05 Penisballs Lindsay Lohan: Fully Loaded (i.e. 25 hours a day, 8 days a week) 1 stars
6/23/05 Brian way to fulfill your contractual obligations, lindsay 1 stars
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  22-Jun-2005 (G)
  DVD: 25-Oct-2005



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