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Overall Rating
2.09

Awesome: 6.82%
Worth A Look: 11.36%
Average: 15.91%
Pretty Bad: 15.91%
Total Crap50%

2 reviews, 32 user ratings


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Assassins
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by Slyder

"Could you please hand me the fucking gun so I can kill you?"
1 stars

If a film can be summarized with one word, Iíd summarize this film with the word STUPID!!!

Two assholes (Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas) passing as hired killers butt their heads a bit too often while going for the same target (Julianne Moore) and it never progresses beyond thatÖ give it up, will you? You know who the fuck is going to side with the target and who the fuck is going to come out in the end.

Stallone and Banderas are total shite; they try to pass off as cool, cold, calculated killers yet their characters have to be two of the most stupid and most idiotic serial killers Iíve ever seen. Not to mention the fact that Stallone and Banderas are arguably two of THE worst actors out there. And donít get me started with the damn ending; read Ryanís review if you want an overview of how dumb that ending was, not to mention that the morons never reload their guns, EVER!!! They just keep on firing and firing like they had 90 shots on their shitty little guns. OH, for fuckís sake!

Hard to believe this came from the Wachowski brothers; Hey assholes, next time watch The Day of the Jackal if you want to know how the character structure of a professional killer is actually like. Learn, damn it!!! And Richard Donner directed this??!! Good fucking lord. It seems his Omen and Lethal Weapon days are long behind him already.

Ultimately a totally stupid, deplorable, completely worthless pile of shrapnel. Avoid like gunfire. 0-5

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1250&reviewer=235
originally posted: 10/23/04 07:56:44
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell boring action movie 1 stars
2/07/10 PAUL SHORTT SILLY ACTION THRILLER WITH NASTY CHARACTERS 1 stars
11/19/09 Jeff Wilder Obviously written on an all night mountain dew binge (nothing wrong with M Dew), 1 stars
4/05/08 garrett all right 3 stars
8/13/06 Sepi53 Too long, but okay! 3 stars
5/05/06 Aldo REALLY ENJOYED IT ...Banderas Steals the show in this 5 stars
1/26/06 JM Synth The weakest Sly movie I've seen mostly boring 2 stars
9/25/05 D Buckley Scorcher 1 stars
9/15/05 Tom Burns A good action movie. Stallone and Banderas were good together. 4 stars
8/19/05 ES Lame, silly, stupid, wasn't this thing released as the specialist or something 1 stars
8/19/05 Abhie One of the best thrilers performance oiented films of all time 5 stars
7/29/05 tony it was good. 3 stars
3/29/05 tatum Some good action, but way overlong 3 stars
1/18/05 albert should be 25 minutes shorter 3 stars
1/05/05 Carly Austin One of the most implausibel films of all time. 1 stars
1/05/04 Pat A smart, clever thriller. It's not your typical action film, which is why it's good. 4 stars
11/29/03 Agent Sands Banderas is a good villain, Wachowskis make an ambitious start. This is underrated fun. 4 stars
11/28/03 john something went dreadfully wrong here 2 stars
12/03/02 R.W. Welch Banderas is the only one even trying to make something of this, but it's no go. 2 stars
9/15/02 Joe Zappa (I'm Back!) "Assassins" is a decent action movie from the Wachowski brothers. 4 stars
5/10/02 Max Dumbed down. Way way down. 2 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk Banderas and Stallone equally stink in this pile of elephant shit. 1 stars
2/19/01 INCUBATOR Fuck ya all, this movie is good. 5 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla First time, loved it , second time, hated it , third time, wanted to fucking kill somebody 1 stars
2/03/00 Matthew James Quite enjoyable no-brainer action movie 4 stars
9/23/99 Matt It's so realistic! Aren't all laptops able to communicate without modems or telephone lines 2 stars
4/15/99 Jon Jackson I guess it's kinda got some action? 2 stars
4/02/99 The Incredible Sulk Crud. I repeat, crud. 1 stars
3/30/99 Ah Dooey Whatever happened to Sly? 1 stars
3/18/99 Madcap cheez whiz 2 stars
11/04/98 cyanide rush better writing would have made this movie cooler 3 stars
11/02/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! Cant understand a word Sylvester or Banderas say.Julianne moore gives the movie a spark. 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  06-Oct-1995 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Feb-1996 (M)




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