Bleh, ugh, ack, ooh, belch, gag, gurgle… pant, pant, pant. Gosh, if there’s a film that deserves to be called Worst Film Ever Made, shove this dreck right on top of the list. You better lay your money down, my friend, because this is probably THE worst Stallone movie ever made, no question; it’s so bad, SO FUCKING BAD, that I just either wanted to 1) Throw up in the middle of the movie 2) Grab the tape and smash it into a thousand pieces 3) Commit suicide. God, this film is so goddamn awful that even the die-hardest Stallone fan will be praying for forgiveness and want to strangle him to death for wasting one and a half hours of their life.Now supposedly this trash is about this bad-ass cop called Joe Bomowski (Stallone), who is all of a sudden visited by his obnoxious mom, an interesting scene is when he’s waiting on the terminal and there’s his mother Tutti (Estelle Getty) showing everyone pictures of his son, when he was in his diapers. The passengers laugh, but we don’t. Tutti (What a ridiculous name) makes his life miserable, and embarrasses him in many moments, like the suicide scene, and countless others. Then for his birthday she buys him a machine gun, from a guy in a van, and then they get into some shit about a case of stolen guns and insurance fraud.
"A Runner-up For Worst Stallone Movie Ever If Not THE Worst!!!"
The opening scenes where Joe is chasing those crooks is such a stupid scene that you tend to laugh not with it, but at it. Estelle Getty’s performance is even worse than Stallone’s. The minute she steps off the plane, you just want her to go away and get her back in that fucking plane and go back to where she came from. Her acting is atrocious, it’s bland, and it’s embarrassing, like she was totally out of he fucking head, in other words SHE PLAIN SUCKS!!! And this is Estelle Getty, the great comedic genius that we used to laugh and enjoy in Golden Girls? There’s not a sign of that great actress anywhere. Instead we got a shit-ass rip-off from a great actress that just makes more and more and ass of herself in every virtual scene she’s in and thanks to that she’s painful to watch. Stallone is by no means better. His character is as dumb and stupid as Getty’s. That scene where he appears with his diapers was laughable because we see that Stallone has made a complete jackass of himself in appearing in this shitfest. The scenes where Getty is cleaning the house late at night, and Stallone is trying to sleep, but can’t, reflects exactly on how the viewer feels: Totally annoyed and wanting to stick needles into his/her eyes. The climatic scene in the end was totally and horrendously stupid. Ugh, I gave up on the film after the first fifteen minutes and decided just laugh at it and start shouting obscenities at the TV screen.
Whoever approved this horseshit deserves to be shot, honestly, this movie is a totally fucked up, lame-o, unoriginal comedy right from the start. It’s moronic and stupid beyond belief. It’s painful that you can even call it suicide inducing. It’s many of the worst things that you can find in a trash movie, and even more. The worst about this film is that it’s not even funny in any frame. Sure, those annoyingly stupid scenes described above and more bring some laughs, but we laugh at the stupidity of the scene, we laugh, we cry we laugh again we cry, we get mad, and we walk out. It would’ve been better if they added some depth to the characters or even add some originality to the comedic antics, anything to make this film better. The film credits three fucking writers and producers and these six jackasses couldn’t come with something DECENTLY FUNNY!?!? What kind of movie making is this? Is this a spoof? How could these guys do such a piece of shit like this? This film is more of a carbon copy of every bad film that you can recall and a bad rip-off of every great comedy there is. After the movie ended, I was numb and asking myself:
Did Sly REALLY wanted to make this movie so he thinks he’s a reliable comedy actor?
Did Estelle REALLY wanted to appear in this film, or did aliens kidnapped her, and placed a poorly made carbon copy of a great actress?
Was there REALLY a writer in this film, or did some Executive jackasses placed their names there so nobody finds out that this script was written by a bunch of mentally retarded fucks from an insane asylum and spare embarrassment? Bad move guys, you should’ve credited those guys, so the embarrassment would’ve been minor, or maybe you jerks are retards after all. DIE FUCKERS DIE!!!
Was there REALLY a director in this film? Or was it some other retard from another asylum?
Who was the retard that approved this film, so that I can go to his office and tear his guts out and bath myself in his blood?
Can somebody help me commit suicide?In the end, avoid this film at all costs. It’s not worth your time. If you even think of renting this, even if you’re a guy who wants to commit suicide, I’ll hunt you down and kill you with my bare hands. I guarantee you that it’ll be less painful for me to kill you than watching this film just to kill yourself. It doesn’t even fall in the “So bad its good” category, it more falls on the “So bad it FUCKING STINKS” category. (0-5)
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1251&reviewer=235
originally posted: 08/26/01 03:11:59