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Aside from some rather swanky underwater cinematography and some seriously creepy contact lenses, there's not a single, solitary thing to be found within The Cave that could accurately be described as "new," "unique," "unconventional," or "not ripped off from an earlier, better movie." This is your stock example of "sci-fi horror" in which the same old characters wander through the same old settings, occasionally stopping to be eaten by the rather hilariously familiar monsters. The screenplay is rote, the story is predictable, and the plot holes are many.

And yet the 15-year-old movie geek in me, the same one who's seen Deep Rising, The Relic, and Mimic about six times each, found a handful of things to like about The Cave. For one, despite the fact that this is a tale you've heard about a dozen times before (this year alone, that is), the flick slides on forward at an appreciable pace. Call it silly or overbaked or even drop-dead generic, but at least The Cave's not boring.

Oh, you needed a plot synopsis. Fair enough; here's one:

The world's greatest "cave divers" (the movie's too embarrassed to use the word "spelunkers") have been summoned to the base of a Romanian mountain. It's here that they'll dive into the largest cave ever discovered ... for no discernible reason other than that they're asked to.

And that's pretty much it; once down, the cavers come across a variety of subterranean screech-monsters who proceed to bite some faces off. Six or seven corpses later, the remaining folks (i.e. the only actors in the cast that you recognize from other movies) manage to close in on a possible escape hatch. Cue an entirely form-fitting action finale and a seriously silly "sequel teaser," and there you have it: yet another monster movie that blazes no new ground while pleasing the easily-pleased genre freaks -- like me.

Cobbled together from only the most recognizable sections of Alien, Pitch Black, and just about any other "monster on the loose" story you've ever heard of, The Cave is lacking the sort of claustrophobic tension that a movie like this should deliver (in spades), yet it still works as an "oh, come on" guilty pleasure with just enough minor jolts, jitters, and joists to warrant a weekend rental.

Notice I did say "rental." By no means is this a movie that deserves your entire Friday night or your $8.50 box office expenditure. But if the DVD case catches your eye and the idea of underground monsters gets your juices flowing, "The Cave" is a mindless little knock-off that just might give you a few gasps and giggles.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=12863&reviewer=128
originally posted: 08/26/05 15:43:34
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