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Overall Rating
2.48

Awesome: 33.33%
Worth A Look: 3.7%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad: 3.7%
Total Crap59.26%

2 reviews, 15 user ratings


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Dangerous Men
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by The Ultimate Dancing Machine

"Words fail me. Words fail the director, too."
1 stars

As I write these words, there is a film playing in eight Los Angeles-area theatres. No one knows how it got there. We all just kind of woke up to find this film taking up space on local screens. There are no advance reviews of the film, no ads that I can find. It is not listed on the IMDB. No one's talking about it on the Internet. Its director, one "John S. Rad," is an enigma. The only clue to the film's existence is a cheap Photoshopped poster hanging in the theatre lobby calling it "An unforgettable suspense, mystery drama."

As it happens, I was in the market for an unforgettable suspense, mystery drama.

The film opens to shots of waves crashing against the shore. Music plays. Credits roll. "Created & Written" by John S. Rad. Produced by John S. Rad. Original music by John S. Rad. A bunch of other things by John S. Rad. It goes on like that for a while. Not since THE BROWN BUNNY has one man taken so much upon his shoulders.

Then the plot starts. A Man and Woman coo at each other over dinner. They spend several minutes talking about how much they love each other. "I love you so much it scares me," says the Man, handily winning that argument.

The Man and Woman are strolling along a beach, whereupon they are jumped by two horny bikers. The Man chokes Biker #1 to death. Biker #2 fatally stabs the Man, then yells at the Man's dead body: "You son of a bitch, you're lucky you're dead!"

The Woman pretends to be impressed by Biker #2, calling him a "real man." They end up in a hotel room together, where the Woman approaches him in the nude. But little does Biker #2 realize that the Woman has a knife hidden between her butt cheeks. (Let it not be said that director/writer/musician/producer/creator John S. Rad is incapable of surprises.) The Woman stabs the hell out of him, then gives a speech to the dead body ("You son of a bitch!"--continuing the film's motif in which dead bodies are invariably addressed as sons of bitches) where she vows to kill all sleazy men.

Soon after this, the hotel maid discovers the dead biker. Note how she starts screaming in panic before seeing the body.

The Woman travels the country killing men left and right. At regular intervals, she talks to herself so we the audience know what angsty thoughts she's thinking. At one point, she makes a would-be rapist take off his clothes and go running around the desert naked. This sequence goes on for a very long time. Let it not be said that director/writer/musician/producer/creator John S. Rad lacks a unique sense of pacing.

The Woman whacks a few more men. The Woman gets into an argument with a prostitute. Prostitute: "I must be out of my mind. You're crazy!"; Woman: "No, I'm not crazy. You are!" I can't remember how that ended.

About halfway through, this plot line abruptly ends and is replaced by another one. The Brother of the Man slain by Biker #2 is out for blood. The Brother lurks around biker bars looking for clues; eventually he discovers that the ringleader is a man named Black Pepper. In one of the film's supreme ironies, Black Pepper turns out to be a blond-haired white dude.

Eventually, the Brother and Black Pepper duke it out. Black Pepper is one tough mofo; note how his sunglasses stay on even as he's being repeatedly punched in the face. On a related note, director/writer/musician/producer/creator John S. Rad should be commended for his tastefully G-rated fight scenes, sprinkled liberally throughout his film. At no time does anyone ever look like they're making contact with their opponent.

And then...well, I wouldn't wanna spoil a good movie, except to say that the movie ends with Black Pepper getting busted by the cops after breaking into a deaf woman's house during his attempt to flee.

We never do find out what happens to the Woman. That's something I just have to ask John S. Rad about, should we ever meet.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=13136&reviewer=223
originally posted: 09/25/05 12:19:03
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User Comments

11/22/15 NZP Hyper feminist violence against women theme. Only acting: women struggling during rapes. 5 stars
9/13/06 Keline Williams A campy, hilarious movie with several plots. And the woman got arrested (for TUDM). 2 stars
8/05/06 Bryan E Wendorf Amazing! I didn't think they made them like this anymore! Hilarious trash! 5 stars
1/09/06 a. kurlovs i adore this movie and everything that's so horrible about it 5 stars
12/11/05 obscuro Riotously funny through it's ineptness; surpasses Quintet as best worst movie! 5 stars
10/01/05 Movie Sluts "Sucks" is too flattering 1 stars
10/01/05 Leegs One of the greatest "bad" movies ever made 5 stars
9/30/05 Marie incomprehensibly mind-numbing and adorably weird, a singular vision 4 stars
9/30/05 dave white i just saw this at the laemmle music hall and it made me retarded 5 stars
9/30/05 Eric How the hell did this movie get into theatres 1 stars
9/28/05 Alec Johnson This film ROCKS! It was the most entertaining film I have seen this year. 5 stars
9/27/05 Carlos Great 21st century Ed Wood film to watch with friends drunk and/or stoned. 5 stars
9/27/05 Erlik Khan The best movie I've ever seen, by far 5 stars
9/26/05 Rodolfo Bachman The real challenge is to find out how this movie got to theaters 1 stars
9/26/05 Seanboy Best Movie Ever!!!!! Just kiddin, this movie fuckin sucked 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  23-Sep-2005 (NR)

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