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Overall Rating

Awesome: 3.7%
Worth A Look: 7.41%
Average: 14.07%
Pretty Bad: 35.56%
Total Crap39.26%

11 reviews, 69 user ratings

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by Scott Weinberg

"'Dumb' I can handle with no problem. 'Boring' is another story."
2 stars

I went into the latest video-game-movie experience dead-set against knocking the flick for its derivative plot, moronic characters, simplistic structure, and insipid screenplay. I was fully prepared to sit back, relax, and enjoy a good mindless piece of action-packed junk-food. But never in my pre-movie checklist did I ever consider that the thing would be so amazingly BORING.

Based upon the amazingly popular series of PC games called, well, "DOOM," this grotesquely familiar and painfully sweaty yawnfest just plops right off the "synergy" assembly-line and into the laps of a thousand skeptical video game fans. "Will this movie be able to recapture some of the mood, the tone, the gruesome style of the video games?" they may be asking. And, since most video game players are also of above-average intelligence, their next logical question will be "Does it really matter?"

No, movie fans, it does not matter, because Doom could be based on a video game, a comic book, a toy, a boat, a shoe, or a Whitney Houston song. Source material being "source" and all that jazz, the video game adapters aren't really interested in much more than a familiar title, weapon, and poster font with which to sell their movie tickets.

Plus, c'mon. You could name this thing Alien Megaslaughter and it wouldn't change the fact that you're watching the 187th retread of Aliens that's as clueless about what made Aliens so great as it is ravenously intent on ripping off every single juicy morsel found within Cameron's classic.

Here's the pitch: A group of ultra-tough soldier dudes are sent to a Mars space station to look into a sudden emergency. Suffice to say that the whole place is crawling with aliens that might actually be mutated humans and/or zombified humans that might actually be mutated aliens. It's all very confusing, and I assume this is why most video games come with instruction booklets.

In lieu of an instruction booklet, Doom has an amazingly sketchy screenplay by David Callaham (first-timer, so he gets a break) and Wesley Strick (longtime veteran scribe, so he should know better) and the indecipherably bland direction of former cinematographer Andrzej Bartkowiak. (And here's a worthy question: Is it better to be the director of Doom, Cradle 2 the Grave, and Exit Wounds, or the cinematographer of The Devil's Advocate, Speed, and Terms of Endearment?)

Putting aside that the monsters are dull, the soldier dudes duller still, and that an omnipresent subplot about 'genetics this and mutation that' manages to bring the misshapen flick to a halt with no warning and even less effort... No, the biggest and most unforgivable shortcoming that Doom displays is its complete and utter ... boringness.

As in: The first hour of this movie consists of grunting men who wander down hallways while carrying flashlights, caressing weapons, and using the word "fuck" like they just invented the thing. Someone needed to take the director aside and say "Look, Andzy, when we say 'action scenes' we don't just mean aimless wandering and a random kill scene every 12.2 minutes." Doom was about three-quarters finished when a fellow critic looked over and whispered "I thought this was an action movie!"

The only members of the cast you'll recognize are: The Rock, who (for some stupid reason) decides to drop the "likable" section of his action-hero persona, and sinks his teeth into playing "Sarge" with all the one-note gruffness of an R. Lee Ermey caricature. Karl Urban plays a guy who just might turn out to be the flick's hero, but the guy's so damn glum and mumbly, you just won't care. And then there's lovely blonde Rosamund Pike as a archaeologist / researcher / exposition machine who simply never once shuts the hell up. The rest of the characters are one-note at best, garishly stupid at worst. Dexter Fletcher gets some cheap-shot comic relief as a half-man / half spacebike. (Don't even ask.)

Some will be content to call Doom the best video game to movie adaptation that we've received thus far. But what those people are saying is that Doom is better than Double Dragon, Super Mario Bros., House of the Dead, Resident Evil, and Alone in the Dark. In the appropriate context, it's not much of a compliment at all, now is it?

The disappointment I feel regarding "Doom" does not stem from high expectations or from shoddy formula filmmaking. It comes from the fact that this flick promised me a ton of kickass action, and it failed to deliver. You'll feel like you ordered a steak and got a meatball.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 10/21/05 16:42:28
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User Comments

7/13/09 User Goat was funny, I recognised him as the criminal who killed Bruce's parents in batman Begin 4 stars
2/04/09 WiseGuy Josh Standlee "Better than sex " - Obviously you had terrible sex 1 stars
6/29/08 George Wow!!! This film completely redefines the word "awful". The FPS section was good, but short 1 stars
6/03/08 badgersbum Good suspense when it finally got going but not a good film. FPS too short! 2 stars
12/15/07 Damian Eades No-one who played Doom 12 years ago will like it 1 stars
9/14/07 matt i enjoyed it. 4 stars
7/28/07 Wee Todd Didd Pretty poor movie, great game though. 2 stars
7/08/07 Tom Servo Plot was more of a Resident Evil flavor than Doom-verdict= D- 2 stars
7/08/07 al smith pretty good but not enough gore 4 stars
5/05/07 Reesefire Black A shameless ripoff of "Aliens",yes, but still a bloody good time. FPS sequence was cool. 4 stars
3/05/07 --- Actually left the theatre and got a refund. For video game dorks only. 1 stars
12/05/06 Stanley Thai It's a really bad film with some action and bad lightings that you can't see anything. 2 stars
10/31/06 ES about what you'd expect 1 stars
8/22/06 JM Synth Weinberg on the money. FPS sequence was fun but I could have just played the game for that 2 stars
7/31/06 Notch Johnson I love horror movies...but the filming was SOOOO bad...couldn't see a thing 1 stars
6/05/06 Josh Standlee Better than sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/10/06 Ron Newbold Play the game - 2 stars
4/07/06 Aldo REALLY REALLY BAD... 1 stars
4/01/06 Michele not really good but fun for the game lovers 3 stars
3/30/06 M. Dido Sure it's dumb - but it's great fun! 3 stars
3/29/06 Indrid Cold Perhaps Silent Hill will be the 1st good video game movie, but I'm not holding my breath. 2 stars
3/28/06 Danny Johanson Yeah, the Movie was crap, but it was amusing as all hell. 4 stars
3/28/06 Brian Meyer Was Street Fighter the worst VG movie? Not anymore. KILL THE ROCK!!!! 1 stars
3/26/06 y2mckay Like A vs P, first hour sucks ass, last 20 minutes kick ass. A popcorn movie, nothing more. 3 stars
2/20/06 ducka now can they make a REAL doom movie? 3 stars
2/20/06 chris f not a bad movie worth watching 4 stars
2/12/06 Anus wonderful work of CRAP!!! 1 stars
2/11/06 movie_buff A failed attempt to the first (great) Predator movie. I fell asleep! 2 stars
2/11/06 the laughing man good, but not entirely great 3 stars
2/11/06 Rocky I can't believe they managed to fvck up a slam-dunk like DOOM! Worse than even The Cave 1 stars
1/02/06 Wiseman Im a hardcore doom fan, This one sucked it let me down, I had to cry 1 stars
12/22/05 MUCH sound & fury signifying Total Crap / Sucks Wish Samantha had farted to take away Eric's 2nd star; no stars for me either way. 1 stars
12/18/05 Doomguy Definitely a film for Doom fans; not necessarily for the whole media masses. 5 stars
12/18/05 Goatse People who find this film "intriguing" probably say the same about worms in their stools 1 stars
12/16/05 YJS standard crap at beginning, but gets intriguing as the film goes on 4 stars
12/16/05 Cunt World's Biggest Turd 1 stars
11/27/05 chris shite film man who made it needs to die 1 stars
11/20/05 Duck MST 3000 quality! Tons o fun 5 stars
11/11/05 Dan Smith Great Special Effects, and ot a let down as a video game fan. 4 stars
11/11/05 gescom waste of time and money [even in hollymood] 1 stars
11/10/05 CHRIS EXCELLENT FOR what it is - popcorn action movie 5 stars
11/09/05 Alice This is the worst movie of the year! And I have seen a lot! 1 stars
11/04/05 Anus LAAAADIIIIEEEESSS WE'RE IN LOCKDOWN....Fuck you, just for that you're getting an 'F' 1 stars
10/31/05 Jonathon Holmes Sinks to the idiot shallows of Stealth and Fantastic Four, horrible 1 stars
10/31/05 Wisamane Im a die hard gamer And i think this movie was a pieace of crap, the game was better 1 stars
10/29/05 CONSTANTINE DOOMED... More like "Resident Evil" in outer-space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 stars
10/28/05 Lennart Mol If you know DOOM, then you KNOW this is NOT DOOM. 1 stars
10/27/05 Michael Kondo you'll like it if you like doom, hate it if you dont 2 stars
10/27/05 deadwiz something to do for 2 hours. 3 stars
10/26/05 Nick_Voro Met the expectations of being terrible. But it wasn't not to the level of Fantastic Four. 2 stars
10/25/05 chris fox (the god) garbage 1 stars
10/25/05 bentable wtf 1 stars
10/24/05 othree WASTED EVERYTHING, rent it to hear the Rock saying motherfucker. Gamers will be highly diss 1 stars
10/24/05 KingNeutron I thought it was OK, and I haven't even played Doom. 3 stars
10/24/05 Monster W. Kung Lowtax, I hope you mean Doom3, not I and II. If you think those sucked, you should be shot. 2 stars
10/23/05 Wisamane THE MOVIE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HELL!!! Stupid catch phrases, Cheesey Music. 1 stars
10/23/05 baseball-nut Should've stayed in the wrestling ring, The Rock sucks as an actor! 1 stars
10/22/05 Wisamane that Fps crap was annoying, IF I WANNA SEE SOMTHING IN FPS ILL PLAY THE GAME!!! 1 stars
10/22/05 Anthony G GARBAGE 1 stars
10/22/05 Jhon grifiths From what i have read some people thought it was crap, well PLAY THE DAMB GAME MORON 5 stars
10/22/05 The Talking Elbow I sincerely enjoyed this film. I think sometimes you critics are too snooty. It wasn't bad. 4 stars
10/22/05 Kristina Williams thank GOD I didnt pay to watch this. 1 stars
10/22/05 whatevr The title of the movie explains the future of all video-game based movies 1 stars
10/19/05 Wisamane LMAO what can i say I knew this movie was going to suck ass...pussy ass hollywood 1 stars
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  21-Oct-2005 (R)
  DVD: 07-Feb-2006



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