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Overall Rating
2.01

Awesome: 3.7%
Worth A Look: 7.41%
Average: 14.07%
Pretty Bad: 35.56%
Total Crap39.26%

11 reviews, 69 user ratings


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Doom
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by Doug Bentin

"Doomed if you do and doomed if you don’t."
3 stars

I really thought that “Doom” would be so bad, I’d be able to refer to it as “Dumm.” I’m a little disappointed that this isn’t the case. Hopefully, someday some doofus producer will release a disaster movie called “Dam” and I’ll be able to modify this gag to fit.

“Doom” is one of those pop genre movies that can be reviewed in more than one way. If I wanted to review it as a mainstream action film I’d have to say that it borrows much of its best stuff from James Cameron’s “Aliens” and John Carpenter’s “The Thing” and that it doesn’t live up to either of them. If I approached it as a “B” movie, like that stuff you watch Saturday night on the Sci Fi Channel when you can’t get a date, I’d probably compare it to the same two pictures and say that, for an over-priced “B” it’s pretty well done.

As is so often the case with genre films, your reaction to it depends a lot on the expectations you had going in.

The Rock stars as a marine with “Semper Fi” tattooed on his back. This makes no sense, of course, unless he plans to sit around shirtless with a bunch of the fellas. All he does is follow orders, and that’s all he wants to do. He and his rescue team are sent to Mars, where something nasty is killing people at an archaeological survey installation. It’s never explained in a way that makes sense, but something is killing the scientists and then bringing them back to life and transforming them into the kind of monsters you see in video games. This picture is based on a video game.

This is where we should insert the digression about what a waste of time video games are, but I watch Douglas Sirk movies and I’m a big fan of Tod Slaughter, so if I lecture you on the evils of wasting time I deserve to be a stunt double on “Passion of the Christ II.” I don’t care if you play video games if you don’t care that I have an autographed picture of Lash LaRue on the wall over my desk. Deal? Good.

But back to Mars.

Sarge’s second in command is “Reaper” Grimm (Karl Urban, Eomer in the last two Lord of the Rings movies) who has issues with his sister Samantha, one of the scientists (Rosamund Pike, Miranda Frost in “Die Another Day”). Their ongoing disagreement about the deaths of their parents is supposed to look like character depth but it it’s really just something to make this look like a movie.

Okay, this is where I’m supposed to tell you that someone with Rosamund Pike’s credentials should be making movies that are a helluva lot better than “Doom.” I won’t do that because the thing that is so frequently overlooked when critics decry, say, Robert DeNiro’s participation in “Godsend” or “Hide and Seek” is that acting in an over-the-top horror flick is fun. Besides, if Tara Reid got all these roles—my god, I don’t even want to think about it.

Actually, one of the more interesting segments was the one in which Reaper hunts the beasties and all the action is seen from his point of view as he stalks the halls. We see what he sees, over the gun he carries. Yeah, it’s just like what you’d be seeing if you were playing the game. Thank goodness this doesn’t go on for long, but it is kind of catchy for a few minutes.

Having said that, I still have to bitch that these game movies ought to forget that they originated in the gaming experience and just be movies. There isn’t a bunch of stuff in movies based on novels that tries to duplicate the experience of reading a book. Movies have been based on books, short stories, poems, songs, even (gasp) real life. Rarely do they play out like the original form—especially real life—but for some reason these game movies want to look like games.

Maybe someday a critic will write an article explaining why game movies can’t make the leap away from their source material. Or maybe I should try playing the games. Maybe then it would make sense to me—but I doubt it. Not much does make sense to me anymore, but that could me my fault. Naw . . .

The acting is about what you’d expect for this kind of thing. Everyone starts at emotional level 9, quickly kicks up to 10 and stays there. The FX are good enough, especially when it comes to the gore. This is a very wet movie without being in the least scary.

So bottom line: if you want a real movie, try elsewhere. If you want a slick “B” movie, this’ll do. If you want to play a video game, it’s a toss up. If you want to see The Rock do that cha-cha eyebrow thing, forget about it.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=13269&reviewer=405
originally posted: 11/04/05 02:38:39
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User Comments

7/13/09 User Goat was funny, I recognised him as the criminal who killed Bruce's parents in batman Begin 4 stars
2/04/09 WiseGuy Josh Standlee "Better than sex " - Obviously you had terrible sex 1 stars
6/29/08 George Wow!!! This film completely redefines the word "awful". The FPS section was good, but short 1 stars
6/08/08 PAUL SHORTT A DARK, VIOLENT, NERVE-WRACKING, TRIGGER-GIDDY WASTE OF TIME 1 stars
6/03/08 badgersbum Good suspense when it finally got going but not a good film. FPS too short! 2 stars
12/15/07 Damian Eades No-one who played Doom 12 years ago will like it 1 stars
9/14/07 matt i enjoyed it. 4 stars
7/28/07 Wee Todd Didd Pretty poor movie, great game though. 2 stars
7/08/07 Tom Servo Plot was more of a Resident Evil flavor than Doom-verdict= D- 2 stars
7/08/07 al smith pretty good but not enough gore 4 stars
5/05/07 Reesefire Black A shameless ripoff of "Aliens",yes, but still a bloody good time. FPS sequence was cool. 4 stars
3/05/07 --- Actually left the theatre and got a refund. For video game dorks only. 1 stars
12/05/06 Stanley Thai It's a really bad film with some action and bad lightings that you can't see anything. 2 stars
10/31/06 ES about what you'd expect 1 stars
8/22/06 JM Synth Weinberg on the money. FPS sequence was fun but I could have just played the game for that 2 stars
7/31/06 Notch Johnson I love horror movies...but the filming was SOOOO bad...couldn't see a thing 1 stars
6/05/06 Josh Standlee Better than sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/10/06 Ron Newbold Play the game - 2 stars
4/07/06 Aldo REALLY REALLY BAD... 1 stars
4/01/06 Michele not really good but fun for the game lovers 3 stars
3/30/06 M. Dido Sure it's dumb - but it's great fun! 3 stars
3/29/06 Indrid Cold Perhaps Silent Hill will be the 1st good video game movie, but I'm not holding my breath. 2 stars
3/28/06 Danny Johanson Yeah, the Movie was crap, but it was amusing as all hell. 4 stars
3/28/06 Brian Meyer Was Street Fighter the worst VG movie? Not anymore. KILL THE ROCK!!!! 1 stars
3/26/06 y2mckay Like A vs P, first hour sucks ass, last 20 minutes kick ass. A popcorn movie, nothing more. 3 stars
2/20/06 ducka now can they make a REAL doom movie? 3 stars
2/20/06 chris f not a bad movie worth watching 4 stars
2/12/06 Anus wonderful work of CRAP!!! 1 stars
2/11/06 movie_buff A failed attempt to the first (great) Predator movie. I fell asleep! 2 stars
2/11/06 the laughing man good, but not entirely great 3 stars
2/11/06 Rocky I can't believe they managed to fvck up a slam-dunk like DOOM! Worse than even The Cave 1 stars
1/02/06 Wiseman Im a hardcore doom fan, This one sucked it let me down, I had to cry 1 stars
12/22/05 MUCH sound & fury signifying Total Crap / Sucks Wish Samantha had farted to take away Eric's 2nd star; no stars for me either way. 1 stars
12/20/05 Anal AHAHAHAHAHHA WHAT A PILE OF CRAP 1 stars
12/18/05 Doomguy Definitely a film for Doom fans; not necessarily for the whole media masses. 5 stars
12/18/05 Goatse People who find this film "intriguing" probably say the same about worms in their stools 1 stars
12/16/05 YJS standard crap at beginning, but gets intriguing as the film goes on 4 stars
12/16/05 Cunt World's Biggest Turd 1 stars
11/27/05 chris shite film man who made it needs to die 1 stars
11/20/05 Duck MST 3000 quality! Tons o fun 5 stars
11/11/05 Dan Smith Great Special Effects, and ot a let down as a video game fan. 4 stars
11/11/05 gescom waste of time and money [even in hollymood] 1 stars
11/10/05 CHRIS EXCELLENT FOR what it is - popcorn action movie 5 stars
11/09/05 Alice This is the worst movie of the year! And I have seen a lot! 1 stars
11/04/05 Anus LAAAADIIIIEEEESSS WE'RE IN LOCKDOWN....Fuck you, just for that you're getting an 'F' 1 stars
10/31/05 Jonathon Holmes Sinks to the idiot shallows of Stealth and Fantastic Four, horrible 1 stars
10/31/05 Wisamane Im a die hard gamer And i think this movie was a pieace of crap, the game was better 1 stars
10/29/05 CONSTANTINE DOOMED... More like "Resident Evil" in outer-space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 stars
10/28/05 Lennart Mol If you know DOOM, then you KNOW this is NOT DOOM. 1 stars
10/27/05 Michael Kondo you'll like it if you like doom, hate it if you dont 2 stars
10/27/05 deadwiz something to do for 2 hours. 3 stars
10/26/05 Nick_Voro Met the expectations of being terrible. But it wasn't not to the level of Fantastic Four. 2 stars
10/25/05 chris fox (the god) garbage 1 stars
10/25/05 bentable wtf 1 stars
10/25/05 DEEDeeDEEe IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE THE MOVIE U CANT PLEASE EVERYONE 4 stars
10/24/05 othree WASTED EVERYTHING, rent it to hear the Rock saying motherfucker. Gamers will be highly diss 1 stars
10/24/05 KingNeutron I thought it was OK, and I haven't even played Doom. 3 stars
10/24/05 Monster W. Kung Lowtax, I hope you mean Doom3, not I and II. If you think those sucked, you should be shot. 2 stars
10/24/05 Lowtax Jhon - THE GAME FUCKING SUCKED TOO. I CAN'T SEE SHIT, FAGGOT! 1 stars
10/23/05 Wisamane THE MOVIE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HELL!!! Stupid catch phrases, Cheesey Music. 1 stars
10/23/05 baseball-nut Should've stayed in the wrestling ring, The Rock sucks as an actor! 1 stars
10/22/05 Wisamane that Fps crap was annoying, IF I WANNA SEE SOMTHING IN FPS ILL PLAY THE GAME!!! 1 stars
10/22/05 Anthony G GARBAGE 1 stars
10/22/05 Jhon grifiths From what i have read some people thought it was crap, well PLAY THE DAMB GAME MORON 5 stars
10/22/05 The Talking Elbow I sincerely enjoyed this film. I think sometimes you critics are too snooty. It wasn't bad. 4 stars
10/22/05 Kristina Williams thank GOD I didnt pay to watch this. 1 stars
10/22/05 Wisamane LOL!!!!! @ WHATEVR, NOW READING THAT BROUGHT ME MORE JOY THAN WATCHING THE SHITTY MOVIE!! 1 stars
10/22/05 whatevr The title of the movie explains the future of all video-game based movies 1 stars
10/19/05 Wisamane LMAO what can i say I knew this movie was going to suck ass...pussy ass hollywood 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  21-Oct-2005 (R)
  DVD: 07-Feb-2006

UK
  N/A

Australia
  27-Oct-2005




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