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Overall Rating

Worth A Look: 8%
Average: 12%
Pretty Bad: 20%
Total Crap: 26.67%

4 reviews, 51 user ratings

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Benchwarmers, The
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by EricDSnider

"If there's anything to love, it's Lovitz."
2 stars

No matter how bad a movie is, it can always be made worse with a cameo by Rob Schneider or David Spade. The films they actually STAR in, obviously, are even more alarming. So now imagine a film that stars BOTH of them. A film that was written by the same duo who wrote "Grandma's Boy" and directed by the director of "Beverly Hills Ninja" and "Big Daddy." Surely this hypothetical movie would be so bad, the cameras would burst into flames in the act of filming it.

"The Benchwarmers," an up-with-nerds comedy that meets the qualifications I have just described, is not apocalyptically bad; it's merely very bad. A grown man eats his own boogers and a bully farts directly in the face of another kid -- and that's just in the first five minutes. The rest of the movie is equally fond of bodily-function jokes, and if there's a bad getting-hit-in-the-crotch gag, director Dennis Dugan hasn't seen it.

Schneider, Spade and Jon Heder (aka Napoleon Dynamite), play Gus, Richie and Clark, three long-time friends who are guilty of varying degrees of geekiness. (How they all went to school together when two of the actors are 14 years older than the third, I don't know.) Clark is a paperboy who acts suspiciously like Napoleon Dynamite (way to avoid that type-casting, Jon!), while Richie, with a pencil-thin mustache and bowl haircut, works at a video store and has never kissed a girl.

Gus is actually the most well-adjusted of the group, and you know you're in trouble when Rob Schneider is the coolest guy in your circle of friends. He has a landscaping company and a hot wife (Molly Sims) who wants very badly to have a baby with him, and he also has some athletic ability.

That's how he and the two nerds are able to start their own baseball team to compete against the Little League squads full of mean kids who pick on dorks like them. Gus is basically a one-man team against the entire league, considering Richie and Clark -- his only two teammates -- are utterly useless. Why not fill out their ranks with another six players, no matter how bad they might be? You know, maybe get some KIDS to play on their Little League team? Because watching children play baseball against each other isn't funny, as you know from watching "Bad News Bears" last year. But watching ADULTS play against kids -- now there's comedy!

The Benchwarmers (as their team is called) is bankrolled by a man named Mel, a local billionaire who is played by Jon Lovitz in all his robust, loser glory. Truth be told, I laugh at nearly everything that comes out of Lovitz's mouth, and he's this film's saving grace. His secret? Not trying so desperately to be funny.

Heder is another bright spot, booger-eating aside. He's doing Napoleon, but Napoleon is still funny (though the clock is ticking on that). Like Lovitz, he seems comfortable and relaxed with the material, delivering a solid performance without overselling it.

Spade and Schneider, meanwhile, are at their smarmiest, doing the same shtick they've been doing for, what, 15 years now? Spade is snotty, Schneider is an "everyman"; you know the routine. They both have their moments, but Allen Covert and Nick Swardson's screenplay doesn't give them enough of them, focusing instead on the impossible plot (honestly, outside of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, how does a one-man team defeat a fully stocked one?) and the never-ending parade of scenes where people get hit with things. But hey, at least Adam Sandler doesn't have a cameo.

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originally posted: 04/09/06 12:02:04
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User Comments

5/12/16 David Hollingsworth I would rather see someone getting a colonoscopy than see this crap. 1 stars
4/19/11 Luisa Not a bad movie at all, I thought it was hilarious!!Jon Heder n Swardson so funny. 4 stars
6/14/10 LINDA DOWDY corny...idiotic 1 stars
8/12/08 Jon G lame fest 2 stars
4/07/08 Alex good, but not the greatest sports comedy ever. watch the sandlot instead. 3 stars
3/27/08 Jack Sommersby One of the worst so-called comedies ever made, with Heden a simply insidious screen persona 1 stars
10/22/07 Beau Could only stand watching the first 15 minutes, childish, pointless, tastless humour! 1 stars
6/08/07 John i cant believe people say this movie is bad, it is a little childish but its still good 5 stars
4/25/07 Tiffany Losco funny, silly, loved it 5 stars
3/12/07 Jeff Anderson Terrible "comedy" saved only by Lovitz & yes Jon, this movie WAS a complete waste of time! 1 stars
12/07/06 Nikki aww good times are to be had for all when watching this... its a favourite of mine for sure 5 stars
11/27/06 Edler Idiotic but hilarious! 5 stars
11/12/06 Amanda hahaha Howie is so cute eating his little tube of sunscreen hahahaha 5 stars
11/11/06 stephen the most hilairious flim ive ever seen probly 5 stars
11/01/06 jade o wat the fuk how could anyone class this movie as hilarious it's tottaly bolloks 1 stars
10/25/06 Andrew Katzenberger I thought this movie was stupid so that makes me smarter than all you idiots that liked it. 4 stars
10/13/06 Ang Absolutely hilarious; u haven't a sense of humor if you hate it 5 stars
10/10/06 kristyn I recon it is the best movie ever...mostly thanks to howie! 5 stars
10/09/06 Kate One of my favorite movies. 5 stars
10/06/06 alex you had 3 good reaons not to go see this one and they were all on the poster.keep it on... 1 stars
10/05/06 yerh fuckin funny 5 stars
9/29/06 G-unit fuckin awesome 5 stars
9/26/06 Erin Amidon Best cinematic baseball moments since Ashley Judd got beaned in SIMON BIRCH. 4 stars
9/23/06 Indrid Cold A few laughs, mostly thanks to Heder. Not worth a look though. 2 stars
8/14/06 katie Its the best movie ever! ive seen it 20 times 5 stars
8/14/06 Ryan_A Another Crappy Madison production. Heder continues to waste his Napoleon Dynamite goodwill 1 stars
8/06/06 The Hater Only a truly stupid person would like this. There're too many fake "Awesome" comments here. 1 stars
8/01/06 Joe When Rob Schneider's the best part of the film, you know you're in trouble. Skip it. 1 stars
7/10/06 TaTNaHa XapKOB Yes, a very good farce. It does try being too moralistic by end. 4 stars
6/30/06 Kayla Farnsworth Awesome until it starts taking itself too seriously, then lame thereafter. 4 stars
6/28/06 Tiffany Faye Hawthorne EricDSnider's worst nightmare -- blast blast blast! And I loved it! Hilarious! 5 stars
5/28/06 shelby halarious 5 stars
5/24/06 Lindsay Absolutely amazing 5 stars
5/23/06 tori savage this movie was awsome and i cant wait until it comes out on video so that i can but it. 5 stars
5/04/06 Hydrogen A disconnected joke book, not a movie. Miss it. 2 stars
5/01/06 Hannah It was hilarious and the best movie ever 5 stars
4/28/06 Quigley had its moments, but overall, it was pretty nasty. the three leads were good, though 3 stars
4/25/06 =) loveee the movie !!! 5 stars
4/23/06 Chris How anyone can like this stupid mindless trash is so far beyond me, ITS TOTAL SHIT 1 stars
4/19/06 Kayla This movie was the funniest movie i've seen in a long time. You have to see it! 5 stars
4/16/06 alyx It was hilarious. the whole theater was rolling. Haven't been to one of those ina long time 5 stars
4/16/06 Becca It was fricken awesome and now I know what everyone has been talking about. 5 stars
4/16/06 Cathye Disgusting 1 stars
4/15/06 Scott I dont know why everyone hates it so much. i thought it was awesome. 5 stars
4/13/06 San Lamar Has some funny parts 4 stars
4/11/06 Magdalena Martinez I for one loved the movie Benchwarmers 5 stars
4/10/06 Ron N Silly but a fun time 3 stars
4/09/06 Cassidy I really liked the movie. The trio was perfect..I loved it. 5 stars
4/09/06 Steve W Your review is this wretched trash is too generous. 1 stars
4/08/06 mike mmm yyeah why go see this ?? 1 stars
4/08/06 GOLAFISH Laughed my fool head off! 5 stars
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  07-Apr-2006 (PG-13)
  DVD: 25-Jul-2006



[trailer] Trailer

Directed by
  Dennis Dugan

Written by
  Allen Covert
  Nick Swardson

  Rob Schneider
  David Spade
  Jon Heder
  Jon Lovitz
  Craig Kilborn
  Tim Meadows

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