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Overall Rating

Awesome: 26.47%
Worth A Look38.24%
Average: 2.94%
Pretty Bad: 17.65%
Total Crap: 14.71%

2 reviews, 22 user ratings

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by brianorndorf

"This kind of movie would love"
2 stars

“Hatchet” is a simplistic monster movie, but I’m having difficulty deciding if that’s a good quality. Lord knows too many cheapy horror films feel the need to cloud up their story to feel A-list, but “Hatchet” is all about the gore and the laughs.

Bored in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, Ben (Joel David Moore, “Grandma’s Boy”) decides to ditch his friends and partake in a haunted swamp boat ride. Led by a captain (Parry Shen) of dubious knowledge, the boat sets off with a ragtag collection of tourists, all in search of answers to the mysteries of the bayou. When the boat crashes and sinks to the bottom of the swamp, the group is forced to walk back to the city, but first they must fight to survive as local legend, the deformed beast Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), commences a night of vicious killing.

With little money and no vision for casting, writer/director Adam Green is attempting to fashion a return to Freddy/Jason/Leatherface heyday of classic screen monsters. As any crafty, burgeoning horror filmmaker knows, an iconic, unstoppable villain will often make low budgets and laughable directorial choices melt away in the eyes of the faithful. People just love a larger-than-life bad guy regardless of a movie’s quality, which is why Dee Snider still fields questions about “Strangeland” to this very day.

Far be it from me to proclaim Victor Crowley a bust in the legend department (I’ll leave judgment on that to the legion of pushover, overeager horror websites), but “Hatchet” is a robotic exercise in genre milking, absent the sort of epic introduction of evil that traditionally takes these small potato creations and gives them forceful geek legs. Green is more thirsty for cheap thrills than maintaining tension, and his use of Crowley is isolated to moments that need a limb or head ripped off, not any sort of narrative purpose.

The rest of “Hatchet” is actually something more of a comedy than a horror experience. Playing the tour group shenanigans for laughs, yet squirting blood all over the swampland in other scenes, it’s difficult to tell what response Green wants from his audience. “Hatchet” isn’t funny (don’t look at me, I didn’t cast Moore, Joel Murray, and Deon “Bud” Richmond in the comedy parts), it certainly isn’t frightening, and Will Barratt’s absurdly murky cinematography hurts the gore money shots that have the faint outline of some terrific work from John Carl Buechler and his team of artists.

Implausibly sent to the theaters when DVD is its rightful home, “Hatchet” is best suited for outrageously low expectations.

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originally posted: 09/08/07 09:18:45
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OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2006 Tribeca Film Festival For more in the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival series, click here.
OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2006 Fantastic Fest For more in the 2006 Fantastic Fest series, click here.
Trilogy Starters: For more in the Trilogy Starters series, click here.
OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2007 Fantasia Film Festiva For more in the 2007 Fantasia Film Festival series, click here.

User Comments

2/21/17 morris campbell a fun gorefest 4 stars
5/03/14 Charles Tatum Whoopty-shit, another unrated gory horror comedy. How different and new... 1 stars
9/11/11 Captain00Kirk Movie is a little slow, but Crowley is great! 3 stars
9/30/10 mr.mike It was "no bad" for gore-os.I will see the sequel.. 4 stars
1/07/08 jack hoffman A true crapfest...not funny, not scary, not worth bargain bin pricing... 1 stars
1/04/08 David Pollastrini good gore! 5 stars
12/20/07 WILDCAT You people praising this film are all retards, seriously this movie was utter garbage. 1 stars
10/08/07 Littlepurch One of the funniest scariest and goriest slashers ever! if this is your thing, ul love it! 5 stars
9/27/07 Carmbler A waste of time and money. A retarded mess. 1 stars
9/23/07 Bill Gosse Everyone is smoking crack. This film stinks. NOT FUNNY, NOT SCARY 1 stars
9/18/07 Kevw well done and fun. 4 stars
9/17/07 jdub good movie. any movie with actors from "Grandma's Boy", in it is bound to be good. 4 stars
9/10/07 AJ Muller Fantastic old school horror. Gory and hilarious and just what you'd want it to be. 5 stars
9/09/07 F. MERA Did not expect to like it ,went along with friends .It is actually better than my expectat, 4 stars
9/09/07 John McC This movie is what it set out to be, entertaining! Reviewer Brian Orndorf is way off! 5 stars
10/02/06 T. Shane Thank you for making this movie! Best slasher ever!! 5 stars
10/02/06 RobD Really well done. "Hatchet" and "Simon Says" give up that the "slasher film" still has life 4 stars
5/06/06 Lizzie Movie was really fun. Good Slasher 5 stars
5/05/06 Scott D. What a great movie. The kills were as original and gruesome as they were funny! 5 stars
5/04/06 Katy Todd It is a fuuny well done horror film. Kane and Parry both did a good job 4 stars
5/01/06 celina kwok a surprisingly funny horro film 5 stars
4/29/06 frank mentzer one of the best horror films i have seen in a while. 5 stars
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  07-Sep-2007 (R)
  DVD: 18-Dec-2007

  N/A (18)


Directed by
  Adam Green

Written by
  Adam Green

  Joel David Moore
  Tamara Feldman
  Deon Richmond
  Kane Hodder
  Parry Shen
  Mercedes McNab

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