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Overall Rating
1.13

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad: 12.5%
Total Crap87.5%

1 review, 2 user ratings


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Scorned, The
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by Scott Weinberg

"When Nobodies Act!"
1 stars

I was about 25 minutes into an amazingly amateurish horror movie called "The Scorned" before I recognized 'em ... there! That's Jenna from Survivor! And there! That's curly-haired Ethan guy from Survivor! What the hell's going on here?

Since Survivor is the only reality show I've ever been geeky about, those are the only cast members I recognized, but a small amount of research indicates that The Scorned is a movie cast only with reality show TV "stars"!! What fresh hell is this??

The Scorned was borne from an E! Channel series called Reality Kills, similar to the way in which Stolen Summer and The Battle of Shaker Heights were borne from Project Greenlight -- only instead of trying to make a good movie, the folks behind The Scorned were simply intent on making a movie -- one that stars ... nothing but ... Reality TV "stars."

I'll spoil the surprise right now: The acting stinks. All of it. That's to be expected from a group of people who, 18 months ago, were nothing more than accountants, bartenders, and dog groomers, but if you ever want a crystal-clear example of how hard it is to be a convincing actor ... rent this flick. The lack of talent practically radiates off the screen.

The plot's about a beach house haunted by a nearly-dead-yet-comatose bitch of an actress, who kills a newly arrived group of "youths" while the remaining imbeciles try to figure out why everyone's dropping dead.

Oh, they're all here: The Real World's Steven Hill, Tonya Cooley, and Trishelle Cannatella, The Amazing Race's Reichen Lehmkuhl, Big Brother's Erika Landin, Love Cruise's Toni Ferrari, The Apprentice's Stacie Jones Upchurch, The Bachelor's Trish Schneider, Bob Guiney, ... and my favorites, Survivor's trifecta of thespianic ineptitude: Jon Dalton, Jenna Lewis and Ethan Zohn. Jenna because she made a raunchy sex tape and is one hilariously bad actress, Ethan because he gets to play a "raving psycho" character in The Scorned ... and he too is also hilarious, and Jonny because he gets tossed down a flight of stairs. Survivor's Jenna Morasca also floats by a few times; she's a cutie.

Even one of the screenwriters is a former reality show contestant, news that should thrill starving screenwriters the world over.

Bottom Line: Bad. And don't think it's just the actors I'm picking on here. (Although none of them are actors.) The whole clumsy concoction just reeks of cheapness: Monotonous dronings of dialogue, redundant peals of exposition, deadly-dry conversations, laughable special effects, stillborn plot twists, and on and on it goes.

Basically, The Scorned is precisely what a movie that was slapped together by a bunch of Reality Show Stars should be: laughable. This horrible thing is worthy of your attention only if you remember some of the aforementioned cast members and you desperately want to laugh at 'em (or see a few of 'em naked).

( Review reprinted from DVDTalk, with permission from the author (me) and the DVDT management. For the full DVD specs on this particular movie, please visit www.DVDTalk.com and get friendly with the search bar.)

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=14676&reviewer=128
originally posted: 05/22/06 17:40:28
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User Comments

12/21/10 Moose Rapper So fucking bad! 1 stars
3/25/10 Josie Cotton is a goddess It's bland for the most part, but the lunatic in the green jacket was entertainting 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  01-Nov-2005
  DVD: 11-Apr-2006

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