Overall Rating
 Awesome: 29.07%
Worth A Look: 15.12%
Average: 8.14%
Pretty Bad: 19.77%
Total Crap: 27.91%
6 reviews, 50 user ratings
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| Idle Hands |
by Slyder
"An idle movie devoid of anything and everything"
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The problem with Idle Hands is that it doesn’t know what the hell it wants to be whether a sex comedy, a romantic comedy, a porn flick or a horror flick. And the worst thing of all is that it’s neither. It’s just pointless, and that’s just fucking lame.Stoner loser’s hand is possessed by the devil and kills his parents, then his two stoner friends, and then two idiotic cops, and then he cuts his hand off. Big mistake, fucker, because the hand is now loose and now goes after his girlfriend at the Halloween party, while some other witch bitch contains the only thing that can stop the evil hand from opening the doors of Satan, or whatever shit.
It’s clear that this film is nothing but a blatant rip-off of Evil Dead 2. No, not even the movie itself, just the 5-minute scene in which Ash’s hand becomes possessed and tries to cut it off, which pretty much means that the filmmakers that did this film are a bunch of untalented hacks. And not only they’re a bunch of untalented hacks, they’re a bunch of stoned assholes that sucked a little bit too much rock up to the point that neither of them knew that the hell were they doing. And surely they encountered some drunken or equally stoned movie producer and while coasting in his little trip into the twilight zone he gave the other stoned assholes out of the blue a pile of cash to make a movie just for fun, for kicks, or simply to prove how moronic they could end up being.
Cue in a bunch of work-hungry nobodies (Devon Sawa, Elden Henson and Jack Noseworthy) and then-nobodies (Seth Green and Jessica Alba), a bankable star in a cameo role only for marketing purposes (Vivica A Fox), and a relatively unknown TV director and BAM! This is the result: an utter stink hole of a film devoid of any entertainment, artistic quality or any comedic or horrific value. Instead, it’s full of lame dialogue, pathetic characters, and a plot as flat as a tortilla. Sure there are a handful of gross-out moments but they don’t serve for shit in the movie, only to gross the audience out. Then out of nowhere it comes up with comedic schlock that simply falls flat on its face, and then it comes up with a barrel of sexual innuendo that disappears just as soon it’s introduced without ever showing any flesh or sex. Fuck me; what the fuck is the fucking point of this fucking movie? What the fuck were these people thinking when they made this movie? And just what in the blue fuck was Vivica A Fox doing in this drivel? Yep, it's clear that the writers and the director were so stoned, they didn't know what the fuck they wanted the film to be about.
It’s beyond belief that a major studio would release this pointless piece of shit when it’s clear that this crap is nothing but “straight to video” material, since it’s nothing but a waste of celluloid, and of peoples time and money. It’s hard to believe that crap like this is still being on print and being sold while several classic films like The Killer, Hard Boiled, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, My Left Foot; films that have actually something to say or to give as well as several others are simply taken out of print. I guess that just shows the ever-growing ignorance of human beings in our age going for cheap shocks instead of something with value. Instead it’s a waste of money, and Jessica Alba’s beauty. Wow, Jessica Alba, man, she’s hot, or was before her Dark Angel shit.In the end, this film delivers NOTHING! It has NOTHING! It’s a void and a black hole full of NOTHING! God damn it, fuck, what a waste of my motherfucking time. Hell, I rather sit outside in the grass and stare at nothing for 92 minutes than pay for it. No fucking way. 0-5
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1482&reviewer=235
originally posted: 07/23/04 04:42:30
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USA
30-Apr-1999 (R)
UK
N/A
Australia
09-Dec-1999 (MA)
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