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Overall Rating

Awesome: 7.5%
Worth A Look: 15%
Average: 10%
Pretty Bad: 30%
Total Crap37.5%

2 reviews, 28 user ratings

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Simply Irresistible
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by Greg Muskewitz

"Nothing this year has been worse...not even 'Runaway Bride!'"
1 stars

"Simply Terrible," er, "Totally Resistible." How about just plain gut-wrenching and God-awful!

I can guarantee you that “Simply Irresistible,” a worthless piece of garbage, will make my bottom ten for 1999. For a big studio like 20th Century Fox to condone trash like this makes me wonder who gives the go-ahead for such ignominious projects. Obviously, it was supposed to be a star-vehicle for Sarah Michelle Gellar, but instead of getting her raves, this movie is so bad that it may cost “Buffy” some of its cult followers.

Gellar is Amanda, a cook who cannot cook. She runs her dead mother’s restaurant in a Manhattan area, but when the rent goes up, she’s afraid the restaurant will go under (if this was a bookstore, we’d have a repeat “You’ve Got Mail,” luckily we don’t). One morning as she walks through the market, a mysterious, disappearing man –of whom we never find anything out about- sells her some crabs. Later on, a high-powered exec and
his girlfriend are accidentally dropped off for lunch. Somehow, the crab gives her magical powers to cook, and somehow he starts to fall in love with her. Complications arise when he begins to suspect the odd.

To call “Simply Irresistible” banal, would be a compliment. The screenplay is courtesy of Judith Roberts, my guess, a latent second-grader. I am also unfamiliar with director Mark Tarlov, of whom I don’t expect to see any work by for quite awhile. He
lacks style, wit, and everything necessary to make a good movie.

When the film first opens, it’s like it had already been playing for thirty or so minutes. This isn’t a sitcom that we’re picking up from last week, give us something meaningful and personable about these characters. Starting and ending in the middle of
nowhere doesn’t help us. And where was the story –if you could call it that— coming from? A magical crab? What the heck was that, do they actually think we’re that dumb? I never knew crabs could smack their lips; I didn’t even know they had lips, just as I didn’t know they needed strings to walk and had custom made top hats. I’ve lost respect for all the actors in this movie, and couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the gay pedophile from
“Happiness” (Dylan Baker) and the lesbian cocaine addict of “High Art” (Patricia Clarkson) gorge over the would-be “orgasmic” food and themselves in the elevator.

Final Verdict: F.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 11/28/99 17:26:08
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User Comments

4/21/12 keith miron Stupid comedy 1 stars
11/10/08 The Dork Knight Why does this movie exist? 2 stars
3/02/06 Anthony Feor Simply sickening 1 stars
10/09/05 rob I liked it when I saw it; SMG is adorable and the 'magic' is unique 4 stars
7/11/05 Peteca It's ok to watch, you need to have a good imagination, hehe 4 stars
10/31/04 Meryl ...ow 1 stars
8/02/03 LeoH Give it a chance and you might find a sweet romantic comedy. 4 stars
6/17/03 Erin i think i liked one scene in it but can't remember what that is. guess it wasn't that good 1 stars
1/08/03 tina crap 1 stars
6/01/02 I'm in (L) with a Jedi well, i really like SMG, so, I have to give this an average 4 her, but otherwise, shit 3 stars
2/27/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) Bland and dumbed-down for the training-bra set, but a nice try... 3 stars
6/26/00 Doe-Eyed Romantic A purely sweet, magical romance. It would've been adored in the '30s. Sarah is perfect 5 stars
6/04/00 Luke tHE BEST MOVIE SINCE tHE wIZARD OF oZ! 5 stars
2/19/00 Andi C. Simply Irritating and Simply Irremediable 1 stars
12/13/99 Lame-Oh godawful. check out Matt's review, plus Buffy sucks as an actress 2 stars
9/14/99 Jimbo Painfully Bad. Sarah needs to be more careful in choosing her projects. 2 stars
8/24/99 The Graduate Didn't suck as hard as I predicted. Actually cute at points. 3 stars
8/13/99 Randall Yeah, it's enjoyable in a weird way 4 stars
7/08/99 Duck Great film, check it out! 4 stars
5/02/99 Mindy A crab in a tuxedo - were they on drugs?? 1 stars
3/27/99 vdjfgjf fsgjjrj 1 stars
3/26/99 debbie tuttle ooohhhh! 5 stars
3/14/99 Ah Dooey Cruel Intentions was better. Oughta be called Simply Irresponsible. 2 stars
2/24/99 somber Its good for its type of film. Don't expect anything special. But fun for one evening 4 stars
2/24/99 mochacchino this is the kind of movie you watch on a rainy sundat afternoon 2 stars
2/19/99 Binky The attraction of Gellar only goes so far. Woeful exercise. 2 stars
2/15/99 Cory Clawson Pretty cheesy but worth a look if on a date. SMG looks hot as usual 3 stars
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  05-Feb-1999 (PG-13)



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