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Overall Rating
1.39

Awesome: 0.63%
Worth A Look: 5.06%
Average: 5.7%
Pretty Bad: 10.13%
Total Crap78.48%

10 reviews, 98 user ratings


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Avengers, The (1998)
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by Paulapalooza

"Watch a studio lose control of a potential franchise! It's fun!"
3 stars

Hey, it could be worse!

Maybe it's my predilection for playing Devil's Advocate that causes me to utter the following words, but, it's the truth, and it's what I think---

It ain't that bad.

Not that good either, but God knows I've sat through worse flicks and found decent things to say about them.

Let me explain my biases first and foremost. I like flicks where weird, bizarre, surreal shit happens, everyone KNOWS it's weird, bizarre and surreal, yet it's taken by everyone involved in the movie as, if not pedestrian, then at least nothing really worth a second glance. Explains why I like David Lynch, I guess. I also enjoy flicks where it's obvious that the studio (Warner Brothers, in this case) obviously lost control of the process along the line somewhere, got something they couldn't figure out how to market, and then attempted to cut their losses.

So I like weird, bizarre, and surreal, and there's enough of that in The Avengers to keep my attention. My big complaint is that they just didn't go far ENOUGH. The plot is simple and threadbare as most big budget actioners are, so if you're not going to gussy up the script, at least throw enough weird junk in there to keep the audience baffled. Let Sean Connery (who's right wasted in this one) go even MORE over the top. Let Uma and the Uma clone have a REAL leather-clad catfight instead of just trading a couple of wimpy punches and front kicks. I liked the giant teddy bears and the huge-ass gun-toting insects that came out of nowhere---I want MORE. And if you can't give me more, then you're only going to get a mid-level rating.

And by the way, the editing sucks. Just had to thhrow that in.

Pony up a buck at the discount theater. If you disagree and think it sucks, at least you have a 30-foot tall Uma in leather.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=15&reviewer=21
originally posted: 09/02/98 05:53:02
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TV to Screen: For more in the TV to Screen series, click here.

User Comments

4/26/16 Ken Steaming pile of smelly dog shit! 1 stars
6/06/15 DEREK I LIKE SEAN CONNERY---IT WAS OK 3 stars
2/21/14 Justin R. Stupid, stupid film!!! 1 stars
1/23/13 dr.lao Good only for playing MST3K, the Home Game 1 stars
7/21/12 Sean Harrison It's a shame that Sean Connery's name was attached to this. 2 stars
10/06/11 torturedsoul What a sad world where huge sums of money are spent on such rubbish 1 stars
7/13/09 danny boy Sean Connery in a bear suit. 1 stars
11/13/08 The Dork Knight gaaaaahhh! absolute crap!! 1 stars
8/28/08 Shaun Wallner This one was kinda boring. 1 stars
8/13/08 Brenda could not finish it . was horrible dull! 1 stars
7/26/08 The Dork Knight Avoid. 1 stars
7/06/08 dan halberg The teddy bear scene was funny. Otherwise crap 1 stars
10/29/07 J. Shaw You have to take it for what it is - junk food. If you look at it that way, it's kinda fun! 4 stars
4/10/07 JM Synth Fantastic set design, occassional spark of imagination, but a poor film overall 2 stars
4/15/06 mr.mike didn't think it was that bad 4 stars
11/23/05 Narcs This movie was waste of my money.. what a waste of time and taste. 1 stars
9/08/05 paki_munda how awful was this 1 stars
8/13/05 ES Mr. Connery you've been so graious by selling out in the past, please once more= ok 1 stars
6/21/05 Roland Berry Don't watch this film if you are a fan of the TV series. 1 stars
3/22/05 craig varney total crap doesn't even compare to the tv show 1 stars
11/18/04 Jews for Hitler Jesus wept.... 1 stars
10/20/04 C.J. Hey! How come I always have to defend this movie? 4 stars
9/19/04 CharWar Parts of it were fun - costumes interesting - hated the bears 4 stars
6/12/04 DJ ERIC 88 i actually enjoyed this movie and was suprised people hated it! 4 stars
6/11/04 John horrendous - totally inept and terrible casting except for Connery 1 stars
4/18/04 Pete Holy 1 stars
4/06/04 Mr X This movie thinks there is a Hollywood conspiracy to purposely dumb down America 1 stars
3/25/04 Whatevr Its a good thing they don't test this movie on animals 1 stars
2/26/04 DM What the fuck happened? 1 stars
8/17/03 Lord Chu It physically hurt me. I am legally within my rights to sue the filmmakers for assault. 1 stars
6/04/03 Charles Tatum Bad in so many ways 1 stars
4/15/03 Jack Bourbon Mind-bogglingly bad. Dull, boring, blank, incoherent. Blah. Ick. Duh. 1 stars
2/11/03 Ubu the Ripper After starring in this yawnfest Thurman and Feines should take a cut in pay. 1 stars
1/11/03 Paul Coleman Hideous, embarrassing GARBAGE. Catherine Zeta Jones would have made a better Mrs. Peel. 1 stars
12/28/02 Colin Selby what a hopeless mess 1 stars
12/09/02 gromm I couldn't watch more than 5 minutes of this movie. And the accents are fake. 1 stars
10/14/02 KMG it was difficult to understand what the fuck this movie was about 1 stars
9/05/02 Chancey Thunderpants Oh my... this was terrible. Disastrous attempt at filmmaking, acting, everything. 1 stars
6/18/02 Bart I sooo wanted this to work. Disappointing. 2 stars
6/03/02 Dark Barøn Yeah. 1 stars
3/02/02 Alan Smithee You know you're in trouble when Uma in a leather body suit can't make you watch a movie! 1 stars
8/12/01 Catherine I know movies can suck but... 1 stars
7/15/01 officer 412/l they spend months hyping this film trying to make us believe it was unmissable. was it fuck 1 stars
6/08/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) I almost cried. Swear to God. 1 stars
5/30/01 Thrillhouse Don't waste your money on this movie. Oh, and the movie is laughably stupid. 1 stars
5/26/01 Connoisseur this was the worst movie i've ever seen dudes 1 stars
4/25/01 Spetters Connery, thurman and fiennes make bloody fools of themselves! FUCKING PAINFUL!!!!! 1 stars
4/16/01 Rampage Bums in teddy bear suits!? What the hell?! This movie is un-friggin'-believable! 1 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L Uma is awful. Come back Diana!!! 1 stars
2/20/01 T. Sharif The Avengers will help you get your zzzzz....... 1 stars
2/06/01 Mister Char i hope uma thurman dies of a slow cancer. 1 stars
1/13/01 Avenger Girl What a miscarriage of justice to a great legendary TV show 2 stars
12/08/00 Cristopher Revilla Someone should grab that teddybear suit and shove it up the diretors ass, or Uma's!!! 1 stars
10/06/00 Ralph Fiennes Alright alright I'm sorry! I only did it to perve at Uma in leather 1 stars
9/12/00 Ground Zero There are movies that suck so bad, but this movie is one of 'em 1 stars
9/08/00 Stuntman stupid, sloppy and really, really pathetic acting 1 stars
7/29/00 Jinx Worst film I've seen in the last 10 years. Moronic. Unclever. Disjointed. BAD ACTING. 1 stars
7/23/00 Digitalus Swarms of bugs, teddy bears... oh God. Come up with cheap 1-liners and a really bad cast 1 stars
7/09/00 Andrew Freeman Uma is hot...but those Teddies pushed me over the edge (masturbating) 2 stars
6/27/00 Ulatekk Guys in Teddy Bear suits? What the fuck??? I walked out after 15 min. 1 stars
5/31/00 danilo there are movies that are so bad they're good. But this movie is so bad it's just bad 1 stars
4/27/00 Pansy Vile and stupid movie. God it sucked! 1 stars
3/10/00 David Rogers What? Where? When? Why? How? Some of the many questions you'll think during this film. 1 stars
3/08/00 Richard Wright A complete mess. One liners aren't funny,actors are poorly cast and film is boring to boot. 1 stars
3/01/00 Ionicera The only thing saving this movie from absolute zero it deserves is the Fiennes sauna scene. 2 stars
11/04/99 Karahde Khan Release the series on video now, and burn until the last copy of this horrid travesty. 1 stars
10/03/99 Joe Schmoe Like ChefMichelle said, pure crap 1 stars
9/20/99 Admiral Crunch rude/Charney, your comments confirm you're a dimwit, Uma and Feines needs to do some Pepsi 1 stars
5/10/99 Ah Dooey Can I give it 0 stars? F**king shit. 1 stars
4/16/99 Mr. Kramitall Umm, Lulu, your biological clock is showing. Oh, and the movie goddam sucks! 1 stars
4/02/99 The Incredible Sulk Righto with the review, Oz. Sexist, offensive, vile, stupid and pathetic. 0 stars. 1 stars
3/27/99 Technorama Was there a great movie? All I saw was a bunch of stupid "jokes" and FX. It just sucked. 1 stars
3/18/99 Madcap "How real do you feel Mrs. Peel?" "Why, rather plastic, thanks for asking" 2 stars
3/14/99 Viral Messiah Hollywood should be sued for this putrid piece of crap. 1 stars
3/12/99 Lulu I loved it. It was different from most. Dissapointing to the series however 5 stars
1/24/99 donkey_dew Not bad, not too bad at all. 4 stars
1/08/99 Jo Mama my girlfriend wanted to see this shit...we broke up shortly after 1 stars
12/10/98 Skip Danner One of the worst films of all time. My god; who was in charge here? 1 stars
11/24/98 Mr.Pink Worst movie of 1998, it was even worse than Batman & Robin 1 stars
10/29/98 Bad Kosh Thiis movie drove me nuts. I died laughing at that crock of crap. 1 stars
10/19/98 Dark Horizons I was incredibly disappointed by this movie. 2 stars
10/18/98 Kwyjibo God awful. Ralph Fiennes can't do camp. Nor can Uma. Or Sean. 1 stars
10/17/98 Finley Pure crap. 1 stars
10/07/98 Korny Island See "shitty" in the dictionary. Why go camp with the straightest actor ever? 1 stars
10/02/98 Specter Funny satire on the whole; Uma looks great in tight leather. 3 stars
9/29/98 Marty in St.Louis The villian wants to control the weather? Is this Connery or "the Brain"? 1 stars
9/23/98 CHRIS "Motherfukin" Paulychronopolus This movie couldnt blow me! 1 stars
9/21/98 AL I thought this movie was really good, and funny! 4 stars
9/21/98 Allen Galland Boring 2 stars
9/17/98 Joe Mama This movie was a piece of shit. 1 stars
9/15/98 Mark Nelson Fair 3 stars
9/14/98 Acappellanowords Godawful!! Gave me bad "Hudson Hawk" flashbacks! 1 stars
9/11/98 Mike It was funny as hell. Don't go with too high expectations. But, coulda been worse. 4 stars
9/06/98 Kid Pee-Pee It's official. I hate Uma and Ralph can't act. 1 stars
9/05/98 Mike Lancaster Sean Connery will be wearing a Barney suit next! Is $$ worth this kind of embarrassment? 1 stars
8/28/98 The 13 Inch Grey Penis. Seriously, if Sean Connery is still the sexiest man in the world after this, I'll convulse. 1 stars
8/22/98 Mister Whoopee Not even Uma in leather can make this shit float. 2 stars
8/17/98 Ryan_A One of the worst movies I've seen this year. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  14-Aug-1998 (PG)
  DVD: 03-Feb-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  05-Nov-1998 (PG)




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