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All three of E.B. White’s books hold a special place in my heart. I have read each of them at least six times out loud to elementary school children, who start out impatient and listless and end up enthralled by the magical texts.

The gratification these books provide does not lie in the talking animals or the exciting events, but instead is derived from the joyful pleasures of life and nature. White carefully describes the natural world: the signs of spring, the Canadian Wilderness, Central Park, and Red Rock Lake to name a few, and blends them with feelings that every child at one time experiences: the joys of swinging on an especially long rope, the bliss at the top of a Ferris Wheel, the anticipation of imagining life as an adult.

Which brings us to director, Gary Winick’s ill-conceived version of White’s second book. Writers Susannah Grant and Karey Kirkpatrick keep White’s story and fragments of the original dialogue intact, but then opt to accentuate these pieces by adding cornball humor and mild slapstick.

As Wilbur the pig forms a friendship with the kind spider Charlotte, he not only has to contend with a future where he is to be slaughtered, but also apparently for screen time, as a host of celebrity-voiced animals vie for attention.

Also, two new characters have been conceived, a pair of stupid, vindictive crows that attempt to thwart Templeton as he aides Charlotte in her plans for saving Wilbur. Apparently, the filmmakers found the original source material too long-winded and boring and felt the need to spice things up.

Charlotte herself has been turned from a small, grey spider into a creature with a furry, teddy bear face. The result is an odd blend of Wilfred Brimley, Grizzly Adams, and Fozzie Bear. Julia Roberts does a wonderful job emulating the voice of Charlotte, but I’d rather have her reading the book than participating in this project. Why are E. B. White’s themes so quickly thrown away in favor of the atmosphere from “Babe?”

My reason for finding nothing redeeming in “Charlotte’s Web” is the simple fact that a film like this will take all the wonderful emotions, ideas, and joy the book carefully built in a child’s mind and wipe them away like a broom sweeping away a spider’s web.

In 1981, E. B. White composed a letter to animator, Chuck Jones, apologizing for not accepting his proposal for a new version of Stuart Little. He wrote, “I recently decided…to close the covers of my books to the adaptations of stage or screen. I have had some miserable experiences.” He then stated that after listening to Wilber sing “I Can Talk, I Can Talk” in the Hanna Barbara version of “Charolette’s Web,” “I wanted to run on my sword but couldn’t find it.”

One wonders how he would of felt about Templeton the Rat being shot off a fence by a cow fart.

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originally posted: 01/14/07 10:21:11
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