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Overall Rating
2.84

Awesome: 24.16%
Worth A Look: 20.22%
Average: 6.74%
Pretty Bad: 12.92%
Total Crap35.96%

5 reviews, 148 user ratings


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Halloween (2007)
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by EricDSnider

"How to take all the scariness out of a scary character."
1 stars

After de-beautifying the world with his uniquely ugly vision in "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects," Rob Zombie has found an actual purpose for his vile, hateful characters: to serve as backstory for a psychopath in the "Halloween" remake.

Most remakes are pointless. Zombie's redo of the 1978 horror classic -- the prototype of the modern slasher film -- feels even more pointless than usual. When he's not ruining the story with unnecessary interpolations, he's spinning his wheels by simply re-filming the same plot, scene by scene, that was found in John Carpenter's original.

It gives Zombie too much credit to suggest he had a "point" in mind, but here's the closest thing the movie has to one: No wonder Michael Myers became a killer; just look at his family! As a 10-year-old in what appears to be the early 1980s, Michael (played by Daeg Faerch, whose name I have not misspelled) must contend with an abusive stepfather, Ronnie (William Forsythe), who leers at Michael's teenage sister Judith (Hanna Hall) and hurls bilious insults at Michael's mom (Sheri Moon Zombie, the filmmaker's wife). Mom, Ronnie, and Judith all hate each other and speak their minds freely on that point. Stepdad and Judith hate Michael, too, though Mom (who is a stripper, I feel compelled to mention) is nice to him. Nonetheless, Michael spends his spare time killing animals.

Everyone at school hates Michael, too, largely because of his stripper mom and his general white-trashiness, and probably the animal-killing, although maybe they aren't aware of that. All of this is why Michael wears a mask most of the time (to hide himself from the world), and of course why he starts killing people. Ta-da!

It's his family members who bear the brunt of his lashing out, with the implication that we should be glad, because they were so mean, spiteful, and unpleasant anyway. (But if that's the case, why wasn't Michael Myers on hand to murder every single character in Zombie's other films, since they all talked and acted in the same off-putting manner?) He's sent to a sanitarium and observed by Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), who can barely get the boy to speak, let alone explain himself.

Fifteen years pass. A hospital caretaker (Danny Trejo) says he's been watching over Michael for "almost 20 years," although considering the words on the screen just said "FIFTEEN YEARS LATER," you have to wonder about his memory. I mean, I guess 15 is "almost" 20. It's closer to 20 than it is to zero. So, hey, whatever.

Anyway, as you might have expected even without having seen the original film, Michael -- now a very tall, silent beast who wears a homemade (cell-made?) mask all the time, and now played by Tyler Mane -- gets past the five most incompetent security guards who ever peed their pants during a crisis, flees the hospital, and heads back to his hometown of Haddonfield, Ill. It is Halloween, although none of the students wear costumes to school. (Maybe that isn't done in Haddonfield. They weren't doing it in the 15-years-earlier scenes, either.) One of the students is Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton), a fairly ordinary girl whose girlfriends have sex-based plans for the evening while she's going to spend it babysitting.

In the original film, this point arrives about 15 minutes into the running time. In the remake, it's nearly an hour. And by focusing so much attention on Michael's early history, Zombie removes any hint of scariness or menace from him. Just as "Hannibal Rising" ruined Hannibal Lecter by trying to explain him, Zombie's "Halloween" remake sucks all the thrill and mystery out of Michael Myers. Knowing his origins in depth makes it hard to swallow his superhuman strength and apparent immortality -- things we could accept much more easily when he was just an enigmatic boogeyman.

A few brief moments of mild scariness aside, this is largely a tedious, unimaginative endeavor. But Zombie sure can film naked women being terrorized! In the Special Olympics of moviemaking, filming naked women being terrorized is Zombie's gold medal event! It's good to have a skill, I suppose.

I knew I hated Zombie's brand of crass, heartless brutality from seeing his previous films. In "Halloween," it's interesting to see, once he moves past the repellant nastiness into straightforward horror-movie territory, just how unremarkable he is as a filmmaker. When the characters aren't speaking in over-the-top cruel raunchiness or casually slaughtering one another, they're just boring, and the film is listless. Zombie is a one-trick pony. I don't like the trick or the pony.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=15531&reviewer=247
originally posted: 09/03/07 14:46:41
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Horror Remakes: For more in the Horror Remakes series, click here.

User Comments

2/13/17 morris campbell TRASHY awful a insult 2 the great original 1 stars
8/07/14 David Hollingsworth total misfire and sleaze fest 1 stars
4/06/12 SEAN DUTRA excellent. keeps the sory but does it differently. shocking, not scary. 5 stars
12/14/11 Dr.Lao Takes away all the mystery that made the original so effective 2 stars
5/30/11 art THIS IS THE BESt HALLOWEEN,BAR-NONE! 5 stars
9/11/10 art HALLOWEEN SCHMALLOWEEN!,all those "HOLIDAY THEMED" "SLASHER flick's ARE ALL the SAME! 1 stars
9/03/10 Charles Tatum Not terrible, I liked Zombie's directorial style 4 stars
8/29/10 art THIS ROB ZOMBIE VERISON make's you FORGET the 1978 ORIGINAL! 5 stars
8/24/10 Joseph This film is nowhere near the original, but that doesn't mean that it"s bad 3 stars
7/04/10 art THE SAME to YOU sarah!, THIS IS ROB ZOMBIE's MASTERPIECE! 4 stars
6/21/10 Sarah Fuck off Art you cunt. 5 stars
1/06/10 art WHY BOTHER TO REMAKE the most OVERRATED THRILLER movie of all time! 1 stars
12/04/09 Jerome original sucked zombies is better. hey old people carpenter sucks ass this movie rocksbitch 5 stars
11/06/09 Josie Cotton is a goddess Has a lot of good ideas and a lot of bad ones. 3 stars
11/04/09 art MARCUS NISPEL know's how to make an adequate remake{FRIDAY THE 13TH}! 1 stars
10/13/09 Brenda Disgraseful attempt at the original from somebody who claimed to love "Halloween" original 1 stars
10/08/09 art OVERRATED!,JUST LIKE THE ORIGINAL HALLOWEEN! 1 stars
9/06/09 Black Leather Rain Beautiful and soulful reimagining with a more realistic feel and more decisive brutality 5 stars
9/05/09 art AWFUL REMAKE, FULL OF HAM"S! 1 stars
4/17/09 Raul Valdez Jr great movie only hated by fanboys and wannabe critics or gore shy crybabys 5 stars
2/15/09 Raul Valdez Jr if you dont like this movie you have no taste for horror 5 stars
2/10/09 Todddi disgrace to the original 1 stars
1/13/09 Raul Valdez Jr people need to stfua bout this movie it rocks 5 stars
12/26/08 Raul Valdez Jr i loved it and none of you haters could have done better 5 stars
11/28/08 noolin I wish there were a rating lower than 1 star. 1 stars
11/15/08 Beau why doesnt anyone like this one? i think its better than the others X10 4 stars
10/20/08 Monster A Go-Go Valiant attempt, but completely missed the mark-bad homelife turns boy into GIANT killer 1 stars
10/18/08 AshleyRockO Rob Zombie's well made remake is better than any horror film out there. 5 stars
9/26/08 PAUL SHORTT ALL ABOUT GRAPHIC BRUTALITY AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MORE 1 stars
8/29/08 Shaun Wallner Rob Zombie is awesome!! 5 stars
8/22/08 haters hate great movie 5 stars
7/28/08 mr.mike Another unneccesary remake , albeit with some great cameos and McDowell 3 stars
7/22/08 the dork knight Rob is a bad director. I know, right? News flash!! 1 stars
7/22/08 Jon The original was Laurie strode's film. the remake is Myers' film. 3 stars
7/02/08 art "FANTASTIC" 1 stars
6/06/08 Jenn An insult to the original. I walked out of the theater. 1 stars
4/29/08 steve Great, sombre, gritty, mikes back 5 stars
3/24/08 blarginbadigalnohif Rob turned a classic suspence film into a blood bath gore fest 2 stars
3/10/08 Jayme Isaacs I Liked The Halloween Remake 5 stars
2/29/08 Tammy Kennedy Rob Zombie leads you think about why the kiler did the things he did 4 stars
2/12/08 Robert White trash version of Halloween, horribly acted, way over the top, an unneccessary flop 1 stars
2/08/08 art this remake is an IMPROVEMENT over the first one 4 stars
2/04/08 Deezy Rob Zombie is a sick genius. I love the delve into the psyche of Myers. ILL! 5 stars
1/22/08 gcc Liked how Michael was more defined as a character,A good tribute to the original 4 stars
1/10/08 Santos Great movie. This movie is fantastic. Scary, smart, and entertaining! 5 stars
1/04/08 David Pollastrini Rob's best yet! 5 stars
12/29/07 venassa OWNED!!! did u see laurie beat the shit out of myers but no more sequal Original=Better 3 stars
12/26/07 cody a disappionting movie to a classic, l expected more, good things was danielle harris acting 2 stars
11/15/07 Alice I don't like rod zombie movies but loved this one, and I am a Halloween fan! 4 stars
10/27/07 Ashisogi_Jizou Riddle me this Mr. Zombie, what was wrong with the original? 2 stars
10/24/07 William Goss A thuddingly obvious and thoroughly pointless take on the tale of Michael Myers. 1 stars
10/13/07 Ronald Newbold There will be a few that have taken the right combo of pharmacuticals that will like this 1 stars
10/10/07 mike horrible movie. i was so bored with it that i actually wanted the credits to roll 1 stars
10/04/07 Flesh-GTA After Zombie's pervious films I was dissapointed why did they decide to do a pg-13 version? 3 stars
9/27/07 HardmiXx I never was a huge fan of these types of films, but I was suprizingly way into this one. 4 stars
9/24/07 Roo shows the original for the masterpiece it is 2 stars
9/23/07 O G Halloween Very disturbed by this trash...this $#it should be burned...an insult to the original.... 1 stars
9/22/07 steve this movie sucked so BAD I wished I had a remote to fast forward to the stupid ending 1 stars
9/19/07 Ben Larson An exciting experience 4 stars
9/16/07 Guido Only an idiot would call this remake crappy 5 stars
9/15/07 Chris Whoa, projectile vomited while watching this it sucked so bad, never did that before. 1 stars
9/14/07 cathy Didn't want to have a reason to feel sorry for Michael. Liked it when he was just pure evil 1 stars
9/12/07 Jason Warner A painfully disjointed, un-scary and ultimately uninteresting remake. 1 stars
9/11/07 Joseph (sephit) not a bad take on this horror icon, but could have been a lil more suspenseful 3 stars
9/11/07 CLL Every crappy horror movie cliche is in effect here. What a giant waste of time. Awful movie 1 stars
9/11/07 Shannon RZ intends to butcher another classic, Nightmare on ELm St. 1 stars
9/10/07 JOHN KANSON I think it's time Mike vs. Freddy vs. Jason, No more solo acts M vs. F vs.J. on F.13TH 3 stars
9/10/07 Dark Enchantress great movie, zombie did a great job! 5 stars
9/10/07 Josh When you yawn and check your phone to see what time it is during the movie that isn't good 1 stars
9/10/07 John Great movie. I've already forgotten the original. 5 stars
9/09/07 KLM WOW, 100 percent! I loved it as good or better than the classic! A MUST SEEEEEE! 5 stars
9/09/07 Rich HORRIBLE. Anyone that actually enjoyed this needs to have their head examined. 1 stars
9/09/07 Bob Sucked, I dont understand the positive reviews for this garbage, they must also like JasonX 1 stars
9/09/07 Dave First half was so good, second half was so bad. 2 stars
9/09/07 K. Sear Way better than expected and what others make it out to be. 4 stars
9/09/07 BN Great movie! Cannot believe that some people think that this is better than the original 4 stars
9/08/07 none great 5 stars
9/08/07 T.C LOVED IT!! 5 stars
9/08/07 Beery Those who like this movie don't know what a real horror movie is. 1 stars
9/07/07 John How do you make one of the worst movies ever remaking one of the best ever, Congrats RobZ 1 stars
9/06/07 Mongo I hear Zombie is going to remake the Wizard of Oz next.. and Dorothy is a crack Whore... 1 stars
9/06/07 Carlos R. Guzman Anwar is maybe 15 & knows nuttin' of tru horror.Some cool stuff, but Zombie missed the mark 2 stars
9/06/07 Anwar this movie is so much better than the original, anyone who says different is a douche 4 stars
9/06/07 Mike Awful, Zombie is a bad director, if you want to see halloween go rent the original. 1 stars
9/06/07 Matt Rob, find a new profession...PLEASE!!! 1 stars
9/06/07 RKM But Who the hell needed a farking backstory?? 1 stars
9/06/07 Ole Man Bourbon The backstory was really good, but the meat of the movie was a bit weak 4 stars
9/05/07 brad the bad not the O.G. but it was better than everyone in between... 4 stars
9/05/07 deuce I absolutely hated the ending. 4 stars
9/05/07 Tiffany Losco Scary, but Im a wimp. 4 stars
9/05/07 Brian Mckay Meh. Better than last 2 RZ or Halloween flicks, for whatever that's worth. 2 stars
9/05/07 whosurdaddy Thanks Mr. Zombie for finally giving M.Meyers his motive to kill! Awesome flick! 5 stars
9/05/07 Leary gurl It was very good and scary at some points 4 stars
9/05/07 jessica haven I am a BIG halloween FAN.that ass wipe zombie screwed my movie,get over the hillbilly shit! 1 stars
9/04/07 Josh I Hope Rob Zombie makes this one a Hit just like Carpenter did with the Original Halloween 5 stars
9/04/07 Richie For Those who said Zombie sux you are sadly mistaken. This movie PWNED GO SEE IT NOW!!!!!!! 5 stars
9/04/07 redruM Wow, Zombie finds new lines to cross. Kid killing kid, kid begging for life! 5 stars
9/04/07 kevin Muraca I enjoyed this. i cringed evertime some1 got beat, and enjoyed the backstory 4 stars
9/04/07 David You can't top perfection any more than you can change the laws of physics! 3 stars
9/03/07 Rockford I'd rather see Zombie do a remake of Sleepless in Seattle. Now that would be scary! 1 stars
9/03/07 Robjohn. Rob Zombie doesn't make movies for the pretentious stuffy film snobs and that angers people 4 stars
9/03/07 Trey I have to admit, I was skepitcal but dude pulled it off! Didn't think he could! Kudos 4 stars
9/03/07 DW A blind, retarded, masturbating monkey could make a better film 1 stars
9/03/07 CiDeuce This movie stands alone in the Halloween saga. One of the best horrors I have ever seen! 5 stars
9/03/07 kevin thought it was great how he showed how michael grew up and hwta sent him into a tale spin o 4 stars
9/03/07 Chris This is the most disturbing movie I've ever seen. The Original still has the title. 2 stars
9/03/07 jazz Poop on a stick...this crappy remake and its fan. 1 stars
9/03/07 Zakk Better than the original!! Stop living in the past! 5 stars
9/03/07 brian it was good. keep comparing to the original. its not the original!!! closed minded pricks 4 stars
9/03/07 gemini The young Micheal gave a grusome foundation for the "Shape" to climax, stalk, and slaughter 4 stars
9/03/07 Susan Great movie!!! I am a big fan of the original, but loved Zombie's version!! 5 stars
9/03/07 Chris Emotional, brutal, relentless. A whole new way to enjoy the Myers saga! 5 stars
9/03/07 slackwoo lousy script. empty characters. pretend its just a bad dream. 1 stars
9/03/07 PJ Brilliant depiction of how many of society's serial killers are formed. 5 stars
9/03/07 randy zombie did michael myers a favor by killing him off there wont be any more bad sequels 4 stars
9/02/07 Cheadle hypnotizing, as usual. who knew Taraji Henson had that body? pretty hard to match the classic original, but pretty good 4 stars
9/02/07 Curtis ZOMG!!!! Great Movie, anyone giving this lower than 3 stars needs to be slapped! 5 stars
9/02/07 me Zombie's a cockbag, and his clusterfuck of a movie is shit. 1 stars
9/02/07 Darkknight Humanising a psycho Meyers then making him indestructible was ridiculous, Zombie blew it. 1 stars
9/02/07 Jake Im diggin it....I liked how zombie keep'd the endings similar but put his own twist on it 5 stars
9/02/07 Thomas The actresses were so annoying I couldnt wait for the part where they were killed! 2 stars
9/02/07 Dylan This movie was too long and too brutal! Zombie sucks! 1 stars
9/02/07 Leslie Doesn't compare to Carpenter's, but I did love the 3 part split. 4 stars
9/02/07 mike tait amazing scout taylor compton(played laurie strode) did such a great job 5 stars
9/02/07 Shannon It was not worth the price I paid for the ticket. Would have liked better if I had rented. 3 stars
9/02/07 Nick great movie going to see it again in a couple of days definatly worth the wait! 5 stars
9/02/07 Gary If this was the first taste I had of Halloween I would think GREAT, but it wasn't. 4 stars
9/02/07 Pit Bull On Crack Zombie's version of Halloween was GREAT!!! 5 stars
9/02/07 Nikki HORRIBLE<HORRIBLE<HORRIBLE!! Total insult to Carpenter and not better than the original 1 stars
9/02/07 Reyna Loved it- didnt sleep at all last night! 5 stars
9/01/07 Bflickchick Thankfully I had free tickets 1 stars
9/01/07 Steven As much as I love the old one, I think too many people are comparing them 4 stars
9/01/07 leo i loved it. not as scary as the first but great 5 stars
9/01/07 Tim This movie sucks 100% worse remake of all time 1 stars
9/01/07 Dave Donald Pleasence is rolling in his grave! Terrible! 1 stars
9/01/07 Darla I loved it! (and I love the original too). Great remake 4 stars
9/01/07 Erick Hollywood fucked up a great horror film 1 stars
9/01/07 Sully WORST. FUCKING. MOVIE. EVER. can't say it any better.... 1 stars
9/01/07 matt campbell great movie truley zombie brought myers back to life followed the original good not great 5 stars
9/01/07 Nick WORST. FUCKING. MOVIE. EVER. Zombie should be murdered for what he has done. 1 stars
9/01/07 will average at best, little suspense, no mystery here 3 stars
9/01/07 Rube Most of it was actually good, but the ending dragged on a little bit 4 stars
9/01/07 Caiphn Not even gory, this was just flat. 2 stars
9/01/07 Rick very disjointed and suprisingly unscary. 3 stars
9/01/07 Tom Surprise! wow that was way better than I anticipated 5 stars
9/01/07 RKM Why? Why? I'll stick with the original. It's the best horror film ever! 1 stars
8/31/07 jonesy hopefully no more remakes after this disaster!!! 1 stars
8/31/07 Tami Incredible! I actually like this version better than the original 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  31-Aug-2007 (R)
  DVD: 18-Dec-2007

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