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Overall Rating
3.06

Awesome33.24%
Worth A Look: 12.78%
Average: 11.65%
Pretty Bad: 11.36%
Total Crap: 30.97%

12 reviews, 280 user ratings


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Transformers
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by Peter Sobczynski

"Might As Well Be "Uwe Boll's Go-Bots"
1 stars

The Transformers came along several years after I had already outgrown both toys and syndicated television cartoons that were barely-disguised commercials for said toys, so I was unable to experience them first-hand during their heyday. (I do recall slinking into a movie theater to catch the cheapo 1986 animated film “Transformers: The Movie,” mostly because at that time, one didn’t easily pass up on the opportunity to see a film that utilized the vocal talents of both Orson Welles, in the last film before his death, and Judd Nelson, in one of the last films before his career death.) As a result, I went into the screening of “Transformers,” an epic-sized screen adaptation of the property from the collective minds of director Michael Bay and co-producer Steven Spielberg, without any real kind of pre-conceived notions of what should and shouldn’t be on display in such a production. However, even if I had gone into the film expecting the worst, I doubt that even I could have contemplated something as grotesquely awful as this monstrosity. Produced with an abundance of money and technological knowhow and a complete absence of wit, style or excitement, this is less a film than it is a full-out assault on the senses that confuses bludgeoning a viewer with noisy spectacle with actually entertaining them.

Although the storyline for “Transformers” is so bizarrely convoluted that it seems to have been designed solely to defy any attempt at a coherent synopsis, I will nevertheless attempt to provide one. In a prologue, we learn of a faraway planet called Cybertron that was populated entirely by robots under the thrall of a mysterious, all-powerful cube known as the All Spark. Alas, this mechanical utopia was not to last and the robots separated into two factions–the heroic Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, and the villainous Decepticons, led by the monstrous Megatron–that went to war when Megatron attempted to seize the All Spark for his own ends. In the ensuing battle, Cybertron was destroyed and the All Spark was lost in space. For centuries, the Autobots and Decepticons have combed the galaxy looking for the All Spark and as the film opens, it turns out it has finally turned up on some distant and insignificant planet known to its denizens as Earth.

Reps from both sides of the conflict quickly arrive on the planet and, while waiting for their brethren to arrive, go about seeking the whereabouts of the All Spark in their own inimitable manners. A Decepticon disguised as an Army helicopter turns up in Qatar and proceeds to blow the hell out of an American military base, with the exception of a single rag-tag platoon led by manly men Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Epps (Tyrese Gibson), while attempting to download information from the various military computers. When this gets interrupted, another Decepticon, this one in the form of a boombox, somehow finds its way onto Air Force One and only the complete shutdown of the entire military computer system is able to prevent yet another hack. In Washington, the Secretary of Defense (Jon Voight) brings in the top computer geeks from throughout the country (at least the ones who weren’t all blown to hell in “Live Free or Die Hard”) to figure out what this unknown force is looking for. Luckily, superhot computer babe Maggie (Rachael Taylor) quickly discovers that the hacks are focusing on a mysterious government faction known as Sector 7 and their top-secret “Project Iceman.” The military is convinced that the attacks are coming from Russia or North Korea (though al Qaeda is strangely never mentioned) but Maggie is convinced that the threat may not be human after all.

Meanwhile, in California, obnoxiously gawky teener Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is off to purchase his first car, mostly in an effort to win the heart of teen queen Mikaela (Megan Fox). He winds up picking a beat-up Camaro that sometimes seems to have a mind of its own–when Sam actually manages to get Mikaela into his car, it breaks down at the local makeout place and the radio starts blasting “Let’s Get It On.” This doesn’t seem to faze Sam that much but when his car takes off in the middle of the night, he follows it to a junkyard and witnesses it transform into an Autobot and send out a signal. Before long, one of the Decepticons arrives and nearly destroys Sam and Mikaela before Sam’s car arrives in the nick of time, transforms back into a robot and smacks the attacker down. Soon, the other Autobots, led by Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen), arrive and fill Sam in on the details. It seems that Sam’s grandfather, an Arctic explorer, accidentally stumbled upon the long-buried Megatron and inadvertently semi-activated him in a way that imprinted the coordinates showing the location of the All Spark on the lenses of his eyeglasses. Now the two factions are once again ready to do battle for the All Spark–the Autobots want to return it to Cybertron and attempt to revive their home while the Decepticons want to use its powers to turn all the machines on Earth against mankind and destroy the world as we know it–and the fate of the world hinges in the balance.

Since this is pretty much the point in “Transformers” where the storyline pretty much devolves into a series of loud and ungainly sequences in which giant robots beat the crap out of each other while laying waste to Los Angeles, the Hoover Dam and other sundry locations mixed in with conspiracy theories, heartfelt speeches and a highly unexpected explanation for the existence of the Hoover Dam, let us now take a moment to let this bizarrely convoluted storyline and wonder what the hell screenwriters Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman could have been thinking when they slapped it together. Let’s face it, anyone attending “Transformers” is going to do so for one reason and one reason only–to see as many robot smackdowns as humanly possible. Therefore, you would assume that anyone charged with putting this on paper would want to figure out the simplest and most direct narrative line to get to the CGI carnage. Here, Orci & Kurtzman given us a storyline so unwieldy that it often seems at times as though they are going out of their way to frustrate viewers.

For starters, while the opening military base attack does have a certain oomph to it, virtually all the subsequent material involving the military team could have been excised without losing nothing but about 40 minutes of the absurdly overlong 145 minute running time. Then there are the strangely juvenile and utterly nonsensical sequences that have been shoved in for reasons that completely elude me. For example, there is a protracted sequence where the Autobots, in their various car and truck forms, follow Sam back to his house so that he can look for those damned eyeglasses. Now if you or I were an Autobot trying to keep a low profile, we might retain our auto forms so as not to arouse suspicion from anyone in the area. Of course, such logic might not appeal to much to the ADD-afflicted 12-year-olds that this film is clearly being aimed at because these Autobots instead choose to assume their full-on robot forms and clomp around in Sam’s backyard so that we can all revel in the hilarity of a.) Sam’s clueless parents somehow not noticing the GIANT ROBOTS IN THEIR BACK YARD and b.) said giant robots trying to hide under porches and alongside walls in order to avoid detection. (I will spare you the various urination and crotch-smashing gags that have also been included, even though you would think that such concerns would be meaningless to giant robots.) The screenplay is so incompetent, in fact, that when the writers do stumble upon a potentially decent idea, such as having the grandfather stumble upon the frozen Megatron in the Arctic, they don’t have any idea of what to do with it–what might have made for a great prologue in an ordinary blockbuster is instead tossed away in a flurry of mid-film exposition at a point when most sentient beings will have already mentally checked out.

Granted, one does not go to a film like “Transformers” for the complex narrative–one goes to allow our inner children to revel in the sight of enormous robots wreaking elaborate and expensive havoc on everything they see. And yet, if anything, the film is actually a bigger failure at this than it is at storytelling. For starters, the film is visually ugly–maybe it was the inevitable degradation of the image that comes from adding in the countless CGI effects or maybe cinematographer Mitchell Amundsen figured he could clean things up in post-production but whichever it was, there were points in the print that I saw where the image was so grainy that it almost looked like a bootleg video. This is especially odd when you consider that Michael Bay, whatever his faults as a filmmaker may be, can usually be relied upon to create a good-looking movie.

Then again, it soon becomes apparent that he isn’t exactly on his A-game either. Over the years, many have dumped on Bay for being nothing more than a purveyor of soulless cinematic junk food–and you can hardly blame people for thinking that of the auteur of such craptaculars as “Pearl Harbor,” “The Island” and “Bad Boys 2" (my personal choice for the third-worst movie ever made)–but to be fair, the man can usually put together a decent action sequence and I will even cheerfully admit to more or less liking both “The Rock” and “Armageddon” for the way that they provided their fenderheaded thrills with style and humor. With “Transformers,” however, he seems to have forgotten everything that he once knew about shooting an action scene and instead presents us with one of the most graceless action extravaganzas I’ve ever seen. As usual, his whiplash editing style–if there is a shot on display lasting more than ten seconds, it has escaped my mind–means that it is impossible to get any real sense of what the hell is going on or where any of the characters are in relation to each other. This time, however, he couples that flaw with the bizarre decision to shoot most of his scenes of robots duking it out in close-ups instead of pulling the camera back to let us get a better look at them and their sheer size in relation to everything else. Because of this, the scale aspect is lost and since the various robots rolling around on the ground or shooting at each other are more or less interchangeable, it becomes almost impossible to determine which one is which at any given point. (One of the Autobots apparently dies in battle but it is handled so badly that I didn’t even realize it until Optimus Prime eventually offered an elegy to his fallen comrade.) The results are such a mess, in fact, that I would be willing to bet that a little kid armed with nothing more than a couple of action figures and Dad’s DV camera could come up with better and more coherent action scenes than the ones seen here.

“Transformers” is a gargantuan mess from start to finish and even the fan-heavy and highly enthusiastic crowd that I saw it with seemed to begin growing restless as it lumbered along to the sequel-set-up that it calls an ending. To be fair, there were two elements on display that helped serve as minor respites from the rest of the noisy non-spectacle. The first is the presence of Megan Fox as the central hottie–there is no real purpose for her character and there is certainly no evidence that she can indeed act but she is such a gorgeous presence on the screen (even though she is theoretically supposed to be playing a high-school junior) that she will inspire the kind of reactions in most male viewers not usually seen outside of the collected works of Tex Avery. The other is the completely screw-loose supporting performance from John Turturro as a shadowy government agent who crosses paths with our young hero. By any sane critical standard, his performance would be considered an embarrassment of scenery-chewing on a level not seen since Marlon Brando put on the prairie dress and sauntered through “The Missouri Breaks”–perhaps this was his manner of rebelling against the substandard material. However, his barking-mad turn gives the film the only real juice it has (and its only genuine laugh when he interrupts a jargon-heavy briefing to admonish an underling with “Try to keep up with the acronyms!”) and when “Transformers” comes to its blessed end and you flee to the parking lot with a throbbing headache and an emptied soul, it is the only aspect that doesn’t hurt too much to think about a second time.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=15538&reviewer=389
originally posted: 07/03/07 08:52:53
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User Comments

2/21/17 morris campbell for kids only 1 stars
2/26/12 dave warning: anyone who liked this movie and is over 10 is mentally unstable 1 stars
10/19/11 Magic This movie already has the devastating flaws magnified by its awful sequel. 2 stars
8/30/11 Anonymous This doesn't even deserve a star. I'm being generous. 1 stars
5/26/11 chris c Complete utter f**kup of a movie, makes the cheesy animated movie a masterpiece 1 stars
5/15/11 stephen nettles AMAZING 5 stars
4/28/11 man great 5 stars
10/14/10 geoffro if you like this film your either 8 and havent seen the cartoon, or a retard, simple as 1 stars
10/02/10 bored mom Playing the 1980s Transformers games is less painful than this utter shitfuck movie. 1 stars
9/16/10 cherocha If you liked this movie, you are fucking stupid beyond words. 1 stars
7/10/10 Meep Has it's moments but they are let down by too much Bay bullshit 3 stars
3/04/10 dude awesome 5 stars
12/26/09 Jeff Wilder A big budget piece of utter nothing. 2 stars
10/07/09 PAUL SHORTT A BIG DUMB, SPECIAL EFFECTS-LADEN ACTION FILM 2 stars
9/12/09 Sugarfoot Indeed originally this would be a 1 star movie, but 2 was so awful I have to give it two. 2 stars
8/29/09 Julian Brilliant effects - poor lead actor 4 stars
7/24/09 Toni Absolute crap... this is the death of American Cinema 1 stars
7/13/09 austin wertman love it 5 stars
7/06/09 The Grinch I give it two stars, only because Tranformers 2 lowered the bar even further. 2 stars
6/25/09 Dan Great movie just to sit back and enjoy it for what it is-a reason to watch big robots kill 4 stars
6/09/09 freak awesome for a michael bay movie 5 stars
5/12/09 Sam Shallow and juvenile "review" that simply stinks of amateurism and ignorance. Pathetic. 3 stars
5/11/09 Ricky this was my favorite movie... those who rated low are practically dumb. 5 stars
4/27/09 Wonko The Sane THIS MOVIE IS THE EQUIVILENT OF DOGSHIT. So Is Bay! Eat a dick Michael Bay. 1 stars
3/14/09 geetus First Transformers, then Friday the 13th, next is Nightmare on Elm St. ALL RUINED BY BAY. 1 stars
3/05/09 Nightbeast it sucked He managed to make the T-formers background characters in their own damn movie 1 stars
2/11/09 Waqas Someone please kill Bay before he makes a sequel 1 stars
2/10/09 Todddi agree with review, how can you actually enjoy this? 1 stars
1/16/09 the dork knight never saw the show. this doesn't exactly make me want to learn more. 3 stars
11/16/08 kunal awesommeeeeeeeeeeeeee................. 5 stars
10/10/08 man love it 5 stars
10/10/08 dude awesome 5 stars
9/16/08 Wolfie Inu An insult to the intelligence of kitchen appliances everywhere 1 stars
9/07/08 Pamela White great special effects but plot a little vague 3 stars
9/01/08 another one fucking shit ass movie 1 stars
8/28/08 Cathy Great movie - We loved all of the action - bought the DVD 5 stars
7/25/08 Croweater888 Appaling bad movie, an insult to the classic 80's cartoon 1 stars
7/20/08 Shaun Wallner Bumble Bee is Awesome!! I wish i had a car like that. 5 stars
7/15/08 Vanessa Sanchez you guys all suck this is my favorite movie loved the humor loved the action loved the love 5 stars
6/15/08 Indrid Cold That high contrast look has gone too far; everyone's skin looks like well-oiled leather. 2 stars
6/14/08 Nick LOVED it 5 stars
6/11/08 Shaun If you're under 10 years old, "slow", or Michael Bay's mom, you'll love it. 1 stars
5/26/08 Echo L. I still can't understand what people liked about this film. It was utterly painful. 1 stars
5/20/08 Jared I would have walked out if I hadn't driven my friends there. 1 stars
5/15/08 The Grinch Peter S's review is 100% on the money. 1 stars
5/09/08 Jérémy Way, way too long. I liked the humor though. 2 stars
5/08/08 Q3A-player stupid 'movie' with lame 'action' 1 stars
5/06/08 LMC People who didn't like this movie, don't like great action movies. 5 stars
4/23/08 scin movie was by far more then i had expected. Great CGI, humurious jokes 5 stars
4/19/08 Bad Motherfucker made the cartoon movie look like Citizen Fucking Kane 1 stars
4/07/08 Lane There are movies with better action that are also not retarded. Don't waste your time. 1 stars
4/02/08 Pixel Boy JUST because it's a movie with transformers in it, DOESNT mean its any good. terrible 1 stars
3/31/08 Hunter This is one of the better movies I have gone to see and I recommend it to anyone. 4 stars
3/10/08 Jayme Isaacs One Of The Best Science Fiction Movies of 2007 5 stars
2/24/08 3li FINALY im not the only one who practicly fell aseep 1 stars
2/17/08 Az As if the 80's cartoon had deeper plot. got exactly what I was expecting. AWESOME! 5 stars
2/08/08 Anthony Feor I got what I expected, Brilliant visual effects surrounded by mindless action 4 stars
1/26/08 man my favorite movie of the year. best special FX ever 5 stars
1/09/08 Risky Bizness good entertainment. not enough time for the transformers though 4 stars
1/08/08 film girl One of the best action sci fi films since terminator 2!!! Loved it 5 stars
12/04/07 ES So much funnier than I thought it'd be with a good story and great action 5 stars
11/27/07 dude nothing short of awesome 5 stars
11/22/07 Quality I don't believe it! Bay still hasn't killed himself after Bad Boys 2, WTF?!? 1 stars
11/16/07 Jay Hey wanna learn somthin go to school, want entertainment go to a movie douche bag 5 stars
11/10/07 g webster pretty nice action,but could have been so much more 4 stars
10/31/07 rodh campy with over-the-top action..loved it for what it was, a Michael Bay movie! 4 stars
10/28/07 Ladiesman217 The director *and* the movie were completely soul-less sociopaths 1 stars
10/28/07 Caiphn Who cares about plot holes, you'll hate every actor so much it doesn't matter. Ridiculous! 1 stars
10/27/07 tracey chambers visually its great but the dialogue is sooo bad its embarrassing 4 stars
10/25/07 Aaron Good movie, haha I can see you Ian 4 stars
10/18/07 Kay It is the worst film in the history of film. 1 stars
10/17/07 trav sucks, SO disappointed 1 stars
10/17/07 action movie fan great action and f/x but a bit video gamish=still summer fun, that's better than boredom 4 stars
10/15/07 Fanofnothing Turn off your brain, sit back and enjoy the ride! 5 stars
10/15/07 Keystra Williams Too many humans, not enough robots 4 stars
10/08/07 Matt L. The review is to critical, it is what it was meant to be a fun movie to watch 4 stars
10/07/07 Mr. Wiggely Good movie for not very bright children, lots of flash and bang for the kiddies and dialog 1 stars
10/05/07 JT Lindroos Plot holes that could have been fixed by anyone over 10. It shouldn't have been THIS bad. 1 stars
10/03/07 wall go see it 5 stars
9/24/07 Jason Honestly it is a mindless pointless crappy movie. But I loved it because it was crap. 3 stars
9/23/07 your mom THAT WAS THE GREATEST MOVIE IVE EVA SEEN! 5 stars
9/20/07 Johnnyfaye When it was over, I was stunned, not in a good way. I still don't know what to rate this 3 stars
9/14/07 dude loved it 5 stars
9/06/07 Mike loved it 5 stars
9/05/07 dude briiliant 5 stars
8/27/07 Booksworm Awesome! Awesome! Fucking AWESOME! 5 stars
8/23/07 E Right on. This movie was astoundingly bad. 1 stars
8/10/07 rory ewart one of the best films ive ever seen up ther with the likes of casino royale and layer cake! 5 stars
8/09/07 suresh kumar.N the tranformations of the robots from one to another is so awesome 5 stars
8/07/07 Bessie the Cow Udderly Garbage 1 stars
8/05/07 Charles Tatum Moronic and pointless, could've been so much better 1 stars
8/04/07 dave cool premise, but the film didn't do it for me. 2 stars
8/01/07 Taurus U hit the nail on the head EXCEPT tht the bad guys hav always been known as the Decepticons 2 stars
8/01/07 Pedrag They missed the boat on this one. It could have been so good! It ended up being awful. 1 stars
7/30/07 damalc childish, but what did i expect from Michael Bay and an 80s cartoon 2 stars
7/29/07 Hello Stranger the plot was thin. characters feel cliched to the max. only cgi and action good. 2 stars
7/28/07 common sense people that hate transformers hate it for thier biased views on the director. 5 stars
7/28/07 David Graham Summers most action packed, transforming experience. 5 stars
7/27/07 Bumble Bee Best summer event movie in recent memory...Bee-Otch. 5 stars
7/27/07 lucas awesome 5 stars
7/24/07 Justin M. Spot on. I just wanted good action, and to make me care about what happened. I got nada.. 1 stars
7/23/07 Bantin "I dont like Michael Bay, boo hoo hoo, what about my childhood?, boo hoo" Losers. 5 stars
7/23/07 Anthony Kane I agree with this review: A stupid movie for the stupid masses 1 stars
7/19/07 Sci-Fi Scoundrel Aaron Great Flick, but the ending action scenes between Mega and Opt. were to damn blurry. 4 stars
7/18/07 Not Blindly Nostalgic I went in expecting a "popcorn muncher" and wasn't disappointed. Not terrible, not great. 3 stars
7/17/07 G-rok So disapointed in this movie. I loved the show as a kid but this was crap. 1 stars
7/17/07 Paul W. I liked it...until the last five minutes when Prime starts to Monologue...then they lost me 3 stars
7/16/07 Roy Smith No expectations going in. Still disappointing. 100% Shit! 1 stars
7/15/07 Bob I have a headache 2 stars
7/15/07 Roy Two and a half hours of product placement 2 stars
7/15/07 bullit16 Not as wretchedly putrid as I expected it to be. Is that a compliment? 2 stars
7/15/07 Dark Enchantress it was a great movie 5 stars
7/14/07 Vincent Ebriega Overlong, but it's one loud fun movie. 4/5. 4 stars
7/14/07 MicTar Embodied everything that the cartoons and comics embodied in the 80's 5 stars
7/14/07 Dr. Jim Vickrey It is a brilliant example of a science fiction action-thriller based on a popular toy. 5 stars
7/13/07 Austin Wertman AWESOME. BETTERTHAN i EXPECTED 5 stars
7/13/07 Adrianne Great family film full of action and pure entertainment 4 stars
7/13/07 jazz I'm confused, are you a retard for liking this tripe? 1 stars
7/12/07 Optimus Prime Please, do not let Michael Bay torture us any longer 1 stars
7/12/07 Rob I'm confused. Are you reviewing the movie or your opinionated views of the director? 5 stars
7/11/07 VirtualRobot Turns out a movie can be terrible but enjoyable. 3 stars
7/11/07 Akiko Pure fun, made of awesome and kick ass robots. By the way, get the stick out of your ass. 5 stars
7/11/07 Tiffany Losco my four year old daughter went to see this with her camp. She loved it. 5 stars
7/11/07 D CGI does a great job of distracting from the lack of story, intelligence, cheesy dialog 1 stars
7/11/07 sol robot designs were good apart from megatron, look like a can of broken spoons 3 stars
7/11/07 mason Transformers is a movie for children, it is very entertaining for a 6-12 year old mind. 4 stars
7/11/07 BoBo Cool Guys Movie. To the reveiwer, If you pull the stick out of you arse you'll enjoy more. 5 stars
7/11/07 Dirk Why the copyright owners choose Michael Bay - its like choosing Ronald McDonald to direct. 2 stars
7/10/07 AJ Muller Dumb fun. Great FX. LeBeouf is really talented. Kickass robots. Lots of fun. 4 stars
7/10/07 Simon Wow it hurts to see this movie's status fanboyly bloated to 'Awesome'. Wow. 1 stars
7/10/07 strongbad Really bad movie with some nice special effects. 1 stars
7/10/07 Georgi Petrov Loved this movie, the action was awesome. 5 stars
7/10/07 JCSC Great movie. Maybe this reviewer should read a comic or two so she can understand the story 5 stars
7/10/07 chrismischief "My Heterosexual Life Partner?" This reviewer's WAY too UPTIGHT to enjoy a movie like this 4 stars
7/10/07 DnBLoxy 1* for Transformer fans, 3* if taken from an action movie standpoint. Way too many cuts. 2 stars
7/10/07 The Chode Movie sucks 1 stars
7/10/07 dubesinhower It's funny how mostly the people who don't like Michael Bay gave it one star. Sweet movie! 5 stars
7/10/07 Ilya C It's action packed, funny, and I actualy was able to care about the bots. It's a fun ride. 5 stars
7/10/07 Pixie Idiotic Michael Bay stuff all over again! 1 stars
7/09/07 deep Ignorant. It takes a sociopath to think calling millions of people idiots is acceptable. 5 stars
7/09/07 Paul You don't "get it"? That's because you're an idiot. 4 stars
7/09/07 Rufuss God you suck! (the reviewer that is) 5 stars
7/09/07 D Right on the money 1 stars
7/09/07 Leo I never saw or played with transformers, but this movie rocked. 5 stars
7/09/07 M perfection! Its a "movie" people!! loosen up.... 5 stars
7/09/07 Punisher I hated transformers as a kid but really liked the movie, but this was an awesome movie! 5 stars
7/09/07 Lynnaea Agree w/ Orndorf. Editing made action hard to watch; otherwise, movie was GREAT. 5 stars
7/09/07 Balrog I think the transformer virgins should try meeting girls instead of defending a BAD MOVIE. 1 stars
7/09/07 Scott This reviewer doesn't know anything about Transformers. So Bay made up "Decepticons" hmm... 5 stars
7/09/07 FilmViewer I think this critic has more of a problem with Michael Bay. GREAT MOVIIE 5 stars
7/09/07 nerds must die Big CGI can;t hide a suck ass movie. Waste of time and overhyped. 1 stars
7/09/07 R2D2 It was an awsome movie, and if you didn't like it, then go watch a chick flick you sissies. 5 stars
7/09/07 Emperor Palaptine After I saw the movie I threw the senate at him. The whole senate. True story. 1 stars
7/08/07 Mayhem Obviously this dumb bitch hasn't seen the cartoon. GET BACK TO THE KITCHEN! 5 stars
7/08/07 LostRock812 The movie had great special effects but it also had a decent ammount of plotholes. 5 stars
7/08/07 KiddieFiddlingRetard Stop touching your balls Touchball. The movie sucked. 1 stars
7/08/07 Touchball I cant believe the amount of kiddie fiddling retards that gave this movie one star 5 stars
7/08/07 Jil Leifson Not evey movie has to have a huge meaning behind it. Can't we enjoy some fun entertaing act 5 stars
7/08/07 BillTheGalacticHero How many internet nerds does it take to sit and clog up a movie review site? A LOT! 1 stars
7/08/07 Jorge All I have to say is that it's been a while since I went to se a movie twice at the theater 5 stars
7/08/07 ad glad i read the reviews before - better than them 4 stars
7/08/07 Schneidend Can I be a pseudo-intellectual film critic by saying "or something" every two sentences? 5 stars
7/08/07 Garrett Jones You shouldn't tout your ignorance as something positive, other that that review was perfect 1 stars
7/08/07 Bill Gosse Orndorf, you're my hero. The only critic here who "gets" the film. AND can write. 4 stars
7/08/07 Jon Most of the "critques" made are attack the original toyline. Maybe try reviewing the movie? 5 stars
7/08/07 RandomReader Its real easy to downplay an action movie based on a toy franchise. The moive is great. 5 stars
7/07/07 Ole Man Bourbon Eye-candy for kiddies, nothing more. 2 stars
7/07/07 Darkstar Giant robots, Megan Foxs' tits and ass. Nice 5 stars
7/07/07 Quagmire All that money and "talent" working on this film and that is as good as it gets? Weak... 1 stars
7/07/07 Nav If you loved transformers you will hate this movie 2 stars
7/07/07 smithee Worst screenplay I've seen in a LONG time. Bay's hamfisted directing sucked too. 1 stars
7/07/07 deepfriedcheese Great CGI and cinamatography. Horrible writing and directing. Overall: Average 3 stars
7/07/07 TP The point of a movie is to get lost in it and have fun. What's not fun about this movie? 5 stars
7/07/07 dufus Internet nerd fanboys unite! Combine to form Nerdatron! This movie sucked! 1 stars
7/07/07 go i wish the movie had been about the Transformers instead of about Shia trying to get laid. 2 stars
7/07/07 Someone Here? CGI: Mindblowing. Plot:Missing. Acting: Horrible. Nostalgia: Lots. 2 stars
7/07/07 dweeby Lighten up, Francis! Of course it's not high cinema, it's about robots, what did you expect 4 stars
7/07/07 Girls Know Nothing go watch notebook for the millionth time or better yet kill yourself 5 stars
7/07/07 Steve Thanks for the reality check. Others' reviews almost tempted me to see more M. Bay crud. 1 stars
7/07/07 rone13 The reason the car is called Deceptico, is because in the cartoon the car has the same name 4 stars
7/07/07 Pixiest This movie sucked so much monkey butt the monkey turned inside out. 1 stars
7/07/07 Seth I own a copy of Pierrot le fou and have a 148 IQ, lighten up a$$...Transformers was F-U-N! 5 stars
7/07/07 Danielle this movie was hilarious, but not as much as this review. 1 stars
7/07/07 You're COLD You make some good points. It was still an awesome movie. Sorry you have no soul 5 stars
7/07/07 KieranDraven A TERRIFIC NOD to the original series and a great movie in it's own right. 5 stars
7/07/07 db fun movie 5 stars
7/07/07 raif10 Why didn't we hear people die or see blood? IT'S A PG-13 MOVIE. Twit. 5 stars
7/07/07 Mad@Critic Is the guy writing this critique retarded? Does he know nothing about the Transformers? 5 stars
7/07/07 tapman Anyone who didn't grow up with Transformers = poor critics of this movie. Best of summer! 5 stars
7/07/07 Juliana True to the comics. Funny, yet robots are still saving the world. DAM good portrayal 5 stars
7/07/07 P.W. Dawn - were you ever even a fan of this show or know anything about it? 5 stars
7/07/07 David Your comments portray your arrogance and stupidity, Dawn. Find another job. 5 stars
7/07/07 Becca You're making us girls look bad by posting about things you obviously don't understand. 4 stars
7/07/07 Mike Seems like you hate Bay and his movies. Why did you even bother watching. Just stay home! 5 stars
7/07/07 Jason Beamaroonietoonie The only thing more entertaining than this movie is listening to "critics" whine about it 5 stars
7/07/07 heavySausage Maybe you and your 'heterosexual life partner' should go rent a porno and lighten up a bit. 5 stars
7/07/07 rob #1 optimus prime had lips! #2 shockwave had an orgasm every time he hacked something.. 2 stars
7/06/07 Non-Hater She's just pissed Megatron didn't turn into a pistol the size of one of his comrades hands. 4 stars
7/06/07 Ryan I thought it was extremely entertaining. Shia was actually pretty good in this. 4 stars
7/06/07 RadioNinja IT'S A MOVIE ABOUT A CARTOON BASED ON A TOY! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? 5 stars
7/06/07 Crap-tastic The movie is called Transformers. Why were we following pesky humans for most of it?! 1 stars
7/06/07 Jacob B. It doesn't matter how dumb it was. This is a childhood fantasy made reality for alot of us! 5 stars
7/06/07 Scorch Wow, not very kind. Have you ever seen Transformers at any time in your life? 5 stars
7/06/07 Adam R It was an excellent film. 5 stars
7/06/07 GonzoY Sorry you did not have a childhood DT, and for showing boys and girls are different, again! 5 stars
7/06/07 Richard Wow... Stop being so damn jealous at Bay for being more successful at life than you are. 5 stars
7/06/07 CowbotFromHell You are a jackass lady, seriously... Michael bay a sociopath and a talentless film maker... 5 stars
7/06/07 the dirty digger Best Movie in the World. Thank You Michael Bay. I will name my first 3 children after you!! 5 stars
7/06/07 Jasen It's actually pretty good; This reviewer just has a stick up his ass. 4 stars
7/06/07 Juliano Absolutely DEAD ON. If you like this movie, YOU ARE A RETARD. Period. What a disgrace. 1 stars
7/06/07 Dave I fell asleep during the "Best" battle scene at 2:30 in the afternoon. This was awful. 1 stars
7/06/07 DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH DAWN If you were real critic you would do some research or pay attention they name the bad guys 4 stars
7/06/07 Kenny Valentine The bad guys were orignally called decepticons you stupid noob movie reviewer! 4 stars
7/06/07 LadiesEviloid69 You are awesome 1 stars
7/06/07 David B Apparently the reviewer doesn't realize that Bay didn't create Transformers story? 4 stars
7/06/07 Jared Griffin DT=Idiot 5 stars
7/06/07 Bob Was okay, liked the first scene the best 4 stars
7/06/07 rain Suspension of disbelief is not the same as idiocy. Ever enjoyed a fairy tale? DT = idiot. 5 stars
7/06/07 Brusimm 2 1/2 hours of good voilent robot fun with great spots of humor!! 5 stars
7/06/07 drblakjak It had so corny parts but for the most part it was great. Thought it was really well done. 5 stars
7/06/07 Bflo Reviewer knows jack about the franchise or that this is an intro. 2 more movies coming. 4 stars
7/06/07 Yastreb I liked the action, but I so wanted several characters (including Sam) to die horribly. 3 stars
7/06/07 Optimus was SO FAR from Prime I agree the thoughts found within this review were exactly mine while watching, AWFUL MOVIE 1 stars
7/06/07 Michael C. Loved it to pieces, saw it a few times already. 5 stars
7/06/07 Amused Reviewer is a moron who betrays his dislike of all transformers by complaining about names 4 stars
7/06/07 Tom Servo UNMITTIGATED GENIUS? I suppose next you're going to say ID4 ranks next to discovering Fire 1 stars
7/06/07 John this movie was great how could you give it such a low rating A-PLUS 4 stars
7/06/07 Constantine This review was the best part of Tranformers. 1 stars
7/06/07 Amazed Over 2 years of development for this?? They seriously dropped the ball. 1 stars
7/06/07 Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. One word for this movie HORRIBLE! 1 stars
7/06/07 Mike Nelson and the Bots As "Optimus Prime!" below indicates, only idiots will like the film. It's "roll" moron! 1 stars
7/06/07 Anthony G Effects were MIND BLOWING. But unfortunatly, thats it. 2 stars
7/06/07 ed209 i guess only michael bay could murder optimus prime 1 stars
7/06/07 Optimus Prime! Awesome movie! Autobots...Role out! 5 stars
7/06/07 Movie Scene This crap is Transformers? Did retards wearing testosterone patches make this movie? 1 stars
7/06/07 cinemastinks Lousy, LOUSY movie. CGI was passable, but Bay murdered the material 1 stars
7/06/07 Jo No amount of eye-popping special effects could rescue this STUPID STUPID movie. Utter junk! 1 stars
7/06/07 Ororo Loved Transformers growing up... HATED THIS MOVIE. Dawn's review was perfect! 2 stars
7/05/07 no. I don't care. The reviewer is ugly/wrinkly says a lot of or something to be hip. Too easy. 4 stars
7/05/07 jordan thomson WORSR E MOVIE EVER...MY SON EVEN HATED IT....LAME LAME LAME 1 stars
7/05/07 neliz This movie is leagues above sequeels this summer: spidey3, pirates/shrek/die hard etc. 5 stars
7/05/07 Stuey I am a queer, and I actually liked it (this is for dvd123447). 4 stars
7/05/07 Paul Great movie!!! it is what it is!! It's fiction with excellent effects and good acting 5 stars
7/05/07 Zordude Great popcorn summer blockbuster 5 stars
7/05/07 Pete D Transformers was a blast. 5 stars
7/05/07 Lee "Idiots"? I'll compare craniums w/ you any day, Dawn. Kid Sci Fi fans = Today's Leaders. 4 stars
7/05/07 John Two action scenes with 90 minutes of boredom between punctuated by lame slapstick. Awful. 1 stars
7/05/07 ___ Great CGI/lots of action, but plot is nonexistent,characters uninteresting 2 stars
7/05/07 Benjamin Soulless battle sequences (albeit impressive CGI) and dull, poorly acted teen comedy = bad. 2 stars
7/05/07 RazorFang To Carlos: You are an idiot.ID4 is a helluva great movie (and so is this!) 5 stars
7/05/07 Quigley The fans will love it. It gave me a headache. Good action scenes; cartoony CGI 3 stars
7/05/07 Jeff This review sucks, old hag just jealous cuz shes ugly and cant pay attention in movies 5 stars
7/05/07 Carlos Craig M, best since Indep.Day? You did NOT set your bar high at all! 3 stars
7/05/07 Gee Token intelligent hot chicks = not enough to exuse the rest who were just a pair of boobs 2 stars
7/05/07 Carlos I wish Bay were less confusing w/ battle scenes; w/ Bay lil' plot better than shitty plot 3 stars
7/04/07 Ryan The CGI: awesome. The movie: absolute crap. Michael Bay: communist 2 stars
7/04/07 razz Wonderful! Allowed adults to become kids again & enjoy the movie with their children! 5 stars
7/04/07 BrianWilly Has a bit of an anti-climax, but still a fun, enjoyable movie. 5 stars
7/04/07 Rob Exceelent movie in all aspects. Good story, effects, everything 5 stars
7/04/07 Nolan Craw Awesome movie, if you dont know what transformers is about,then how can you critique it ? 5 stars
7/04/07 Skwib I hate Michael Bay, but he delivered the most fun movie experience I've had in years. 5 stars
7/04/07 martinus one word to the critic..go watch some sappy drama and gloat on that..lolz.. 5 stars
7/04/07 zaw very good cgi, if you're going to put people that don't have exp acting don't let them talk 3 stars
7/04/07 kurt i loved it. everyone i know loved it. i guess some critics don't have any imagination. 5 stars
7/04/07 BayandSpielbergSuck Terrible film.Filmmakers have no clue. Only CGI is any good. 1 stars
7/04/07 Captain Highcrime Their damn subconcious ploy worked: MUST BUY CAMARO..MUST BUY CAMARO..MUST BUY CAMARO 3 stars
7/04/07 michaelb14 decent, but that constantly shaking the camera sucks, let us actually see the transformers 4 stars
7/04/07 Red This movie needed to be about an hour shorter. 2 stars
7/04/07 Mike Incredible action. I was pumped up through the whole move. Best of 2007 BY FAR 5 stars
7/04/07 Sn0wCrash do yourself a favor, go rent the animated movie, save about 20$ AND have fun doing it!!!!!! 1 stars
7/04/07 dvd123447 if you did not love this movie you are a freakin queer 5 stars
7/04/07 Drew The best Summer movie so far 5 stars
7/04/07 KingNeutron This may actually BE the Coolest Movie I have Evar Seen. EVAR. 5 stars
7/04/07 Random Pure spectacle of course; still it captures all that was cool about the cartoon 5 stars
7/04/07 Blizz You're all idiots. It's a Michael Bay film...'nuff said. G-A-R-B-A-G-E! 1 stars
7/03/07 Adrian Pure summer entertainment at it's best. 5 stars
7/03/07 naewar Best movie so far this summer...over Spiderman, Fantastic4, Shrek...fabulous...& I'm a girl 5 stars
7/03/07 craig m best movie of its type since independence day...I know the toys my kids will be asking for! 5 stars
7/03/07 Keystra Williams It's cool, but the cop car wasn't in the final battle? Where'd he go! 5 stars
7/03/07 Pokejedservo Its not perfect but it was very much a pleasant surprise. 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  03-Jul-2007 (PG-13)
  DVD: 16-Oct-2007

UK
  27-Jul-2007 (12A)

Australia
  28-Jun-2007 (M)




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