KISS is an average band. They have a devoted fan base, and they have a couple of songs that make me tap my feet and pump my fist, heavy metal style. But, then again, so do Ten Years After. And I don't wanna see a movie about them, neither.So, these four guys wanna see a KISS concert in Detroit back in the 70's. They're led by Eddie Furlong, and some other hippie longhairs. One of their moms (the gross old lady from "Something about Mary") burns their tickets, but they're resilient. They head off, and dammit, they're gonna get into that concert, dammit!
"Like 'I wanna hold your hand'. Only really, really shitty."
This movie bored the shit out of me. I kept thinking, "OK, I know they're going to see KISS eventually, because the band's name is in the cast list on the poster. It wouldn't be a movie about KISS, produced by KISS, if KISS wasn't in it." So there's all this supposed tension about whether or not they're going to make it into the show, but nobody cares. The three people in the theatre with me didn't care. Well, one guy seemed to. He had a KISS T-shirt on. What a lamewad.
So, anyways, these four guys that we don't care about get into various misadventures that we're not interested in in order to see a band that most people wouldn't even admit to liking. "I wanna hold your hand" was about the Beatles, and it took place during a time where EVERYBODY was united by their love of the Beatles. This movie takes place in a time where about a quarter of the population liked KISS, another quarter liked punk music, another quarter liked disco, and another quarter liked....um, I don't know, The Eagles or something. And everybody still liked The Beatles when "Hand" came out. Everybody'll always like The Beatles. It's like, twenty years from now, the boys from N'Sync making a movie about a bunch of girls (or really faggy guys) making a movie about wanting to go to a N'Sync concert. Already, you've lost a lot of your potential audience.
The performances are obnoxious. I suddenly wanted the T-1000 to succeed in his quest to kill Ed Furlong. And to take Gene Simmons with him.
Oh, how I hated this movie. I sat there, watching it, bored out of my tree, waiting for at least a decent KISS performance to salvage the thing. I figured that Detroit Rock City is an alright song, and they're supposed to be a good live band, so some good live footage would be decent. What happens? KISS hits the stage, and we see: NOTHING. Crappy-ass MTV-style editing. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT A CONCERT, DICKHEAD!
So, I exited the movie, firm in my hatred of KISS, and wishing that somehow, someday, we will see a film about a group of four guys who go to see "Detroit Rock City" and then decide to kill the members of KISS for their crime against movies. And the movie is about their quest. I would be quite willing to play the lead role.Shannon Tweed is Gene Simmons' wife. She's in the movie. Somehow, I suspect that EVERYONE is related to KISS in some fashion. They couldn't have done this movie for their career's sake.
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originally posted: 10/17/99 16:30:54