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Overall Rating
2.49

Awesome: 17.11%
Worth A Look: 12.3%
Average: 12.3%
Pretty Bad: 18.72%
Total Crap39.57%

7 reviews, 145 user ratings


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I Know Who Killed Me
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Erik Childress

"I DON'T CARE!"
1 stars

So it seems Lindsay Lohan’s career has come full circle. Once a promising ingénue brought up through the Disney factory, she is now jetting out looking for those adult roles that actresses find to shed that squeaky clean image. Only Lindsay has unfortunately made more headlines out of the movies than in and there’s little image left to be untainted. No sense in proving you’re a big girl now by playing a stripper when we’ve already seen enough crotch shots and nipslips in photos unbound by a no-nudity clause. But Lohan still has the edge over the Paris’ and Britney’s of the world by having a talent that a million drinks can’t take away; a proven one in films like Freaky Friday, Mean Girls and even one as uneven as Georgia Rule. I Know Who Killed Me must have been a script chosen in one of those bouts of playing Space Invaders with the brain cells though. And not just by Lindsay, but everyone involved. To accurately describe it, you would actually think I was drunk. Just imagine the worst possible idea for a Parent Trap sequel that manages to combine elements of Stigmata, Dune, The Empire Strikes Back, The Corsican Brothers and Blue Man Group. Yeah, this is a serious “Holy Shit!” kind of movie.

Lohan’s Aubrey Fleming is a high school student who likes to write tales of dual realities. One particular one she reads in class sounds like a David Lynch remake of Sherlock, Jr. Either Aubrey is just flexing her imagination or there’s some deep-seeded need to escape from her current situation. Nothing out of the ordinary leaps to view. She lives in a great big house, has plenty of friends and though we won’t meet her parents (Neal McDonough & Julia Ormond) until later, there is no reason to believe they are anything but doting folks who let her come and go as she pleases. It’s almost too perfect for a teenager. All that changes one evening after a football game when Aubrey goes missing, kidnapped by a serious nutcase who has already claimed one victim from her school. His M.O. is to bound his victims and then remove their limbs by means of frostbite and instruments that looked as if they were designed by a team of Cronenberg gynecologists and Mr. Freeze.

Aubrey’s body is found after a few weeks sans a hand and a leg, but an odd revelation is made in the hospital. She claims not to be Aubrey, but someone named Dakota Moss who isn’t the product of wealthy suburbanites but a crackhead mother who died years earlier. Dakota reveals the same birthdate as Aubrey, but little else to an increasingly frustrated FBI duo who apparently just give up on the case entirely after their DNA turns out to be the same. (You might too if the local sheriff was once known as Cadet Leslie Barbara from the Police Academy.) Aubrey’s eternally befuddled boyfriend-in-waiting, Jerrod (Brian Geraghty), gets to enjoy the fruits of schizophrenic stump sex as Dakota’s stripper background obviously gives her a leg up in stranger humping. This is not just the second time in three weeks we’ve been witness to post-torture lapriding (Captivity) though since Dakota’s version of her amputation involves not a sicko getting his jollies off but a literal disintegration of her fingers while riding pole. Despite an ultrasound tape to the contrary, Dakota concludes that she must have a twin and she sets out to find her.

If you’re still awake to even care that there’s still a mystery to be solved, director Chris Sivertson does you no favors by lulling you into languid meditations of Dakota’s journey and the mystifying wisdom of bus patrons. Filmmakers sometimes love to use colors to hammer home their Freudian Freshman film school tactics of artistic design. I Know Who Killed Me may as well have been renamed “Red vs. Blue” and featured Halo’s Master Chief showing Lohan his warthog since Sivertson gives the two colors a Rock ‘em Sock ‘em faceoff to see which pretentious apparition of police sirens, football uniforms, blood, gloves, and blue roses will win out in the end. I’d rather have seen the finale of two crayolas swordfighting over who makes it into the sharpener first.

Somewhere along the way, Sivertson must have really championed what he was bringing to Jeffrey Hammond’s debut script, because it doesn’t have the cheap thrills aspect so common in the recent spate of torture horror. Sure he’s not adverse to showing deep close-ups of slow-sawing through Lohan’s hands. (Keep saying that five times fast if you hope to make it through the film.) But he really must have been going for the arthouse crowd with animated tattoos and the Gump-tion to follow rose pedals down a stream with no destination nor an ending to the scene. Maybe it was in the re-editing then that decided to use all available footage of Lohan on the dance stage in her bra and panties, crawling and twirling in such lazy fashion that its safe to assume the name of the club was the Slumber Lumber.

The gaudy Cinemax-ing of the film can’t disguise the fact that this is a shabbily constructed work of monotony that’s about as much as deconstructing persona and reinventing oneself as is the belief that the horny family gardener is somehow involved in Aubrey’s disappearance. Yes, even the herrings are red here. And he won’t be the last as Sivertson focuses on such out-of-left-field characters with no dialogue that the only possibility for a surprise villain is to be literally the last one you think of – which would probably be the one who has seen Santa Sangre one too many times. And when you get to the big revelation of who is responsible, apparently no one reading the screenplay said “hey, there’s no possible freakin’ reason on God’s Holy Damned Earth that this character could know who the other one is.” And yet it inspires the line, “I know who killed me.” Oh yeah, the one you never met involving a talent for a different kind of Broadwood.

If you want to test the waters of I Know Who Killed Me in a theater, by all means press on. But if you want to know if the film has lost the audience you’re with, await for the scene with Aubrey’s fitting for a Jedi prosthetic and a leg that needs to be plugged in for added vitality (which inspires many jokes but no suspense later) and if someone looks at her doctor and yells out, “Hey, Crabman”, it’s ok to commence laughter from here on out. The most interesting scene in a movie filled with half-revealed revelations and stripper bodies turns out to be one between Lohan and Julia Ormond that’s the female equivalent of the Pacino/DeNiro confrontation in Heat. If Heat were about two actors at the doldrums of their career rather than the peak. I Know Who Killed Me is enough badness to put a serious stake into any actor’s callback status and would inspire the various “who killed my career” parodies without any misfortunes in their personal life. I will remember the film more for the two funniest death scenes to appear in any film I’ve ever seen than for the title which doesn’t refer to either of them nor the complete end of a still young career. Unless we’re referring to the director and screenwriter of one of the worst films of 2007.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=16399&reviewer=198
originally posted: 07/28/07 04:40:17
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User Comments

1/17/15 Dane Youssef The worst thing Lohan could have possibly done, including her DUI's. An arrestable offense! 1 stars
1/21/12 UXrumera No Comment 5 stars
1/30/11 mr.mike Starts with a "Twin Peaks" type feel , soon goes downhill. 2 stars
10/27/10 anna lei da movie wuzz alright, but i didnt get it until like,the ending.wish there wuzznt n ending! 5 stars
7/25/10 MOVIEADDICT92 *was not the best horro movie yet, but was the worst horro flim shot* 1 stars
6/28/10 art a MUCH-MALIGHNED MYSTERY film,LOHAN was BEAUTIFUL! 4 stars
6/09/10 shayy ok... wow to this movie it was iight bt i kept watchnit n did nt stop well only unexplained 3 stars
4/08/10 Val Not bad...but not a good movie.At the beginnnig i got completely confused 3 stars
1/31/10 laresha Totally groos..............nobody even died *i know who cut my dumb ass! 3 stars
11/07/09 dana love the movie& totaly amazing & awesome!!!! 5 stars
9/24/09 Lindsay5 This movie changed my life for the better....! 5 stars
7/01/09 art AN EXCELLENT MYSTERY!,I RECOMMEND IT! 5 stars
12/12/08 Jack Sommersby As unsuccessful as it is, give it points for actually trying. 2 stars
11/26/08 the dork knight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! 1 stars
11/22/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
11/08/08 PAUL SHORTT LURID, OVER-SEXUALIZED AND LUDICROUSLY PLOTTED 1 stars
6/29/08 Gabby the movie was aswome and aubree DID die wach the movie more than yall understand 5 stars
6/28/08 Caleigh i don't get why it is called "i know who killed me". aubree or dakota didn't even die. 4 stars
6/23/08 sausy minx Not a bad film .. but not great either. A little confusing at times 3 stars
6/20/08 corvashia the movie was not as good as it seemed on the priviews and had no piont she didnt even die 1 stars
6/20/08 princess12 i did not like the movie at all it hjad no story line 2 it at all, it waz nasty............ 1 stars
6/18/08 someone I hated it it was really confusing and it had no story line the starting was really weird. 1 stars
6/17/08 Roni~ the movie wasnt scary and i wasnt suprised she was pole dancing just a little freaked out 4 stars
6/13/08 jennifer fuentes i thought the movie was good but confusing 5 stars
5/24/08 ashley omg. shes a whore in this movie. and it suckedd. 1 stars
5/01/08 chris she doesnt even get killed.... I KNOW WHO CUT ME 5 stars
4/26/08 Alisha Christine Awesome!!!!! 5 stars
4/26/08 jarvis love the movie let's see more like it 5 stars
4/16/08 Larry Gonzalez lindsay lohan you are the best in everyway I love you! 5 stars
4/16/08 Alan ali wiam scary 4 stars
3/30/08 racheal simmons lindsey your a pole dancer in this movie wow 5 stars
3/24/08 Haley It was an awesome movie. 5 stars
3/01/08 Ivana Mann As comedy, it is a triumph as funny as it's title. As a thriller...it is indescribably bad! 2 stars
2/12/08 art A GREAT MYSTERY AND LINDSAY LOHANS FIRST ADULT ROLE 5 stars
1/30/08 Ming Not worth to watch at all..she better start a new career 1 stars
1/29/08 LyonHeart44 Dear Lindsay, I know who killed me. It was YOU! Signed, Your Career 2 stars
1/25/08 CT I know who killed my hour and fourty five minutes 1 stars
1/20/08 Tracy T. Horrible! But hilarious! The plot was ridiculous and the acting pathetic. 1 stars
1/20/08 Jayson Laughable. And we all know pole-dancing means box office death. 1 stars
12/31/07 WigBig/SigFig They needed to explained who actually killed her and why, duh! The FBI dissappeared! 1 stars
12/29/07 lisa it was so silly and confusing I didn't care at the end to have someone explain it. 1 stars
12/07/07 Murderdoll This movie makes me ashamed to be apart of Western society, just garbage 1 stars
11/29/07 Amy Dempsey way to weird. I had a hard time following. 2 stars
11/28/07 action movie fan the boredom killed me 2 stars
11/09/07 Juliet scary and funny.. just a good mix and i love it 4 stars
10/28/07 David Horrible sex scene... both of them are ugly 1 stars
10/27/07 hor its pretty ok and I don't understand for such a criticism 4 stars
10/23/07 jermaine its very nice but it its so short 1 stars
10/23/07 regine really confusing...dont watch it..coz you wont understand.. 3 stars
10/19/07 Anastacia wow, great movie,i like Lindsay Lohan more after this movie 5 stars
10/13/07 vivir we cant get the essence of the story. yet somewhat we njoyed the bed scene.wahaha 4 stars
10/13/07 czairra lantaca i love it..oh my gosh..it is an excellent movie 5 stars
10/11/07 eca funny movie 3 stars
10/10/07 marjorie i liked the story but not the show. 3 stars
10/07/07 niki dude it was cool bt the endin suckd wat hapns when aubrey find out dekota sleepd wid her bf 4 stars
10/07/07 charllotte the film is very interesting but im not satisfied to its ending.. 5 stars
10/05/07 strawberry jam hella boring. god made me feel sick. 1 stars
10/03/07 dknight it's obvious from the start that she's having a "split personality"... 2 stars
10/01/07 danajean that's true..the movie was so boring..... 1 stars
9/26/07 mary sally waste of money waste of time! felt like 2 horny bastards watching her c grade sex skills. 1 stars
9/24/07 jopet damn lindsay lohan... she very sexy and beautiful.. i wish i could see her... sarap mo!!! 5 stars
9/22/07 Progressively disappointed Lindsay Lohan fan Eerie seeing Lindsay Lohan part chopped away, just as reckless living's trashed her image. 2 stars
9/20/07 rad DUMB MOVIE (x1000000000000000000000000000000) 1 stars
9/17/07 jerlin not scary, hate it but we have no choice. waaa im afraid of the blood!! 2 stars
9/15/07 wikri Aubrey and Dakota existed. They where twins bought from a crackhead. 3 stars
9/15/07 scooterboy the ending might be the total picture of Aubrey/Dakota false reality... 2 stars
9/15/07 BCK Great Movie; just like all of Lindsay's. 5 stars
9/15/07 Dominique Harris This movie was good i pissed me off at the end though 4 stars
9/12/07 The Velcro Warlock First more gory than HOSTEL, then implausible middle, followed by totally hanging ending. 1 stars
9/11/07 keron i want to watch it again! it's awwwesome. did you guys hear abt the 2 diff interpretations? 5 stars
9/11/07 bleedingheart she plyed an terrific role it's a shame how her talent is going to drugs 5 stars
9/09/07 Samdaman itt suck balls 1 stars
9/09/07 Karla I loved it but i really didnn't understand the ending!! 5 stars
9/08/07 Ali the Kid Awesome movie!!!! 5 stars
9/06/07 WENDY THIS MOVIE WAS DUMB AS HELL 1 stars
9/06/07 Cristina It was a good movie, but a little confusing. 4 stars
9/01/07 chelsy liked it heaps, need to pay a bit of attention!!! 5 stars
8/30/07 stephen the movie was good. but lil bit confusing mostly at the end. 4 stars
8/29/07 Yuri i freaken loved this movie! 5 stars
8/28/07 SAr it started out really interesting but sadly the ending was abit confusing and lame 3 stars
8/28/07 ginger HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/26/07 Jamie What a sorry excuse for a David Lynch tribute. He would be ashamed. 2 stars
8/26/07 parasvati a crying shame. but I haven't given up on Lindsay 1 stars
8/22/07 Flynn Started off good but ended horrible. Things didnt tie all the way up in the end. Confusing. 2 stars
8/22/07 ninfa theme was brilliant but reminded me of her shame 3 stars
8/21/07 Ina It's actally quite good, but definitively strange, and perheps it needs a second look... 4 stars
8/19/07 Sam The movie wasn't bad at all. Destined to be a cult classic! All u Lilo haters $@#% Off!! 5 stars
8/19/07 Jessica Sex, drugs, alcohol... wow. This movie sounds like a documentary of it's star's life. 1 stars
8/13/07 ANA. i loved this movie. It was something she's never done before. i loved the music. 4 stars
8/11/07 don she a dumb slutty ass hore who just wanted to fuck it was wack 1 stars
8/10/07 Luis I saw the movie and its okay but if u see the movie u will get lost watching it. 3 stars
8/10/07 Paralyzer. :] wtf is she doing fckin the guy with her nubs? she shouldnt be dancin with her pudgy stomach 1 stars
8/10/07 iyanna dean Movie was great. Although...it was like a thriller "parent trap" 4 stars
8/09/07 samantha didnt make any sense, bottom line. im still confused. i hope she died in the dirt. 1 stars
8/09/07 Sarahi Dang i liked it, it had irony to it and yeah even though i was kinda confused i liked it. 4 stars
8/08/07 Kezza The facial expressions of the piano teacher being killed, killed me! Waste of a matinee $6. 1 stars
8/08/07 Fat Teena Haha. This movie can't be taken seriously. My friends and I couldnt' stop laughing. 2 stars
8/08/07 Jazzy The movie started off good...but ended horribly!! I would not recommend anyone to see it 2 stars
8/07/07 Trina Not bad, i'd rent it. Nice twist. 4 stars
8/07/07 afrobabe If i had paid for this i would have killed Lindsay myself 1 stars
8/07/07 Private Hate to pile on but this was a total and complete failure. Awful film. 1 stars
8/07/07 shanae' first off it was like a porno movie to me...too much stupidness...not a good movie. 1 stars
8/07/07 Shai yall stop hatin' lindsay made a good come back and the movie waswild it was really good 4 stars
8/07/07 crystal i really enjoyed this movie, it was like csi/horror. 4 stars
8/06/07 Leslie It wasnt scary at all, but some of the parts made me cringe. Some of it was unnessassary. 3 stars
8/06/07 Brittany W. It was a good movie but the ending sucked balls big time, like did they die in the woods 4 stars
8/06/07 Latoya this movie was the bomb meaning it was wonderful,i like it very much the suspense was great 5 stars
8/05/07 Brittany This was an ok movie but it didn't explain everything very well i was a little confused 3 stars
8/04/07 Terry she shouldnt have sex on camera!!!the movie was alright but sum of it was unnecessasary!!!! 4 stars
8/04/07 jasmine she made 2 many sex noises 4 stars
8/04/07 Celina B. This movie was o.k but some parts was unnessasary 3 stars
8/04/07 menda face lindsay cant act, she only did this movie to pay for her rapid coke addiction. 1 stars
8/04/07 alysha and shayla (friends) Good movie.go see it.NOW!!! 5 stars
8/02/07 Jessica I am sorry but.... this has to be the worst movie ever!! It wasn't even scary... =__= 5 stars
8/02/07 DJ The film rating industry must change. Instead of a vague code rating, we need specific info 1 stars
8/02/07 MaDmAN I Know What Killed Lindsays Career... 1 stars
8/01/07 erik probably one of the worst things i have ever seen on a screen of any kind. 1 stars
8/01/07 kate hahaha best comedy of the YEAR by far go LL- i keep telling everyone i hate to go see it 1 stars
8/01/07 salemswildcat Awful, Awful, did I say Awful 1 stars
8/01/07 meranda moviee made no fucking sense. very grusome. only watch it if you have someones hand to hold 3 stars
7/31/07 Meredith Movie was disgusting. If revolting, graphic violence bothers you, I don't recommend it. 2 stars
7/31/07 Balller Amazingly hilarious movie if you see it stoned, couldnt stop laughing. 1 stars
7/31/07 Chris Cama If you like creepy movies that make you sick then this has the sickness that wont let you s 2 stars
7/31/07 People get cut. That's Life. this was so much fun. Hilarious--the audience laughed through the whole thing and cheered 5 stars
7/30/07 nance i know who killed my career 1 stars
7/30/07 JOEY Lindsay Lohan is a crakbaby and this film is only helping her along the way... 2 stars
7/30/07 Stefano Ibarra It was oddly compelling. The macabre end was metaphoric and memorable. 4 stars
7/30/07 richard kongable Worst movie I've seen in years. Plot and dialogue were especially bad. 1 stars
7/29/07 kate I liked it. it had an outrageous storyline & was very gory, but fun. 4 stars
7/29/07 Todd Lohan is a turd covered in cat hair. She smells like carrots and throw-up. I don't like her 1 stars
7/29/07 Melissa Don't fill a vapid storyline with sex and violence 3 stars
7/29/07 Bill Gosse great review, Orndorf. Awful film. 1 stars
7/29/07 beton4 This might be one of the worst movies ever made 1 stars
7/28/07 The Cow New meaning to 'gratuitous sex and violence' 1 stars
7/28/07 Jacob Hernandez I loved it I thought it was very good. One of her best. 5 stars
7/28/07 elaine wait for dvd 3 stars
7/28/07 Steve Wow....do NOT go to this movie. It was horrible 1 stars
7/28/07 Mav988 Ridiculous. The more I try to explain it to friends, the more impossibly bad it gets. 1 stars
7/28/07 Sugarfoot Lohan is the next Jan-Michael Vincent, minus the 'talent' though. 1 stars
7/28/07 Marlon I walked out of the theatre after the first 40 minutes - at the Cast and Crew Screening! 1 stars
7/28/07 Mr. Monkey My brain caused me to shut down during the movie. It made for an excellent nap. 1 stars
7/28/07 Wendy Be drunk or stay home 1 stars
7/28/07 Heather Complete crap, save your money 1 stars
7/28/07 Meghan Dito- Thank GOD I saw it on a free pass. This is the ABSOLUTE worst I ever recall seeing!!! 1 stars
7/27/07 ANDREW (AUBREY'S TWIN) PURE 80s CHEESEFEST! LOVED IT! 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-Jul-2007 (R)
  DVD: 27-Nov-2007

UK
  N/A

Australia
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Directed by
  Chris Sivertson

Written by
  Jeff Hammond

Cast
  Lindsay Lohan
  Brian Geraghty
  Julia Ormond
  Neal McDonough
  Gregory Itzin



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