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Overall Rating
2.49

Awesome: 17.2%
Worth A Look: 12.37%
Average: 12.37%
Pretty Bad: 18.82%
Total Crap39.25%

7 reviews, 144 user ratings


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I Know Who Killed Me
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by Rob Gonsalves

"Argento for the 'Bratz' set."
2 stars

The plot of "I Know Who Killed Me," a coldly ludicrous thriller starring Lindsay Lohan, is so goofily convoluted that I took a tour of various movie-spoiler sites after watching the film, just to clarify the chronology of events. Looking at the movie's page on Screenit.com, that consistently laughable guide for worried parents, I found this gorgeous line: "Dakota uses her robotic prosthetic arm to break the glass on the top of a coffin." How can you possibly screw up a movie in which that happens?

Easily. First you hire a director, Chris Sivertson (who co-helmed All Cheerleaders Die with Lucky McKee), who treats the goddamn thing with utmost solemnity. And not the kind of solemnity that invites unintentional hoots; the boring kind that wants desperately to find art and meaning in this schlock. Sivertson, I'm guessing, has seen his share of Dario Argento, judging from the preponderance of color-coding throughout the movie. Good girl Aubrey Fleming (Lohan) is identified with blue. Bad girl Dakota Moss (also Lohan) is all about red. Are these girls the same person? Could Aubrey, a conscientious student who regretfully gives up piano lessons to concentrate on her writing, be the same person as Dakota, a coarse stripper? Or is Dakota Aubrey's id playing itself out in delusional, self-protecting fiction? Or is Aubrey Dakota's dream vision of the way her life should have gone?

You get all the answers eventually, in a half-baked torture-porn plot in which Aubrey is kidnapped and tortured, then winds up in a ditch with an arm and a leg gone. When Aubrey wakes up in the hospital, she insists she's Dakota. Her parents (Neil McDonough and Julia Ormond) know she's Aubrey, because this girl looks just like her; but this girl tells a different story, of being brought up by a crack whore and selling her body to make ends meet.

So: madonna and whore. One would've thought the familiar sexist duality was put to rest in the movies of David Lynch, particularly Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, in which Laura Palmer was both. I can see why Lindsay Lohan was drawn to I Know Who Killed Me: it gave her the chance, she must've thought, to kiss her wholesome Disney image goodbye forever and play two extremes in the same movie. And to be honest, she isn't bad here; whatever else is wrong with the film, Lohan plays Dakota who gets most of the screen time with a hard-bitten exhaustion and a quick, salacious wit. The tabloids may make us forget that beneath all the foolish, self-destructive behavior is a young woman with actual talent and natural charisma. Dakota often seems like the only person in the movie with any common sense.

That's about the only time the words "common sense" can appear in a review of I Know Who Killed Me, which comes complete with ominous owls, blue roses, a cellar filled with mannequin parts (shades of Kubrick's Killer's Kiss), and a scene in which Julia Ormond, as the mother going borderline nuts trying to figure out why her innocent daughter is now a chain-smoking slut, angrily scrubs the kitchen sink downstairs while Dakota jumps the willing bones of Aubrey's boyfriend. Ormond, who had a small but alarming role in Lynch's Inland Empire last year, seems to want to leave her empty romances behind and be reborn as Charlotte Rampling; age has tightened her features, given her a new, hungry intensity. She seems to want to be in the wild, over-the-top thriller that I Know Who Killed Me should've been but isn't. (Another Lynch footnote: Bonnie Aarons, who played the notoriously terrifying alley bum in Mullholland Drive, shows up here as Dakota's dyspeptic strip-club boss, known as Fat Teena. With this kind of cast, the movie should've been a lot more lovably ridiculous.)

The torture bits are fairly grotesque at times, killing our fun. The idea of a serial killer who carefully removes limbs with dry ice is so absurd that to see it enacted in diffuse close-up is an unnecessary turn-off the movie isn't a serious treatise on violence against women, after all. Sometimes I suspected the shots of Lindsay Lohan bound, gagged, and screaming were thrown in there to appease the Lindsay-haters, the way Demi Moore's ordeals in G.I. Jane seemed designed to stroke the Demi-detesters in the crowd. If the press doesn't like you, do your penance by being taken apart in movies. It seems to have worked for Mel Gibson (who has moved on to dismantling other people in the movies he directs).

I knew I Know Who Killed Me would be stupid and bad, but I wanted it to be gloriously bad, camp-classic bad, and the movie is too ineptly artsy and unpleasant to make it. And Lohan's sincerity in the role(s) works against it: she keeps her scenes real, when what's needed is flailing and shrieking. This is the kind of movie that should rival Juno in the length of its "Memorable Quotes" page on IMDb, but the best line on its page is "Do I look like I'm in a fucking coma?" No, Lindsay, you don't. And this is too obviously and sadly an attempt on Lohan's part to reconcile her Ivory-pure screen persona with her increasingly blotto reputation in the tabloids; as it turns out, the white-trash whore with a dirty mouth turns out to be the hero, roundly defeating the villain and saving the virgin. Lohan may be saying that she can be trashy and still be a good person.

Years from now, the movie will likely be more interesting as a case study or a snapshot of a gifted but terribly troubled starlet at (let's hope) her personal and professional nadir. Right now it plays like a flat miscalculation, too ugly to be goofy fun and too inextricable from a real person's problems to be laughed off.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=16399&reviewer=416
originally posted: 01/18/08 10:54:40
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User Comments

1/21/12 UXrumera No Comment 5 stars
1/30/11 mr.mike Starts with a "Twin Peaks" type feel , soon goes downhill. 2 stars
10/27/10 anna lei da movie wuzz alright, but i didnt get it until like,the ending.wish there wuzznt n ending! 5 stars
7/25/10 MOVIEADDICT92 *was not the best horro movie yet, but was the worst horro flim shot* 1 stars
6/28/10 art a MUCH-MALIGHNED MYSTERY film,LOHAN was BEAUTIFUL! 4 stars
6/09/10 shayy ok... wow to this movie it was iight bt i kept watchnit n did nt stop well only unexplained 3 stars
4/08/10 Val Not bad...but not a good movie.At the beginnnig i got completely confused 3 stars
1/31/10 laresha Totally groos..............nobody even died *i know who cut my dumb ass! 3 stars
11/07/09 dana love the movie& totaly amazing & awesome!!!! 5 stars
9/24/09 Lindsay5 This movie changed my life for the better....! 5 stars
7/01/09 art AN EXCELLENT MYSTERY!,I RECOMMEND IT! 5 stars
12/12/08 Jack Sommersby As unsuccessful as it is, give it points for actually trying. 2 stars
11/26/08 the dork knight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! 1 stars
11/22/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
11/08/08 PAUL SHORTT LURID, OVER-SEXUALIZED AND LUDICROUSLY PLOTTED 1 stars
6/29/08 Gabby the movie was aswome and aubree DID die wach the movie more than yall understand 5 stars
6/28/08 Caleigh i don't get why it is called "i know who killed me". aubree or dakota didn't even die. 4 stars
6/23/08 sausy minx Not a bad film .. but not great either. A little confusing at times 3 stars
6/20/08 corvashia the movie was not as good as it seemed on the priviews and had no piont she didnt even die 1 stars
6/20/08 princess12 i did not like the movie at all it hjad no story line 2 it at all, it waz nasty............ 1 stars
6/18/08 someone I hated it it was really confusing and it had no story line the starting was really weird. 1 stars
6/17/08 Roni~ the movie wasnt scary and i wasnt suprised she was pole dancing just a little freaked out 4 stars
6/13/08 jennifer fuentes i thought the movie was good but confusing 5 stars
5/24/08 ashley omg. shes a whore in this movie. and it suckedd. 1 stars
5/01/08 chris she doesnt even get killed.... I KNOW WHO CUT ME 5 stars
4/26/08 Alisha Christine Awesome!!!!! 5 stars
4/26/08 jarvis love the movie let's see more like it 5 stars
4/16/08 Larry Gonzalez lindsay lohan you are the best in everyway I love you! 5 stars
4/16/08 Alan ali wiam scary 4 stars
3/30/08 racheal simmons lindsey your a pole dancer in this movie wow 5 stars
3/24/08 Haley It was an awesome movie. 5 stars
3/01/08 Ivana Mann As comedy, it is a triumph as funny as it's title. As a thriller...it is indescribably bad! 2 stars
2/12/08 art A GREAT MYSTERY AND LINDSAY LOHANS FIRST ADULT ROLE 5 stars
1/30/08 Ming Not worth to watch at all..she better start a new career 1 stars
1/29/08 LyonHeart44 Dear Lindsay, I know who killed me. It was YOU! Signed, Your Career 2 stars
1/25/08 CT I know who killed my hour and fourty five minutes 1 stars
1/20/08 Tracy T. Horrible! But hilarious! The plot was ridiculous and the acting pathetic. 1 stars
1/20/08 Jayson Laughable. And we all know pole-dancing means box office death. 1 stars
12/31/07 WigBig/SigFig They needed to explained who actually killed her and why, duh! The FBI dissappeared! 1 stars
12/29/07 lisa it was so silly and confusing I didn't care at the end to have someone explain it. 1 stars
12/07/07 Murderdoll This movie makes me ashamed to be apart of Western society, just garbage 1 stars
11/29/07 Amy Dempsey way to weird. I had a hard time following. 2 stars
11/28/07 action movie fan the boredom killed me 2 stars
11/09/07 Juliet scary and funny.. just a good mix and i love it 4 stars
10/28/07 David Horrible sex scene... both of them are ugly 1 stars
10/27/07 hor its pretty ok and I don't understand for such a criticism 4 stars
10/23/07 jermaine its very nice but it its so short 1 stars
10/23/07 regine really confusing...dont watch it..coz you wont understand.. 3 stars
10/19/07 Anastacia wow, great movie,i like Lindsay Lohan more after this movie 5 stars
10/13/07 vivir we cant get the essence of the story. yet somewhat we njoyed the bed scene.wahaha 4 stars
10/13/07 czairra lantaca i love it..oh my gosh..it is an excellent movie 5 stars
10/11/07 eca funny movie 3 stars
10/10/07 marjorie i liked the story but not the show. 3 stars
10/07/07 niki dude it was cool bt the endin suckd wat hapns when aubrey find out dekota sleepd wid her bf 4 stars
10/07/07 charllotte the film is very interesting but im not satisfied to its ending.. 5 stars
10/05/07 strawberry jam hella boring. god made me feel sick. 1 stars
10/03/07 dknight it's obvious from the start that she's having a "split personality"... 2 stars
10/01/07 danajean that's true..the movie was so boring..... 1 stars
9/26/07 mary sally waste of money waste of time! felt like 2 horny bastards watching her c grade sex skills. 1 stars
9/24/07 jopet damn lindsay lohan... she very sexy and beautiful.. i wish i could see her... sarap mo!!! 5 stars
9/22/07 Progressively disappointed Lindsay Lohan fan Eerie seeing Lindsay Lohan part chopped away, just as reckless living's trashed her image. 2 stars
9/20/07 rad DUMB MOVIE (x1000000000000000000000000000000) 1 stars
9/17/07 jerlin not scary, hate it but we have no choice. waaa im afraid of the blood!! 2 stars
9/15/07 wikri Aubrey and Dakota existed. They where twins bought from a crackhead. 3 stars
9/15/07 scooterboy the ending might be the total picture of Aubrey/Dakota false reality... 2 stars
9/15/07 BCK Great Movie; just like all of Lindsay's. 5 stars
9/15/07 Dominique Harris This movie was good i pissed me off at the end though 4 stars
9/12/07 The Velcro Warlock First more gory than HOSTEL, then implausible middle, followed by totally hanging ending. 1 stars
9/11/07 keron i want to watch it again! it's awwwesome. did you guys hear abt the 2 diff interpretations? 5 stars
9/11/07 bleedingheart she plyed an terrific role it's a shame how her talent is going to drugs 5 stars
9/09/07 Samdaman itt suck balls 1 stars
9/09/07 Karla I loved it but i really didnn't understand the ending!! 5 stars
9/08/07 Ali the Kid Awesome movie!!!! 5 stars
9/06/07 WENDY THIS MOVIE WAS DUMB AS HELL 1 stars
9/06/07 Cristina It was a good movie, but a little confusing. 4 stars
9/01/07 chelsy liked it heaps, need to pay a bit of attention!!! 5 stars
8/30/07 stephen the movie was good. but lil bit confusing mostly at the end. 4 stars
8/29/07 Yuri i freaken loved this movie! 5 stars
8/28/07 SAr it started out really interesting but sadly the ending was abit confusing and lame 3 stars
8/28/07 ginger HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/26/07 Jamie What a sorry excuse for a David Lynch tribute. He would be ashamed. 2 stars
8/26/07 parasvati a crying shame. but I haven't given up on Lindsay 1 stars
8/22/07 Flynn Started off good but ended horrible. Things didnt tie all the way up in the end. Confusing. 2 stars
8/22/07 ninfa theme was brilliant but reminded me of her shame 3 stars
8/21/07 Ina It's actally quite good, but definitively strange, and perheps it needs a second look... 4 stars
8/19/07 Sam The movie wasn't bad at all. Destined to be a cult classic! All u Lilo haters $@#% Off!! 5 stars
8/19/07 Jessica Sex, drugs, alcohol... wow. This movie sounds like a documentary of it's star's life. 1 stars
8/13/07 ANA. i loved this movie. It was something she's never done before. i loved the music. 4 stars
8/11/07 don she a dumb slutty ass hore who just wanted to fuck it was wack 1 stars
8/10/07 Luis I saw the movie and its okay but if u see the movie u will get lost watching it. 3 stars
8/10/07 Paralyzer. :] wtf is she doing fckin the guy with her nubs? she shouldnt be dancin with her pudgy stomach 1 stars
8/10/07 iyanna dean Movie was great. Although...it was like a thriller "parent trap" 4 stars
8/09/07 samantha didnt make any sense, bottom line. im still confused. i hope she died in the dirt. 1 stars
8/09/07 Sarahi Dang i liked it, it had irony to it and yeah even though i was kinda confused i liked it. 4 stars
8/08/07 Kezza The facial expressions of the piano teacher being killed, killed me! Waste of a matinee $6. 1 stars
8/08/07 Fat Teena Haha. This movie can't be taken seriously. My friends and I couldnt' stop laughing. 2 stars
8/08/07 Jazzy The movie started off good...but ended horribly!! I would not recommend anyone to see it 2 stars
8/07/07 Trina Not bad, i'd rent it. Nice twist. 4 stars
8/07/07 afrobabe If i had paid for this i would have killed Lindsay myself 1 stars
8/07/07 Private Hate to pile on but this was a total and complete failure. Awful film. 1 stars
8/07/07 shanae' first off it was like a porno movie to me...too much stupidness...not a good movie. 1 stars
8/07/07 Shai yall stop hatin' lindsay made a good come back and the movie waswild it was really good 4 stars
8/07/07 crystal i really enjoyed this movie, it was like csi/horror. 4 stars
8/06/07 Leslie It wasnt scary at all, but some of the parts made me cringe. Some of it was unnessassary. 3 stars
8/06/07 Brittany W. It was a good movie but the ending sucked balls big time, like did they die in the woods 4 stars
8/06/07 Latoya this movie was the bomb meaning it was wonderful,i like it very much the suspense was great 5 stars
8/05/07 Brittany This was an ok movie but it didn't explain everything very well i was a little confused 3 stars
8/04/07 Terry she shouldnt have sex on camera!!!the movie was alright but sum of it was unnecessasary!!!! 4 stars
8/04/07 jasmine she made 2 many sex noises 4 stars
8/04/07 Celina B. This movie was o.k but some parts was unnessasary 3 stars
8/04/07 menda face lindsay cant act, she only did this movie to pay for her rapid coke addiction. 1 stars
8/04/07 alysha and shayla (friends) Good movie.go see it.NOW!!! 5 stars
8/02/07 Jessica I am sorry but.... this has to be the worst movie ever!! It wasn't even scary... =__= 5 stars
8/02/07 DJ The film rating industry must change. Instead of a vague code rating, we need specific info 1 stars
8/02/07 MaDmAN I Know What Killed Lindsays Career... 1 stars
8/01/07 erik probably one of the worst things i have ever seen on a screen of any kind. 1 stars
8/01/07 kate hahaha best comedy of the YEAR by far go LL- i keep telling everyone i hate to go see it 1 stars
8/01/07 salemswildcat Awful, Awful, did I say Awful 1 stars
8/01/07 meranda moviee made no fucking sense. very grusome. only watch it if you have someones hand to hold 3 stars
7/31/07 Meredith Movie was disgusting. If revolting, graphic violence bothers you, I don't recommend it. 2 stars
7/31/07 Balller Amazingly hilarious movie if you see it stoned, couldnt stop laughing. 1 stars
7/31/07 Chris Cama If you like creepy movies that make you sick then this has the sickness that wont let you s 2 stars
7/31/07 People get cut. That's Life. this was so much fun. Hilarious--the audience laughed through the whole thing and cheered 5 stars
7/30/07 nance i know who killed my career 1 stars
7/30/07 JOEY Lindsay Lohan is a crakbaby and this film is only helping her along the way... 2 stars
7/30/07 Stefano Ibarra It was oddly compelling. The macabre end was metaphoric and memorable. 4 stars
7/30/07 richard kongable Worst movie I've seen in years. Plot and dialogue were especially bad. 1 stars
7/29/07 kate I liked it. it had an outrageous storyline & was very gory, but fun. 4 stars
7/29/07 Todd Lohan is a turd covered in cat hair. She smells like carrots and throw-up. I don't like her 1 stars
7/29/07 Melissa Don't fill a vapid storyline with sex and violence 3 stars
7/29/07 Bill Gosse great review, Orndorf. Awful film. 1 stars
7/29/07 beton4 This might be one of the worst movies ever made 1 stars
7/28/07 The Cow New meaning to 'gratuitous sex and violence' 1 stars
7/28/07 Jacob Hernandez I loved it I thought it was very good. One of her best. 5 stars
7/28/07 elaine wait for dvd 3 stars
7/28/07 Steve Wow....do NOT go to this movie. It was horrible 1 stars
7/28/07 Mav988 Ridiculous. The more I try to explain it to friends, the more impossibly bad it gets. 1 stars
7/28/07 Sugarfoot Lohan is the next Jan-Michael Vincent, minus the 'talent' though. 1 stars
7/28/07 Marlon I walked out of the theatre after the first 40 minutes - at the Cast and Crew Screening! 1 stars
7/28/07 Mr. Monkey My brain caused me to shut down during the movie. It made for an excellent nap. 1 stars
7/28/07 Wendy Be drunk or stay home 1 stars
7/28/07 Heather Complete crap, save your money 1 stars
7/28/07 Meghan Dito- Thank GOD I saw it on a free pass. This is the ABSOLUTE worst I ever recall seeing!!! 1 stars
7/27/07 ANDREW (AUBREY'S TWIN) PURE 80s CHEESEFEST! LOVED IT! 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-Jul-2007 (R)
  DVD: 27-Nov-2007

UK
  N/A

Australia
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Directed by
  Chris Sivertson

Written by
  Jeff Hammond

Cast
  Lindsay Lohan
  Brian Geraghty
  Julia Ormond
  Neal McDonough
  Gregory Itzin



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