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Overall Rating
2.18

Awesome: 4.55%
Worth A Look: 13.64%
Average: 22.73%
Pretty Bad: 13.64%
Total Crap45.45%

2 reviews, 32 user ratings


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Cocktail
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by Chef ADogg

"Operative word being 'cock'"
1 stars

I find old Tom Cruise movies hilarious. And I don't think I'm alone in that. I stumbled across this one when I was perusing my dead uncle's video collection, and knew I was on to something once the cheesy music started pumping and Tom Cruise was smirking confidently.

You know, I don't think Tom Cruise is all that sexy. He looks okay now, but in the eighties he was just plain old funny looking. Extreme eyebrows, gigantic nose, and hair coiffed so perfectly that it becomes a joke in and of itself.

In "Cocktail," Cruise plays a superstar bartender who's always looking to make his first million. The worst thing I can possibly say about this movie is that it doesn't buck Cruise's character for being shallow and materialistic--it rewards him with a happy ending.

Cruise's character was not always the best bartender in the world. Before he was the most charismatic shot slinger in all of New York, he was a small town boy looking to make a few bucks. He meets Bryan Brown, has one rough night, and then learns how to toss around the bottles while he's mixing cocktails.

Once he learns to flip the bottles, the doors of life open to him, and the world is full of possibilities. He leaves Brown behind, meets Elisabeth Shue, and has a few wacky adventures which leave him alone and miserable.

He then spends the rest of the movie trying to get back with Shue, which I didn't find plausible. They only knew each other for about a week before he started fucking rich old ladies behind her back--and now he just can't live without her?

"Cocktail" is an abrasive little flick about a guy who does it all for the nookie, and instead of being served up a cold slab of cockroach infested irony, gets a big fat pat on the back.

It makes me want to fucking puke. I mean, movies don't get much worse than this. In "Top Gun," at least Cruise was sweating it out, putting in work--and his talent was special enough to nearly deserve the perpetual smirk on the man's face.

But he's just a bartender here--a fucking bartender. Since when are bartenders so fucking cool? Since when, for that matter, are bars safe havens for the put upon upper class that routinely turn into magical sing alongs?

Since when does any of this surprise me, coming from an eighties Tom Cruise movie?

"Cocktail" is a big, dumb celebration of all things phallic. It aims below the belt, and hits its mark. Perfectly.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1646&reviewer=123
originally posted: 10/03/99 16:54:14
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User Comments

9/04/12 Monday Morning Bad movie, but I'd like to have Elisabeth Shue's children 2 stars
12/21/09 Jeff Wilder Cruise is decent. But the overall movie is weakly written, directed and acted. 2 stars
10/17/06 Isaac Baranoff Not even Mystery Science Theater 3000's Mike Nelson could save this crap. 1 stars
8/06/06 Chris Wilbik I think this is one of Tom Cruise's better movies 4 stars
1/04/06 cody good flick with tom cruise and elisabeth shue, great acting, ok story, good music, just fun 4 stars
10/08/05 millersxing Disillusionment about this guilty pleasure: Coughlin's laws are no Tao of Steve 4 stars
9/17/05 Nick One of my favorite movies 5 stars
7/06/05 Pinkline Jones Cock-UP! 1 stars
5/03/05 Bob What's all the fuss about? Cocktail is a quintessential 80's classic!! 4 stars
8/31/04 x-nonymous I only watched half of it, but only because that was all I could watch. 1 stars
9/21/03 Darryl One of the crappiest movies of all time. Tom usually does suck, but this is his worst!! 1 stars
4/28/03 Stev Tom as usul you are the best and don't care to invidious frigid women... 5 stars
7/27/02 I Can't Swim Would make good double-bill w/'Coyote Ugly', they both blow cheese 1 stars
5/16/02 Veronica Foxx What the hell? Total ass-chunks! Tell me how exactly a bartender( ! ) could become famous? 2 stars
4/24/02 Charles Tatum One of the dumbest, annoying, and vapid films to ever fall out of Hollywood's rectumof 1 stars
4/18/02 ..::S:T:A::.. All People Saying This Film Was A Piece Of Crap Have Maybe A Brain Totally Made Of Shit 4 stars
4/05/02 Ron Is it me or is this guy gay? Oops better wtach out he might sue me. 1 stars
4/02/02 Rockitman007 Cruise is a good actor when he chooses (Rainman, Top Gun) but this isnt one of these times. 3 stars
3/29/02 Artist Freak Crap crap crap. I had the bad luck to be bored enough to watch this on late night TV. 1 stars
3/12/02 KMG Cock....tail.......Tom, are you sure you aren't gay? 3 stars
2/01/02 Andrew Carden A Bad Movie, Turned Around, Becoming An Amusing and Charming Little Comedy. 4 stars
1/30/02 Jake A big mess. 1 stars
1/03/02 The Man Slightly enjoyable cheese. 3 stars
8/29/01 Gary Vapid trash, but strangely watchable. Like a long episode of Sunset Beach (but not as good) 1 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk If I wanna watch annoying assholes pour drinks I'll go to a local pub. This is soooo gay! 1 stars
6/14/01 Gary Cruise can act and act well. But he can also act badly. Especially in weird shit like this. 1 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L Tom Cruise - he is a horrible actor and this shows him at his worst! 1 stars
3/08/01 Sanja nothing much, but brable 3 stars
1/25/01 dog words can't even describe 2 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla ok, this movie sucked 1 stars
3/25/00 Richard Wright COCKtail? Yeah, this movie sucks them. Good comedy gives way to tepid romance...zzzzzz. 2 stars
2/24/99 Scott If it is on cable, 1st check all other channels, if you can't find anything else watch it 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Jul-1988 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Feb-1989 (M)


Directed by
  Roger Donaldson

Written by
  Heywood Gould

Cast
  Tom Cruise
  Bryan Brown
  Elisabeth Shue
  Lisa Banes
  Kelly Lynch
  Gina Gershon



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