"The movie that almost made being a minimum wage bar-jockey cool."
Tom Cruise thinks he's so fucking good. "Oh, I'm an actor," he says. "I was in a Kubrick film, and I did an Irish accent once." Big fucking deal. Let's face it, kids. Cruise is no actor. He's a teenager in briefs sliding across a wooden floor with sunglasses on. He's the bisexual guy in Top Gun. He;s the guy who screwed Rob Lowe's mom in a lift... oh wait. That was Andrew McCarthy. HE'S ANDREW MCCARTHY, DAMMIT!And he's the guy who managed to somehow make the most boring, socially crippled job there is seem like frickin' brain surgery.
But he's not an actor. He's teeth.
So Tom is from the cun-tree and trying to find his big business job in the big smoke. No luck. What does a small town boy do when he's new in town and needs a job? Well, we used to think he put on a cowboy hat and sold his fanny to business men. But here he gets a bar job. A bar job with Bryan Brown. A slumming Bryan Brown who thinks he's doing Shakespeare.
Bryand and Tom can flip bottles, which means of course that they can have sex with anyone or thing they so choose. I tried that once. I fail to see what I was doing wrong, but I didn't get any sex.
So Tom has sex with Gina Gershon because, well, he can. Solid reaosning from where I stand. Then Bryan has sex with her because, well, Tom can. Again, solid reasoning. Share and share alike.
But Tom doesn't like to share and goes a little postal, fleeing to Jamaica. Where he works in a bar. Because, you know, that's good to do. You can have sex. And Tom does. He has sex with some old rich woman with a floppy butt. And he talks about the plastic bits on the end of shoelaces.
And then Elisabeth Shue comes along and it gets all soppy and stupid.So is Cockatil a must-rent? It's kinda amusing if you can get past the awful Beach Boys music. Browny, even though he's hysterically awful, gets away with it. Nobody does 'inappropriate' like Browny. And Kelly Lynch wears a thong. So yeah, it's watchable.