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Overall Rating
2.18

Awesome: 4.55%
Worth A Look: 13.64%
Average: 22.73%
Pretty Bad: 13.64%
Total Crap45.45%

2 reviews, 32 user ratings


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Cocktail
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by Chris Parry

"The movie that almost made being a minimum wage bar-jockey cool."
3 stars

Tom Cruise thinks he's so fucking good. "Oh, I'm an actor," he says. "I was in a Kubrick film, and I did an Irish accent once." Big fucking deal. Let's face it, kids. Cruise is no actor. He's a teenager in briefs sliding across a wooden floor with sunglasses on. He's the bisexual guy in Top Gun. He;s the guy who screwed Rob Lowe's mom in a lift... oh wait. That was Andrew McCarthy. HE'S ANDREW MCCARTHY, DAMMIT!

And he's the guy who managed to somehow make the most boring, socially crippled job there is seem like frickin' brain surgery.

But he's not an actor. He's teeth.

So Tom is from the cun-tree and trying to find his big business job in the big smoke. No luck. What does a small town boy do when he's new in town and needs a job? Well, we used to think he put on a cowboy hat and sold his fanny to business men. But here he gets a bar job. A bar job with Bryan Brown. A slumming Bryan Brown who thinks he's doing Shakespeare.

Bryand and Tom can flip bottles, which means of course that they can have sex with anyone or thing they so choose. I tried that once. I fail to see what I was doing wrong, but I didn't get any sex.

So Tom has sex with Gina Gershon because, well, he can. Solid reaosning from where I stand. Then Bryan has sex with her because, well, Tom can. Again, solid reasoning. Share and share alike.

But Tom doesn't like to share and goes a little postal, fleeing to Jamaica. Where he works in a bar. Because, you know, that's good to do. You can have sex. And Tom does. He has sex with some old rich woman with a floppy butt. And he talks about the plastic bits on the end of shoelaces.

And then Elisabeth Shue comes along and it gets all soppy and stupid.

So is Cockatil a must-rent? It's kinda amusing if you can get past the awful Beach Boys music. Browny, even though he's hysterically awful, gets away with it. Nobody does 'inappropriate' like Browny. And Kelly Lynch wears a thong. So yeah, it's watchable.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1646&reviewer=1
originally posted: 08/24/99 01:44:04
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User Comments

9/04/12 Monday Morning Bad movie, but I'd like to have Elisabeth Shue's children 2 stars
12/21/09 Jeff Wilder Cruise is decent. But the overall movie is weakly written, directed and acted. 2 stars
10/17/06 Isaac Baranoff Not even Mystery Science Theater 3000's Mike Nelson could save this crap. 1 stars
8/06/06 Chris Wilbik I think this is one of Tom Cruise's better movies 4 stars
1/04/06 cody good flick with tom cruise and elisabeth shue, great acting, ok story, good music, just fun 4 stars
10/08/05 millersxing Disillusionment about this guilty pleasure: Coughlin's laws are no Tao of Steve 4 stars
9/17/05 Nick One of my favorite movies 5 stars
7/06/05 Pinkline Jones Cock-UP! 1 stars
5/03/05 Bob What's all the fuss about? Cocktail is a quintessential 80's classic!! 4 stars
8/31/04 x-nonymous I only watched half of it, but only because that was all I could watch. 1 stars
9/21/03 Darryl One of the crappiest movies of all time. Tom usually does suck, but this is his worst!! 1 stars
4/28/03 Stev Tom as usul you are the best and don't care to invidious frigid women... 5 stars
7/27/02 I Can't Swim Would make good double-bill w/'Coyote Ugly', they both blow cheese 1 stars
5/16/02 Veronica Foxx What the hell? Total ass-chunks! Tell me how exactly a bartender( ! ) could become famous? 2 stars
4/24/02 Charles Tatum One of the dumbest, annoying, and vapid films to ever fall out of Hollywood's rectumof 1 stars
4/18/02 ..::S:T:A::.. All People Saying This Film Was A Piece Of Crap Have Maybe A Brain Totally Made Of Shit 4 stars
4/05/02 Ron Is it me or is this guy gay? Oops better wtach out he might sue me. 1 stars
4/02/02 Rockitman007 Cruise is a good actor when he chooses (Rainman, Top Gun) but this isnt one of these times. 3 stars
3/29/02 Artist Freak Crap crap crap. I had the bad luck to be bored enough to watch this on late night TV. 1 stars
3/12/02 KMG Cock....tail.......Tom, are you sure you aren't gay? 3 stars
2/01/02 Andrew Carden A Bad Movie, Turned Around, Becoming An Amusing and Charming Little Comedy. 4 stars
1/30/02 Jake A big mess. 1 stars
1/03/02 The Man Slightly enjoyable cheese. 3 stars
8/29/01 Gary Vapid trash, but strangely watchable. Like a long episode of Sunset Beach (but not as good) 1 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk If I wanna watch annoying assholes pour drinks I'll go to a local pub. This is soooo gay! 1 stars
6/14/01 Gary Cruise can act and act well. But he can also act badly. Especially in weird shit like this. 1 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L Tom Cruise - he is a horrible actor and this shows him at his worst! 1 stars
3/08/01 Sanja nothing much, but brable 3 stars
1/25/01 dog words can't even describe 2 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla ok, this movie sucked 1 stars
3/25/00 Richard Wright COCKtail? Yeah, this movie sucks them. Good comedy gives way to tepid romance...zzzzzz. 2 stars
2/24/99 Scott If it is on cable, 1st check all other channels, if you can't find anything else watch it 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Jul-1988 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Feb-1989 (M)


Directed by
  Roger Donaldson

Written by
  Heywood Gould

Cast
  Tom Cruise
  Bryan Brown
  Elisabeth Shue
  Lisa Banes
  Kelly Lynch
  Gina Gershon



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