Worth A Look: 35.71%
Pretty Bad: 12.86%
Total Crap: 5.71%
6 reviews, 34 user ratings
by the Grinch
O.k. When compared to 'Shag the Dog', er, I mean 'Wag the Dog' it's a masterpiece. Well, by itself, it's still a piece....a piece of something, and I'm not referring to Halle Berry's superficial attributes.This one's a real gem. It was recommended to us by someone who told me I should rent it instead of 'Something About Mary' because according to them "the only funny part in Mary was the zipper scene"...well, enough said. Always trust your instincts, 'cause this one in-STANK. You thought an episode of 'Family Matters' was predictable? Well, the whole Beatty/Oliver Platt-Jed Clampett/Mr. Drysdale running gag in this film put Steve Urkel's hijinx in Buster Keaton territory. Predictable, oh-so-predictable outcome...and what isn't predictable, would've been better off predictable. Probably one of the few positive things I can say about Bulworth is that it has a great soundtrack...but films like 'Spinal Tap' aside, who sees a movie for the soundtrack? Gawd, I can sit here and try to formulate words to describe how this movie was as flaccid as Ron Jeremy in a cryo-tank...or I can choose a less orthodox manner. So, sung in the style of Will "Fresh Prince" Smith, imagine if you will a white guy pretending to be a middle class black guy pretending to be a white guy rapping...
"That's about how much it's worth.."
(Lame human beatbox onomonopeia)
boom a-pshhh boom boom boom pshhht
BOOM ba-tshhh boom ba boom pssht
Well now here's a little story I'd like to tell
About a fool named Beatty who gave Carly hell,
He thought he'd make a movie, but he didn't make it funny
Will someone torture him with ants and baste his balls in honey?
a-baste his balls in honey
please baste his balls in honey
he's rollin' in the money
but his acting's really crummy
See the premise is o.k., Mr. Bulworth is depressed
He's sick of the kow-tow and his marriage is a mess
But we just get caricatures, and no real evolving humor
Half the flick's 'jive in raybans', and Platt poppin' a tumor
(break 'n' pose) EET'S NOT A TOOMAH! ...well..
On to the events, the ones that made it all worthwhile
You really won't find many, 'less you're kin to Gomer Pyle
Maybe you might like it, if you're not annoyed by Warren
it's funny twice or thrice, but on the whole it's really boring
yeah, hell yeah...Chaka Khan, Wrath of Khan...
The product that we got made my b.s. meter swell
But there's yet another thing that just didn't make it gel
If your idea of funny is people rapping really lame
Then go rent 'Cool as Ice', or a film by Kid 'n' Play
siiiiiiii muchacho! Palabra a su madre'!
Now imagine Anne Bancroft gettin' busy wit' yo brother
People be grossed out when a lady likes 'em younger
But how is it okay, when it's a freshman Beatty's hittin'
Is it different than Jer' Springer, with his cock-ringmaster pimpin'?
Word. Represent, beeyatch!
Ya'll come back now, ya hear?To reiterate, I thought this movie was a flop. It will appeal to many, but I just don't care for it. I WILL say that it's very candid, and there's a couple of really funny scenes here and there. But on the whole, I was popping more uppers than a binging Judy Garland just to stay interested in it.
And if you think what Warren Beatty or I just did is rapping, you need to be butt-raped by the Wu-Tang Clan.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=165&reviewer=156
originally posted: 10/23/99 11:30:10