"A Dim-witted South Korean Godzilla/LOTR Combo? I'm there dude!"
“Dragon Wars” (or “D-War” as the hip youth of America call it these days) may just give “Plan 9 From Outer Space” and “Trolls 2” a run for their money. The movie’s plot and editing are so outrageously bad that nobody will ever get genuine pleasure from this film. There isn't a person on the planet that can suspend that much disbelief. The acting is painful and nothing really makes any sense. This is not a movie to watch for escapism. This is a movie to watch with a bunch of friends and heckle mercilessly.The film begins with a prologue designed to introduce the audience to the wonderful world of South Korean mythology. Animated ancient ink drawings swirl around the screen and tell a tale of good and bad dragons called Imoogi that battle for some sort of orb of power that can transform a dragon into a god.
The credits end and suddenly we are in modern day LA, where young reporter Ethan (Jason Behr who resembles Brendan Routh but lacks his charisma and acting ability) is investigating a huge gash running through city.
Even though it’s a disaster that rivals Krakatoa in its enormity, there are only about seven police officers investigating, so he’s able to sneak onto the scene, spot a scale and have a flashback to his childhood.
Ethan thinks back to when Robert Forrester gave him a dragon scale and told him a long sweeping epic about a Korean tattooed princess who needed to be sacrificed in order to give the good dragons the ball of power. She was saved by a Korean prince, and after escaping an army of slugs, velociraptors and Uruk-Hai, they both committed suicide.
Ethan is the reincarnation of the prince, so he snaps out the flashback, and goes searching for his reincarnated love who now goes by the name of Sarah (Amanda Brooks). He hits the database and realizing that there are too many Sarahs with tattoos in LA (is there really a tattoo database?) he finally tracks her down at the local hospital.
Apparently Sarah has been acting weirdly and has been hospitalized after hanging Korean drawings all over her room and getting assaulted by some random LA thugs. Her roommate also gets eaten by a dragon, but Sarah never finds out, and nobody misses her.
Ethan breaks Sarah out of the hospital just as a giant snake-dragon wraps itself around the building. They escape. The duo eats at a restaurant. The giant snake-dragon wraps itself around the restaurant. They escape. They go to a hypno-psychiatrist (I’m not making this up!) The giant snake-dragon wraps itself around the shrink’s house. They escape. They go to the top of the US Bank tower in LA. The giant snake wraps itself around the building.
Sense a pattern, anyone?
Just then, the US Military and the FBI step in, and a huge battle ensues. Helicopters attack the snake. More little dragons fly in. An army of metallic warriors, dino-slugs with missile launchers attached to their backs and velociraptors invade LA. A guy with a retractable sword who resembles Sauron leads the enemy into battle. Helicopters blow up. Tanks roll in. Dragons blow up. Whiz. Bang. Pow. Crash. Boom.“ D-War” comes from South Korea, and according to the newspaper, JoongAng Daily, the Korean prints of the film ended with the following statement from director, Shim Hyung-rae: “D-War and I will succeed in the world market without fail,” I’m guessing Hyung-rae wrote that statement while smoking the same stuff he was on when he wrote the script for this abominable movie.