I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (*) - Every once in a while a movie comes along that is so bad that I want to give as few stars as possible to truly express its wretchedness. But in doing that - I need to re-evaluate the other piece of crap movies that I’ve seen this year. Movies like The Avengers, Species II, Soldier, and many others. What will the worst film of the year be? All of these are worthy candidates and their star ratings may end up dropping even further. But in the interest of fair play - I’ll stick with one star for now and study later. Now - let’s get to the most recent piece of crap.Did any filmmakers interested in horror movies even bother to watch both of the Scream films. There are lessons to be learned from those films - the best of them is that every cliché that they threw into this latest film doesn’t work anymore. They are not scary and are so old that they’ve almost even worn out their welcome as a bad laugh. Every scare scene in this film is ridiculously unscary. The fisherman doesn’t seem so intent on actually getting his victims since he chases them with the speed of a 100-year old with a walker and a cane. Once again - watch Scream. The killers with the masks chase their victims in full speed. Much scarier. Much more realistic. Also in the tradition of another piece of crap this year - Urban Legend - the fisherman wears the rain slicker wherever he goes - which is stupid for several reasons in this film. First of all - we already know who the killer is. That was established in the first film and it has not changed. Second of all - Ben Willis would naturally blend in better without the slicker. Third - if he’s wearing the slicker to protect his identity - that is dumb because he seems able to pick off every single person on the island - and no outside help is available. So he can’t be worried about the police because we’re given the impression that the characters we meet are the only ones on the island. That is piss-pore amateur filmmaking. Also, Hewitt’s boyfriend, Chico and the Man’s son, is somehow able to sneak out of a hospital with major injuries, hock an engagement ring to buy a gun (the ring mysteriously shows up obviously on Hewitt’s finger at the end of the movie too), hop on a bus to get to a dock where he hijacks a guy’s boat, and proceeds to drive it himself through an incoming hurricane to a specific island where Hewitt and the others are at - that he was never specifically told about - all in time to point his newly-found weapon at the bad guy on the exact spot of the island only to have his loaded gun misfire on the first click. Pause as I take a breath. And I almost forgot to mention the scene where Hewitt finds herself locked into a tanning machine by the fisherman with the heat settings turned all the way up. When her saviors show up - they swiftly look around for a way to forcefully open the tanning booth which is tied down with one of those semi-thick plastic strings you see on children’s toys. Scissors would have sufficed. But all they’d have to do to get her out of true danger is to turn off the machine. This is something that all three of her saviors don’t even bother to consider. They don’t say anything. They don’t even look at the off switch - they just grab the nearest heavy object to bust her out of the marginally tied down machine. Even if you didn’t write the movie - the director should have realized how ridiculous this was. And if the director is such a tool as not to catch this - one of the actors should have said “No Way!” And let’s get to the actors. First of all - you can keep Brandy. Hate her music. Don’t find her attractive. I look at her head and I’m thinking two fingers in the eye sockets, thumb in the mouth, and pick up the 6-7-10 split. Don’t mean to get too critical but she’s got so much junk in her trunk she looks like the Widehead couple from the old Saturday Night Live sketch. And Jennifer Love Hewitt? OK - looking at her in her contractually skimpy outfits was the only thing that got me through this movie and from what I see of her in interviews and whatever, she seems to be a very sweet and pleasant person. Someone I wouldn’t mind knowing.And I don’t watch Party of Five - but - she has got to stay away from these movies. It’s obvious which Party Of Five cast member got the better horror series. I have to go watch those again just to cleanse myself from the stench this film left on me.