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Overall Rating
2.86

Awesome: 17.02%
Worth A Look25.53%
Average: 9.57%
Pretty Bad: 22.34%
Total Crap25.53%

5 reviews, 64 user ratings


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Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc
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by the Grinch

"Cripes, if Joan really WAS that annoying, I would've barbecued her ass too!"
2 stars

How can this be the same guy who wrote and directed 'La Femme Nikita' and the stupid, but fun 'The 5th Element'! Jesus, FUCK THE FRENCH!

What the fug, Luc, did Sally Struthers give you your degree in creative writing? What a wretched, wretched mess this movie is.

The movie opens with the now-oh-so-typical "Child sees family killed by English invaders, Child develops lifelong obsession with revenge" scene. Ok, once and for all people, YOU CANNOT TOP
BRAVEHEART! Stop trying so hard! JC Masterpiece, Conan had pretty much the same plot, and even IT had better dialogue than this! And it was mostly GRUNTING!

The performances are for the most part horrid. Even Malkovich looks like he'd rather be watching MOESHA or something.
Jovovich, while I do agree that I would tap that adz, acts in this particular film about as well as she sings, which is to say she's quite BAD, and I don't mean Run DMC Bad....more lesbian than thespian. She redeemed herself to me by taking the dominatrix role in Zoolander...mmmm. The fact that she looks like a female Leonardo DiCaprio throughout most of this film also doesn't help matters much. Oh wait, Leonardo DiCaprio IS female.

The only worthwhile performances turned in in this contrived movie are Dustin Hoffman, who actually makes the dialogue sound good for once (Luc, noone has or ever will talk like that!), the British guy that looks like the grouchy guy from Hill Street Blues, and the Dexy's Midnight Runners lookin french man-at-arms.

Then amongst all this, you have a bunch of artsy-fartsy, twatty
daydream scenes. Dali this ain't.

The battle scenes almost make this movie worthwhile, but come on...ya seen one decapitation, ya seen em all.

Avoid. Avoid avoid avoid. The french are responsible for the Battlefield Earth movie as well. Need I say more?

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1798&reviewer=156
originally posted: 09/10/00 14:49:43
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

6/26/08 The Mighty Smiter French/english translation, Luc Besson = Large BullShit 2 stars
10/25/07 Moviegoods Great movie, great portrayal of political & religious intrigue intertwined in a time of war 5 stars
7/11/07 madellaine it a very awsome movie.... 5 stars
3/11/07 Roy F. Moore Insulting, blasphemous crap. Disgraceful. 1 stars
10/12/06 Tiffany Page The movie was in deep emotion and the history I admire Milla's movies she is talented. 5 stars
7/11/06 mike b boring, too long 1 stars
8/17/05 ES the movie started out great but goes terrible so fast they couldn't burn her fast enough 2 stars
4/26/05 tatum Anti-British, over the top, and waaay too campy 3 stars
9/11/04 Michele Labo Great Movie 5 stars
8/16/04 Rusty Klichowicz Underrated. I loved. Milla will you marry me? 5 stars
5/04/04 Whatevr Worst biography movie ever 1 stars
3/25/04 john interessting take on Joan of Arc - good script and decent action 4 stars
1/18/04 Count Phisto "Joan of Arc": the best blaxploitation slasher since "Shawshank Redemption"! You heard me! 1 stars
1/15/04 Betty White Good action sequences, but overlength and mediocre performances weigh it down. 3 stars
1/09/04 frank Jovovich is absolutely ridiculous as joan of arc. I love it. 5 stars
10/30/03 Caiphn I liked the movie, however not an avid movie goer went in without labels for the cast. 4 stars
10/26/03 Monster W. Kung Utter crap. 1 stars
7/03/03 Lush Mildly entertaining but completely devoid of artisitc merit and Jovovich is aweful. 2 stars
3/04/03 Jack Sommersby Underrated epic masterpice. Jovovich is perfect as Joan. 5 stars
2/05/03 TheChronic good movie 4 stars
12/30/02 Ricky This Movie was great and how the hell can you say Milla can't act? 4 stars
10/18/02 Howard Parr They got paid for this? Besson shamed his own country. 1 stars
6/28/02 Zefram Mann Don't listen to the crap about Jovovich's acting. Her portrayal was of a nut, not a saint. 4 stars
4/29/02 Jenny Tullwartrz Might be accurate if Joan of Arc had PMS. 2 stars
2/02/02 Andrew Carden Nothing Like The Books About Her. Very Long and Unlikeable. 1 stars
12/05/01 John A. Olore Joan's last words: "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!" Milla's last words: "Egoiste! Egoiste! Egoiste!" 2 stars
6/17/01 Tiana Watching it sooner is better than later 5 stars
6/10/01 amir pakdel i just cried when the film finished 5 stars
5/08/01 mika total crap 1 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L Worst actress award goes to Milla - Take some Valiums!!! 1 stars
2/03/01 JOE BOB NOTHING 4 stars
12/25/00 Mitja Podgajski Not bad.. but... too religious... but the end rox! 4 stars
12/13/00 Crystal This movie tried to be overly 90's and it killed it! 2 stars
12/10/00 koinshaku A lot like Braveheart, but with more truth to it. 4 stars
11/20/00 Melissa an excellent film milla is great !!! 5 stars
8/28/00 Loraine BInce It's a great and dramatic movie 5 stars
7/13/00 Tom Milla was good. 4 stars
4/28/00 The Bomb 69 interesting interpretation; rape scene was sick 4 stars
3/26/00 DKK A very strong movie about Christian faith 5 stars
2/11/00 k.tomkowski Well worth a look, though Joan's sister has never been raped. 4 stars
2/08/00 Steve Horan I've always loved Joan of Arc movies! This one is no exception! 5 stars
2/08/00 Tom Jackson Jovovich and the battle scenes are excellent, but it loses drive towards the end. 4 stars
1/20/00 Andy Warth Totally recomended!!! 4 stars
1/14/00 k.tomkowski Joan's sister was not raped, and certainly not by the English. Too far a manipulation 3 stars
1/10/00 Howie Kinda weird. But rated AWESOME for Jovovich's acting. 5 stars
12/20/99 Lisette This movie could've been a lot better..... 3 stars
12/19/99 Dave Sweetman so-so 3 stars
12/13/99 Lame-Oh Joan as a rabid lady?! Weak! The movie that really sucked was Wild Wild West. 1 stars
12/12/99 Obi Wan I loved it! But she was made to look like an insane woman when she was a great leader! 4 stars
12/02/99 Pope Gonzo XIII Milla Jovovich's sincerity saves this film and brings a soul to it's vast imagery. 4 stars
11/28/99 Chet Patel Too long, her visions only added chaos to the story and her screaming was annoying. 2 stars
11/27/99 Lynnaea Beginning slow, ending is better. Good psychology, riveting in parts, confusing in others. 4 stars
11/27/99 Kevin Cho - Movie Junkie With better dialogue AND better editing, this movie would have been great. Very stirring. 4 stars
11/18/99 Eric This is no BRAVEHEART or HENRY THE 5TH - Pathetic portrayal of Joan as a mad woman 2 stars
11/16/99 Joe Brilliant rethink - hits you in the face - doesn't sentimentalise 5 stars
11/16/99 Adam A disappointment, but worth it to look at Milla. 3 stars
11/16/99 Richard Derksen Braveheart with an insanely beautiful woman. Not enough insights provided. 3 stars
11/15/99 Max Kline GARBAGE!!!! The only film that sucked more was Phantom Menace! 1 stars
11/14/99 furtively Gorgeous visually, just a little slow 4 stars
11/14/99 Michael MOTHERFUCKER Ivins Brilliancy from Jovovich & Hoffman & good storytelling cure a story that I always hated 5 stars
11/14/99 MrShowbiz Besson's most visually impressive work to date. 3 stars
11/13/99 ruth ankeny Not worth it; questionably accurate; silly dialogue; too much gore 2 stars
11/13/99 George Nedelchev 3 different films in one 3 stars
11/08/99 Max Kline This is yet another stupid film from the talentless Besson. Flashy,empty,hollow. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  12-Nov-1999 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  03-Feb-2000




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