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Overall Rating
1.95

Awesome: 7.87%
Worth A Look: 10.24%
Average: 7.87%
Pretty Bad: 17.32%
Total Crap56.69%

7 reviews, 85 user ratings


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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
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by William Goss

"The Wheels, They Keep On Spinnin’; The Gears, They Keep On Grindin’"
2 stars

All of my problems with Michael Bay’s 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' can be summed up in one word: Leo.

As nerdy roommate to Shia LaBeouf’s college freshman, Ramon Rodriguez’s so-named character is a singular example of everything that the film – like its predecessor – doesn’t need and yet delivers in spades. He’s a most arbitrary sidekick, existing solely to help Shia and friends re-connect with John Turturro’s disgraced government agent from the first film (you know, the guy that the giant alien robots peed on before) and to be the butt of some seriously stale shtick of faux bravado followed by girlish screams. In a story that already has us following an unlikely couple of teens (LaBeouf and Megan Fox, spazzy and sultry than ever), two military men (Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson), and a whole slew of feuding ‘bots all across the globe, he’s a character equally useless and unfunny on any continent.

Likewise, the Autobots are now saddled with their own unfortunate baggage: Mudflap and Skids. As respectively voiced by Reno Wilson and Tom Kenny, the Twins are glaring black stereotypes: one has a gold tooth, neither can read, and both banter back and forth with an undeniable ebonic slant (talk of busting caps in asses comes up at least once). And they similarly serve no general purpose beyond being two more robots to clang and clash once the skirmishes finally get going. Swifter hands than mine have already dubbed the duo “Car Car Binks,” and I can only concur that such a nickname is fitting of an addition to a blockbuster so ill-judged that an executive producer credit to George Lucas seems infinitely more likely than the one that we do see for Steven Spielberg.

My issues with the first Transformers and more so with this sequel are mainly matters on the level of Leo, though. A two-and-a-half-hour robot rumble would be one thing. Even a ninety-minute titan clash would suffice. But two and a half hours of robots with surrogate testicles, small dogs mounting large dogs, robots farting parachutes, pot brownie gags, robots humping humans, and then some occasional battles royale does not mean more bang for one’s buck. If anything, it’s indicative of the blockbuster trend of going below and beyond at every turn instead of shutting up and delivering the spectacle. Without the garish humor, the willfully convoluted plot to ultimately save the world (natch) would be a lot easier to stomach – or, God forbid, follow – as a means to explosive ends. Instead, eye-rolling exposition and head-shaking humor once again keeps all things jaw-dropping and eye-popping at bay.

Speaking of which, director Michael “I directed Bad Boys II, so I put a poster for that film in this film, next to our requisite Mountain Dew machine appearance, ha!” Bay does keep the camera fixated on all manner of eye candy, Fox and foe alike, although melees that may have grown more technically proficient in the meantime seem to have likewise grown even more indistinguishable in terms of what is battling what exactly. With Pavlovian precision, though, Bay counter-acts the frenzy from time to time with a swoop of slo-mo meant to emphasis that Robot A tearing Robot B’s head off is The Coolest Thing We’ve Ever Seen and should be heralded as such. Sometimes, so much ‘more’ meets the eye that it’s simply too hard to determine what’s where when and harder yet to care why.

I’ve given each film two stars because, at the end of the day, Bay does deliver on the promise of super-shiny robots duking it out, however sloppily and choppily. That’s all that most fans seem to demand, and it’s the most that anyone could ask out of these films, but when all of the downtime consists of leaps in logic (when convenient, some of these robots can teleport halfway around the globe and others can resemble slut-sized tempt-a-trons – isn’t that a mighty big development?) and an ever-lowering brow (the museum break-in that involves a dropped-trouser distraction followed by a Taser to the groin, and then conveniently has every security guard vanish once dusty exhibits come loudly to life), it’s hard to write off the clunky chunks of mythos and simply settle for the leftover money shots. If 'Transformers 2' weren’t trying so hard to be funny, and trying so fast to be exciting, it might’ve been… well, a little fun.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=18124&reviewer=409
originally posted: 06/27/09 10:00:00
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User Comments

1/21/12 Chris Not a fan of parts of it and it has low points but still has some ok action scenes 3 stars
11/21/11 cody a good sequel with great effects , good actions scenes, and good directing 4 stars
10/19/11 Magic To date, the worst movie I've seen in a theater. And I've seen Epic Movie in a theater. 1 stars
10/14/11 ashley rexrode its okay but megan fox cant act 3 stars
7/26/11 Meep A mixture of awesome shit and just plain shit 3 stars
5/26/11 chris c Stabbing my eyes out would be less painful to watch, fire Michael Bay 1 stars
5/08/11 MOJOJO Somehow a worse film than the first Transformers. Quite an accomplishment! 1 stars
5/15/10 mr.mike While pretty much non-stop action , it goes on far too long. 3.5 stars. 3 stars
4/13/10 Jeff Wilder A cheap amusement park ride disguised as a movie 1 stars
3/04/10 dude horrible 1 stars
1/22/10 Corey Weaver A film that thinks talking down to the audience is a good thing. 1 stars
12/27/09 randy todger bay is a hack.editing is piss poor.give big budget movies to talented directors 1 stars
11/12/09 cr a pretty good sequel , with lots of action and laughs, but to much language man. but cool 3 stars
11/05/09 PAUL SHORTT A NOISY, UNDERPLOTTED AND OVERLONG SPECIAL EFFECTS EXTRAVAGANZA THAT LACKS A HUMAN TOUCH 1 stars
10/26/09 Mr.Carrot66 Besides the fact that some are only there to fill the politically correct quotas but seem t 5 stars
10/25/09 Roy100 They put their hands in to the crystals and Ah'len amazes Trip by telling him that his favo 5 stars
10/25/09 Wolf45 This narration suggests that Veronica is explicitly speaking to an audience within the stor 3 stars
10/25/09 Koitus Wow, was this BAD... Two passable action scenes and Megan in leather does NOT make a movie 1 stars
10/24/09 SouthWind59 The definition of a stable model was generalized to programs with choice rules. , <a href=" 4 stars
10/24/09 BadGirl21 That's exactly the strategy which the party successfully followed in the local elections - 2 stars
10/23/09 Maxx68 For it clearly matters for its own sake. , 2 stars
10/23/09 JXL10 Oh but we already had a clue about the power of Africa to sanitize a reputation or a cause. 3 stars
10/23/09 BadGirl72 Institute of Museum and Library Services. , 2 stars
10/21/09 Felix Why do I get the feeling that nearly all the five-star rates are the same people?? PATHETIC 1 stars
9/25/09 george webster What a jumbled mess 2 stars
9/12/09 Sugarfoot So awful...I barely know where to start. 1 stars
8/03/09 David A. Two hours listening to robots grunt and groan--how bad can it get? 1 stars
7/26/09 arn magnusson i felt dizzy watching this on iMAX 1 stars
7/23/09 michael mann simply awful 1 stars
7/22/09 WTF? Gumby, you're a dumbass there are way better movies adapted from a cartoon you dumb cunt 1 stars
7/22/09 Gummby3 A+. You're viewing a movie adaptated from a cartoon. Expecting Shakespeare? 5 stars
7/21/09 Wow, Just Wow Wow.......I simply cannot understand why people like this movie. I simply cannot understand 1 stars
7/19/09 Stevo I never fall asleep at the cinema. Until I saw this film. Why? BECAUSE IT'S SHIT. 1 stars
7/18/09 optimus prime ilike you bumblebee 5 stars
7/18/09 farah hasyeena it great because many adventure and funny 5 stars
7/18/09 farah natasya its is awesome .itsi so interesting.the optumus prime and the bumblebee is so cute. 5 stars
7/15/09 Abhishek Chakraborty What a betrayal of expecations from the first film. fixed MTV style action camera though 1 stars
7/14/09 faiche13 Not UNentertaining at all - but somewhat insulting to one's intelligence. 3 stars
7/13/09 austin wertman okay, i loved the first movie, but i hated this one 1 stars
7/13/09 TrekFan Michael Bay is to JJ Abrams what Uwe Boll is to Francis Ford Coppola 2 stars
7/12/09 gc Yeah, dogs humping and robot balls are SOOO funny, definately put that in the script 2 stars
7/10/09 whitelaw This is the first movie that made me want to walk out of the theater, it's THAT bad! 1 stars
7/09/09 Special K Look, if you stop paying to see shitty movies, maybe they'll stop making shitty movies. 1 stars
7/06/09 The Grinch I didn't think it could get worse than the original. Guess Bay thought that was a dare. 1 stars
7/06/09 Oscar G Yeah It's not Gandhi, but escapist fun does not mean braindead. 2 stars
7/04/09 Rio This is what happens when Michael Bay's brain takes a dump. 1 stars
7/04/09 roger federer worst sequel ever. Decapitate Michael Bay 1 stars
7/01/09 pantera this is the worst blockbuster sequel ever made 1 stars
6/30/09 Crispy I hated this movie, because I have a brain. 1 stars
6/30/09 MEGATRON fantastic pornographic robotic sequences.. LOOOOVVVEEE it man!! 5 stars
6/30/09 Real-person reviewer This is not meant to be a meaningful movie like "Ghandi", but pure escapist fun, so enjoy!! 4 stars
6/30/09 GrandMaster T You get given $150mil to make a movie about transforming robots. How do you f*ck this up? 1 stars
6/30/09 Kent I won't argue with everyone's plot criticisms-- the visual effects were impressive, though. 4 stars
6/30/09 MVC its an 80's animated episode turned into a 2009 experience, enjoy it for what it is! 4 stars
6/30/09 Fruit Loops Such a BAD movie. I wish I had read reviews before I went to see it 1 stars
6/30/09 BoyInTheDesignerBubble stereotypes are hillarious. God save us!! This movie was trash. 1 stars
6/30/09 Luisa monotonous loud action became annoying; ran too long too 2 stars
6/29/09 alan good 4 stars
6/29/09 Used39 Eh... entertaining enough. Pretty stupid, but enjoyable. 2 stars
6/29/09 Tom Servo 'the action in this one was more intense than the 1st'-yeah so was the boredom 1 stars
6/29/09 Monty A True sign of the end times. 1 stars
6/28/09 god am anyone who liked this should be executed promptly - seriously. 1 stars
6/27/09 gandalf worst movie i have ever seen 5 stars
6/27/09 Michael Bay's Soul ROBOT TESTICLES R FUNNY! This movie is not. 1 stars
6/27/09 Brock Sampson It will be fun watching the illiterate fanboys defend this garbage. Insultingly bad movie. 1 stars
6/27/09 Dave if I could give this movie negative stars I would. 1 stars
6/27/09 pran absolute crap, cant believe a piece of art can be this bad. its a disgrace to human rac 1 stars
6/27/09 Jack From Jaws to this? Spielberg should take his money as exec prod. and go into hiding. 1 stars
6/26/09 Steve Michaud Dear God, is this what summer entertainment has come to? 1 stars
6/26/09 KingNeutron 4.5 / 5 *s - the action in this one was more intense than the 1st 4 stars
6/26/09 JR I feel sorry for those who actually enjoyed watching this POS. 1 stars
6/26/09 Aaron I'm not a fanboy, but I did enjoy the hell out of this. 4 stars
6/26/09 George Critics are so full of themselves. See the movie an judge for yourself people. 5 stars
6/25/09 TB I was sent to review this film for on-air, and walked out. IT'S THAT BAD. 1 stars
6/25/09 Craig Ranapia I didn't much like this film, but the experience was nothing like being raped. 3 stars
6/25/09 Maven Brick headed stupidity mixed with racism! Another 1-2 punch from Michael Bay! 1 stars
6/25/09 Pato This is entertainment people, not a doctoral thesis, it was fun!! Critics suck!! 4 stars
6/25/09 Brad Schroeder If your over 25 and thought this movie was good i feel sorry for you 1 stars
6/25/09 Kevin Meyer I thought the film was better than the first, and easily his best, most epic film yet. 5 stars
6/25/09 Viral Hey, fuck you. How can you say anything released this year was worse than Dragonball. 4 stars
6/25/09 V8Thrasher i stopped taking this review seriously once i saw how much he hated Bay. Prejudice he is. 4 stars
6/25/09 Anthony An honest review, but I think 98 percent of normal people disagree. 4 stars
6/24/09 Darkstar Just remember, it's Michael Bay not William Shakespeare. I didn't think it sucked. 4 stars
6/24/09 Daniel Kelly A massive annoyance, cool CGI but everything else is sub par 2 stars
6/24/09 Michael Yeah, I can admit too that I like "The Rock" and "Armageddon". 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  24-Jun-2009 (PG-13)
  DVD: 20-Oct-2009

UK
  N/A

Australia
  24-Jun-2009
  DVD: 20-Oct-2009



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