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Overall Rating
2.47

Awesome: 11.11%
Worth A Look: 16.67%
Average: 8.33%
Pretty Bad36.11%
Total Crap: 27.78%

3 reviews, 18 user ratings


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Pandorum
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by Rob Gonsalves

"What's going on? And why can't we see any of it clearly?"
1 stars

Ridley Scott’s "Alien" remains a horror masterpiece, but the grungy industrial look of its spaceship — innovative at the time — has been a lingering dreary influence on science-fiction interior design.

The latest grubby-ductwork sci-fi thriller is Pandorum, set entirely aboard a spacecraft whose exterior has been imaginatively rendered but whose interiors must have been entrusted to three crew members who went yardsaling and browsed through abandoned fishing vessels. The movie looks unpleasant, is usually shot through blue filters, and was apparently edited by three other crew members with meat cleavers.

If a movie is going to be ridiculous, shouldn’t we at least have fun watching it? As it is, Pandorum clenches its teeth grimly as it blunders through its overstuffed plot, in which a spaceship contains thousands of Earthlings en route to a more hospitable planet. When we come in, lots of years have passed and not many of the passengers are left alive — at least not in the expected state. Two flight-crew members, Bower (Ben Foster) and Payton (Dennis Quaid), emerge from extended hypersleep and spend a long while trying to figure out what happened. “You’re disoriented,” Bower tells Payton upon the latter’s awakening. The audience nods in empathy — we don’t know what’s going on either. Nor, for the most part, will we.

There are cannibalistic mutants on board, and a couple of random crew members who have somehow become expert fighters. One of them, Nadia (Antje Traue), is this year’s attempted Milla Jovovich reincarnation, a babe who kicks ass despite looking as though the last thing she attacked with any success was a salad. Our heroes crawl around the grimy, disgusting ship, running from the mutants and trying to reach the ship’s reactor, while Payton stays behind and contends with someone who may have “Pandorum,” a particular deep-space delirium dreaded by everyone in the movie. “Pandorum” apparently makes you paranoid, makes you see stuff that isn’t there, and makes you hire Norman Reedus, possibly the most annoying actor in the history of cinema, for a small role.

Norman Reedus disappears almost as quickly as he shows up, which is nice, but the movie keeps going, which is not so nice. The mutant-attack scenes are unscannable gibberish, and I really hope not to read some article detailing how much training Antje Traue had to endure to play her fight scenes, because the way they’re shot and edited it might be her or it might be Lily Tomlin, for all we can tell. Dennis Quaid gets his voice up in a few scenes, but the role keeps him pinched and sour throughout, as if he were either suffering from gastrointestinal distress or grooming himself as the next Harrison Ford. It’s hard to believe this is the same man Pauline Kael used to love for the freewheeling humor he often brought to his game. Then again, he’s trapped in the same anti-actor muck as the rest of the cast; Ben Foster has been no slouch elsewhere, and Antje Traue might, for all we know, be a major actress in her native Germany. In terms of calling our attention to great, unknown-to-us foreign actors and writing zesty roles for them, director Christian Alvart and scripter Travis Milloy are no Quentin Tarantino.

There are, of course, several twists at the end, the default mode for lazy screenwriting. Pandorum was cheap ($40 million) but not cheap enough; this sort of junk works better when the sets are cardboard, the monsters are obvious latex, and the whole affair doesn’t take itself so deadly damn seriously. (Number of intentional laughs: zero.)

The movies "Pandorum" steals from did it all with more style and panache — "Alien," of course, and also "Event Horizon" and Neil Marshall’s two effective potboilers "The Descent" and "Doomsday." In fact, I hope there’s a big juicy check in the mail to Neil Marshall from this film’s producers.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=18372&reviewer=416
originally posted: 09/28/09 08:40:12
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User Comments

10/12/13 Wrong on so many levels read this h t t p ://anarchyreviews.blogspot.com/2013/07/pandorum-loveletter-to-hp-lovecraft.html 4 stars
8/19/13 Mel did not watch this movie Nadia and Bower did not have a romantic relationship as he was looking for his wife. Fail. 5 stars
12/14/11 Tim A good example of the genre - if you like deep space horror, it's good. 4 stars
7/13/11 HandBanana lol unorginal? Google "Movie Analysis: Symbolism In Pandorum" puts this review to shame. 4 stars
12/05/10 J Awesome twists - is to space colonization what splice is to genetic ethics... a MUST see! 5 stars
11/10/10 Miceal If you couldn't tell what was going on ur retarted. Awesome story. 5 stars
10/14/10 Keet Nicely done trip, keep me more interested than most crap, despite low points 4 stars
10/13/10 Lamarq I dissagree with you and all the other critics on so many levels, its not even funny. 5 stars
6/05/10 Chad Warren The Christians turn the tide against atheist/satanism bit was bold but boring. 3 stars
5/06/10 alex ahem! 2 stars
4/14/10 michael I liked it, but no way that deep space ship survived reentry 3 stars
4/11/10 sab i really liked it 4 stars
4/05/10 FranknFurter Incomprehensible! Didn't know what was happening, & could barely see--the lighting sucked. 1 stars
2/03/10 What Yeah this movie was ridiculous. I had no idea what was going on 90% of the time. 1 stars
1/25/10 action movie fan dull seen it all before copy of much better alien aliens and descent 1 stars
1/19/10 matt Decent action and twists, but bad acting and characters. I've lost respect for Dennis Quaid 3 stars
12/30/09 porfle Must be two movies called PANDORUM. I saw the one that was friggin' AWESOME. 4 stars
12/04/09 dim Lousy 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  25-Sep-2009 (R)
  DVD: 19-Jan-2010

UK
  N/A

Australia
  25-Sep-2009
  DVD: 19-Jan-2010


Directed by
  Christian Alvart

Written by
  Travis Milloy

Cast
  Dennis Quaid
  Ben Foster
  Norman Reedus
  Cam Gigandet
  Antje Traue
  Cung Le



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