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Overall Rating
2.66

Awesome: 10.32%
Worth A Look: 17.46%
Average: 23.02%
Pretty Bad26.19%
Total Crap: 23.02%

9 reviews, 72 user ratings


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Any Given Sunday
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Chris Parry

"Someone put speed on Oli's cornflakes. Oli did? Oh, say no more."
2 stars

When was the last time you saw someone on a football field have their eye ripped out and left plopped on the middle of the 40 yard line? Never? Good, I thought it was just me. So I guess you'd have as hard a time lapping up this steroid laden, nausea inducing, two hour music video as I did. Oliver Stone has always had a knack of turning a good story into a strange experience. As he's gotten older, the chemicals have started to affect him in ways not seen since a kid from my school climbed the Sydney War Memorial building, threw himself off and proclaimed himself to be "a little bit fucked up." But if Stone can make a good story seem like an acid trip, just what can he do with a story so cliché it even rips off Major League? I'll tell you what he can do. Six months of rehab.

Al Pacino is a grizzly old American football coach. He's getting too old for the game, he's lost the respect of the players, the fans, the press and himself. Denis "what wife" Quaid is the crusty old about-to-retire quarterback with a body about to collapse under the strain. Jamie Foxx is the up'n'coming superstar quarterback who "don't 'spect nobody". Cameron Diaz is the grizzly team owner who wants to fold up her tent and move the team to LA. Ever heard that one before? Oh, only in about EVERY BLOODY SPORTS MOVIE EVER.. Sorry to yell, but I'm still feeling the pain here.

At this point, I'd like to take a time out to question the whole Cam Diaz thing. I don't get it. Gentlemen, what are you all so ga-ga about? Is it just me or does Cammy look like she just ran into something at full speed? She has the flattest nose since John Denver 'landed' his airplane into the side of a mountain. Okay, she has breasts. Newsflash, so do I. And so does Elizabeth Berkley, who plays a hooker. She takes off her clothes for Al, which would probably be a lot more entertaining if we hadn't already seen her giving blowjobs to midgets in Showgirls. So much for her claims that she took her shirt off in Showgirls for 'artistic' reasons. Perhaps she was misquoted. It could have been 'autistic' reasons, I suppose. I'm through defending you, Berkles. You've disappointed me once too often.

But I digress, back to the tale. Al's got problems because everyone hates him and he's old and he has to pay for sex. Now, I'm just taking a shot in the dark here, but do you think this might be just a little autobiographical? Fess up, Oliver. Heidi Fleiss got your credit card number?

To be totally fair, Any Given Sunday does a few things right. The actual football action elements are not too foul. I may be a sucker for a sports movie, even a Kevin Costner sports movie (Bull Durham, Field Of Dreams, he was good once), because they all follow a simple formula; Team of goofs look like they'll end up in a losing season, grizzly old over-the-hill star scratches together a bit of confidence, a few talented rookies, a few oddballs, makes it to the big game, manages to win it at the end. No matter what else happens in the movie, be it romance, drugs, politics, sex, asteroid strike or vicious penguin feeding frenzy, they all have the same last half hour, and we dig it. We know it's a replay of every other sports movie, but we dig it. And some idiot in the audience always cheers embarassingly loud. It's often me.

But not here. Noooo, not here. When Stone starts his rapid-fire editing fury, with no shot lasting for longer than 2 seconds (half of them being on cheerleaders' behinds and the rest consisting of close-ups of long, slow motion passes), lunch starts to get active. Seriously, at the twenty minute mark, not only did we have no story yet to speak of, but I seriously considered leaving so as to keep my half digested biryani out of the hair of the woman in front of me. Imagine the feeling in the pit of your stomach if you walked in to find your grandmother having sex with a lawyer. Sorry for the image, but maybe now you understand my pain.

There's just nothing to boast about in Any Given Sunday. It's over-directed, over-edited, under-acted, mis-cast, the dialogue is drowned out by crowd noise and music and when it isn't, it's in ebonics so they could be asking where the cheese shop is for all I know.

There's a bit of violence, which is good. There's a real sense of the hurt with every hit, which is good. But there's also three, count 'em, three scenes where the good guys win games with a player getting hit by two guys and flipped into the air on the touchdown line, landing hard on his back, not dying and saving the day with a last minute score.

Show me the money? Show me the bloody writer.

Every sports movie has it's critical downside, but the real good ones can surpass them. Youngblood got the pulse racing despite Rob Lowe being about as hockey player-like as Gary Coleman. Rocky survived the fact that Sylvester Stallone is retarded. For Love Of The Game had great game action, despite constantly cutting away to Kevin Costner's vanity-induced romance flashbacks. Major League was funny even though it starred Corbin Bernsen. Varsity Blues survived the 'ew factor' of James Van Der Beek. And Bull Durham was just all over groovy.

But Any Given Sunday is gobshite. Expensive, flashy, star-studded gobshite with no real story and no redeeming features beyond a bit of the old argy-bargy and a big name director who seems to have less of a grip on reality than your average Pokemon fan.

If mafia hitmen are waiting for you outside every other movie showing in your area, then sure, go see Any Given Sunday. But personally, I'd take my chances with Guido.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1853&reviewer=1
originally posted: 07/20/00 20:23:18
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell watchable 3 stars
8/23/10 Matt Brilliant movie - too bad the real sport is nowhere near as enjoyable over 3.5 hours! 5 stars
7/10/10 rosemary I think it was a pretty good movie. that one black guy was big wow 4 stars
4/15/10 Jerome Cook some of us like this new look at football. fuck major league that movie was weak. 5 stars
9/24/09 brian LT makes it worth seeing. 4 stars
9/03/08 Shaun Wallner Interesting storyline. 4 stars
7/27/08 The Dork Knight i'm pretty sure eyeballs don't litter football fields in real life 2 stars
2/23/08 Pamela White makes more of football than it really is 3 stars
10/29/07 Geoff Chapman Pretty decent. By the book sports movie, but still well done. 4 stars
2/13/07 johnnyfog Stone's acid trip version of football. 2 stars
9/26/04 NJ Cup Winner 95-00-03 The only Stone movie I have no use for..nice locker room scene tho 2 stars
3/09/04 Charles Tatum Nice to see Stone return to normal film making again (after the crappy "Nixon") 4 stars
8/16/03 Paul It was great 5 stars
8/13/03 3man It was okay but really have to like football to enjoy this. 3 stars
8/10/03 Nicole I was so excited to see this movie.....and very disappointed once I finally did. 2 stars
4/25/03 GMan Pompous arrogant shit, fuck diaz and pacino, and especially E-Funk for liking this tripe 1 stars
2/21/03 Dreamer nice movie... coulda been better 4 stars
1/23/03 Pinkline Jones Pacino Ought to know Better - Lost eyeballs and Vomit - Terrific! 2 stars
11/24/02 mack back 5 stars
8/26/02 john c. smith i loved it 5 stars
7/05/02 KMG SUCKS: It was mean-spirited, foul, loud, obnoxious, and had bitchy wives in it 1 stars
3/25/02 Veronica Foxx aka The Raven-Haired Temptress Laughable piece of trash. Just a lame ass attempt at "entertainment". Couldn't watch it all 1 stars
2/28/02 Tiffany Thunderhurst Impressive cast is fumbled. Also too much time in the muddle. 1 stars
9/17/01 Bri Yuck, Yuck, dicks, Yuck!!! 1 stars
8/10/01 E-Funk The best football movie ever! Brutally honest, and that's what pisses people off! 5 stars
8/07/01 Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatam & Howe Only reason its not TOTAL CRAP is the presence of the legendary Ann-Margret 2 stars
8/06/01 badfish What a bland piece of poop this was,not even the soundtrack could save this one. 1 stars
7/27/01 TLsmooth Pacino's locker room speech saved this one from ass-sucking. 2 stars
6/24/01 Monster W. Kung Nothing special. Not horrible, but I wouldn't pay to watch it again, that's for sure. 3 stars
6/10/01 CriticGirl Decent movie, but too long. Should have been made tighter. 3 stars
5/06/01 Subjective Man Stone's self indulgence overtakes the film 3 stars
4/30/01 Mitja Podgajski I love it.. .i love Cameron... ! 5 stars
4/03/01 Boy In The Designer Bubble I liked the black guy with the big willie!!! 3 stars
3/29/01 zippernek Cameron Diaz as a hard-nosed business person? hahahahahahaha 3 stars
3/27/01 Jun 170 minutes of fragmented stories that go nowhere. 1 stars
2/13/01 CJ O' Callaghan very good start, but gets a bit boring towards the end, still a very nice piece of work! 4 stars
1/21/01 dog all that matters is Al Pacino is in it. 4 stars
1/09/01 Elvisfan Same old same old from Ollie - JFK in a jock, Platoon in shoulderpads 2 stars
10/27/00 JC23 Doesn't rank as high as Stone's other effort's but entertaining nontheless 4 stars
10/26/00 Bender Its like a cross between Showgirls and North Dallas forty. 4 stars
10/24/00 Monday Morning Glossy, hi-quality filmmaking, always something to see. Music & Al's "inch" speech both A-1 4 stars
9/25/00 malcolm most real-looking sports aciton i've seen in a film. 4 stars
9/14/00 Hmm Plays better on video than it did in theaters 4 stars
9/07/00 The Bomb 69 this movie was all over the place 3 stars
9/07/00 Duaneadam Line you TV room with newspaper before viewing 1 stars
9/07/00 Chris Drake Dreadful but good!Music alas mostly weak;Pacino's 1/2time speech great;loved final comment 4 stars
8/16/00 Drew Vogel Don't believe the naysayers, this rocks 5 stars
8/01/00 Chen Kenichi See the English version, "When Saturday Comes" -- much better 2 stars
7/31/00 Mr J M HARWOOD Seriously one of the best movies i have ever seen 5 stars
7/28/00 matthew smith oliver stone at his hard hitting best 5 stars
5/27/00 Jaime N. Christley Loved NBK. Loved JFK. Hated this monstrosity. 1 stars
5/26/00 Bruce The editing made me nauseous 2 stars
4/17/00 punkass The football scenes are fantastic, and although there are cliches it does alright 3 stars
3/06/00 Kyle Broflovski Oliver Stone, FUCK YOURSELF!! You try to be profound & come off looking like a TRUE IDIOT! 1 stars
2/05/00 Heather Complete crap! 1 stars
1/30/00 Chet Patel This movie kicked ass, I'm glad this was the last movie I saw before New Years. 5 stars
1/23/00 majawat pffft 3 stars
1/05/00 adz' roomate lion it was like a 2 1/2 hour rap video 2 stars
1/03/00 SJKelley All production values, no script. Pacino, yes. Diaz, NO! Woods, what?! Quaid, snore. 2 stars
1/03/00 goodatty The movie showed football (life?) has many different stories going on at the same time. 4 stars
1/01/00 sexychick Puhleeze!!THis movie blows big balls!! 1 stars
12/31/99 bullit17 Subtle as an A-bomb. Stone screws up what could have been a decent (if cliche) story 2 stars
12/31/99 Tom I saw it and survey says, "It's a renter!" 2 stars
12/30/99 Harvey Richardson In Albany, the whole thearte left before the film ended, it was soooooooooo horid!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
12/30/99 Damian Lackey I can't describe how horrid this film was! I hated hated hated it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
12/29/99 inigma oh oh! please shot Cameron for her portral of the wwf "stephine" character in this movie! 1 stars
12/27/99 jenn "Blu Smrf" alright, can we say noisy? i walked out with and headache, but that was from the writing!!! 1 stars
12/26/99 Fortune Oliver Stone masturbates all over the screen on this one. That jackass. 1 stars
12/24/99 SteelyTrip Great acting, but the script is complete and utter testosterone- soaked shit. 2 stars
12/24/99 craig a. decent film, too much oliver stone symbolism 4 stars
12/23/99 Downtown Willie Browne Fuckin' amazing. Super acting, writing, cinematography, etc. Great use of Stone's insanity 5 stars
12/19/99 tpmedia This film explodes on the screen. 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  22-Dec-1999 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  27-Jul-2000


Directed by
  Oliver Stone

Written by
  John Logan

Cast
  Al Pacino
  Dennis Quaid
  Cameron Diaz
  LL Cool J
  Jamie Foxx
  James Woods
  Matthew Modine



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