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Overall Rating
  Awesome: 9.88%
Worth A Look: 1.23%
Average: 1.23%
Pretty Bad: 3.7%
Total Crap: 83.95%
4 reviews, 57 user ratings
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| Universal Soldier: The Return |
by Scott Weinberg
"The reason we go to the movies--Pure Genius"
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So trend-setting and brilliant, the written word cannot do this film justice. If you enjoyed such films as Forrest Gump, The Godfather and Ski School 2, you must see this one. Truly epic and wonderful.Once again, Hollywood outdoes itself. This latest display of the artistry of cinema takes you into a new world for ninety minutes. The pleasure of watching charcters develop and the obstacles they overcome is reignited while watching Universal Soldier: The Return. It has redefined what a classic is.
The brilliant plot has Jean Claude Van Damme (in a Golden Globe-worthy performance) attempting to quell the powers of a supercomputer named SETH, and his Universal Soldier minions. He has the assistance of an integral newspaper reporter, as well as many brilliant military minds. A brief synopsis doesn't do the vibrant screenplay justice. An early exchange between Van Damme and his young daughter:
Girl: "Dad, why did Mom have to die?"
VD: "You just have to have faith that God has his reasons."
Girl: "I miss her."
VD: "I miss her too. Good night."
The scene ends with Van Damme sleeping in a rocking chair, clutching a photograph to his chest. I only wish my words could convey the way this scene affected me on an emotional level. Only a true artist could have made this film. (Case in point: Van Damme also produced this, so I think I'm on to something.)
There are too many wonderful scenes to mention, although my favorite had to be when one the reporter jumps in the back of Van Damme's car to change her top. She yells at our hero for peeking, then she returns to the front seat. (Hey, Spielberg, take notes.) The highlight of the film, however, comes when the entire city is in a blackout caused by the malicious (but ultimately misunderstood) SETH. Apparently, the only building that still has power during this blackout is a wonderful strip bar, where breasts and lapdancing are quite prevalent. In any other film, this would seem like an example of painfully obvious exploitation. Yet in this film, it seems real. It has bearing on the plot and the film needs this emotional core. I was truly touched my the tittie-bar scene in this movie, and I'm man enough to admit it.
The true find of this film, however, lies in the immediate impact of a brand new actor. I will refer to him only as Laurence Olivier-Goldberg, and he should be preparing his Oscar speech now, becuase his performance ranks right up there with Howie Long in Firestorm or Eddie Deezen in Grease.
All in all, the year in movies is over as far as I'm concerned. I doubt there will be another film so carefully constructed and skillfully directed. I propose that all schools close to let children experience this life-affirming experience. I truly believe the world is a better place because of films like Universal Soldier: The Return. (Even the title reeks of creativity.)See it now, before it's copied a million times and all its components become so cliched and tired that you wish they'd never make another sequel to a bad sci-fi movie that completely bombed at the box-office anyway.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1856&reviewer=128
originally posted: 09/08/99 15:45:51
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USA
20-Aug-1999 (R)
DVD: 28-Dec-1999
UK
N/A
Australia
05-Aug-1999
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