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Overall Rating

Awesome: 16.56%
Worth A Look: 17.2%
Average: 15.92%
Pretty Bad: 12.74%
Total Crap37.58%

12 reviews, 85 user ratings

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Coyote Ugly
[] Buy posters from this movie
by Jack Sommersby

"So Bad, it Howls"
1 stars

Makes you wish for the return of the Silent Film era.

Excerpts from my most recent confession (I'm not Catholic, nor of any particular religion, but bear with me anyway and kindly play along):

-- Oh, Father, I have most definitely, most certainly, not without a doubt, quintessentially sinned -- I rented this utterly disgraceful movie called Coyote Ugly, which boasted a storyline as enticing and promising as a stomach pump -- because the DVD cover displayed some hot chicks and hinted at a possibly enjoyable, trashy time.

-- I mean, that ultimate producer of the deplorable, Jerry Bruckheimer, who'd previously shown no mercy by inflicting such cinematic garbage like Top Gun and the recent Bad Company on unsuspecting audiences, produced Coyote Ugly, but, still, I didn't think I was too wrong in hoping for a good time from a man who surely sold his soul to Satan years ago to attain his dubious success!

-- Okay, the screenwriter is Gina Wendkos, whose previous credits included such stellar TV programming such as the nauseating My Two Dads. Tither, thine ears were most certainly permanently damaged beyond repair when hearing a character in Coyote Ugly mouth, "If I told you, I'd have to kill you.". If this wasn't enough, when the heroine was sitting in the waiting room of a hospital after her stereotypically good-natured father -- you know, that actor who used to work for a living, John Goodman -- got hit by a car, her best friend, who just hours after getting married, explained why she was there instead of on her honeymoon, "Are you kidding? Danny's been in my family for five minutes; you've been in my family for my whole life." Call me cold-hearted, Father, but I instinctively cringed and felt like puking my guts out at this.

-- All right, well, there was some originality to be found in the movie, right? Right? I mean, the story involves a young, innocent-looking, wide-eyed, small-town girl from New Jersey deciding to fulfill her dream of being a songwriter by moving to -- you'll never guess! -- New York, where, of course, she runs into obstacles right away. (Oh! Did I mention that her father works as a tollbooth attendant? C'mon, you know -- 'deep' symbolism invoking the regret-of-unfulfilled-dreams with those dreams -- Oops! I mean cars -- passing him by every day?

-- Wise me up, Your Holiness, because I thought even someone with Forrest Gump's IQ who was even remotely interested in the music industry would know that she couldn't submit an unsolicited demo tape to a producer without an agent. Are we all dummies on the planet Earth? I mean, didn't she see that movie called Airheads?

-- True, it was more than a bit obvious when the best friend plopped that wad of emergency cash in the heroine's freezer. And, yeah, it came as no surprise in the very, very, very, very least when she discovered later that her rat-infested, rent-inflated apartment had been broken into and this nest egg had been stolen along with her Blondie CD collection and toaster, among other items. But so what? A week later, she apparently trusts her Good Samaritan neighborhood so much so that she leaves her window outside her fire escape open so she can apparently come home to the photogenic sight of a pigeon pecking food off of her sill. Ain't something like that soooooooooo sweet!

-- What else? Oh, did I mention that the lead actress, Piper Perabo, can't act worth a hoot and has been instructed to play her part as Little Bo Lost whereas she still chooses to dress like an unknowing backwater hick without an iota of common sense as to the current 'happening', non-embarrassing fashions as of the 21st Century? You know, she also acts as unconvincingly naive as the nasally-congested Jason Biggs in the atrocious Loser, like she's lived her whole life in a self-enclosed social bubble.

-- The heroine's love interest? Oh, yeah, right -- he's one of those unadultered treasures you find only in the movies. While working an assortment of minimum wage jobs, he somehow manages to dress stylishly, afford a black convertible, and live in the kind of spacious studio apartment that you'd have to cash in your Yahoo! stocks to get your hands on.

-- Other contrivances? Nah! Surely, it was purely coincidental that the night the boyfriend is already irked he turns up at the heroine's club (it's called 'Coyote Ugly' -- yeah, you're catching on!) where she and her barmaids have seen fit to indulge in a PG-13-rated wet T-shirt show for the randy, libidinous customers, which most definitely irks his jealous ire. Who said this movie wasn't absolutely 'happening'! After all, complex characterizations are most definitely etched in instances like the beautiful chicks consistently high-fiving one another! What more do you want -- more than two coherent, non-gag-me-with-a-spoon sentences uttered by either one of them at any given time?!

-- And, whoa, this will really surprise you! The heroine overcomes her stage fright and manages to not just get noticed as a singer/songwriter but jam with the actual Lee Ann Rimes in person in front of an open audience. Bet you never dreamed her dreams would come true, huh?

-- Lastly, did I mention that Coyote Ugly as a whole is mind-boggingly boring, lethargic as a drunken snail, and so certifiably awful that it makes something like Battlefield Earth seem like a model of restraint? Then again, Father, if you were listening to so much as a few measly seconds of this confession, did I really have to?

Gag me. Is that clear enough?

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 03/03/03 06:57:43
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User Comments

3/16/14 who well said. pathetic movie that insults both men and women, assuming everyone is too stupid 1 stars
4/05/10 art THIS film is PATHETIC!,JUST like new jersey! 1 stars
5/12/09 Cody Fantastic movie. 5 stars
5/01/09 hannah omg this reviewer is an idiot! adam garcia is AUSTRALIAN douche bag! get ur facts right!! 3 stars
10/05/08 leeyoonkyoung Nose bedspread reel writing ruth loop countlessly, it saw. It is a movie of true top! 5 stars
9/04/08 Rachel I should be saying this is terrible, but I can't help but kinda loving this one. 4 stars
8/02/08 conch tangco omg im addictive to it its the best 5 stars
4/04/07 David Pollastrini Piper Perabo is hot in this! 3 stars
1/27/07 Tamara Leonard I loved the movie to own it.. Have watched countless times. 5 stars
11/29/06 amanda FANTASTIC movie! by far one of my favorites. 5 stars
8/13/06 Ari Horrible Movie 1 stars
5/26/06 Michele fun 4 stars
8/27/05 ES Women act like sluts to sell booze and survive in a man's world and that's awesome? 2 stars
7/06/05 gothboy02 great i like the chick /main 4 stars
6/07/05 y2mckay Why is it that all the "Awesome" comments are from women? Are you really all that stupid? 1 stars
12/10/04 Jason Kaul Royal crap. Wearing a crown of shit and all. But it made a ton of money 1 stars
7/17/04 legend Had low expectations but was pleasantly surprised by such a decent film. 4 stars
7/06/04 Sammi Hella awesome movie...loved everything about it! 5 stars
6/19/04 Denise Duspiva Fun 5 stars
5/28/04 cfdfsdfsd cool 5 stars
5/07/04 wylene Boring story line 1 stars
4/15/04 Veronica Ramirez It's a pretty good movie 5 stars
4/10/04 Michelle Good songs, good story, good actors, the movie was gr8! 5 stars
3/03/04 Blondy i loved it!! wanna move 2 new york now + become a coyote :) 5 stars
2/14/04 I Would Go and get some real porn you wimps 1 stars
1/20/04 michel Will be remembered as a cult classic in the "so bad it's hilarious" category 4 stars
10/21/03 Hayley M IT is the best film i have ever seen. ITs wicked.And jack whoever you are it is COOOOOOL! 5 stars
6/23/03 Gemma kavanagh I thought it was wicked 5 stars
4/29/03 jeffrey amon this movie is great!!!! 5 stars
4/04/03 Jack Bourbon May I have your attention: WHERE WERE THE TITS? 2 stars
3/05/03 Robert Cooley if you miss this, you will live 3 stars
1/28/03 Pinkline Jones Don't watch this film if you're contemplating suicide 1 stars
7/25/02 palaboy101 I was expecting this to be UGLY but it AIN'T! 4 stars
5/23/02 Janx Besides Goodman, nobody in this movie can act worth a damn! No nudity either. Pure Shit 1 stars
5/15/02 Blake This movie deserves a 10 out of 10, it was so great. 5 stars
4/03/02 toya movie was great had a message tellin that u can do ne thing when u achive n go for it. 5 stars
4/02/02 Vitality1 Whoa! This movie has more bad acting than a Dawson's Creek episode!! 1 stars
3/25/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) This movies only objective: make teen boys hard; con teen girls out of $ w/ B.S. storyline 1 stars
2/28/02 Alan Smithee Nothing but a wanna-be T&A film for teenage boys. Hot chicks though......... 1 stars
2/14/02 Bob Marley never seen it 5 stars
2/02/02 trtrrt rtertrt 5 stars
1/21/02 Spencer Lent I thought it was going to be dumb but it was pretty good. 4 stars
12/04/01 Andrew Carden My IQ Dropped 50 Points After Watching This Mindless Crap. 1 stars
12/01/01 Mr Math I'm dumber for having seen it. 1 stars
11/25/01 the Grinch "..both ways. Which is I'm sure what they made the original screenwriter "Ha! Oz, u r KING! 1 stars
11/25/01 Senor Pescolido Really really generic and bad. At least if you're going to tease, show some skin. 2 stars
8/19/01 Dr. Thompson A textbook example of why american women suck 1 stars
8/13/01 Ken Like a really shitty TV movie, but rated R. 1 stars
8/03/01 Chris K. Sex films are dead! And COYOTE UGLY is one of those "bad sex films" 1 stars
7/29/01 Jennifer Gaissert It's not Shakespeare, but it's cute 3 stars
7/29/01 yop l 5 stars
7/17/01 Elvisfan All plot points are in the form of brick walls falling on innocent viewers 1 stars
5/12/01 Chris The DVD has a montage of the best scenes - it lasts a little over a minute! 1 stars
4/24/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) I'm a bartender, and if I were to pull some of these hijinks I'd be SO out on my arse... 3 stars
4/20/01 i love movies SHOWGIRLS without the jiggly! how bad can it get? 1 stars
4/16/01 Tam Cute, entertaining film with amazing bar scenes but a predictable plot. Kevin is sooo sexy! 4 stars
4/03/01 AgentDS It's entertaining and the soundtrack rocks! It's a really long video. 4 stars
3/09/01 Jake Yeah, a gem of a film. Not! 1 stars
2/15/01 Kasha I've already seen it twelve times and still love it. 5 stars
1/29/01 Nic Overall, just a great movie. I'd watch it again and again! 5 stars
1/22/01 The Bomb 69 mildly entertaining, except when she sang, ewwww!!!! 3 stars
12/08/00 Jon Wendt It's terrible 1 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla want tits and ass, get a porno, want musical, get west side story, but don't get this shit 1 stars
11/21/00 Kim I loved this movie, it was cute and innocent and definately worth buying 5 stars
9/06/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble Saw this flick with a chick. She hated it. 2 stars
8/23/00 Jon Wendt Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen 1 stars
8/14/00 TimmyToday PG-13! Not enough, 1 stars
8/10/00 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi If you're simply looking to kill a couple of hours, this is the way to do it... 3 stars
8/09/00 Poetcdh Good music, good looking stars-what's not to like 5 stars
8/09/00 PJ I volunteer this as the worst film of 2000, even worse than Battlefield Earth, suckarama!!! 1 stars
8/09/00 Manda The entire theatre was clapping and laughing with the movie. I'm going to buy this one. 5 stars
8/08/00 ibspoof As a guy I enjoyed it. 4 stars
8/08/00 Heather Keith script is rough, but very well acted 4 stars
8/07/00 **~**Persnickety**~** ok pretty lame, you can call every shot in this one 2 stars
8/07/00 bobbuttons goodman good, piper hot, tyra not. better than expected 4 stars
8/07/00 Cam A bar and hot as hell chicks wearing tighter than hell clothing. Mushy subplot for the g/f 5 stars
8/06/00 The Rock Better than the other releases...a real surprise 4 stars
8/06/00 silas without seeing this movie you'll notice that its unoriginal and proprietary(sp?) bullshit 1 stars
8/06/00 bullit17 Formulaic and not very original. But still entertaining and VERY easy on the eyes 4 stars
8/06/00 clark move over Natalie, here comes PIPER! 5 stars
8/04/00 Pub Crawler Total shallow boring poorly-made poorly-acted not even any nudity. soft core bullshit 1 stars
8/04/00 TimmyToday And I quote: "Less artsy more fartsy." 2 stars
8/03/00 Jokko Coyote Stupid. Tyra has 2 mins. of screen time, BTW. John Goodman is quite good. 2 stars
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  04-Aug-2000 (PG-13)
  DVD: 07-Jun-2005


  01-Jan-2001 (M)

Directed by
  David McNally

Written by
  Gina Wendkos
  Kevin Smith

  Piper Perabo
  Adam Alexi-Malle
  Tyra Banks
  Maria Bello
  Adam Garcia

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