Worth A Look: 0.87%
Pretty Bad: 12.14%
Total Crap: 82.37%
13 reviews, 268 user ratings
if your stoned. Or you watch it with the commentary. Or watch the commentary whilst stoned. IT'S A COMIC BOOK!!!!!No, seriously.
"Ya know, this movie isn't really that bad..."
If you hadn't heard, Battlefield Earth is based on the book by L. Ron Hubbard. Another popular sci-fi creation of his was Scientology.
Battlefield Earth takes place in our future. The Pyschlons attacked Earth and defeated us in 9 minutes. Remember that. So humanity was driven to caves and as slaves by the Pyschlons.
Out in the caves, Johnnie(Barry Pepper) is restless. He leaves his girl and tribe to explore. There's an hilarious scene involving a puttputt park. Johnnie meets up with some other guys and the Psychlons attack. They take Johnnie back, try to train him to find gold(why a civilization more advanced than us needs puny humans instead of using a big machine is beyond me) and we meet Terl(John Travolta in a breakthrough role-breakthrough my buzz and kill it) and Ker(Forest Whitaker), the alien Security Chief of Earth and his assistant.
They feel Johnnie looks smart for a human and put him in this machine that teaches him basically...everything. About us and the Psychlos. He gets the humans together, steals gold from Fort Knox, teaches other men to fly Harrier jets(and unlike what someone said below-Harriers are used by the US marines. Now whether or not the marines keep them at an ARMY base, i don't know). They plan to send a nuclear bomb through the teleport thing and blow up Psycho. And they do manage to do it. Yea for our side.
Phew. Do you realize how hard i worked to make that piece of shit plot sound even remotely possible? Who ever said "Gee, Mr. Travolta, that sounds like a great movie." should be killed.
Like i said earlier, i watched the movie and then watched it with the commentary. I gotta give the director a little bit of credit for trying to explain the movie somewhat. Like the camera angles. Look at a few scenes and you will see almost all shots are dutch-that is crooked. You know why? Because it is a comic book story and all comics are crookedly framed. Not really. It's a nice try but anyone thats read more than a handful of comics knows better. And the reason he gives for the Psychlo huge ass feet is that their planet has a higher gravity. Back to the comic thing, if Psychlo has a stronger gravity, they would fly. duh.
Little things like that can be explained in the book, but in a movie you are better off leaving it alone than having guys whose boots are as long as their legs. And Mr Director, hears an idea-don't let the stars make your movie. There's a scene with Travolta and his wife, Kelly Preston, that they came up with.
At the end, Johnnie gives a speech that Barry Pepper himself wrote! If you are gonna put in the small stuff that needs explanation because it's in the book, don't let the hired help write the dialogue!
Back to the nine minute decimation of the Earth, how can the Pyschlons be defeated by cavemen with a few days simulator experience flying Harriers?
Mr. Travolta. -sigh- You stank.
How hard is it to stick to one dialect? He speaks with a prissy tone. He speaks with a southern accent. He speaks with a boston accent.
Forest Whitaker is a tree. I've never cared for his work. In Good Morning Vietnam he could. not. stop. talking. like this.
And i hated Ghost Dog. That bit hard.
I hear you asking, was there anything good here?
The computer effects were nice. And the chick that played Johnnie's girl was really hot.
But Neither of these makes it worthwhile.In parting; Mr. Travolta-let someone come up with ideas, you just act; Forest-that's two strikes; Barry Pepper-sorry son, stick to supporting roles; Mr. Roger Christian(director)-go back to being Lucas' bitch, you might learn something; the guy that said yes=DIEDIEDIE!; you the movie goer- AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!!!
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1975&reviewer=8
originally posted: 02/28/01 11:14:49