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Overall Rating
2.6

Awesome: 10%
Worth A Look: 16.67%
Average: 30%
Pretty Bad: 10%
Total Crap33.33%

1 review, 24 user ratings


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Flintstones, The
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by the Grinch

"About as much fun as passing a few flintstones..."
1 stars

...and I'm not talking vitamins here. In the long list of "Movies that didn't need to be made", you will not find 'The Flintstones'...rather, you'll find it in the 'Movies that make one subscribe to Guns'n'Ammo while repeating the mantra 'I am the Angel of Death, and today is the day of Reckoning!'" list...

I used to believe, in my more idealistic and naive days, that Steven Spielberg was immune to the evil force that had overtaken George Lukeass...this was of course before 'The Flintstones' and the kinder, gentler re-release of 'ET: the Emasculated Terrestrial'.

Running at around 90 minutes, the Flintstones spends about 80 minutes or so on tired pre-historic puns, like a restaraunt chain called "RockDonald's" instead of McDonald's, soap operas called "The Young and the Thumbless" instead of "Young and the Restless", etc...wukka wukka. Will someone please engage in some altered states and bludgeon these writers with a baby seal club? The only thing missing is the lame laugh-track from the original (and I use the term loosely) 60's cartoon, but I guess
even dead-people-in-a-can couldn't find this funny. Kids sure won't, as many of the jokes are horrible references to stuff that'll make any kid smart enough to get them the automatic target of multiple wedgies. Any adult that finds humor in naming a character "Rosetta Stone" can put themselves down for some nuclear noogie patrols from me as well. While most of the movie is spent on pterodactyl poop jokes and CGI shitfests, the remainder is spent on the plot-line, which took the efforts of around 30 writers and re-writes...as if Hanna Barbera ever put as much effort into the cartoon's entire run! Kyle McLachlan looks really hungry as Fred's boss Cliff Vandercave, who along with Rosetta Stone (Halle Berry), dupe Fred into taking the fall for a corporate bilking that would make Enron proud. Meanwhile, the Rubbles have trouble conceiving, thus making adoption necessary...I guess Barney's got some sedentary boulders or something, because I see no point in this whole sub-plot other than to introduce the characters of Bam-Bam and Pebbles, who suck here even more than they did in the cartoon.

Oh, but the special effects and set designs are so meticulous! Yeah, my great-aunt is pretty meticulous about making peanut brittle, that doesn't make it edible.

Additionally, any movie that gives gainful employment to Rosie O'Donnell automatically gets one star deducted...two stars if the movie happens to star both Rosey O'Donnell and Rosey Perez in speaking roles. Rosey O stars as Betty Rubble, which makes about as much sense as casting Marlon Brando in 'Thinner'. Come on, Betty Rubble was a RAKE, not a freakin' LEAF BLOWER! And it's the diametric opposite with the gangly Rick Moranis, who plays the originally stocky blockhead Barney Rubble. Rick Moranis should've been credited as 'Dick More-anus', because he looks like a gay swedish pornstar in this movie. They can bleach his hair all they want, it makes him look more like Barney Rentboy than Barney Rubble. Halle Berry can surely sport a pelt with the best of them, but is the fact that she went on to score an Oscar proof that God is a forgiving god? Forgiving maybe, but surely not just. John Goodman does a good impersonation of Roseanne's husband Dan doing Fred Flintstone....this is truly his best work since the brilliant laugh-fest that was 'King Ralph'.

Anyways, I have to ask this one question: Why the hell even MAKE these types of movies? Is the industry so hard up for material that is has to resort to cannabalizing cartoons that weren't all that good to begin with? Yes, it's epiphany time: THE FLINTSTONES WERE A CHEAP ANIMATED RIPOFF OF THE HONEYMOONERS! And Scooby Doo regurgitated the same insipid storyline and cheap animation....Gee, I wonder which barrel Shaggy and Scoob are hiding under? Could it be the barrel that's shaded different because the Hanna Barbara animators were too cheap to do multiple cels for all the barrels? I mean, really, what's next, a live action 'Thundar the Barbarian' starring The Rock? Demon dogs!

Someone please find whoever's responsible and press them with stones...Flint or otherwise, doesn't make much difference to me.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=2160&reviewer=156
originally posted: 06/19/02 10:56:34
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User Comments

4/27/16 Ken It was okay. Rosie O'Donnell should've not played Betty at all. 3 stars
3/19/10 PAUL SHORTT SILLY AND UNFUNNY 2 stars
2/06/10 Jeff Wilder Casting good. But undone by weak script. 2 stars
5/07/07 David Pollastrini Would've been better without Rosie O'Donnel 3 stars
10/31/05 Mike A surprisingly comic performance is given by Elizabeth Taylor, a fun movie. 4 stars
7/22/05 tony Awsome.No question about it! The Best Family Film! 5 stars
3/07/05 Jeff Anderson Not that bad & Goodman is a perfect & spirited Fred Flintstone, but film is nothing special 3 stars
1/21/04 John absolutely terrible - too bad! 1 stars
12/10/03 Samuel Silly..Some cartoons deserve to come life, the flinstones was one of them, but its ruined!! 2 stars
7/12/03 Farnq Y Total craP 1 stars
7/12/03 Tenlinkoz What the.....? 1 stars
11/24/01 Andrew Carden Totally Underrated and Very Funny Movie. 5 stars
9/11/01 Butterbean Why the fuck was O'Donnel cast as Betty? Other than that, it was okay 3 stars
8/30/01 Henry Ginsberg Great cast. 4 stars
8/10/01 Mr. Hat Fun. 4 stars
5/10/01 Monster W. Kung I expected worse (not that it's good by any chance). 3 stars
4/16/01 I love movies great movie! filled with endless sight gags and nice humor 5 stars
11/14/00 The EVIL Penguin the same feel of the animated series; lovely 3 stars
9/24/00 Jed Overall good & underrated movie though see the sequel errr....prequel 4 stars
3/19/00 David Rogers Though it wasn't as funny as i'd hoped, it followed the cartoon well. 3 stars
2/25/00 Bozo Its fun if you're in the mood & you're not expecting "Dr. Zhivago" 4 stars
11/29/99 Crystal Fleming Good sets but boring 3 stars
10/29/99 Lame-Oh okay for this type of movie. 3 stars
9/17/99 strike The baddest example of T.V. shows made into movies. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-May-1994 (PG)

UK
  02-Feb-1995 (PG)

Australia
  02-Feb-1995 (PG)




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