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Overall Rating

Awesome: 2.86%
Worth A Look: 5.71%
Average: 27.14%
Pretty Bad: 24.29%
Total Crap40%

5 reviews, 40 user ratings

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by Scott Weinberg

"If a movie entitled 'Bats' sounds good to you, then rent this."
2 stars

I like watching people get eaten. In addition to porn, I also like watching people get eaten by monsters. Pick your phylum, it's all good: rats, bats, cats, gnats, snails, quails, gerbils in the habitrails, germs, worms, alien sperms, hares, bears, or people from under the stairs. If somone's getting bit, watch where I'll sit.

OK, enough free-form poetry. Let's talk. I like movies where people get killed in bizarre and silly ways. Take the movie Bats for example. It has actors in it. Most of them converse for a while, and then lots of them get killed by bats. The killing occasionally flares up now and again, but there's an explosion at the end, and the easily-pleased are once again.....easily pleased.

What makes Bats different from say, oh I don't know....Frogs, Ants, Bees or Lawyers? Well, there's a real lot of plot exposition involving doody. Bat doody, to be precise. (and here I thought Ace Ventura had all the best 'guano' gags.) And there's comic relief, of course. (He's skinny and black, which I found a refreshing change of pace.)

When reading about a movie like Bats, people generally want to know two things: Are there cool killings, and do any actors I know humiliate themselves? Yes on both counts here. Although most of the attack scenes look like they were filmed in a loud closet, there are a few nasty scenes. I recommend (well--'recommend' is a relative term here) the R-rated version available on DVD. It has a few extra blood spurts, and I feel that alone is worth the purchase of a $200 DVD player.

Lou Diamond Philips appears to be the sidekick waiting for the hero to show up. But he was game. He always is. He lives from check to check, guys. He was in Young Guns. Cut him some slack. Dina Meyer is cute as the world's cutest bat-ologist. Leon (no last name necessary for such a big star) mumbles a lot as the aforementioned thin person, and Bob (the meanie from Patch Adams) Gunton is an evil scientist who gets his but good.

A step above Lake Placid thanks to a higher body count. A step below Deep Blue Sea because sharks are cooler than bats. A step below Anaconda because it wasn't nearly as funny, and a step above Chariots of Fire, because bats biting through people is cooler than running.

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originally posted: 02/29/00 20:48:49
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User Comments

10/07/08 Shaun Wallner Boring!! 1 stars
4/24/07 David Risser A big waste of time, not worth watching. Boring, stupid, rediculous, you get my point. 1 stars
4/02/07 brent gerald mejia sr. HIGH QUALITY STUFF! Isn't it? 4 stars
11/05/06 cody a pretty bad creature flick with few good points and decent visuals effects. 2 stars
9/05/05 tony SHITSHITSHIT. just a waste of time. I hope there is a rating below total crap for this one 1 stars
8/18/05 ES I didn't hate it, but I haven't recommended it either 3 stars
12/05/04 gerbilerba I blow farts more interesting than this gagathon 2 stars
7/03/04 American Slasher Goddess Watchable and it has a nice pace to it, but it climaxes too early. 3 stars
4/17/04 Vicious I was sick and there was nothing else on. 2 stars
4/07/04 Sig MY GOD! What a flaming peice of dog shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
1/05/04 DM John Lyrik, you are totally correct 1 stars
4/17/03 Jon "Thumb the Toad" Lyrik What a stupid piece of shit! But it is SO damn funny. 3 stars
4/09/03 Jack Sommersby Slight but pretty decent. The two agreeable help. 3 stars
4/02/03 Zach Fun. Romeo y Julietas! 4 stars
2/25/03 D I have seen worse. It needed work 3 stars
12/09/02 Luke Warren I personally thought that the film was great. It was funny and people died in funny ways. 4 stars
8/26/02 Sucks All the Ass on Earth krash, everyone's so harsh because it's the worst, stupidest shit movie ever made, goddamit 1 stars
8/19/02 Kurt Dina Meyer is hot. Too bad this movie isn't. 2 stars
7/30/02 Charles Tatum If you like this, you haven't seen many movies 1 stars
5/11/02 Kyle Because it fucking sucks. Now shut up, and go to hell. 1 stars
1/07/02 krash why is everyone harsh to this film? 5 stars
9/25/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Riddle me this, riddle me that... Why does it have to be crap!!! 2 stars
5/16/01 Rampage Whoever rates this high is a dumbass! And that means Ken Krysa! Dirtbag! 1 stars
10/09/00 Ground Zero Great, another X-Files ripoff. Why do this? 1 stars
8/24/00 Elvisfan Much better than "Lake Placid" & "Deep Blue Sea"; I've been more bored at a movie 3 stars
6/27/00 Ulatekk Urge to spew too great.... Just awful! 1 stars
6/13/00 Dimlight In the top 10 of the worst movies of the '90s. 1 stars
6/12/00 MR joel harwood I would wait for VIDEO 1 stars
4/29/00 Pansy Simply said: Boring. Really boring. 1 stars
2/29/00 Ken Krysa Kick Ass. Who cares what or why the bats kill. As long as thres action and blood! 4 stars
2/11/00 Kyle Broflovski Did I actually watch this? GAWD, what was I thinking??? 1 stars
11/11/99 blue b. Why the hell would bats want to kill humans? This movie fuckin sucks! 1 stars
11/10/99 Ryan Philippe gets hit by a car and it rules Dude, Bats is a true story. Lou Diamond Phillips was playing me only I totally scored! 5 stars
11/01/99 Vampyre9mm why!?! 1 stars
10/27/99 Mr Showbiz A watchable, if forgettable creature feature. 3 stars
10/25/99 bullit17 I got in for free so I couldn't demand my money back. 1 stars
10/25/99 focus worse than Hitchcock's classic, Birds 1 stars
10/24/99 Lame-Oh shit 1 stars
10/23/99 Miguel 90 min of my life I can't get back...need I say more 1 stars
10/23/99 Ben Ryan Ok, the only decent thing here is the timing with Halloween... 1 stars
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  22-Oct-1999 (PG-13)
  DVD: 27-May-2003



Directed by
  Louis Morneau

Written by
  John Logan

  Lou Diamond Phillips
  Dina Meyer
  Bob Gunton
  Carlos Jacott
  David McConnell

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