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Overall Rating

Awesome: 4.27%
Worth A Look: 7.69%
Average: 16.24%
Pretty Bad: 11.97%
Total Crap59.83%

3 reviews, 99 user ratings

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Jaws 3-D
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by Scott Weinberg

"Try to mention this movie to someone while keeping a straight face."
1 stars

Ah, the early eighties. Back then, some genius thought that 3-D needed to make a comeback. Amityville 3-D, Friday the 13th Part 3-D, Demi Moore in Parasite in 3-D! Find me a more vast wasteland of cinematic swill than the early eighties 3-D revival. Treasures of the Four Crowns, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, and the aptly titled Comin' At Ya! All in 3-D and I saw every single one. Yep, going to the movies was pretty damn scary back in 1983.

When you're pushing out yet another sequel to a movie that was never even meant to have one, you better find a way to make your movie something different. It has to somehow gel with the two prior movies, and still distinguish itself from the series at the same time. Like the bittersweet closure offered in Return of the Jedi or the interesting new directions taken as in Back to the Future 3 or Police Academy 3: Back in Training. So by a sequel 'distinguishing itself', it's safe to assume I'm not talking about making a switch to 3-D!

Universal wants a new Jaws movie at the same time 3-D is all of a sudden back in style. You do the math. For a director, they insisted on the best. They got someone named Joe Alves. Heck - Joe had been a production designer for both Jaws AND Jaws 2! This would be his first directorial effort, and curiously enough his last. They also needed a solid screenwriter. They got a guy called Carl Gottlieb. Carl had co-written Jaws 2 and also wrote the screenplay for Caveman, which consisted solely of grunts and nonsensical babble-words. Surely this guy could write Jaws 3-D. By the way, Carl hasn't written a script since Jaws 3-D.

They needed actors.. They got Dennis Quaid, who was obviosuly too young to say no to a movie with the phrase "3-D" in the title. (Dennis would star in The Right Stuff later the same year, and would always refer to this movie as "Jaws what? Aw, I was drunk.") Bess Armstrong plays his girlfriend, and she's as bland here as she was with Tom Selleck in High Road to China and as dull as she was with Tom Hanks in Nothing in Common.

Lou Gossett Jr. is on hand, but we are talking about 1983. He was in everything. Heck, he was on hand for all FOUR Iron Eagle movies. Let's say just say he was not picky about his scripts. A young and cute Lea Thompson shows up for a bit, and I've always had a little crush on Lea, from movies like Some Kind of Wonderful and Red Dawn, so I'll lay off. Heck - It was her first movie! Plus she was in Howard the Duck, so I assume her life has been difficult enough.

We all know how the original Jaws went: Shark shows up in a populated area and the result was one of the most entertaining movies ever made. When they churned out the first sequel, they tried (somewhat successfully) to erase the whole concept of the incredible coincidence of the whole "shark" situation. Jaws 2 is a pretty silly movie and of course doesn't hold a candle to the original, but I can easily recommend that movie as mindless fun.

But Jaws 3.

It's just awful. This time, there's a shark trapped somewhere in a Sea World park, and the shoddy script attempts to extract some suspense from that. Considering that people don't really swim in parks like these, the whole concept of scaring the average moviegoer is pretty much ruined from the word Go. To be completely fair, there is an ample amount of carnage, as when the shark attacks a bunch of water-skiing pyramid-girls, before turning his sights on a group of toddlers frolicking in the shallow end.

This movie introduced the concept of a shark 'getting even' with man. It also introduced 3-D shots of fake looking sharks in your face and also dismembered arms floating right into your popcorn. Fun. At least we can be grateful to movies like this one, since it's a safe bet we won't see another 3-D resurgence for at least another 25 years. I hope.

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originally posted: 10/14/00 09:44:31
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User Comments

3/13/17 morris campbell DUMB SORRY SEQUEL 1 stars
11/06/14 Mario is the Best I hate this. Jaws really jumped the shark. 1 stars
8/07/14 David Hollingsworth Jumped the shark to say the least. 1 stars
2/07/13 Kcaj Pretty dumb. Shouldnt have been made 2 stars
12/11/12 Jamie Awesome in 3D, but not as good in standard. 5 stars
11/02/11 Robert stevenson By far the worst film of the series absolutely shocking total crap 1 stars
7/10/11 Jennifer Barr loved the 3d 4 stars
6/21/10 Sarah Webster Better than the original. It's a classic in film making. 5 stars
3/13/10 mr.mike So bad it's NOT good 1 stars
8/27/09 Bri I thi 3 stars
1/08/09 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
12/29/08 Nick mediocre for the first half, terrible for the last half. growling shark/effects ruined it 2 stars
7/21/07 Sharkwatcher How does mommy shark know, baby shark's dead? Confusing story, but than JAWS 4 4 stars
3/11/07 brent gerald mejia sr.a a really silly movie 1 stars
2/03/07 Vip Ebriega A bit better than 2, and way better than 4. 3 stars
9/25/06 David Pollastrini HORRIBLE, ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE 1 stars
8/10/06 Dragon The Artist Total CHEESEFEST, a trip to FAKESVILLE, but campy fun. 2 stars
6/28/06 joe koski hate jaws 2 ,jaws 3 is ok 3 stars
5/24/06 Poof No where near good enough 3 stars
5/07/06 Fruit-Loop The plot improved from Jaws 2. C+ 3 stars
4/22/06 Jack Better than number 2. No more than a C 3 stars
3/10/06 Dk Better than number two but miles of the classic original 2 stars
2/13/06 Anthony Feor This is the way you make a sequel, if you're a dumbass 1 stars
1/28/06 JM Synth Actually the 1st 2 were PG as well, but its still crap. Would love to see it in 3D though 1 stars
1/18/06 Quigley the worst film made. the shark was so FAKE! nothing scary here just a feel-good 80s comedy 1 stars
12/21/05 miss patience 5 i think it does not ruin the jaws reputation, it is a great shark flickand lm only 11 4 stars
11/24/05 cr a ok sequel with a good ending, but cheesie special effects hurt it but l like its jaws 3 stars
10/09/05 Keith Robey Personally, I considered this film this film the BEST of the Jaws franchise. 3 stars
9/02/05 Eden I suppose you could watch it to laugh at it 1 stars
8/16/05 ES Pre-dragonheart Quaid shows us he jumped the shark before his career ever started= blah 1 stars
8/15/05 Monster W. Kung Pure shit. Not scary, not funny, not entertaining. Just painful. 1 stars
7/08/05 Burt Ward The best movie ever made. 5 stars
7/01/05 bess armstrong fuckin a 5 stars
6/16/05 Jeff Anderson COMPLETE DRECK & IN LOUSY 3-D! Quaid & Gossett Jr., what in the hell were you thinking! 1 stars
6/09/05 me fuckin' 3-D sharks...just fucking...lame. 1 stars
5/28/05 tony NO NO NO NO NO! it has to end. the people are ruining the reputation of the jaws films 1 stars
4/26/05 E-FUNK Sets you up for the cinematic eye-fucking that is Jaws: The Revenge. Watch while drunk. 2 stars
4/20/05 josh scofield good 3 stars
4/15/05 Chris Frint Total piece of shit 1 stars
3/31/05 Richard Box what a crock of shit ! is this the worst sequel ever ? alot worse than pt4. 1 stars
11/14/04 X $ % & ! Wow, this is CRAP! 1 stars
11/13/04 Jack Sommersby What the fuck? 1 stars
10/29/04 stephen the worst shit i,ve ever seen 1 stars
7/19/04 Benjamin Petrofsky Best of the sequells, but not as good as the first 4 stars
7/05/04 JimmyC Why??? 1 stars
7/03/04 American Slasher Goddess It felt like 90 minutes of advertisement for Sea World 1 stars
6/03/04 Mr. me :( 1 stars
5/11/04 Me Ack! Garbage!!! 1 stars
3/20/04 Jack-pyschO-Lantern This is a peice of FLAMING DOG-SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
2/07/04 c.r This movie wasn't all that bad,it good scenes showing inside the sharks mouth, visual hurt! 3 stars
1/21/04 lukeee total crap 1 stars
11/30/03 Emanuel McGee Really Fake Shark!!! 2 stars
11/30/03 jmsynth Probably played great at the cinema w/3D effects. But now only shown on TV/Video so... 1 stars
11/28/03 john a "good bad movie?" maybe... enjoyable with a good sense of humor 2 stars
11/28/03 alien assassin How dare they denigrate a classic thriller with this crappy sequel !!! 1 stars
9/14/03 mike This movies is bad, the video store should pay me for renting it. 1 stars
9/08/03 Sugarfoot Stinks worse then a rotten fish! 1 stars
8/21/03 Eva Ha it was o.k 3 stars
8/15/03 Double G eeeeeeeeeeeeeekayyyyyyyyyyyyy 1 stars
8/11/03 The Savage everyone in this movie should be forced to shoot themselves 1 stars
7/14/03 Derek Gustufson This movie did have some exciting sceens but the shark was the fakest thing since King Kong 2 stars
7/09/03 Kent An entertaining and funny sharkmovie 3 stars
5/30/03 Robert I feel sorry for Steven Speilberg putting so much effort into Jaws to be ruined 1 stars
5/12/03 Dan Shick Holy crap! The writers should be tied to a post and burned alive! 1 stars
3/20/03 Jack Sommersby Bad, but it's not terrible enough to be disreputable. 2 stars
1/30/03 s.c a good shark attack flim! 4 stars
12/25/02 marty t up the ra IRA amazing pure quality the best movie i have ever seen 5 stars
12/18/02 C.reeves A great visual effects and scary 4 stars
11/20/02 Nevz C'mon guys, it's not thaaat bad! 3 stars
10/22/02 Charles Tatum One of the last nails in the new 3-D rave 1 stars
8/24/02 Joke's On You Fuck off Jerry Williams! This is greater than that snatch-trap "Citizen Kang" fuck me ass! 2 stars
8/16/02 Scott Pretty fricking dumb. Actually, it sucked monkey ass. 2 stars
8/16/02 Shaun just saw it at a screening in 3-D, and its much better than at home, but still poopy 3 stars
7/31/02 tony obeid fun and scarey 4 stars
4/15/02 Jerry Williams Dave says that Jaws 3 is better than the original. I say that he's a fucking crackhead! 1 stars
4/06/02 Tony Obeid good effects 4 stars
4/04/02 cat in the same boat as Jason 3D, why not include glasses with the video, huh? 3 stars
2/02/02 DAVID what a total waste of good green cash 1 stars
11/03/01 HM3 Not nearly as bad as it's made out to be. Actually, a decent monster movie. 3 stars
10/23/01 Tam Totally fake with OTT special effects and hammy acting. Cheesier than a Swiss fondue. 1 stars
10/15/01 Steven Williams THE FAKEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!!!!! 1 stars
10/07/01 jawsboy Average movie with average acting, neat looking shark, but a bad script and bad effects. 3 stars
9/23/01 Monster W. Kung Jesus Christ! Vomit-inducingly bad. Not even funny bad, just crap. 1 stars
8/07/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Yawn, snore. Wake me up when the credits start. 2 stars
8/06/01 E-Funk Wow...I guess third times a fuck-up, eh? 2 stars
7/12/01 Brody C'mon, it's fun. Lousy fx, but it's still a killer shark and this time it's at Sea World! 4 stars
7/03/01 Boomshanka Man was this shit hokey. Not a patch on the original. 1 stars
2/15/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) Where's Bruce when you need him?? 1 stars
1/15/01 Sklorsh Lets face it, this is one terrible movie. But hey, it's better than Jaws 4 2 stars
12/13/00 psychocuda They could've at least made the shark look scary. The only scary thing was I paid $3.50 1 stars
12/08/00 Cristopher Revilla thats the fakest fucking shark i've ever seen!!! 1 stars
11/27/00 The Bomb 69 ????????????????? 1 stars
11/25/00 The Evil Penguin a dumb, stinky film 1 stars
8/23/00 zall all the jaws films were crap 1 stars
5/12/00 Steve Layne As a kid I liked this better than other jaws movie. But now Its not neary as good as 1 & 2 3 stars
3/09/00 David Rogers This is where Jaws took a huge plunge in the drink. 3 stars
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  22-Jul-1983 (PG)


  22-Jul-1983 (MA)

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