As if we needed another Jaws movie, somebody had the bright idea to make just that, only in 3-D. 3-FUCKING-D, are you god damn motherfucking kidding me? Only Joe Alves and Carl Gottlieb remained from the original Jaws team; Alves was a production designer and Gottlieb one of the original screenwriters (he wrote Jaws 2). I guess Alves thought he could direct a movie and Gottlieb could write a script all on his own. They didn’t…Who remains from the Brody clan? Oh yeah, the Brody kids Michael (Dennis Quaid) and Sean (John Putch) and their respective babes Kathryn (Bess Armstrong) and Kelly (Leah Thompson). They work at Sea World San Diego under the command of director Calvin Bouchard (Louis Gossett Jr.) and then suddenly, a baby Great White shark is caught after a scuba diver is eaten. But now mama shark is pissed, and wants his young and goes on to destroy the goddamn underwater amusement park... And shoul’ve eaten this damn piece of shit in the first place.
How Dennis Quaid managed to survive this career bust is beyond me; this is such an unoriginal, laughable, cringe inducing piece of shit, even much worse since this damn thing was shot on 3-D, and 3-D was such a bullshit technique that it doesn’t even exist today, at least in movies. And thanks to this the shark looks fake, not to mention that it IS fake. The FX is so lame and since its 3-D they’re even lamer. Seeing the shark punch through a huge-ass window where the control room is and later seeing the fucker explode and watching those layers of teeth float around the screen made my head ache. And don’t get me started on Lea Thompson’s eating scene and that last scene where that diver is still alive enough INSIDE THAT FUCKER’S MOUTH THAT HE STRETCHES OUT A FUCKING GRENADE??!!!
Not to mention that the story is totally LAME. Its bullshit and it’s full of more holes than your average drain cover, full of sexual innuendo minus the actual sex. The whole setting is totally absurd. And that underwater museum or whatever the fuck that was is getting smashed by a fucking shark? Gimme a fucking break will you? I can see the shark busting wood, but LEAD BOLTS AND PILLARS? And in the process, it ends up demonizing the shark’s image adding the whole “shark getting even with man” which is a totally putrid statement that makes me ill since it wasn’t ANYWHERE AT ALL where the original went.
Don’t start with me in the acting, EVERYONE WAS CRAP, even Quaid and Louis Gossett Jr.In the end, what’s there to say? It’s a putrid pile of shit which effectively killed or should I say maimed almost fatally the Jaws franchise. But the coup de grace wouldn’t come until the next release. 0-5