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Overall Rating
1.85

Awesome: 4.27%
Worth A Look: 7.69%
Average: 16.24%
Pretty Bad: 11.97%
Total Crap59.83%

3 reviews, 99 user ratings


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Jaws 3-D
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by Slyder

"3D = 3 times as dumb"
1 stars

As if we needed another Jaws movie, somebody had the bright idea to make just that, only in 3-D. 3-FUCKING-D, are you god damn motherfucking kidding me? Only Joe Alves and Carl Gottlieb remained from the original Jaws team; Alves was a production designer and Gottlieb one of the original screenwriters (he wrote Jaws 2). I guess Alves thought he could direct a movie and Gottlieb could write a script all on his own. They didn’t…

Who remains from the Brody clan? Oh yeah, the Brody kids Michael (Dennis Quaid) and Sean (John Putch) and their respective babes Kathryn (Bess Armstrong) and Kelly (Leah Thompson). They work at Sea World San Diego under the command of director Calvin Bouchard (Louis Gossett Jr.) and then suddenly, a baby Great White shark is caught after a scuba diver is eaten. But now mama shark is pissed, and wants his young and goes on to destroy the goddamn underwater amusement park... And shoul’ve eaten this damn piece of shit in the first place.

How Dennis Quaid managed to survive this career bust is beyond me; this is such an unoriginal, laughable, cringe inducing piece of shit, even much worse since this damn thing was shot on 3-D, and 3-D was such a bullshit technique that it doesn’t even exist today, at least in movies. And thanks to this the shark looks fake, not to mention that it IS fake. The FX is so lame and since its 3-D they’re even lamer. Seeing the shark punch through a huge-ass window where the control room is and later seeing the fucker explode and watching those layers of teeth float around the screen made my head ache. And don’t get me started on Lea Thompson’s eating scene and that last scene where that diver is still alive enough INSIDE THAT FUCKER’S MOUTH THAT HE STRETCHES OUT A FUCKING GRENADE??!!!

Not to mention that the story is totally LAME. Its bullshit and it’s full of more holes than your average drain cover, full of sexual innuendo minus the actual sex. The whole setting is totally absurd. And that underwater museum or whatever the fuck that was is getting smashed by a fucking shark? Gimme a fucking break will you? I can see the shark busting wood, but LEAD BOLTS AND PILLARS? And in the process, it ends up demonizing the shark’s image adding the whole “shark getting even with man” which is a totally putrid statement that makes me ill since it wasn’t ANYWHERE AT ALL where the original went.

Don’t start with me in the acting, EVERYONE WAS CRAP, even Quaid and Louis Gossett Jr.

In the end, what’s there to say? It’s a putrid pile of shit which effectively killed or should I say maimed almost fatally the Jaws franchise. But the coup de grace wouldn’t come until the next release. 0-5

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=2300&reviewer=235
originally posted: 11/13/04 08:33:04
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User Comments

3/13/17 morris campbell DUMB SORRY SEQUEL 1 stars
11/06/14 Mario is the Best I hate this. Jaws really jumped the shark. 1 stars
8/07/14 David Hollingsworth Jumped the shark to say the least. 1 stars
2/07/13 Kcaj Pretty dumb. Shouldnt have been made 2 stars
12/11/12 Jamie Awesome in 3D, but not as good in standard. 5 stars
11/02/11 Robert stevenson By far the worst film of the series absolutely shocking total crap 1 stars
7/10/11 Jennifer Barr loved the 3d 4 stars
6/21/10 Sarah Webster Better than the original. It's a classic in film making. 5 stars
3/13/10 mr.mike So bad it's NOT good 1 stars
8/27/09 Bri I thi 3 stars
1/08/09 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
12/29/08 Nick mediocre for the first half, terrible for the last half. growling shark/effects ruined it 2 stars
7/21/07 Sharkwatcher How does mommy shark know, baby shark's dead? Confusing story, but than JAWS 4 4 stars
3/11/07 brent gerald mejia sr.a a really silly movie 1 stars
2/03/07 Vip Ebriega A bit better than 2, and way better than 4. 3 stars
9/25/06 David Pollastrini HORRIBLE, ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE 1 stars
8/10/06 Dragon The Artist Total CHEESEFEST, a trip to FAKESVILLE, but campy fun. 2 stars
6/28/06 joe koski hate jaws 2 ,jaws 3 is ok 3 stars
5/24/06 Poof No where near good enough 3 stars
5/07/06 Fruit-Loop The plot improved from Jaws 2. C+ 3 stars
4/22/06 Jack Better than number 2. No more than a C 3 stars
3/10/06 Dk Better than number two but miles of the classic original 2 stars
2/13/06 Anthony Feor This is the way you make a sequel, if you're a dumbass 1 stars
1/28/06 JM Synth Actually the 1st 2 were PG as well, but its still crap. Would love to see it in 3D though 1 stars
1/18/06 Quigley the worst film made. the shark was so FAKE! nothing scary here just a feel-good 80s comedy 1 stars
12/21/05 miss patience 5 i think it does not ruin the jaws reputation, it is a great shark flickand lm only 11 4 stars
11/24/05 cr a ok sequel with a good ending, but cheesie special effects hurt it but l like its jaws 3 stars
10/09/05 Keith Robey Personally, I considered this film this film the BEST of the Jaws franchise. 3 stars
9/02/05 Eden I suppose you could watch it to laugh at it 1 stars
8/16/05 ES Pre-dragonheart Quaid shows us he jumped the shark before his career ever started= blah 1 stars
8/15/05 Monster W. Kung Pure shit. Not scary, not funny, not entertaining. Just painful. 1 stars
7/08/05 Burt Ward The best movie ever made. 5 stars
7/01/05 bess armstrong fuckin a 5 stars
6/16/05 Jeff Anderson COMPLETE DRECK & IN LOUSY 3-D! Quaid & Gossett Jr., what in the hell were you thinking! 1 stars
6/09/05 me fuckin' 3-D sharks...just fucking...lame. 1 stars
5/28/05 tony NO NO NO NO NO! it has to end. the people are ruining the reputation of the jaws films 1 stars
4/26/05 E-FUNK Sets you up for the cinematic eye-fucking that is Jaws: The Revenge. Watch while drunk. 2 stars
4/20/05 josh scofield good 3 stars
4/15/05 Chris Frint Total piece of shit 1 stars
3/31/05 Richard Box what a crock of shit ! is this the worst sequel ever ? alot worse than pt4. 1 stars
11/14/04 X $ % & ! Wow, this is CRAP! 1 stars
11/13/04 Jack Sommersby What the fuck? 1 stars
10/29/04 stephen the worst shit i,ve ever seen 1 stars
7/20/04 CORPSEGRINDER NOT ENOUGH GORE BLOOD GUTS 1 stars
7/19/04 Benjamin Petrofsky Best of the sequells, but not as good as the first 4 stars
7/05/04 JimmyC Why??? 1 stars
7/03/04 American Slasher Goddess It felt like 90 minutes of advertisement for Sea World 1 stars
6/03/04 Mr. me :( 1 stars
5/11/04 Me Ack! Garbage!!! 1 stars
3/20/04 Jack-pyschO-Lantern This is a peice of FLAMING DOG-SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
2/07/04 c.r This movie wasn't all that bad,it good scenes showing inside the sharks mouth, visual hurt! 3 stars
1/21/04 lukeee total crap 1 stars
11/30/03 Emanuel McGee Really Fake Shark!!! 2 stars
11/30/03 jmsynth Probably played great at the cinema w/3D effects. But now only shown on TV/Video so... 1 stars
11/28/03 john a "good bad movie?" maybe... enjoyable with a good sense of humor 2 stars
11/28/03 alien assassin How dare they denigrate a classic thriller with this crappy sequel !!! 1 stars
9/14/03 mike This movies is bad, the video store should pay me for renting it. 1 stars
9/08/03 Sugarfoot Stinks worse then a rotten fish! 1 stars
8/29/03 DARREN THE FRANCHISE AT THIS POINT SHOULD BE BURIED AT SEA 1 stars
8/21/03 Eva Ha it was o.k 3 stars
8/15/03 Double G eeeeeeeeeeeeeekayyyyyyyyyyyyy 1 stars
8/11/03 The Savage everyone in this movie should be forced to shoot themselves 1 stars
7/14/03 Derek Gustufson This movie did have some exciting sceens but the shark was the fakest thing since King Kong 2 stars
7/09/03 Kent An entertaining and funny sharkmovie 3 stars
5/30/03 Robert I feel sorry for Steven Speilberg putting so much effort into Jaws to be ruined 1 stars
5/12/03 Dan Shick Holy crap! The writers should be tied to a post and burned alive! 1 stars
3/20/03 Jack Sommersby Bad, but it's not terrible enough to be disreputable. 2 stars
1/30/03 s.c a good shark attack flim! 4 stars
12/25/02 marty t up the ra IRA amazing pure quality the best movie i have ever seen 5 stars
12/18/02 C.reeves A great visual effects and scary 4 stars
11/20/02 Nevz C'mon guys, it's not thaaat bad! 3 stars
10/22/02 Charles Tatum One of the last nails in the new 3-D rave 1 stars
8/24/02 Joke's On You Fuck off Jerry Williams! This is greater than that snatch-trap "Citizen Kang" fuck me ass! 2 stars
8/16/02 Scott Pretty fricking dumb. Actually, it sucked monkey ass. 2 stars
8/16/02 Shaun just saw it at a screening in 3-D, and its much better than at home, but still poopy 3 stars
7/31/02 tony obeid fun and scarey 4 stars
4/15/02 Jerry Williams Dave says that Jaws 3 is better than the original. I say that he's a fucking crackhead! 1 stars
4/06/02 Tony Obeid good effects 4 stars
4/04/02 cat in the same boat as Jason 3D, why not include glasses with the video, huh? 3 stars
2/02/02 DAVID what a total waste of good green cash 1 stars
11/03/01 HM3 Not nearly as bad as it's made out to be. Actually, a decent monster movie. 3 stars
10/23/01 Tam Totally fake with OTT special effects and hammy acting. Cheesier than a Swiss fondue. 1 stars
10/15/01 Steven Williams THE FAKEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!!!!! 1 stars
10/07/01 jawsboy Average movie with average acting, neat looking shark, but a bad script and bad effects. 3 stars
9/23/01 Monster W. Kung Jesus Christ! Vomit-inducingly bad. Not even funny bad, just crap. 1 stars
8/07/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Yawn, snore. Wake me up when the credits start. 2 stars
8/06/01 E-Funk Wow...I guess third times a fuck-up, eh? 2 stars
7/12/01 Brody C'mon, it's fun. Lousy fx, but it's still a killer shark and this time it's at Sea World! 4 stars
7/03/01 Boomshanka Man was this shit hokey. Not a patch on the original. 1 stars
2/15/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) Where's Bruce when you need him?? 1 stars
1/15/01 Sklorsh Lets face it, this is one terrible movie. But hey, it's better than Jaws 4 2 stars
12/13/00 psychocuda They could've at least made the shark look scary. The only scary thing was I paid $3.50 1 stars
12/08/00 Cristopher Revilla thats the fakest fucking shark i've ever seen!!! 1 stars
11/27/00 The Bomb 69 ????????????????? 1 stars
11/25/00 The Evil Penguin a dumb, stinky film 1 stars
10/20/00 DAVID HOLMES NICE CARDBOARD CUT OUT SHARK MAKES FOR A REALLY DIRE FILM . DENNIS QUAID IS A PRICK 1 stars
8/23/00 zall all the jaws films were crap 1 stars
5/12/00 Steve Layne As a kid I liked this better than other jaws movie. But now Its not neary as good as 1 & 2 3 stars
3/09/00 David Rogers This is where Jaws took a huge plunge in the drink. 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  22-Jul-1983 (PG)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  22-Jul-1983 (MA)




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